


There All Along

by conn8d



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-20
Updated: 2012-05-31
Packaged: 2017-10-31 12:36:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 128,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conn8d/pseuds/conn8d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When an earthquake rocks Seattle, it forces the doctors of SGMW to examine their feelings. Alex realizes that April is much more important to him than he thought. Canon Pairings. 5th year friendship. Alex/Mer friendship. Eventual Alex/April.(Cross posted from FF.net)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story contains spoilers for season 8 through episode 10. It includes canon pairings and general 5th year friendship. This is a plotted out multi-chapter story, and I will do my best to update as regularly as possible. I am not a disaster expert nor in the medical field. All my research for those aspects of this story came from the internet. **I am new to Grey's Anatomy and have never written for it before, so let me know what you think. Thank you for reading.****

* * *

_You build your life around people. Friends, family, co-workers, and even strangers whirl in orbit around each other, and you, in predictable patterns. Everybody has their own personal solar system, a cluster of people that make up your life. And after a while, we think we become experts at predicting exactly how these patterns will play out._

Meredith stood in the elevator of Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital, as she had a hundred other times on a hundred other days. Today, though, things were different. She breathed carefully, trying to control her emotions. She had just dropped off her daughter Zola in daycare, for the first time since she and Derek had actually gotten official adoptive custody of the girl. They were really her parents. No more Janet, no more court hearings. Zola Grey-Shepherd was here to stay. And today was her first full day in daycare since becoming their legal daughter. When the elevator stopped and the doors slid open, Meredith headed down the hall and passed the familiar figures of her sister Lexie, and Dr. Webber standing at a nurses station.

She smiled in greeting and made her way to the chief resident's office, which they'd kind of co-opted into the unofficial 5th year lounge, ever since April had been given the job. Meredith wasn't entirely sure whether other resident actually appreciated having the other 5th years in her office all time, but April hadn't tried to kick them out since the first day, so, at the very least, she tolerated it.

Meredith walked in the door and sat down on the couch next to Cristina and Jackson, who were both downing handfuls of dry cereal from a box they shared. April sat across from them, at her desk, planning surgical schedules. All three glanced up as she entered. "Morning," Meredith greeted.

_We think we know who will hate us, and who will love us. Who we can count on, and who will let us down. Who will leave us, and who will stay. We take our expertise for granted. It makes us lazy._

* * *

Alex stood in an empty hallway and spoke quietly into his cell phone. "Amber-look-did you get her to take the meds after she calmed down?" He let out a frustrated sigh and paced the hallway rubbing his hand on the back of his head. Alex knew his mom could be a handful and a half when she was off her medication, just like Aaron. But, for some reason, a part of his sister somehow still believed that they'd just magically get better and suddenly stop really needing their medication. Fat chance.

"You can't just listen to her when she says she doesn't need her pills anymore. That's wishful thinking. Trust me, she does. You can't just listen to her. Don't be stupid. You have to be careful. Remember when Aaron-" He flinched a little as the conversation continued, "I know. I'm sorry. I should be there. I-I have work-hello? Hello? Damn it."

She'd hung up on him. But Alex couldn't exactly blame her. He was the shit older brother who only ever came home to help her when things got really bad. Only when her other brother tried to kill her. And even then, he'd been too much of a dirt-bag to stay. He wasn't strong enough to stay. He knew it, and so did she. Of course Amber hated him. Of course she'd hung up. Alex clenched his free fist and spun on his heel in the hallway. "Damn it!"

Talk about having a tough couple of weeks. First, he'd been in a stupid ambulance crash that had injured an entire family. Both of the parents had died, along with the grandmother who was in the car with them. That had been a bad night all around. When he'd made it back to Seattle Grace and things had settled town, he'd found out that Dr. Altman's husband had also died the same night. Which meant things were messed up for Cristina. And other residents who wanted cardio rotations with Teddy. But mostly for Cristina, which bothered him because they were, well, friends.

Adding to all of that, Alex had had more than a few bad outcomes with surgeries lately.

Now, his sister probably thought he was a worse brother than ever before. And Alex knew she was perfectly justified to feel that way. He felt like crap, but he just couldn't go back there. Not long term. He wouldn't make it. At least Meredith had gotten her kid back. He didn't have that on his conscience anymore.

He huffed down the hallway, stuffing his phone in his pocket.

* * *

_But the truth is that the people around us still surprise us. Expecting only patterns is no substitute for looking at the real individual people in our lives._

As April worked to finish the skills lab schedule for the upcoming week, she half listened to the conversation the others were having. She couldn't really help paying attention. Even before making chief resident, April had always been hyper-observant of people around her. She didn't really know why. Maybe she'd always been striving to understand them better. Or she was just over analyzing her habits. It wouldn't be the first time.

Lately she was worried about Cristina. Her interest piqued when the topic turned Teddy's recent loss.

"I don't really know how Teddy can be so zen about all of this with Henry," Cristina said through a mouthful of cereal. "She's only taken a week of time off. It's like she's not blaming anyone.  _I'm_ more angry at Owen over all of this than she is. We all lied to her. And I couldn't even save Henry's life. I didn't save her husband. And she acts like I did her a huge favor or something,  _thanking_ me."

Jackson winced, lowering his eyes and Meredith placed a hand on Cristina's knee. "You did everything you could," she added softly.

The loss of Henry Burton and the circumstances that followed was still a sore spot for all of them, but out of everyone, aside from Teddy, of course, Cristina was hit the hardest. Despite her tough exterior, April knew that Cristina felt losses as deeply as any of them. Especially considering who this patient was and how she was forced to operate on him, and then lie about it.

"She knows you did your best," April said looking up from her work. "Everyone knows. Maybe Dr. Altman just needs time to process. Working probably takes her mind off of things. I think it's...easier for her to be numb than angry."

At least that's how it'd been for April with Reed.

Shrugging quickly, April looked down again. She could feel the probing gazes of the other three doctors, and it made her a little uncomfortable. It seemed like anytime she tried to help it just made the others feel awkward. She could never really tell if Meredith and Cristina actually liked her or just tolerated her, both as a quasi-friend or as chief resident, and she hoped they took her comments in the spirit April had intended. She knew that she could be annoying and that Cristina and Meredith were often irritated by her.

Since becoming chief resident April had tried really hard to be less awkward, but the fact of the matter was she'd spent an entire lifetime feeling like a square peg in a circular world, always slightly out of step with her own peers.

Out of everything April had to do as chief resident, all the scheduling, planning, skills labs, surgeries, the works, she still found that the hardest part of her job was managing the other 5th year residents. The attendings she could mostly handle, even if they did make her nervous, and the younger residents she could also work with relatively well. The interns actually respected her authority the most, and did the best they could whenever she worked with them or taught a skills lab. That was only probably because they wanted to impress the chief resident for personal career advancement, but April appreciated it.

With her own year, April still felt a lot like an outsider. Even though it had been 2 years since the merger, of her 5th year peers, the only person she could confidently say reciprocated her friendship was Jackson. However, friend or not, the 5th years were all a part of her team, and as chief resident April knew it was her responsibility to know exactly what was going on with them. So, she'd keep an eye on Cristina, and help as best she could.

The silent moment was broken when Alex stormed into the room scowling. He made his way to the couch and whipped the box of cereal from Jackson's hand.

"Come on, man!" Jackson protested.

Alex only gestured for the plastics resident to move over, before slumping down into the newly vacated space. He jammed his hand into the cereal box forcefully and began to eat, chewing angrily. Lately, Alex seemed like he was always angry, and April didn't really have much of an idea why.

A lot about Alex still seemed like an enigma to her. Sometimes they got along, but often they didn't. It wasn't like he talked to anyone about how he was feeling. Well, maybe he talked to Meredith or Cristina, but she didn't think he did it often. At the very least, April knew he certainly wasn't coming to her.

She did understand him a lot better than she had a year ago, so knew that he was not the callous jerk he liked to pretend to be. Not that he really cared if April understood him at all. Alex thought she was a big joke, and even though she hated to admit it, in some ways she felt he had a point. And April was doing her best to become a better chief resident, and to become less affected by what others thought about her. She was toughening up.

Yet, try as she might, seemingly inexplicably, she still cared about what Alex thought, no matter how rude he ever was to her. April sighed and turned back to her organizer.

Unfazed by Alex's grumpy attitude, Meredith leaned forward to get her own handful of cereal, saying, "So, you talked to your sister?"

"Yeah, whatever."

April's eyes flicked up to the couch. One more thing she didn't really know about Alex. He never talked about his family. Interesting. He had a sister. One who he didn't seem to have had a very good conversation with, based on his anger and his flat toned response to Meredith's question.

Watching his expression, April was curious about why the talk ended so poorly. Alex's features were drawn but his eyes looked sad. The moment he realized she was looking at him he met her concerned gaze with a fiery glare. April almost jumped from its intensity, swallowing quickly and looking back down at the desk.

* * *

_Sometimes it just takes something big, a supernova in our personal universe, to make us realize that patterns with people can be broken. To make you finally see what's really in front of you, who the people in your universe really are, and how much they matter to you. And you might be surprised by what you discover._

Meredith sighed when Alex brushed off his conversation with Amber. His family situation was something he hardly ever wanted to face, and Meredith knew that it sucked. Sometimes he talked to her about it, and she thought that the times when Alex did let his feelings out, he felt better. She was about to press him for more about his conversation when suddenly the room started to shake.

As the whole room lurched around them, Meredith's hands tightly gripped the armrest of the couch. Lose objects began jerking around and falling off of tables. The open door swung back and forth. The cereal box fell from Alex's hand, spilling across the floor.

"What the hell-" Cristina began.

"It's an earthquake," Jackson mumbled, eyes wide.

Meredith's mind immediately turned to Zola and Derek, making her tense up in panic. What were they experiencing right now? Were they going to be okay?

"Guys, crouch down and cover your heads!" April said urgently, following her own instructions and moving from her chair to the floor. Meredith guessed that the hospital disaster checklist was burned into the other doctor's brain and for once appreciated the other woman's near obsessive dedication to rules. April's voice pulled Meredith from her frozen state and all four of the residents slid from their spots on the couch to the floor and pulled their arms over their heads.

Almost as quickly as it began, the shaking stopped. For several minutes everyone remained huddled, breathing loudly. Meredith reached for Cristina's hand, and squeezed it tightly. April was the first to spring into action, popping up from behind her desk in response to, of all things a ringing telephone.

"This is Dr. Kepner," she said breathlessly, grabbing the receiver on the desk, as the other four doctors cautiously stood up from their crouched positions. "Oh, Chief Hunt. Is everything alright?"

Meredith didn't let go of Cristina's hand as they rose, and all she could think about was her baby upstairs in the daycare. She must be so scared. She couldn't imagine how Zola felt, and began to be consumed with guilt for not being there. Cristina shook her head a little and squeezed Meredith's hand.

"You're sure? That's a relief," April said in response to an unheard phrase from Owen, "You're right. We are the crisis center." She shifted from foot to foot restlessly, and fidgeted with the phone cord.

Meredith guessed she wasn't the only one of them to be a little rattled by the unexpected quake. "Yes, sir. Since we haven't had any damage, we have to enact triage protocol. Patients will probably be coming in soon. Do we have time to-Yes, I can do that."

Alex must have sensed Meredith's panicked thoughts, because he moved closer, reaching for her shoulder, "It's okay, Mer. This building was earthquake engineered, so there shouldn't be much damage. I mean look around. Stuff just fell. None of Kepner's crap is even broken. Zola's okay."

Jackson and Cristina were quick to agree, both nodding as the plastics resident added, "I don't think that was 'Seattle's big one'. It can't have been very high magnitude."

"She's fine," Cristina whispered, staring intently. The look in her eyes made Meredith think that her friend was also very concerned about her little girl. She loved Cristina a little more. "You check on her right now, alright?"

Meredith nodded, straightening her shoulders and breathing deeply. She shouldn't assume the worst until she actually knew what was going on.

"Uh, we're all fine," April continued speaking on the phone, her eyes flicking around the room, meeting Meredith's gaze before stopping on Cristina and speaking in a softer, kinder, voice. "Yeah, she is here. She's fine, Owen. Okay. Whatever you need, Chief Hunt. See you in a minute. Bye."

Meredith watched April slowly hang up the phone, half dreading what the chief resident would say next. She may not be a rule freak, like the redheaded doctor, but Meredith was familiar with the crisis center emergency protocol of Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. For events like this, all surgical hands had to be on deck. Meaning that April was about to tell her that Owen wanted them all downstairs so they could plan and act out their triage roles. But all Meredith wanted to do was check on her daughter.

She was torn; as a doctor she wanted to help others, but right now, in this instant, Meredith was a mom. A mom who wanted to make sure her baby was alright. She opened her mouth to speak, "April, I need-"

Nodding vigorously, and anticipating her sentiments, April cut Meredith off, "I understand. You need to check on Zola. You'll do your job better once you know she's okay. You can do that. Hunt says so far most of the incoming patients are non-critical. The quake wasn't that big around here. But, we could still get some critical cases, and we don't know what's happening elsewhere, so we need to have as many surgeons as are available. You won't have much time. 10-15 minutes tops. Your pager is going to go off very soon. Meet us downstairs."

Springing into action as soon as the words left April's mouth, Meredith was out the hall and on her way to the daycare facility. She faintly heard the chief resident say, "We have to check on our current patients. I'll check Dr. Grey's set. Chief Hunt's gonna page us to the ER to prep for mass casualties, so you have to be quick..."

As the voices of her friends grew more distant, Meredith urged her legs to carry her faster. She had to see Zola, and practically flew upstairs. When she arrived she wasn't surprised to see a scattered few other employees checking on their own children.

When Meredith's searching gaze finally located her own daughter, huddled with Sofia and not too far from Tuck, she was almost overwhelmed with relief. A look of surprise spread across her face when she noticed that Derek was sitting on the floor next to the little girl talking quietly into his phone.

"Yeah. Well, apparently there were some tears when it happened, but most seem okay now. Yep. I don't know. It doesn't look like the tears came from one of ours. The daycare people said the Director of Operations cleared us. The building suffered no damage, everything is still working, so they are not going to evac the kids at this time, " Derek said, shifting and looking up at Meredith as she moved to join him. A bright smile spread across his face, and his eyes lit up, as he mouthed 'hey'.

Meredith sat down and lifted Zola into her lap, offering the other two children an affectionate smile. Sofia only gurgled, chewing on the ear of a stuffed dog, and Tuck barely looked up from his blocks. The playroom looked like a mess, as though all the toys had spilled from their bins during the shaking, but all the children their seemed to love it. They were clustered around the room, playing under the watchful eye of the daycare teachers. Meredith chuckled as Zola squirmed in her lap, reaching for a plush giraffe. Her baby seemed no worse for the wear.

Derek shifted again and intercepted Zola's tiny hand, pulling it his lips for a quick kiss and rolling his eyes for dramatic affect. The toddler's giggled. "Mark-Mark! Actually, all of you, because I know he's got you on speaker. Listen to me. They are okay. I am with them right now. Sofia is good. Zola too. Tuck's playing. They're not even scared. The staff are taking good care of them. You relax. Or try to, at any rate. Don't worry."

He held the phone in front of Tuck, "I will be down soon. Listen, Tuck's gonna help me say goodbye. Okay?" Derek winked and the slightly older child joined him in an overly cheesy, "Goodbye everyone!"

He hung up the phone and explained, "Mark, Bailey, Robbins and Torres. They all had patients and couldn't get away, but we had to know what was going on with the kids, so I came up here."

"That's very good."

Derek's eyebrows knitted together, "Are you okay?"

"Now that I know that the both of you are fine..." Meredith replied, kissing the top of Zola's head.

"Good. This doesn't seem to have been very big. Just big enough to scare people. Mark said not many ambulances are even going out," Derek said. He sighed, taking Zola's small hand again, "Still, some first day, huh Zola?"

Meredith and Derek spend a few more precious minutes with their daughter and the other kids before they knew that they had to head downstairs and help out with any triage. As they made their way downstairs together, both of their pagers began to buzz.

* * *

April moved from room to room, presenting as calm an exterior as possible while running her finger down each step of her chart check list. The patients she'd checked so far, both hers and Meredith's, all continued to be stable, albeit a little shaken up. April is almost ready to breathe a sigh of relief. Almost. With the plane crash several months back, the lack of critical emergencies turned out not to be a relief at all. She could only hope that Seattle had lucked out this time.

After finishing up with the last patient, April headed downstairs and started to help prep the beds and IVs, in case mass amounts of casualties did begin to filter in. If everything went according to the disaster prep plan, April knew that they could handle a significant amount of earthquake injuries. Especially given the lack of damage suffered by the hospital building itself. In a situation like this, the hospital's ability to prepare and adequately care for patients would drastically affect survival rates.

That's why April knew it was so imperative to practice and utilize disaster plans in the first place. To help doctors help people, even during a crisis. As she worked through each step of prepping the ER, April let her mind consider the reality of what had actually happened.

Seattle was definitely near a fault line. One which everyone seemed to know was overdue for a massive quake. That first day of her first year as an intern at Mercy West, they'd gone over disaster preparedness. April remembered every resident who trained her group emphasizing that it wasn't a matter of  _if_ Seattle would have a mega-earthquake, only when.

This, however, was apparently not 'the big one'. She figured that they probably weren't at the epicenter. Still, the event was big enough to make April jittery. And there was the added danger of aftershocks. She lived here. So someday, she'd probably know what a big quake might be like. What a thought.

April remembered watching a special, on NOVA or somewhere, specifically on earthquakes once. It had featured huge earthquakes, 8, 9.0. The kinds of events that altered the earth's orbit. The kind that created tsunamis. That was the kind of jolt even earthquake engineered hospital buildings would not be able to withstand. Which when she thought about it…well, it was terrifying.

As her mind spun off in a thousand different megaquake disaster scenarios, April bent her head down over her clip board double checking that she had followed every step of her task. She was so absorbed in the list that she failed to see Alex leaning up against the nurse's station.

April bumped into him as she was dropping off her completed clipboards. She lowered her eyebrows skeptically, observing Alex. He seemed distracted. His phone was buzzing and he held it in his hand, as though weighing the option of answering or not.

"Hey! Watch where you are going!" Alex turned, glaring at April, as he silenced his phone and put it back in his pocket.

April was frazzled by the intensity of his anger, but managed to recover enough to check that he had done his role in disaster protocol. "Did you finish the pediatric prep?"

Alex cocked his head snidely. "Of course I did. I know how to do my job.  _Without_ crashing into people."

"I'm just double-checking. This is a shock. It's perfectly understandable that we're all a little on edge."

"Yeah, well maybe you are. I'm fine," he snapped in response.

Both of their pagers went off. It was Chief Hunt. Probably the team debrief. Or a trauma case. Alex brushed past her as he headed to the front of the hospital and April had to move double time to catch up with him. A familiar group of attendings and residents had assembled outside. They were the last to arrive and join the group of doctors outside the hospital near waiting ambulances.

Dr. Hunt stood facing everyone, tablet in one hand, gesturing with his arms as he began to speak to everyone.

"Okay people. Here is the situation: This is a low magnitude quake. As a result, it looks like the injuries we will be treating are mostly going to be reactionary. Stress related heart complications, asthma, panic attacks, etc. No reports of car crashes yet, and so far no confirmed fatalities."

There was an audible sigh of relief throughout the group, and April exhaled quietly. Maybe it really wasn't that bad. But then Chief Hunt shook his head, carefully pronouncing each syllable as he began to speak again, "Don't get too relaxed, the situation could change at any time, and I want everybody to be prepared to work in top form for whatever happens. Can we do that?"

April nodded and a murmur of agreement spread through the group.

Owen began pointing out individual doctors, and assigning them specific cases, neatly orchestrating what otherwise might be a chaotic mess. Sloan and Avery as 'candymen', with sedatives, and other medication at the ready. Yang and Altman on heart attack man. Kepner in the ER. Barnes and Wiltmore somewhere else, and on and on. Doctors began scattering off to their cases.

April was about to make her way back inside, when Hunt eyes returned to his tablet. He held his hand up, reading quickly. "Scratch that. Webber, you take the ER. Bailey? Kepner? We have got a call from the field. You guys go. A condemned building near the viaduct has partially collapsed. Apparently a homeless family is trapped inside. They've already got a couple ambulances over there, but Search and Rescue don't know the full situation, and given the amount of time they have been trapped..."

Both Bailey and April nodded, knowing what Owen meant. If anyone trapped that long had serious injuries, it would be better to have real doctors on the scene rather than just paramedics. April quickly grabbed med supply kits and climbed into the ambulance that was preparing to depart.

Nodding with pursed lips, Dr. Bailey looked April up and down. She moved toward the waiting ambulance, firmly stating, "More hands couldn't hurt. I call Dr. Grey."

April ducked her head, unable to stop the blush or the surge of insecurity that spread though her. She knew Dr. Bailey didn't entirely trust her as chief resident, especially after her first day. But April hadn't had any major mishaps sense then. Had she? Nothing  _major_. Maybe she was just reading too much into it. She did that a lot.

Hunt winced and inclined his head, and Meredith followed Bailey on to the rig, where she sat across from April. "And there is a child involved but I can't spare Robbins, so take Karev too."

April watched as Alex moved away from the Peds team, obviously not really happy to be diverted from whatever that group was about to do. He clambered up into the vehicle, taking the last spot next to April, muttering, "Hopefully the damn thing won't break down this time."

* * *

Alex felt a little pissed. Okay, he was very pissed, but he couldn't exactly pinpoint why. Well, aside from the fact that today just sucked. It wasn't that he minded going into the field to help patients. Not at all usually. But why the hell did they have to have a stupid earthquake? On the same day his sister had hung up on him. The same day he had ignored 3 subsequent calls from Amber.

It sucked, because though he wasn't sure if he even wanted to talk to her again today, Alex knew that now he had no choice about not answering her call. Because of the emergency. It's one thing to choose not to talk to someone. It's something else to be unable to talk to them. And he was angry that the earthquake took away his choice. He knew that he could just turn off the phone. But somehow that just felt like he was surrendering even more of his power.

As though the universe just wanted to twist that knife just a little more, the phone in Alex's pocket buzzed again. He couldn't help but let a small groan escape his lips. He set his jaw and reached into his button tapping the side of his phone to ignore the call. He never had good luck with phone calls and medical crises.

Meredith must have guessed what was going on because she immediately asked, "Alex. Is that your sister?"

He shrugged.

April shifted next to him and remarked, "You know you really should turn your phone off. It's not proper protocol. You need to have your head in the game when you're going into a trauma situation."

Ass-kissing, rule abiding, 'it's always a good day with sparkles, but I'm so awkward I don't even make sense half the time', April Kepner. Great. He'd already heard from Amber what a crap brother he was; he refused to hear that he was a crap doctor from the bubbly chief resident. He didn't even care what Amber or April thought about him anyway. Not one bit. Nope.

Meredith tilted her head and said, "You know when this is all over Alex, you really should call her. As soon as you can. Not weeks from now."

Alex's jaw tightened and he rolled his eyes. It wasn't like it would really help to talk to his sister anyway. It hadn't done any good today.

"Yeah," April joined in, her voice way to eager and genuine for him to even handle right then. "Whatever problems you two have, she's probably heard there was an earthquake in Seattle on the news by now. I know when I turn my phone back on it'll be filled with messages from my family. She's probably really worried about you."

Alex's chest grew tighten, and her felt more anger flare up in his mind. What the hell did April know about the problems he and Amber had? And, what? Now the Meredith had the perfect happily ever after, she thought she could butt into his life? He wasn't some charity case. He didn't need their help; he could take care of himself. He'd always taken care of himself.

"Back the hell off, Mer!" He snapped leaning toward her with his features pulled into a deep scowl. He refused to acknowledge the flicker of hurt that passed across his friends face before her turned on April.

"I've dealt with enough crap today. I don't need April-freakin'-Kepner to be my Dear Abbey. So shut up and mind your own business. You know, if you didn't try so hard, people might actually like you!"

He felt only a little guilt at treating them this way. Because he just couldn't face what they wanted him to face. They didn't get it. The way things were between him and Amber. They'd never get it, and he didn't need their input for dealing with it. He didn't need anyone.

Kepner reacted just like he'd known she would. All downcast and sad eyed. Face falling, and blinking like he had just slapped her in the face. Almost the way she looked after their failed hook up the previous year. What did she expect? How the hell could you be chief resident, a fully grown adult, and believe that things can really work out? Think that a simple call to his sister would make things okay? Did she not understand that most of the time life bites you in the ass?

"Simmer down over there. We are on our way to a dangerous emergency situation. Yelling at your fellow doctors is not acceptable," Bailey's steely voice cut into Alex's angry thoughts and the rest of the ambulance ride what spent in a tense silence.

As the ambulance reached its destination and slowed to a stop, Alex glanced over at April, who seemed to be squaring her shoulders. Oh, here it comes. Some high pitched wine about how he was so mean to her all the time. Typical. The four surgeons moved to gather their med bags and exit the vehicle.

"You know, if you tried a little harder," April said calmly, "People might actually like you, Alex."

And just like that she hopped out of the ambulance followed by Baily and Meredith. So April did have some backbone after all. Go figure.

He was momentarily taken aback, too stunned to reply, but he quickly recovered and followed them out to examine the scene. The partially collapsed brick building loomed ahead of him, strangely reminding him of Reed Adamson the day she'd been shot.

The front of the building looked almost completely normal, like nothing was wrong. Only after a second closer glance did you realize that the back half was basically destroyed. Whoa. He felt for the homless family they were here to save. Yep, life always bit you in the ass. He sighed and followed Kepner to the Search and Rescue command center.

_The best we can do is hope that the opportunity that makes you see beyond the patterns, the supernova of your life, doesn't come too late._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Warning, there is some swearing and descriptions of injury. I am not a disaster expert, nor a medical professional. Research for this story was done on the internet. Thank you for all you reviews, and for sticking around for chapter two. It means a lot. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

Following April out of the ambulance, the tips of Meredith's lips twitched as she tried to hold back a small smile. She exchanged a glance with Bailey and saw the older doctor shaking her head, trying to look stern, but clearly fighting to hide her own amusement. Alex looked completely perplexed, just like he always did when April put him in his place.

The chief resident didn't do it often, usually she just got indignant and shrill when Alex (or anyone really) insulted her. But, surprisingly, April could totally dish it out when she had a mind too. It wasn't something Meredith had seen her do all the time, but April, whether she realized it or not, had the ability to stop Alex's attitude in its tracks. And a lot of the time, Meredith thought Alex needed that.

It was just another part of the unique dynamic that Meredith had always noticed between Alex and April. That connection which never seemed to fizzle out, no matter what, surviving disastrous almost-hook-ups, insults, yelling and slamming doors. And Meredith had never seen Alex mess with anyone as much as he did April.

Then again, maybe their dynamic only survived because Kepner was overly nice, and put up with a lot from most people. More than Meredith could ever imagine herself handling without blowing up at them. But Alex had his own part in whatever made the connection with April last too. If she didn't know any better, it looked as though Alex liked being around April, even if it was only to tease her. He'd never admit it, but Meredith thought it was true.

At the house, Alex made a point of leaving his laundry and dishes out. Because he knew it would bother April. He hung out in the 5th year lounge more than anyone else, claiming that it was simply a convenient place to eat his lunch. To eat his lunch  _and_ bother April. Just like the little boy in second grade who insists that girls have cooties, but goes out of his way to pull their hair.

As they made their way to meet the search and rescue team, Meredith surveyed the once majestic brick building and winced. Brick and cement. Prime fodder from crush injuries, which were some of the most tricky. She really hoped that their soon to be patients weren't critically hurt.

A search and rescue guy approached them, and Dr. Bailey quickly introduced herself, and her residents, concluding by asking, "What's the situation?"

"I'm David Kramer," the tall man stated, using his hands to usher them along, "I'm the lead of the S and R team. Right now, we believe that we have the building shored up and stabilized. We were able to extract the mom and pop, and the paramedics on site think they have minimal injuries. If a couple of you could look them over, and get them off to the hospital that would be great."

He led them to two stretchers where paramedics were working with a worn out and sad looking couple. Dr. Bailey immediately moved forward, and began checking over the mother, signaling Meredith to join her. She swiftly moved to the other patient and began to check his vitals.

Kramer turned to Alex and April, "One of you works with kids, right?"

"I do," Alex answered, "And she's trained for trauma."

April nodded and the man quickly began to explain, "They have a 14 year old boy who apparently slept further into the building. We have located him and we believe that the building is stable enough to extract him. However, we haven't moved him because he has some broken bones and we're afraid he has a spinal injury."

April nodded, "We can do that."

"No problem," Alex added, and they briskly followed Kramer to toward the rubble of the partially collapsed building carrying a portable stretcher between them.

Meredith gently worked on her patient, flashing her penlight into his eyes, as he perked up hearing Kramer talk. "My son!" he said anxiously, "Have they gotten my son out? Is he okay?"

"They are working on it sir," Meredith said, glancing up momentarily to watch her friends retreating backs. She really didn't know what condition they'd find the teen in, so she worked to distract the man's attention, and deflect his fears, just like Bailey taught her too.

"Sir, can you tell me where it hurts?"

* * *

As Alex and April followed the Dave Kramer into the normal looking front part of the building, all the tension from the ride over was set aside. He could tell from the way Kepner walked and talked as they assessed the situation. It reminded him a little of their trauma certification. April had totally kicked ass at that skills lab, and no matter what he might say about her, Alex could never deny her skill in a crisis. He knew they'd be getting this kid out, in the best condition possible, so long as April had anything to say about it.

He was ready too, already planning in his head how they might move the boy if he did turn out to have a spinal injury. They were both in work mode, part of the same team, like the certification. They didn't need to talk or anything; they just fell in sync with each other, seamlessly ready to deal with what was coming. If nothing else, Alex knew that they made a good team.

The building became more eerily because the farther they walked into it, the less like a building it was. It suddenly became a dusty and dangerous mess of wires, glass, cement, brick, and steel. No place for a kid. Or an adult either.

It was also incredibly dark as you went along, the collapsed rubble of the building blocking out the mid-morning sunlight, which you might expect to stream through the broken windows. You couldn't just walk normally either, at least not very far. You had to climb and clamor your way along over fallen debris. And it wasn't silent. Every now and then you could hear and ominous sort of creaking and groaning. Crappy place.

When they rounded a final corner Alex caught sight of another S and R rescuer crouched over a small form surrounded by fallen junk. "See?" he heard the man say, "Docs are here, you'll be out in no time at all."

Kramer used one hand to point them down the hall, "That's Marty Yu. He's my second in command. He has a radio, and he'll lead you back out. I need to go check in with field command and let them know you guys are working on getting this kid out." With that he turned and made his way back the way they came, disappearing into the damaged building.

"Be careful," April added her voice echoing somewhat in the run down structure, a little too late for the briskly moving Kramer to hear her.

"Don't worry about him. Dave's is a little serious but he's damn good at this job. Taught me everything I know. I'm Martin by the way," the other search and rescue man said, flashing April an overly friendly smile. At least Alex thought it was overly friendly given the circumstances, and he rolled his eyes. April seemed oblivious, and began caring for the patient, completely focused on the task at hand.

An emergency situation is no time for flirting. Or for teasing someone about being flirted with. No matter how much you wanted to. No matter how tempting it was to say 'Back off Yu'. For pure comedic value of course. Alex could care less this guy wanted to flirt with Kepner. Whatever.

Really.

Alex followed April as she quickly moved to the patient. He knelt down by the kids head, and checked his pupils. Luckily the boy didn't seem to have a head injury. "Hello, I'm Dr. Karev. This is Dr. Kepner. We're gonna take care of you."

"I'm Tom," the boy groaned, clearly in a lot of pain. "Man this sucks."

"No arguments there, dude," Alex agreed. Tom laughed a bit, and responded with a pained smile.

April and the Martin knelt next to the boy too, April already running her hands along the teens limbs checking for breaks. "Okay Tom? Can you wiggle your fingers for me?"

Tom did as she asked, and Alex and April moved on to his legs, continuing their examination.

"Tom, it doesn't look like you have a spinal injury," Alex informed the boy kindly, after they finished their assessment. "You have a broken arm and leg. Probably a broken collar bone too. So, we are going to go ahead and put you up on this stretcher, and get you out of here, man. Sound good?"

Alex was relieved; the teen was lucky. Maybe not in everything, because his family was homeless and all, but he had no spinal or crush injuries. It looked like he was just hit by falling debris, meaning that the whole rescue and recovery would be much easier. The three adults worked together to carefully move the boy onto the stretcher.

Alex then grabbed the front end while Martin manned the rear and, with April walking alongside the stretcher, the group began to warily make their way back out of the damaged building. It all was going so well, with only some minor bickering between Martin and Alex over speed and pacing, which came to an abrupt end when April told them both to shut up and focus on the patient. Tom had chuckled a bit, even with his pain. Soon they were back in the front of the building, and Alex could see the search and rescue tent outside, with Bailey and Meredith and Kramer watching them exit.

It was all going so well. Until it wasn't.

An aftershock suddenly rocked the ground, and the constant groaning and creaking of the damaged building began to crescendo. Bricks, and debris began to crumble around them in bigger and bigger chunks, and they began to run, racing to the exit, desperately hoping that they had time to get out.

Later, Alex realized that, at some point, April must have figured out that they couldn't make it. Not all of them. She must have. Because in the moment, he was taken totally by surprise when she unexpectedly grabbed her side of the stretcher and violently shoved it forward, making Alex stumble closer to the exit of the building just as the whole rest of the structure to came down on top of them in a crushing wave of debris and dust. A stumble that moved him and Tom a few feet. A few extra feet closer to the outside.

A few feet that made all the difference.

* * *

April's eyes fluttered open for a moment, finding only darkness. Was she blind? Was it nighttime? She couldn't remember falling sleep, or how long her eyes had been shut. Her mind struggled to form a coherent though. She was so confused. The air was filled with dust and April struggled to breathe, gasping against the abrasive texture of the air. The dust irritated her eyes, and made her mouth dry. Where was she? What came before this? What was going on? Before she could answer her questions, April tried to move, which allowed her to at least understand exactly what had pulled her to consciousness.

Pain. More pain than she could ever remember feeling. So much pain that, in her hazy awareness, she couldn't even be sure where it was coming from. It was all encompassing. A pressure. Fiery and unrelenting. That was all she knew. The attempt at movement made April's mind drift further, pulling her back, deeper into the blackness of her own mind, until she could keep her eyes open no longer, and they slowly drifted shut again. Until she was unaware of everything, even the pain.

* * *

After stabilizing the homeless parents, and getting them sent off to the hospital, Bailey and Meredith made their way toward the damaged building, ready to assist Alex and April with their patient. They were almost out, and Meredith could see the small group approaching the exit of the building. She could just make out Alex's figure leading the way, holding the front end of a stretcher when an aftershock jolted the earth. Meredith was too stunned to move as she watched the walls of the building fall down around her friends. She fought to maintain her own balance in the quake and coughed as a huge wave of dust billowed out from the falling structure.

When the ground stopped shaking and the dust from the fallen building swirled around them, Bailey, and Kramer surged forward, with Meredith belatedly following along behind. She still hadn't fully computed the scene before her. In the few moments it took to reach the rubble, Meredith clung to the small hope that maybe, somehow, Alex, April, and the others had made it out of the building.

Of course, as she got closer to the building and she saw the rubble, it was clear that they hadn't.

"Slow down and move carefully," Kramer said holding his arms wide in front of Bailey and Meredith, preventing them from coming too close to the pile of rubble that had once been a building, and gesturing to his other search and rescue personnel. "They were almost out. This looks like a V-shaped collapse so there might be pockets, voids, between main strong points of the structure. It's very likely that they are alive but trapped. We don't want to shift the rubble on top of them."

Meredith watched as the man moved painstakingly slowly, gingerly testing each new step with the tip of his foot before settling his full weight. Things seemed to be fairly stable, so Kramer beckoned Bailey and Meredith behind him, as the rest of the rescue teams began to work, trying to shore up the few parts of the building that remained standing. When they reached a gap in the rubble he knelt down a little, and shouted, "Marty? Dr. Karev? Dr. Kepner?"

Meredith's heart felt like it was going to leap out of her chest as they waited for some sort of response. When only silence greeted them, Bailey closed her eyes, and shook her head, looking up to the sky angrily. She thought that they were gone. Meredith just couldn't fathom that she'd just watched Alex and April die. It was too much. Alex...Alex was like a brother to her. It was hard to envision a life without him, for all their ups and downs. And April may not be her favorite person in the world, but Meredith had developed a small sort of relationship with the red-haired chief resident. Maybe not quite a close friendship yet, but...

They couldn't be dead. Meredith didn't want to accept it. She let her head fall to her hands and took a few deep calming breathes, when she thought she heard...

Her head snapped up, along with Kramer and Bailey's. They heard it again. A clear and obviously pissed off string of curses coming from beneath the rubble, out of the door sized gap that they stood in front of. Meredith couldn't help but lean forward and shout, "Alex? Alex?"

She'd never been more happy to hear his vulgar language. He answered, "Meredith? Mer! I really  _really_ want to punch something right about now."

* * *

Turns out having a building collapse on you involved a lot of dust. After April had pushed him and the stretcher forward, Alex had used his own body to try to shield the kids head. He'd barely gotten into position when the building came down covering them both in a cascade of dust which temporarily disoriented him, and made him cough painfully.

At first it was incredibly hard to breathe, and Alex remained where he was, wary of another aftershock, and determined to cough as much of the crap in the air out of his lungs as possible. When he felt safe, relatively speaking, that the quake was over, Alex gingerly sat up, pleasantly surprised to find that he did have room to sit up. He carefully flexed his muscles and his body to see if the falling debris had hurt him. It seemed that he'd come out of this with some hefty bruises, but Alex didn't think he was any worse for the wear. He knew he hadn't been hit too hard, and nothing felt broken. Some luck at least.

Squinting in the sudden darkness, Alex figured he probably couldn't stand, because the little area they were in was like a small gap between piles of rubble. Hopefully there would also be a way out.

"Shit!" he shouted to no one in particular, venting adrenaline and anger at the situation. "God-damn, fucking earthquakes! Shit. What the fuck? Damn it!"

Leaning forward and blinking down at the stretcher next to him he was both surprised and happy to see his patient's wide eyes blinking back at him. Wincing, Alex was afraid he'd scared the kid.

"Sorry," he said more quietly.

"Don't apologize because of me," Tom grunted painfully. "I was just thinking the same thing. C-couldn't have said it better myself."

Alex smiled in spite of everything. This kid was tough. He leaned forward and did a quick exam as best he could. Awesome. This kid was still reasonably stable. His medic bag was still strapped to his shoulder, so Alex took it off and rifled through it until he found some pain meds.

"How are you feeling Tom?" he asked, gently administering the medication.

"Well, if the collar bone wasn't broken before, I'd s-say it definitely is now."

"Okay," Alex said, nodding, and scrambling around the dark space, trying to find a way out. "You just sit tight, and take deep breaths. We'll make it out."

Alex was beginning to get a bit nervous. If he and Tom were only a little disoriented, already talking and feeling good enough to be pissed, why hadn't he heard anything from April and Martin.

"Kepner? Martin?" He coughed looking back the direction they'd come from. Instead of the long damaged hallway he'd walked through only moments earlier, now it looked as though the open space only went back a few feet, the rest of the distance blocked by a huge pile of rubble.

"April...April?"

Now feeling slightly panicked, upon hearing no answer Alex continued to scan the area with his eyes. They were quickly becoming more adjusted to the darkness, and as he looked behind and to his right one last time, he gasped. The sight that he could barely make out was both tragic and grotesque, and it made Alex shout again.

"Shit! Holy freakin' fuck."

What he saw was Martin Yu. Or rather the body of Martin Yu. He was most definitely dead. Some falling bricks must have got him, because he was mostly buried by rubble. He might have been alright, Alex thought, except it was clear that something or more likely several somethings had clocked him right in the head. The skull looked crushed. There was just...no way.

His increasingly erratic breathing made Alex cough once again. He realized that his gruesome discovery was making him doubly frantic about April. Surely...he didn't even want to consider that she'd met the same brutal end. Because, really when he thought about it, Alex knew she didn't deserve that. Martin Yu probably hadn't deserved it either, but the dude was a trained rescuer. This kind of danger was part of his job. April was a surgeon. And she was nice. Different from other people. Special. Even when she bugged the crap out of him. Maybe because she did.

Not that he'd ever thought about it or anything.

Forcing himself to think more rationally, he considered the situation. Alex had carried the front part of the stretcher, and Martin the back. So the unfortunate rescuer had been the farthest away from the exit, and the most likely to get hit by the heaviest onslaught of debris. April had shoved Alex and Tom forward, but she'd never been as far back as Martin in the first place. So, she should be somewhere in the middle, right? Not dead like Martin, and not in this tiny open space with Tom and Alex. So there was still a chance...

"Alex?" Alex jerked around, facing where the exit had once been and crawled closer to the sound of his friends voice. There seemed to be a gap in the rubble near that area, which apparently lead to the outside, as it was where some light, and sounds came in to reach them.

"Meredith? Mer!," Alex responded, feeling insanely happy that his friend had found him, and also probably shown him the way out. Or at least that there _was_ a way out. This whole situation still made his blood boil. Which was rough because who could he really be mad at? Tom for getting hurt? Martin for walking to slow? God, if he existed? Hardly.

There was no one to blame.

So Alex was just mad. "I really  _really_ want to punch something right now!"

"That's probably not a good idea, Dr. Karev." Even though Bailey's voice was stern, Alex could detect how relieved she sounded too.

Kramer cut in, very business-like, "What's your status?"

Alex winced, even though he knew they couldn't see his expressions. He'd have to give Kramer the bad news about his friend. "Uh, I am okay. The patient's conscious and stable. Martin...Martin is dead. I'm sorry. And I..." his voice cracked a little, revealing how much the situation was getting to him. The initial adrenaline rush was wearing off now. "I can't see Kepner."

There was a long pause before Kramer finally answered, his even voice barely concealing his obvious sadness, "Marty's...gone?" He sighed and seemed to pull himself back to the urgent situation at hand. "I need you both to stay calm Dr. Karev. My men are working on stabilizing the building. I believe that we can get you and your patient out right now. I think this gap is wide enough for you to push his stretcher up to us. If the stretcher isn't damaged? Then you can climb out"

But what about April? Alex knew she wasn't dead. He  _just_ knew it. Then again, he did have an obligation to help Tom get out safely. Damn it.

"Yeah it's fine," Alex said finally, struggling to control his growing fears for April. "Tell me what to do."

He quickly followed the other man's instructions, clearing a path in the debris as best he could with his hands. He then hoisted Tom and the stretcher up and began sliding it up toward the open gap in the rubble. It was slow going, and the awkward position that the small space required made his muscles ache. Alex was also having a hard time concentrating. He couldn't help but worry about what had probably happened to April.

She could easily be dead. She could be dead and the last thing he'd have ever really said to her in a conversation would basically be that no one liked her. Messed up.

Alex strained and grunted pushing Tom's stretcher more, when finally he felt a pull from up above. Kramer shouted down, "We got him, Karev!"

The stretcher moved away from him and Alex thought he heard a sound coming from behind him. He tried to listen more, but Kramer continued speaking, "Let us pull him out and you can fol-"

"Shut up!"

There was the sound again, Alex turned around moving closer to where the noise was coming from. Finally, he could identify what the sounds were, and it made his heart leap. Coughs. Sporadic, but definitely someone was coughing. And that someone certainly wasn't Martin Yu. It had to be April.

Feeling his excitement build, Alex quickly moved closer to the sound, hoping she'd cough again so it would be easier to find her. He squinted, scanning the dusty rubble for some sort of clue. His eye settled on the fallen remains of a door. The way it was laying across the rubble looked wrong. The angle wasn't right. Unless...

Alex reached out and pushed the damaged door aside. Sure enough, underneath lay April. He exhaled loudly and reached for her wrist, silently hoping he'd find a pulse. A wave of relief spread though him when he found one. It was weak and thready, but April was still alive. She looked pretty battered, more pale than he had ever seen her. And she was unconscious, with much of her right leg buried by debris.

"Karev?" Kramer's voice sounded more insistent this time.

"I found April! She's alive. I think her leg is pinned."

The door had actually probably spared her from the same fate as Martin, protecting her from getting directly hit in a lot of places. But judging by the hitch in her breathing, and her random coughs, Alex suspected that the door had done it's own damage. Rib injuries. And that leg was probably also damaged by crushing. Even in the dark, Alex thought he could see blood pooling on along its side. The fact that April was still unconscious also meant that she'd hit her head at some point to. All typical and very dangerous of crush injuries. April needed to get out of here. She needed surgery.

"Damn it!" he said, quickly reaching for the med bag and pulling out a strap. He moved down to her leg, looping the strap beneath and tying a quick tourniquet around her thigh, hoping to stall the blood flow. April shifted, and moaned a little, the corners of her mouth twitching. She was showing signs of waking up.

"Karev," Kramer continued. "You should get yourself out. This is still an unstable area. We'll work on getting her out."

Alex knew he should leave, but as he watched April come closer to consciousness, he knew that there wasn't a chance in hell he was going to save himself, and leave her like this. He was a doctor, and she was injured. And if he left...she shouldn't wake that way; scared, hurting, and alone. He may tease her, and she might irritate him sometimes, but she was too good of a person to deserve that.

There was no decision to make. Alex was going to stay with her. No matter how dangerous.

"She's coming around. I'm not leaving!" he said firmly, hoping that Kramer would understand and not press the issue.

There was a long, pause, during which Alex watched April come to full agonizing awareness. He could tell the exact moment she came to. She suddenly shuddered, and whimpered, becoming more impossibly pale as the pain of her injuries hit her in full force. Her eyes flew open, and met his, full of fear.

"April," Alex said taking one of her shaking hands and running his fingers in soothing circles on the back. "Easy. Try not to move."

"Kramer's voice drifted into the small space again, "Alright, Karev. We are going to focus our efforts on shifting the rubble enough for you to pull her out. But if you have even the slightest feeling that we are making stuff collapse on you, you shout to high heaven for us to stop. Your friends here are ready to help you new patient."

"Okay," Alex replied distractedly, focused on locating some injectable pain killers in his med bag.

"Good. We'll check-in with you in 10 minutes. We hope to have some progress by then."

"I-I..." April struggled to speak, coughing again, and making guttural stammering sounds. "H-hurts," she finally mumbled, voice sounding dry and weak.

"You'll be okay," Alex said as matter of factly as possible. He kept his voice calm because he didn't want to freak her out any more than she was already. "This is gonna sting a bit, but I promise it'll make you feel better. It's from the med bag, so you know it will."

April grew tense and moaned as he administered the medication, and her breathing became less labored. Alex knew it could take a moment or two to set in, and he watched as her actions relaxed somewhat. The stuff they had in the med kits probably only took the edge off of her pain really. She needed something stronger. Still, Alex figured some relief would make a difference.  
"Better?"

* * *

April was dimly aware of her pain long before she actually fully woke. As she drifted through memories of her childhood, snippets of conversations, and ridiculous dreams of flying, the constant undercurrent beneath the surface was one of muted agony. The same pain the drove her to unconsciousness began to relentlessly pull her back away from the floating dreamland. Her head throbbed, and her chest held a dull ache that made it hard to breathe. He leg was the worst, a sharp fiery pain that never seemed to ebb in its intensity.

Something was touching her leg, pulling something tight, and making the fire in her leg even more intense, which she'd thought was impossible, and contrasting with the growing cold she felt into the rest of her body. Finally her eyes flew open, and for a moment April saw only darkness. She was alone here. And it terrified her.

As the world came more into focus, she realized that Alex's face was looming above her. He was holding her hand. An immense wave of relief hit her when she realized that she wasn't alone. It calmed April enough to drift again, searching in her mind for some sort of explanation for all of this. The earthquake. Oh, yes. They had been rescuing people from the earthquake. The memories of the event all came flashing back.

April could vaguely hear Alex conversing with others, and she tried to pull back to reality. She knew she was in shock. She blinked, and tried to speak, but her tongue caught in the dryness of her throat, and the pain in her chest seemed more noticeable. She didn't even know if her words made it out of her mouth.

It took April a moment to realize that Alex was speaking to her, and the slight twinge of pain she felt as he injected her with medication paled in comparison to the rest of what she was feeling.

As the drugs began to take their affect, April's felt like a buffer of wool or cotton was suddenly being wrapped around the edges of her pain.

"Better?"

"Yeah...a bit."

She knew the pain was there, and she could still feel it's shape, but it wasn't as bad as before.

Letting her eyes roam around the space she was in April's mind began to swirl with memories. They were in a tiny, bleak pocket of a collapsed building. Random snippets of survival shows and Megaquake tv specials filled her mind and she began to panic. Fault lines, tsunami's, aftershocks. This was a dangerous place. They need to get out of here. At least, the one of them who could move should.

"G-go. You should leave. N-not safe here," April croaked staring up at Alex pleadingly, begging him to save himself, even though the thought terrified her. If he left, she'd be alone.

"No way," Alex said firmly. "I'm not going to leave you." His tone left no room for argument, and April didn't have the strength to fight anyway.

Her eyes started to roll back, and Alex squeezed her hand.

"Whoa, hey. Stay here. You shouldn't sleep April."

She blinked, "What?" Everything felt so disjointed, and April realized that she probably had a head injury. In which case sleep would in fact be bad. Very bad.

"Talk to me," Alex said, using an awfully bright pen light to check her pupils. He frowned slightly and continued, "Just talk to me. Tell me...tell me when you first wanted to be a doctor?"

Something about this situation seemed wrong. Alex never liked her to talk. No one did. Then again, if he thought talking might keep her awake...

"M-my voice. You don't like my voice."

He rolled his eyes, but something within them looked sad, and he grabbed both her hands, "That doesn't matter. I just like to put up a fuss. You know, keeps life interesting. Right now it's interesting enough without me complaining. Just talk alright?"

April nodded. She could do that. Well, she wasn't 100% sure it would all make sense, but she could try. "We h-have animals on our farm...I s-saved a chicken once when I was little. Nursed it to health. I l-liked helping..."

"You had a chicken?" He teased, in an incredulous tone that didn't escape her, even in her current state.

"Yeah, lots of them...It t-was a farm. This one w-was called Stella."

With that, April let her mouth and mind wander, soon losing her train of thought and drifting from fragmented memories of her past to disjointed narratives about how to best care for a common farm chicken. She felt that she was growing slightly more coherent and knew that the pain meds must be kicking in.

Alex was listening to her, holding her hand. And she was still awake.

That was something.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you all for your lovely reviews! They really do help, and I appreciate every single one! Again, wa **rning, there is some swearing and descriptions of injury. I am not a disaster expert, nor a medical professional. Research for this story was done on the internet (And the show). Thanks for sticking around for chapter 3, and I am hard at work on chapter 4. Let me know what you think!****

* * *

"You don't like my voice."

Alex rolled his eyes. Did she really believe that he cared about that  _right_ now? So what if he did find her voice annoying occasionally? Lots of people did. Okay, so he might be the only person who actually complained about it to her, but he only sort of found it annoying. When he was cranky. That just happened to be a lot of the time.

Could April really believe he was the kind of doctor who wouldn't do everything to save her life? That he was enough of a jerk to let something like his jaded opinion of her voice prevent him from taking care of her? No way. If there was one thing Alex believed about himself,  _knew_ about himself, it was that he was a damn good doctor.

Alex cringed, feeling an unexpected wave of guilt, as he listened to April. She sounded so certain. It totally made him feel like a douche. But then again from her perspective, he probably looked a lot like one. Alex knew he behaved that way most of the time. It was easier for him. He didn't get hurt when he hurt people first.

And she was obviously confused and in pain. He grabbed April's hands and brushed her comments off. He needed to keep her awake, and the best way he could think of doing that was to keep her talking. Good thing Kepner was usually a talker anyway.

"That doesn't matter. I-I just like to put up a fuss. You know, to keep life interesting. Right now it's interesting enough without me complaining. Just talk alright?"

April started to ramble on about having chickens as a kid, so Alex slipped on a pair of gloves from the med kit and started doing a more in depth examination of her. He fervently hoped that the search and rescue people above could find a way to get her out quickly. Glancing next to him, he realized that he could probably use the door as a stretcher. If the search and rescue team shifted the rubble enough to free April's leg.

The gears in his head started to move and he envisioned how a possible escape might work. If he could pull her leg free and get her onto the door, Alex could slide April out the same way he'd gotten the homeless kid out.

When she trailed off again, Alex prodded her to continue, as he checked her eyes.

"You had a chicken?" He kept his tone light, and continued to check her injuries.

Her pupils were definitely sluggish, and Alex thought that one reacted slower than the other. That could mean she had a brain bleed, which meant that her window for rescue had just gotten much smaller. Of course the light he was working with down here was pretty low, so Alex knew he might be wrong. He really hoped he was.

April continued her rather disjointed story about her childhood with chickens on the farm in Ohio, explaining how she used to like helping her Dad and stuff. Figures Kepner would be the kind of kid who  _liked_ doing chores. Although, Alex had to admit that it didn't sound like she had much else to do. It didn't seem that kiddie Kepner enjoyed any more popularity among her peers than chief resident Kepner.

"So, you were always a freakin' goody two shoes," he teased, which elicited a weak smile.

Alex felt a small pang of jealousy when April talked about working with her Dad. Sounded like he was a stand up guy. The kind of guy who could put up with no less than 4 daughters and a wife couped up on one farm which, if the other Kepner women were anything like April, was positively saintlike. He sounded like the kind of Dad who'd always stand by you. Who'd never hit someone he loved. Ever. Alex dismissed this line of thinking and began to gently prod April's abdomen to determine if his theory on broken ribs was correct.

"Hens...have to have, um, a p-pecking order, but if they draw blood you should s-separate them. And-and...Al-lex? What are you doing?"

Alex might have laughed at the look April was giving him, a mixture of mild alarm and something else, if the situation wasn't so dire.

He smirked, "What do you think? I'm copping a feel?"

"No...no." For a split second, Alex thought she looked a little crest fallen. Then April winced, sucking in air through clenched teeth with a hiss as he continued to gently run his fingers along her ribs. Bingo. Lower left side. Broken. Damn.

Alex scooted down along side April's body, holding his penlight between his teeth for light, hoping that he could get a better idea of what was up with her leg. The tourniquet seemed to be holding, and hopefully the blood flow was slowed enough so that she could make it out of here without deadly blood loss.

"Alex?" Now she suddenly sounded panicked. "We..we had a patient. Didn't w-we? T-Tom. Is he? I don't remember..."

"I got him out. He's fine," Alex told her, really hoping that she didn't question any further, because he really didn't want to have to explain what had happened to Martin the search and rescue guy. Wouldn't exactly raise April's morale at all. Either she was satisfied with the answer, or his examination of her leg was too painful, because she stopped talking rather abruptly.

April's face looked pale and clammy and her eyes rolled back again, and Alex was afraid she'd pass out. His hands froze. Crap, crap, crap. Okay, so now he knew. Even if he couldn't see much of what was wrong with her leg, it was obviously very severe, and it was causing the worst pain. Which meant that Alex could theorize that the damage involved broken bones and nerve endings. The very worst in terms of crush injuries for limbs. And for pain.

"Hey, come on. Don't do that. I know it hurts. I'm sorry, but I have to finish, so I got a full picture of what's going on. You can...you can yell if you need to. Go ahead, it might help." Alex knew it might also help April stay awake. Her face crumpled, eyes widening. She kept her mouth clamped shut as though she was afraid that once she started screaming she'd never stop.

"Come on, don't worry. I'll do it with you. Get ready. One. Two. Three!" He let out some of his own frustration, yelling, and at the same time moving his hands down further along her leg to see if he could diagnose by touch more specifics about what was going on. Soon his yell was joined by April's wrenching scream. And now that he could feel what was going on with her knee, Alex definitely couldn't blame her.

He winced, and pulled his bloodied hands away from the exposed kneecap. Ortho wasn't really his thing, but he was reasonably sure that April had a severely fractured patella, if not a shattered one. And the top of her knee was as far as he could explore. Alex still had no idea what was going on beneath the rest of the rubble, below her knee. He'd stopped shouting at this point, and April was now sobbing heavily and hyperventilating.

Quickly sliding back up to face her Alex started to reach down to take her hands, schooling his face to be comforting. He didn't want her to know how bad he suspected the leg was. "Shh, it's okay. You're alright. It's okay. I'm stopping. I'm done now."

Alex realized that grabbing her hands with bloody gloves wasn't going to do much to calm her down, so he hastily slipped them off. The whole place was a walking tetanus shot anyway, and with her leg buried, April was probably already well on her way to getting an infection. What she really needed was someone to hold her hand. Human touch and all that. Alex knew he could do that.

Sliding one hand in to hers, and using the other to brush the tears away from her cheeks, he anxiously worried while April fought to calm her breathing. With her broken rib it it was a risk to have examined the leg like he had. She could perforate her lung. But Alex had had to assess the situation. After what seemed like an eternity, her breathing evened out, returning to the regular but slightly hitched rhythm she'd had before. Her eyes still held a look of extreme panic, though.

Taking her other hand and squeezing them both Alex joked, "On the bright side, it looks like your hands are unscathed. Surgeon's hands are safe. So don't worry, you'll be back to doing surgeries in no time." It probably wasn't in the best taste, his humor rarely was, but he really hoped it was true.

April shook her head, "D-don't lie." Her voice sounded stronger and more coherent than it had so far. Maybe the pain had cleared her head a bit. "I _know_ this is bad," she continued, "I know crush injuries are...bad, Alex. I'm pinned. My l-leg. Not good."

"Hey, don't talk like that. We'll get you out. I promise."

April lip quivered and her eyes darted away from his. "I'm gonna die." She sounded too sure of that.

"Hell no you're not," Alex said as lightly as possible. "Not today." Nope. He was going to get her out. He just needed to focus. Get her out, onto an ambulance, and back to the hospital. All he had to do was keep her alive until he got her out.

When she still didn't look at him Alex leaned into her eyeline and held her gaze. "Hey, listen to me. I promise we will get you out. You're not gonna die."

He knew that it was actually still a very real possibility. In these conditions he had no way of knowing much more than the barest minimums about her injuries, and there was relatively little he could do down here to treat them. Which is why Alex felt he had to make April believe that she was going to be okay.

Because sometimes, even in the most critical patients, belief made all the difference. Like the kids in peds who believed in magic and fairies, and somehow ended up more resilient than many adult patients. That's what Robbins always said. Kids believed in magic and fairies, and somehow many of them could still come back from the most critical of conditions. And in a lot of ways, April had held on to some of that. Not that she was immature or childlike. Not because of the whole virgin thing either. Alex just noticed that she'd held on to that sense of wonder, to goodness, and to a sense of hope, which most other adults, himself included had long since abandoned.

April needed to believe she'd live. Alex needed to get her out.

April stared intently back at him for a long time, before she finally repeated the words, "I'm not going die. Not today."

* * *

"I'm not going to die. I'm not going to die."

It became a mantra April repeated over and over to herself. She wanted to believe it. She could almost believe it. After all, she was an optimist at heart. And it was hard to believe that she could survive having a whole building collapse on her only to die waiting to be rescued. Life had to be a little fairer than that.

Then again, optimist or not, experience had shown April that life definitely didn't work like that. It wasn't fair. If it was, everyone on earth would have the luxury of dying painlessly in their sleep, surrounded by people who loved them at a ripe old age. Knowing that death was inevitable, that was exactly how April wanted to go. Not trapped in the dark. Not in pain. Not with someone who generally thought you were a joke.

How many times had she seen patients die unfairly? Friends? People died because of stupid little mistakes, someone died because of her little mistake. A single distraction. One oversight. If something as inconsequential as that could make someone die, than being trapped in the rubble of a damaged building seemed like a surefire way to snuff it.

Or maybe she was just being morose. April's mind felt incredibly fuzzy, especially since Alex's exam of her leg. That had been pure agony. Ten times worse than anything she'd ever felt.

At the time the pain had cleared her thoughts somewhat, but since then the dull ache in the back of her head had grown stronger, and April's muddled thoughts raced around inside her head, alternating between feeling absolute certainty that she was on the brink of death, and cautious optimism.

She would have drowned in fear, and the chaotic turns of her thoughts, if not for Alex. Blinking up at him now, April could tell that Alex was doing his utmost best to get her out. It was one thing she'd learned about him in the times they'd shared pediatric rotations. It was proof enough to April that he wasn't the jerk he pretended to be. For whatever reason he might act that way, she could tell that underneath was someone who dedicated himself to helping others, usually children. Alex Karev never gave up on a patient. And it was comforting to know that he wasn't going to give up on her, however much of a lost cause she worried she might be.

April felt sick. Clammy. She shifted fitfully, and winced when the movement made her feel slightly queasy as pain shot up from her leg. The nausea persisted and she was drifting again because it took her a while to notice that Alex was no longer only talking to her. A vaguely familiar voice now echoed with in their tiny space.

"...have a crane ready to do this, Karev. We can only lift it so high...risk of secondary collapse. Think you can pull her free if we..lifted...beam a few feet?"

"Yeah...can do it...need the main heavy beam to raise...That's...really keeping the leg down...rest rubble..."

"...reinforced your exit...ready to take her..."

April couldn't focus on the conversation Alex was having any longer. Her whole body felt cold, and her stomach was still in knots. She swallowed hard. She  _so_ did not want to throw up right now. After trying to squeeze Alex's hand, she realized with a dim sense of alarm she was beginning to have trouble controlling her shaky movements. She felt her body shivering. April didn't know if her shaking came from the cold or her injuries or something else.

Her stomach lurched and she swallowed hard again, blinking rapidly and trying to focus on Alex's face as it now loomed above her. "'Kay...'pril...I'm...pull when they... you out..." he looked puzzled when she didn't respond. "...hear me?"

She squinted, and concentrated all she could on paying attention to what he was saying. It was difficult. April felt like her mind was swimming, deep underwater and it was harder and harder to pull up for a breath. By the time she pulled herself back at the surface, and more in sync with what was going on, Alex had moved behind her, resting her head in his lap.

He grunted, seemingly bracing his heals on the rubble beneath them and sliding his arms beneath her. She was struck by both how intimate and awkward the position was. His arms were looped through her armpits, and his hands were clasped across her chest. The last time they were physically this close was in an on call room. That hadn't ended well at all, so how could this?

April couldn't help but giggle softly. Didn't Alex understand how absurd it was? Some other part of her mind screamed that she had really lost it, but she was unable to suppress her weak laughter. Maybe it was the shock.

"Oh, so now you decided to join us?"

April didn't realize she'd left. She couldn't see his face, but she could tell from the tension in his body that his nonchalant tone of voice was a front.

"Alex," she moaned. "W-what's happening?"

"I'm going to pull you out. I'm sorry, but it's gonna hurt like hell."

She opened her mouth to ask another question when Alex 'shhed' her.

That other voice, the one she'd kind of heard before, drifted down to them again.

"Ready Karev? We going to lift in one, two...three!"

An incredible pressure which April had almost grown accustomed to was suddenly gone from her leg. She could only enjoy the feeling of relief for a spilt second before the piercing pain in her leg took her breath away, and made tears spring to her eyes. The pain was paralyzing; too overwhelming to scream, or move. She could only pant feebly and flop around as her body went limp. The intensity increased as she felt Alex pull her backwards. Black spots danced before April's eyes, and a white noise filled her ears before she slowly slipped away from it all.

Time didn't seem to make sense to April. She could have been out for only a second, or it could have been a lifetime. As she painfully came back to consciousness, April ruefully guessed that it would be safe to assume the former rather than the latter.

Without opening her eyes, April could tell that she was still the small void of the dark building. Still in agony. Why, why, why, couldn't she just pass out and stay unconscious? Like, if she had do die, why did her body and mind insist that she be awake for it? She'd rather not know. It would be much better to be asleep. Then you'd never know what was coming. Not like Charlie. He'd died kind of trapped in a way. April had had nightmares about him and Reed for weeks after the shooting. She still had them sometimes. And now she was dying too.

April sensed that she was definitely free from the rubble though. Now she was lying on her side with her cheek plastered against something that was surprisingly flat and cool. Maybe she'd moved too. But until she could open her eyes, April wasn't sure of anything. Someone was pulling on her leg though. Oh yeah, she smiled faintly. Alex was here. If she was dying, she wasn't alone.

Still, whatever he was doing to her legs just made everything hurt worse. With tremendous effort, she finally managed to pry open he eyes, and the sight which met her made her sure that this was is it. Death. She was dying. Someone had come for her.

Reed sat, unmoving in the corner not far from where April lay. She still looked pale and bloody, like she had the day she'd died, when April had tripped on her in that storage closet. Wasn't it true that people who'd almost died have memories of lost loved ones coming to get them? She muddled brain strained to remember details from the late night documentaries about crossing to the other side she'd once watched in the flickering blue light of her tv in her and Reed's old apartment. April couldn't remember. Her vision of Reed provided no help, and continued to sit frozen like a statue.

She must have whimpered or shivered or something because from behind her, she could hear Alex curse. "Damn it. April, are you awake? Can you hear me? Lay still."

"April," Alex repeated. "You shouldn't...what's wrong? Can you try to stay still for me?"

"I'm dying," she mumbled.

"No, you're not. We already talked about this."

"Reed. I s-see Reed. She's here to get me."

"April that's not-Geez"

"I left her d-dead in a closet and now she's here to take m-me."

"You're not making sense. I know that what you see must seem real. But, remember you hit your head? Are you sure you can trust everything you see?"

"But I see her." April could only shake and sob. Behind her Alex sighed. She suddenly had the strange sensation that the cool flat surface beneath her was moving. And with it she was moving. How strange. The change in position, though slow was enough to make April's stomach roll again, and the ache in her head throbbed. Alex grunted a little and cleared his throat.

"Okay...well...how do you know she's here to take you to die? I mean, she was your best friend. Right? She's probably just here because you are hurt. To look out for you. And make sure you get out okay. Doesn't mean you are dying."

Maybe...maybe that's what the documentary had said? After all, the people in it who had seen there loved ones on the brink of death had  _lived_ to tell the tale. In case, April wanted to let herself believe that his was only the brink. Not really dying. She could believe that. She could try. Even if Alex was only being nice.

April wanted to tell Alex, she wanted to explain that she thought he was right about Reed. Wanted to ask him if he'd seen the late night special on crossing over too? To thank him for being here with her. For trying to save her. For showing she was right when she thought that underneath all that snark was a good man. She wanted to say she was sorry for judging him. To ask him what had made him the way he was. To say sorry for her words on the ambulance earlier in the day.

April wanted to say so much to Alex, but in the end she could only sigh, as her eyes drifted shut once more and she returned to unconscious oblivion.

* * *

Meredith anxiously waited with Bailey for what felt like an eternity for Alex to emerge from the collapsed building. When he'd sent up the homeless teenage patient, Bailey had ordered Meredith to stabilize him, get him prepped and off to the hospital along with his parents. When she'd returned, Bailey explained, with a somber face that Alex had found April, trapped under the rubble. But things didn't sound good. The search and rescue people had set up crane and were lifting it up, in a bid to give Alex a shot at pulling April out.

Now, Meredith had her hands tightly gripped around a stretcher, ready to spring into action as soon as Alex and April cleared the debris. Bailey stood next to her, on the surface looking calm, though she that could see the older attendings jaw was clenching and unclenching as she slowly shook her head from side to side. For Bailey, this was nervous. At least as much as she was willing to show. They had no real idea what condition April was in. From the brief communication Alex could give by shouting out of the rubble, both doctors suspected that it the situation was dire.

"Here! Grab her." Alex's strained voice came from the gap in debris, and Meredith joined Bailey and other search and rescue people as they rushed up the rubble. She could make out a damaged door jutting out from the small space. Kramer and his personnel grabbed the edges and slowly pulled the door free. Meredith could just make out the unconscious form that rested on the door.

She quickly moved with Bailey and the stretcher and readied to move April from Alex's make shift door stretcher. Meredith could only winced as she helped Bailey gingerly transfer their colleague turned patient. April tended a pale person to begin with, but now her face looked drained, ashen. Her skin was covered with a sheen of sweat, and it was clear that her breathing was labored.

The right leg was a whole other issue all together. Even with Alex's tourniquet it was a bloody and oozing mess of clearly broken bones, torn scrub pants, and a tattered sneaker.

Bailey looked up, "Grey! I need to you tie that tourniquet off. Even tighter,okay? Now! Before now!"

Already on it, Meredith reached for the straps on the sides of the stretcher and secured the younger doctors body to the stretcher, while Bailey listened to breath sounds with her stethoscope.

Meredith could only spare a second to glance up as Alex clamored out of the hole next. He was dusty, sweaty, and covered with some heavy duty angry black bruises. He was tense, and probably in shock.

He quickly joined them at alongside the stretcher and matter of factly rattled off, "Check her pupils. I'm pretty sure she's got a brain bleed. She's been in and out of consciousness. Major hallucinating. I tried to keep her awake but…Broken rib lower left side, and.." He gestured to the leg, "Well." Well indeed. Severe leg injury.

Once Bailey had deemed April stable enough to move she shouted, "Grey, take the front. Karev, can you handle the back?"

Alex nodded immediately, "Yeah. I got her."

The group hurriedly made their way back to their ambulance, loading Dr. Kepner inside, and beginning their journey back to Seattle Grace at break neck speed. Alex's adrenaline rush seemed to have finally warn off because he slumped down in a seat on the side, staring in glum horror as Bailey and Meredith continued to work on April. In any other circumstances Meredith knew that she and Dr. Bailey would stop to examine him, but they simply couldn't right at this very moment.

April took priority. It reminded Meredith a bit of the recent ambulance crash that she'd been in with Alex. They'd both been in shock after that, but had had to tend to the injured family and their infant patient first.

Now that they were in the ambulance, Bailey began packing the leg and Meredith grabbed a penlight to checked April's eyes. Yes. Pupil response was definitely not normal. Lifting her eyes for a moment, she carefully thought back to her neurological training to try and figure out what might be causing it. She had worked in neuro very closely with Derek until the whole incident with the Alzheimer's trial, so Meredith felt that her guesses would be fairly accurate. Whatever had happened, she knew that she had been good in neuro surgery.

Meredith glanced up and saw Bailey looking at her expectantly and said, "She probably has a subdural hematoma. I can't tell if it is acute or low grade. She needs surgery. Right now, she is at risk of seizure."

"Good call, Dr. Grey," Bailey answered as she continued to work on their patient, administering medication and checking April's breathing again. Her eyes flicking from side to side as she listened to her stethoscope once again, Bailey tutted quietly, shaking her head at what she heard.

"Come on, Kepner."

April gasped again, still clearly having trouble breathing. Behind Bailey, Meredith could see Alex holding his head in his hands looking horrified. He swore viciously and shook his head, stunned, breathing hard. "I got her out. I told her she'd be okay. I-I told her..."

"She's crashing," Bailey said whipping the stethoscope around her neck. "That rib might have perffed the lung. Her heart rate is dropping, we need to intubate. Get that breathing under control."

Meredith responded quickly, praying that the ambulance was nearing the hospital. April was fading fast, and there wasn't much they could do on a fast moving ambulance. Surgery was necessary, and she could only hope that they made it to the hospital in time. Once the tube was in she waited for Bailey's verdict.

The shorter doctor listened intently, scowling as she murmured a stern mantra. Meredith didn't know if she was talking to her, or April. Maybe she was talking to God.

"I will  _not_  lose another resident, do you hear me? I  _will not_. I will not. Will not..."

With a pang, Meredith realized that in the past 3 years, Bailey had lost as many residents. Reed and Charles in the shooting. Admittedly as Mercy Westers, they hadn't been very close to the Seattle Grace doctors. Ironically, it was shooting that had been a major catalyst for solidarity and bringing together the two groups. It was certainly a major reason why Meredith had been willing to get to know Jackson and April more. Surviving something like that together, you couldn't just ignore the connection. For Bailey, it had been harder. Charles Percy had died in her arms.

And then of course, the year before the shooting, George had died. One of the original interns from Meredith's year. Died trying to save someone else. He was the good one. He really was. Bailey'd said it herself once, George O'Malley was her favorite. And in a strange way, April reminded Meredith of George. They probably would have gotten along, if they'd met. And if Bailey noticed the same parallels she did, than Kepner's injury probably felt all the worse.

So, Meredith silently added her own fervent wish, to Bailey's. Please don't make us loose someone else. Please.

The chest tube seemed to have made the difference, because Bailey, smiled a little bit and leaned back, "Okay, heart rate is going back up. Still, pretty unsteady, but..."

The rest of the ambulance trip passed by uneventfully, with April holding her own and remaining tediously stable. As they arrived at Seattle Grace, Bailey and Meredith wheeled April on a gurney into the pit, with Alex trailing behind. Soon, Owen joined them and they were swarmed with nurses and interns.

"We need Dr. Shepherd and Torres. Page Altman too. And prep an OR! Quickly!" Bailey shouted.

Meredith continued to operate April's oxygen supply, hearing a crash behind her.

"Hey, I got paged on a big trauma. Only big one we've had since this quake-" Jackson's voice came from behind Meredith. He trailed off, growing panicky. "So...Is that? April? Oh my god. What happened? Let me see!" He sounded freaked out.

Meredith could understand his fear. April was his last friend from Mercy West. And they were, however unlikely, best friends. Imagining her own reaction, if it were Cristina on the gurney, Meredith's heart went out to the other fifth year.

Callie, Derek and Teddy came into the room, jostling people out of the way. They each took up a place near each of their respective disciplines. Derek hovered near April's head, while Teddy moved too listen to her chest. Callie headed for the bloody mess of the right leg.

"Move!"

A nurse stepped in by Meredith taking over squeezing the oxygen bag, as another collision could be heard behind them. An intern had collided with Alex, who still stared anxiously at April, mouth. Jackson stood right beside him, equally stunned, and apparently unable to tear his eyes away from his injured friend. His hands hovered nervously at his sides, like he didn't know what to do with them.

Owen looked up from where he was working, "Avery, Karev. You should go."

"Dude, no freakin' way."

"I am not going to just leave her..."

"Neither of you are in much of a position to help April right now, okay? We've got this. We will take the best care of her. But you guys can't be on this surgery. Avery, why don't you give Karev a check over? He's got some bad bruising."

She actually thought that might be a good idea. Alex needed someone to look out for him. He pretended not to care about April, but Meredith suspected he did. A lot more than he'd ever admitted. And she had no idea what it had been like with April down that hole. It must have been awful. The stuff of nightmares. As though Alex needed any more personal experiences that resembled that.

Checking Alex would also give Jackson something to do. Something to keep his mind off his friend. If April didn't make it, he would be the last of his friends alive, and she guessed he was terrified of that outcome. It was probably all he could think about. In his shoules, it would be all Meredith would think about.

Neither man sounded like they wanted to leave, but Meredith saw Dr. Webber appear out of the corner of her eye. He gave both residents a knowing look, with seemed to have an effect on the agitated residents and carefully guided them from the room.

"Damn it," Callie said from her position down by the leg. Nurses and interns continued to wheel around, setting up an IV, heart monitors, and swiftly clipping April's tattered scrubs from her body. There was a frantic pace to everyone's actions that only ever seemed to be present when they were caring for one of their own.

Derek suddenly held his hands up, gesturing for everyone working in the trauma room to calm down. "Eyes. People, she's conscious."

Meredith glanced down, eyes moving straight down to April's panicked gaze. She must be completely terrified. She shook, and whimpered chocking a little as the resisted her tube.

"Hey, April," Derek's soothing voice filled the room, as everyone began working again, at a slightly calmer pace. "Don't try to talk. You're intubated. Don't fight it. We're going to take good care of you. I promise."

He nodded to an intern in the corner, and a sedative was added to April's IV. Her eyes fluttered shut and Derek conferred with Callie and Teddy. Owen, Meredith and Bailey listened intently.

"I need to do surgery  _right_ now. That rib is damaging her lung and putting unnecessary strain on her heart," Altman began.

"If I have any chance of salvaging this leg, I need to start working..." Callie continued.

"Frankly," Derek added, "I need to stop her brain bleed and drain that excess fluid now, or none of the rest even matters."

"So," Owen jumped in, "Triple surgery? You all work at the same time?"

The three attendings looked back and forth between each other, faces somber. They all nodded, and began to wheel the gurney out toward the elevators that would take them to the OR. Meredith and most of the trauma room entourage moved with them.

Altman turned to a intern and barked, "Page Cristina Yang to the OR."

She paused, slowly glancing up at Derek, who now stood staring at Meredith with a closed off, unreadable expression on his face.

"Dr. Shepard? Do you need to page Lexie Grey do work with you?"

"No," Derek said flatly, tilting his head to one side. "Not to work with me. Dr. Meredith Grey has had more emergency neuro experience than Lexie. She's...better qualified for this, I think. Meredith will scrub in. Page Lexie, and get her to keep an eye on Jackson and Alex."

Meredith could hardly believe her ears. Derek, who had been adamant that they could not work together and survive as a couple, actually wanted her to scrub in with him. She would be happy if it wasn't for such an unfortunate reason. And if she didn't have the nagging fear that he was right. Sure they had Zola now, but the clinical trial was still an elephant in the room that they never talked about. But there was no time to worry further. She rushed to follow Teddy and Derek onto the elevator.

Right now, Meredith had to concentrate on saving her patient. She had to concentrate on saving April.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Wow! Thanks you guys. Chapter 3 got a ton of feedback, and I really appreciate it. A lot. This is the first story I have ever written for Grey's and I only started watching the show this past year, so I really appreciate the comments on characterization. I hope that you like chapter 4. For those who want to know, it does take me about a week to get the chapters ready. I will update, so don't worry about that. Again, all medical stuff comes from the show and the internet. Chapter 5 is coming soon. Please let me know your thoughts and as always thank you so much for reading!**

* * *

Alex let Dr. Webber lead him out of the trauma room and into the hallway. He couldn't concentrate. April's injuries were severe. In the light of day, and on the ambulance ride over, her condition seemed even worse than he'd thought it was. And that was saying something. Alex kept going over everything he'd done to help her when she was trapped. Maybe he'd missed something. Forgotten something, made a mistake. Maybe it was all his fault.

But his memory didn't hold the answers he wanted it to. Alex knew that he had done every possible thing he could have. Recalling his own brush with death during the shooting, now Alex could kind of understand why Lexie went crazy afterward. It's hard to know that even though you did every possible thing to help someone, it still might not be enough. And then, after all you did to help them stay alive, having to turn their care over to someone else. Enough to drive anyone nuts.

Jackson stood next to him, eyes darting around like he couldn't focus any better than Alex could. It made sense he guessed. More sense really. Avery probably knew Kepner better than he did. He didn't pretend to really understand Jackson and April's bond, but he knew that they were close friends. Alex had said it once, when he'd been teasing her. Avery was her  _one_ friend. And Jackson was a lot nicer to April that Alex usually was. So, it really made more sense for Avery to be freaked out.

Yet, they were both spooked.

The whole rotten thing was made Alex feel so...useless. Powerless. There was no one was to blame; no one could have acted differently. And that pissed Alex off the most. That stuff could happen just out of the blue like that, with no one really responsible for it. Like your brother suddenly having a psychotic break, or someone getting getting cancer. Or walking into a storage room and having some guy shoot you. Well, there'd been someone to blame then, but it was all still out of Alex's control.

April was hurt. And nothing could have been done to change it, short of preventing a geological phenomena. Because so long as there was an earthquake, and patients needed her help, Kepner would have been out in the field doing her job.

Life was proving to be crap, just like always.

Alex sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Dr. Webber stood in front of them, gingerly twisting the hairs on his chin as he gazed at the two fifth years intently. He sighed and moved his hands to his hips. "Those are some nasty bruises, Karev. Why don't we go get some ice? Come on."

He headed further down the hall, with Alex following reluctantly behind. His shoulders and back did ache. Being crouched in the small space of a collapsed building, and rescuing Tom and April had definitely strained his muscles. Ice actually sounded good.

Jackson lingered behind watching the trauma team wheel April's gurney past them down the hall. "Which OR do you think they are taking her to?"

Webber turned around and guided Jackson along with them. "I don't know. Maybe OR 3. If they need to conduct multiple procedures concurrently. But I don't think it's a good for either one of you to observe."

The older surgeon led Jackson and Alex to the main attendings lounge, stopping to grab an ice pack along the way. Alex sat down on a nearby couch, and took the pack and settled it on his aching shoulder, still stunned by all that had happened in that day. Jackson joined him. The other resident still didn't look anymore calm than Alex felt.

He'd never been super close to Jackson. The one and only fight they'd ever had was over April, and Alex couldn't really blame the other 5th year for punching him out. He deserved it. He'd been an ass to her. Big surprise. He was always an ass to women. Though, April might be one he felt bad about, virgin and all. No amount of family issues could make up for his behavior. Just further proof that almost everything Alex touched turned to crap.

After the fight they'd bonded over being bros in the frat house, but he and Jackson hadn't ever really gone any further than casual hanging out. But right now, Alex felt inexplicably bonded to the other attending. Crazy, he'd admit, but he suspected that if things went badly in OR 3 or wherever, it would be himself and Avery who would be the most affected.

Not because Alex was close to Kepner or anything.

If she died, Jackson would be messed up because he lost his best friend. Alex would be upset because he'd failed her as a doctor. Just another bad outcome in a string of bad outcomes he'd had recently. At least, he told himself that was the only reason he'd care.

If he said it enough, he could make it be true. Yeah, right.

Alex closed his eyes, letting the fatigue of the past few hours wash over him, letting the soothing feeling of the ice pack seep into his shoulders. But it was only relaxing to a point. His mind kept going back to April. She'd gotten progressively worse as time had gone on down there. What if she was too weak to make it through the surgery? Her head injury had gotten bad enough to produce vivid hallucinations. Derek Shepherd was good, but the brain was still one of the trickiest organs to work with. In brain surgery, you never quite knew how things would play out until they actually did. Sometimes a bleed was too severe, even for the best.

Alex didn't know how much time had passed until Webber stood up and said, "Stay here. I'm going to see if I can get an update. I'll be back. Avery, make sure Karev moves that ice pack every 15 minutes. I don't want to catch either one of you trying to observe in that OR, am I clear?"

The older doctor left the room, leaving only silence in his wake. Neither doctor said a word, Alex guessed they were both wrapped up in their own thoughts and memories of a certain red-headed chief resident. After a while though, he could tell that the Avery was getting restless, working up to something. He kept sighing, and taking in breaths, as though he was about to say something, but ending up remaining quiet.

Alex glanced over to Jackson, and then looked down at his feet. The tension in the room was palpable. He drummed the fingers of his free hand on the edge of the couch, waiting for Jackson to say whatever it was he wanted to say. Jesus, just spit it out already. No need to waste time beating around the bush.

"What?" Alex curtly demanded, when he could stand the unasked questions no longer.

Jackson only turned to him, looking slightly puzzled.

"Dude! If you want to say something, just say something. Your huffing and puffing isn't helping anyone."

The other resident let out a wry laugh, shaking his head. "I don't even know...I don't even know what happened to her. It's all so quick and...She just went out to work and now all of the sudden she could be dying? And all I have, the only way I can find out what happened, is from an incoming ambulance report. And you."

He sneered, "A report. And  _you_."

Jackson ran a hand across the back of his head, "So I'm sorry if I'm pissing you off, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. I want...I need to know what happened. I just don't know how to ask. Deal with it."

Oh. Alex looked straight ahead, biting the inside of his cheeks. Okay. So, maybe he shouldn't have snapped at Avery. It was hard to believe, but Alex did realize that Jackson, like almost everyone else, hadn't been there. In the building. Only Bailey and Meredith had come into the field with them. And only Alex had been buried with April in the building collapse. To everyone else it must have just looked like the four doctors had left and returned with one gravely injured.

Jackson cared about April, so Alex figured he deserved to know what had happened to her. He even thought that she wouldn't mind him telling Avery some of the details, all things considered.

Maybe he just needed an excuse to talk about it. Part of his own processing or whatever.

Because he took a deep breath and began, "Alright..." Alex shifted the ice on his back. "What happened? Well, it's all pretty unreal. It happened really fast. We were helping this homeless kid. He was in this partially collapsed building. We had him on a stretcher." Alex shrugged uncomfortably, recalling the events that led him to this point in his day.

"We almost made it out. And then, there was this aftershock, did you guys feel it? Then, the whole damn building just..." He shook his head, wide eyed. "It came down right on top of us."

Jackson let out a low whistle, "We didn't even think that aftershock was very big. Really. She's...so far, she's the most...the most critical patient we've had since the earthquake. Who would have predicted that? It really sucks."

Thinking it back over again Alex murmured, "I think April probably saved my life. And the patient's. She pushed us forward. Right before."

Jackson nodded and gulped, "Um, how...how was she? I mean her leg looks pretty bad from what I saw...and, she's unconscious now but...was she...?"

"The leg was under rubble and stuff. She was in and out. Probably hit her head at some point. I...I think there was a lot of pain." He cleared his throat trying to push back the vivid memories, and still explain to Jackson what his friend had experienced. "But, I gave her the meds in my pack and pulled her out as soon as I could. And I tried to distract her, or whatever. So she wouldn't be scared."

" _You_ did that?"

Alex didn't know if he should be offended by Jackson's tone of surprise. Seriously? What else did Avery think he would have done? Make fun of her when she was hurt? He knew he acted like an jerk, but he was capable of behaving differently. Maybe he didn't show it very often, but still.

"Well, yeah. I did my best."

"Then thanks, man. For doing that for her. For telling me what happened. It, uh...It means a lot."

Alex only shrugged. He didn't really feel like it meant a lot. Because no matter what he had done, April was still fighting for her life. So, he had to have failed somehow. At least, his explanation of events seemed to have calmed Jackson down somewhat. He still looked concerned, but Alex thought he seemed to have a better hold on his emotions now.

Silence filled the room again. This time Jackson was the first to break it, pulling his cellphone out of his pocket and holding it in his hand. Alex sighed and stared at the device as Jackson spoke.

"I should call her mom and dad. If they know about the earthquake at all, they'll probably already really worried," he began, sighing. " And now I have to call them and let them know they actually have a reason to be worried."

"You, uh, you know her folks?" Alex said, thinking of all the times Kepner talked to her family. He wondered what it felt like to have parents that worried about you. That were actually capable of it. His own parents, for various reasons, didn't. Or couldn't worry about him, in his mother's case, and that was hardly her fault, so Alex didn't really blame her. His Dad though, plenty of blame there.

But April's family clearly wasn't anything like his. Maybe that's why she was so very  _April_.

No one's family seemed anything like his. In many ways, the residents and doctors here were more his family than his actual family. They worried about him at least. Not that Alex really thought he needed a family or anything. He'd had to manage and he had done fine on his own for years.

He'd tease April at the house because it always seemed like she was getting texts from one of her army of sisters, or because her parents called like clockwork. Nothing like his family. His dad didn't even know where he was, and Alex didn't know where his father was. And it was better for everyone that way. Yet, as an outsider, Alex found it intriguing to see how other people's families worked. How life was if your dad didn't beat up your family, if your mom and brother weren't mentally ill, or if you could be the kind of brother who stays. If things in a family were steady, or even if they could ever be. He'd never had much stability, and he still didn't quite believe that anyone did.

Jackson's voice pulled Alex from his thoughts,"Yeah, sure. I've met them quite a few times now."

Avery leaned his head back and smiled slightly, "They came up for Thanksgiving our first year as interns at Mercy West. We were the grunts, you know? We got the crappy shifts. And none of us could make it home to our families and stuff. So April's mom and dad came out here that year. To see April. Brought her littlest sister, because she still lived at home. The others were with their in-laws or something. Anyway, they all came out and we had this makeshift holiday. Them and me, and Reed, and Charles."

When speaking of his old friends, Jackson's expression turned wistful. Alex sighed, remembering what he had seen of Reed's dead body after the shooting, and what he'd heard had happened to Charles. So much had changed. He hoped Avery wasn't about to lose his last remaining friend from that intern group.

"It was pretty cool. Everyone had a good time, I think."

"Right..." Alex replied. He'd never really talked to Jackson or April or any of the Mercy Wester's about their years as interns. He knew that some of his own intern group's exploits were Seattle Grace legends, but now that he thought of it, her intern experience was another thing he didn't really know about April. Something he'd never stopped and asked her. And maybe now would never get the chance to ask her. If she...if she died. He recoiled from those thoughts, remembering her blood and screams. He pressed to heels of his palms to his eyes and tried not to think about it.

This was so messed up. Damn it. And now all they could do was wait. Alex, Jackson, and even April's parents could only sit and wait while others worked to save her life. And he hated it.

Jackson rose, carrying the phone and ventured toward the hall, dialing a number onto the screen. He shut the door behind him, speaking quietly into the receiver, "Hello? Uh, Karen? This is Jackson Avery. April's friend? I have some bad news...it's April."

Alex remained seated, still slumped on the couch with ice on his bruises. He couldn't help but think about his own family. About Amber. He remembered their heated phone call that morning. And all the calls he'd had to ignore because of the earthquake emergency. Had she heard anything on the news? Would  _she_ really be worried about him? Maybe his dad didn't care, and his mom and brother might be too out of it to worry, but Amber, she might care. Maybe.

Chuckling slightly, and reaching into his pocket, Alex realized that he actually had no idea whether his phone had even survived in his pocket throughout the whole ordeal. Pulling the plastic object out of his pocket, Alex inspected it, pressing the on button and flicking around for a moment. It seemed to have fared about as well as he had. He blew some dust off the screen. Everything still worked, but the outside looked a little rough, and a long crack filled the back case.

It was broken, but still trucking along.

As his finger hovered over his sister's number, Alex was still uncertain as to what he was even thinking about doing. What were April words to him on the ambulance that morning, before the day had gone from bad to worse? She'd said that whatever problems he and Amber had, his sister was probably really worried about him. April thought that all the other crap didn't matter. And maybe she was right. At the end of the day, Amber was his little sister. She'd probably be glad to know he was okay. Sure, he could buy that.

April would want him to call. And if she really was dying in an OR upstairs, Alex thought he might just owe it to her to give her method of dealing with family a try. What the hell? If Amber hung up on him again, she hung up on him again. And all he was going to be doing for the next few hours was waiting anyway. Until they finished the surgery. Until he knew what was going to happen to April. The prospect of waiting seemed unbearable. A call might pass the time.

He bounced his knees in indecision. After the ambulance crash, it had taken Alex days to call Amber, but today...Screw it, maybe April had a point. He pressed the button and listened to the dial tone ring once, then twice.

"It's me," Alex said, and he had to smile faintly at the relief he heard in his sister's voice.

"Hey...Yeah, we did. It wasn't so big though...Well, I don't know! I haven't had a chance to check magnitudes and stuff..."

The call was stilted. Awkward. They weren't really used to talking to each other. But this call held none of the venom or resentment of the one they'd shared this morning. There'd be time to deal with that later. Now, Amber just seemed happy to hear from him.

Alex sniffed and shifted the ice again, "I'm...I'm okay. Whatever...No, I really am. It's just, someone I know is hurt pretty badly and...No. My-my friend. She could die..."

* * *

Meredith had performed numerous surgeries on people's brains. She knew how they looked and how they worked. What could go wrong, and how to prevent it from happening in surgeries. She understood them in all of their complexity.

Yet, it was something entirely different to operate on someone you knew. Somehow, the intricate organ seemed more fragile, more delicate, when you knew that it was the driving force behind a person you were familiar with. It was the reason they were who they were. And knowing if the surgery went wrong, if you made one wrong move, the person you knew might never be the same again? That was something else entirely.

Glancing up from her work, Meredith caught sight of Callie, who was down by April's leg. It had felt the same way when she'd had her car accident the previous year. Everyone on the surgical team had banded together then, to save Torres and unborn little Sofia, and it seemed that they were doing it again now for April. Hopefully it would work out.

Meredith had tried not to dwell on these thoughts, as she concentrated on the procedure before her. She'd followed Derek's instructions carefully, from shaving a patch of April's hair from her head, to drilling a hole in the skull, and draining the excess blood to take pressure off the brain. She'd been mostly right on the ambulance. Derek had confirmed it as soon as they'd started to work; it was a subdural hematoma. Luckily a low grade one, though. And April had somehow managed to avoid having any seizures, the most dangerous complications for hematomas because they usually led to brain damage.

Meredith flexed her leg muscles, shifting from foot to foot. She'd found that simple movements like these kept you from getting stiff during hours and hours of surgery.

The low grade bleed was just another lucky turn in what was turning out to be April's lucky surgery. Already, Teddy ad Cristina had done their work, and closed. Altman had been amazed at how fortunate Kepner was. Apparently the rib had come  _that_ close to perforating her lung. Cristina had emphasized just how close, holding up her gloved hand, with her thumb and pointer finger barely apart.  _That_ close to drastically damaging the lung. But it hadn't. So, when they'd set the rib, her breathing had rapidly stabilized, and without the extra strain the breathing had created, April's heart stabilized too. Which meant her cardiothoracic prognosis was looking much better. All very good indeed.

Now Meredith had just located the bleeder, and Derek was carefully working to shut it down.

"Got it," he said quietly in the soft voice that he always seemed to use during surgeries. "Brain bleed is controlled." He looked to Meredith as he stepped back, pulling his instruments away from April's head. She could tell from his eyes that he was smiling.

"Let's close up. We got it, Meredith. There is still some slight chance of brain damage, but since the bleed was slow, and there were no seizures, I don't think that will happen. I'm very optimistic that April can make a full recovery. I'd like to do some scans, as well as do a full neurological check up."

He lowered his eyes slightly and added, "Good work."

Meredith acknowledged his words with a slight nod. This was their first time working together professionally since the whole blowup over her behavior during the clinical trial. It was nice to hear him compliment her professional abilities once again. Now that they had Zola back, maybe they could smooth out their professional relationship as well.

When they'd finished closing and bandaging the incision on April's head, Derek headed out of the OR. Meredith lingered, watching as Callie and the anesthesiologist continued to work. Looking at all the tools and apparatus that Dr. Torres had at the ready, Meredith guessed sadly that, where April might have been lucky in terms of her other injuries, her leg had really taken the brunt of things.

"Do you need an assist?" She asked. Callie glanced up from her work, and slowly shook her head.

"Okay. Hold this." Torres handed Meredith a metal object that she wasn't sure she even recognized. Boy, ortho was definitely not her thing. She could hold the tools though.

"You think you are going to be able to save the leg?"

"Yeah," Callie began tentatively. "I mean she's not going to need an amputation. But, uh, there's only so much I can fix. I've had to do a full knee replacement, and I'm putting in titanium plates and a few screws in the lower leg. It's a good thing her shoes had strong soles. She could easily have lost some toes. As it is, April's gonna need a  _lot_ of therapy; I think she'll be able to walk and move around again. Even so...it'll probably never work the same again. It's hard to say for sure, but April will probably have a pretty pronounced limp."

After they worked for another 30 minutes, Callie instructed Meredith to bandage and elevate the leg. It looked more like Frankenstein's leg now with its array of stitches, and all the swelling. Torres glanced at the clock, blinking away the haze that focusing on a small area for hours on end created, "Good to go. We can send her to post-op."

Meredith nodded, finished the task, and left the OR, feeling a surge of sympathy for her still unconscious housemate. It looked like April would definitely survive, but with a lasting change to her life. Her leg and ability to move would always be altered. In life, unfortunately, people only had so much luck.

After quickly scrubbing out, Meredith headed to find Alex and Jackson. She suspected that they were anxiously waiting to find out how April was doing. It had been a long day, and the evening sunset was streaming through the hospital's big windows as she walked across the hospital's long cat walk. After several moments searching, Meredith finally found her fellow residents and her sister, camped out in the attendings lounge of all places, with a tray of hospital food spread out on the table in front of the couch.

They didn't notice her right away, so when Meredith cleared her throat, all three faces looked to greet her, their expressions changing from glum to hopeful and fearful in mere seconds.

"April is out of surgery. She's stable. Doing very well. Breathing on her own and everything. Derek is doing a quick neuro exam, but we think she is intact. Her leg damage is pretty bad, and Callie had to do a lot of work. She replaced the whole knee. Coming back from that is going to be hard for her, but that's a worry for another day. They're moving her to post-op now, so you should be able to see her soon."

Jackson what already on his feet, "Her parents are taking the red eye from Columbus. They fly out in half an hour, so if I see her now, I can at least tell them she got through the surgery. So they don't worry as much on the flight over?"

"Yeah," Meredith checked her time. Her minutes wasted looking everywhere but the attendings lounge had probably given the nursing staff enough time to set Kepner up in her room. "I think so. Come on."

She glanced over to Alex who had risen to his feet also. His chin was set, and he looked exhausted. He'd had a long and stressful day, and Meredith knew that the waiting probably hadn't done anything for his mood. As they slowly made their way to post-op, Lexie had to peel off from the group because of a page.

As they walked down the hallway toward April's room, Meredith could see Derek coming down the hall in the opposite direction carrying a chart which she assumed belonged to April. He offered them a small smile and fulled a film out of the folder and held it up to the light as Alex, Meredith and Jackson paused outside the patient room door.

"Initial scans look quite good. I think we drained the fluid and stopped her brain bleed in time to prevent serious damage. I'm about to do a preliminary neuro exam," Derek said, sweeping into the room and making his way to April's bedside.

As Meredith followed her husband into the room. She heard an audible gasp from behind her and glanced to see that Jackson had only taken a few steps into the room, and his eyes were wide in shock. After having spent the past hours working on April in surgery Meredith supposed she was used to seeing her housemate's injured condition.

To them, or Jackson at least, the sight must be a lot to take in. April was surrounded by and attached to an array of beeping monitors, IV's and a supplementary oxygen line. At the top of her hospital gown, the bandages from her chest incision were clearly visible. Her hair was spread out, tangled, on the pillow behind her, and portion of her head was shaved and bandaged. April's leg was elevated in a sling, and held immobile by some ominous looking hardware.

In a word, April looked  _rough_.

"It's okay. I know she looks pretty bad, but the surgery really did go well. She made it."

Alex looked less shocked than Jackson. But his brow was furrowed and his arms were crossed. He looked sullen and closed off. And he hadn't made it past the doorway.

Meredith didn't want to pressure either one of them, so she moved to assist Derek run his neurological check. Jackson ventured into the room a little further, and watched as the neuro surgeon fiddled with April's IV.

"I'm backing off on her pain medication to see if she responds to a few prompts."

April moaned as she woke up slightly, and her eyes flickered open. She squinted dazedly around the room, eventually settling and doing a fairly good job of focusing on Derek.

"April? It's Dr. Shepherd. If you understand me, can you squeeze my hand?"

His smile grew as his question was rewarded with a very firm squeeze from the chief resident's right hand. Jackson moved even closer to April's bedside as Derek continued her exam, and Meredith turned to see if Alex had come any closer.

Nope. He still stood in the doorway, with his arms across his chest. Meredith watched as he sniffed, and squared his jaw, and lifted one hand up to his face. Derek continued his exam, and began to restore April's pain medication. He explained to Jackson, who now stood directly across from him and holding April's other hand.

"She seems to be intact. Kepner must have nine lives. She'll probably wake up on her own in a few hours."

April mumbled slightly, pulling everyone's attention back to her as her face twisted slightly in pain as the restored medicine slowly entered her system. Alex blanched and stepped backwards into the hallway.

"Alex?" Meredith asked tentatively.

Alex paused, gulping and sighing. "She's alright, that's good. Whatever. Really."

He pursed his lips, and his eyes widened and roamed around the contours of the room. "I-I just  _can't_ freakin' be here."

And with that, Alex turned and practically sprinted down the hallway. "Alex!" Meredith tried again, but this time he didn't stop.

"What the hell?" Jackson asked, still gently holding April's hand. "He has been waiting all day to see if she'd be alright. I thought he's easily as worried as I am! And now what? He's just gonna leave her? I don't understand him."

Meredith had a good idea of why Alex reacted the way he had, now that she thought about it. She could even kick herself a little for not expecting it in the first place. She knew Alex pretty well after all.

"He just needs time to breathe," Meredith said, to no one in particular because it seemed Jackson had turned all his attention back to April, telling her softly that her parents were coming soon.

Derek and Meredith quietly slipped into the hallway, both glancing at a clock hanging behind a nearby nurse's station.

"I am going to go ahead and get Zola," Derek began. "Take her home. See how the house fared in all of this."

Meredith nodded, and replied, "I'm going to stay here. I'm not sure how long, but...I want to stay until Alex..."

Eventually, she'd go home to Derek and Zola. Meredith had already decided she'd stay at least until April was more settled in post-op, if only to support Alex, because she thought that he might need a friend right now. It seemed like things had finally caught up with him.

Tilting his head and gently curling his lips into a small smile Derek said, "I know. That's good. We'll see you later."

He wrapped an arm around Meredith's shoulder and gave her a quick kiss before he strode down the hall. Meredith watched him go, and sighed. Now, what was she going to do about Alex?

* * *

As Alex stood in the doorway of April's hospital room, it felt like the air was just sucked out of him. Like suddenly someone had just pulled the plug on all the oxygen in the room. He couldn't move. His chest felt tight. He couldn't breathe. Because he was here again.  _Again_. It was all too much. He had to get out. He couldn't handle seeing this, feeling this. No way. Not again. So, he quickly stepped back into the hall and away from the room, not caring where his feet took him.

April looked so frail and vulnerable. Just lying there in a hospital bed. So much like...He'd been there before. In a hospital room. Watching. So much like...Izzie. And when she was pale in a hospital? That was when Alex's life had started to all fall apart.

And now, it felt like he'd let himself get to that place again. Where it felt like someone had pulled the earth from beneath his feet. Where it felt like his life was all tangled up in someone else's well-being. It was terrifying. But Alex didn't get it. Why did he feel that way now? _Over_ April? Maybe...but no. If he opened up and let himself feel what he was afraid he felt? That road had to led to madness, loneliness. Heartbreak. He never wanted to face those feelings again.

Alex urged his legs faster, so that by the time he reached the elevators, he was full on running. Unable to stop and wait for an elevator to come, he continued moving, making his way to the stairs and taking them two at a time heading somewhere else. Anywhere else. He kept running and running, until he finally found himself grabbing a door handle and slipping into a room. He slumped down into the nearest seat and held his head in his hands, letting a small sob escape his lips before he clamped them shut.

No freakin' way. Alex took a few deep breaths and managed to gain some control over himself again. Then he sat back, taking the moment to pause. That's what he needed. Time to pause and think. And then he realized where he was. Where his body had taken him when he wasn't paying attention. Figures. He was on Kepner's couch. In her office. Just like she'd left it that morning. Spilled cereal on the floor, post it notes on the desk, and cheerful flowered pillows on the couch.

The thing was, Alex had spent the whole day practically paralyzed. Waiting to hear how April was doing. It had been a shock, his reaction, but Alex had realized that he was afraid. Not because he might lose a patient and get a bad outcome. Not even just because it was a sad situation and he might lose someone he knew.

He'd been lying to himself. Alex realized now that his fear came from the fact that he actually cared about her. He was afraid of losing April because she mattered much more to him than he'd ever thought. It was strange, but he knew that if she died he'd miss her. A lot. And not only her. He'd miss the possibilities. All the things he'd never asked her. The possibility of being the kind of person April thought he could be. Alex realized that if April died, he'd regret not getting to know her better.

She'd somehow become this huge part of his life, and Alex hadn't noticed. It was more than the fact that she cooked, cleaned and sometimes even bought his groceries. More than the fact that she usually put up with his bad jokes, even when they were at her own expense.

April was always nice to Alex, even when he didn't deserve it. No matter how much he chose to act like a jerk, she consistently treated him like he wasn't. Like she expected more of him. Better from him. And it felt like a long time since someone had done that. Expected the best from Alex. Expected him to act like the man he could be, rather than persona he displayed. And there weren't that many people left in the world who expected much from Alex.

His father hadn't. None of the foster families had. He was the tough kid. The problem child. The one nobody wanted to care for. Messed up. A pig. Everything in his life had taught him that being nice was weak, and that if you were weak, you got hurt. It happened to his mom, his siblings. They were weak, and he'd had to find a way to protect them.

So Alex had learned to be hard. Not to care. Not to show any weaknesses. And in many ways this mentality had gotten him a long way. He'd stood up to his dad. Taken care of Aaron and Amber as best he could. He'd graduated college, and med school. He was in one of the best damn residency programs in the country. But it hadn't gotten him much in terms of relationships. His friendships with Meredith and Cristina were much loved exceptions in a life that hadn't left much room for friends. Or anything more.

Alex was hard, because when you were soft, you let people in, and when you let people in you got hurt. People just screw you over in the end. Like Ava or whatever. Like Lucy Fields. And Izzie.

But April. He didn't know. She wasn't his father. She wasn't Lucy. Or Izzie. Alex didn't think she'd hurt him. He might, well, he actually thought he might _want_ to let her in. Even though that notion was just as terrifying as being in her hospital room. But it was true. April still saw the good in him. She still hoped that he could be the best; knew that he could be more than just the edgy survivor.

And because April had survived, he now had the chance to let her in. If he hadn't screwed things up with her enough already. Alex could hardly believe she'd ever forgive him after the way he'd treated her over the years. But April had lived. She was still here. And that had to be a sign, or something.

Alex's head snapped up as he heard someone enter the room. It was Meredith. He felt bad. Here he'd just had this freakin' epiphany about how he felt about April, but in order to do it he'd actually ran away from her bedside. Sure. This is why Alex had never been the good guy. He blinking up at his friend as she stood in front of him, he realized that he had no idea how long he'd been sitting here. The windows outside looked much darker than he remembered. Come to that, the room was much darker than Alex remembered.

"Here you are," Meredith said, flipping on the light switch near the door. "Sitting in the dark?"

Alex just shrugged and said nothing still reeling from his realization.

Meredith moved to the couch and sat down next to him. "Alex-"

"I called my sister. This afternoon. I called her."

"Oh...Why?"

"Because of April...I'm sorry. I know I bailed on her. I just..." his voiced wavered slightly and he shook his head, unsure of how to explain. "I never realized how much I'd miss her, if she...It's kind of dumb but, I would. Mer, I  _really_ would."

His friend only shook her head, "It's not dumb Alex. I think this was a bit of wakeup call for everyone. We'd all miss April, but you...I know you care about her."

Alex let out a small laugh. "Really? I don't think I even knew until right now."

"Well, don't take this the wrong way Alex, but you're not the kind of person who likes to waste his time. If you really don't like someone you don't put any effort into being around them at all. Even to tease them. You eat lunch in here, like every day...I'm just sayin'."

He only sighed, and looked down. Alex did care. And so he felt guilty for being here and not in April's room with her. He felt rotten. Meredith bit her lip and leaned closer to him.

"I know you, Alex. I know you couldn't stay because the room reminded you of Izzie. You don't have to feel bad about that. Not at all."

Alex smiled slightly and turned to look at his friend. She really did understand him. It was nice to have people there for you. And maybe now he could admit that he needed people around who cared about him.

"I know you just needed time Alex," Meredith continued, with a glint in her eye. "But you've had your break. Now I think you should suck it up and go sit with her. Because Jackson has to pick up her parents. And I should get home to Derek and Zola. April's starting to wake up. She shouldn't do that alone."

Turning more serious, and nudging Alex's shoulder she said, "And now you know you care. You've admitted it to yourself. Go care. That's all you can do. You have the chance to care now. See what happens."

Alex nodded. She was right. All this earthquake stuff. Maybe it had a silver lining or some bull like that. There could be an upside. Great. Now he really must be channeling April or something. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

He stood up and offered Meredith a quick goodbye before making his way back into April's room. In the hallway Alex paused at the nurse's station, grabbing a cup of ice chips, in case April really did wake up.

He paused in the doorway, and took a deep breath before making his way to a chair next to April's bed. She seemed to sense him because her eyes slowly opened, and she let her head fall to one side, facing him. Her pupils were huge, and she looked adorable, and he could actually admit that now, even just to himself. Alex had to laugh a little. It was nice to see some life in her. It helped him to process and accept the fact that she'd made it. But Alex figured April must be drugged out of her mind.

"Al-lex?" April croaked, coughing slightly.

"Hey." Lamest line ever.

Her brow furrowed and her eyes lazily rolled around, staring at the dimmed room. "Are we out yet?"

Alex reached for her hand, gently slipping her long fingers between his own. This sucks. She still thought she was buried.

"Yeah. You're in the hospital."

April began to move, slowly stretching her limbs as best she could. She lifted her other hand uncoordinatedly and held it out in front of her face, pulling it closer and farther away from her. It took her eyes a moment to focus, but when they did April looked at her hand as though it was the most fascinating thing ever. She continued her sloppy motions and started to cough again.

"Don't do that, you'll pull out your IV. How about some ice?" Alex said, trying to distract her.

April nodded woozily and he gently slipped an ice cube into her open mouth. Her eyes held a look of relief and she tried to smile as the cool liquid soothed her dry throat.

"You...ssstayed..." She slurred over the ice cube in her mouth, turning to look at Alex again.

Head injury or medication induced confusion, be damned. April's memory seemed to be in tact.

"I, uh, I said I wouldn't leave didn't I?"

"Goo-ood."

"I may be an ass, but I am not a lying ass."

That made April chuckle a little, her lips pulling in to a goofy half smile. Then her face suddenly turned serious, and she moved her IV-laden hand roughly in Alex's direction. She was trying to point at him, and failing miserably.

April's next words really made Alex laugh. Oh, the conversation's you had with people in post-op.

"You...you had syphilis."

"I know. Thanks for the little reminder. I got treated though."

"That'ss good."

Alex chuckled harder. Being with April was actually making him feel better. Nothing like how he'd felt in Izzie's room a couple years ago. This wasn't stressful. It wasn't terrifying. She was alive, and mostly herself. Making him laugh. It was so different than her confused rambling in the building. She'd almost been dying then. But April was going to be alright. He could finally believe it now. So, sitting here was a relief.

April continued, watching Alex's face. "You sm-mile nice. You should do it more."

"Okay, April."

"Really, I like it."

"They gave you the good stuff, huh?" Surely, that was the real reason she'd said she liked Alex's smile.

"Yeah," April sighed letting her eyes hazily roam around the room again. "But tha-doesm..doesn't mmake me lie."

She coughed again, and her eyes looked droopy.

"Need another ice cube?"

"Uh huh."

Alex carefully slipped another one into her mouth.

"Thankss..."

"All you have to do is ask."

"Not that...na-only that…" April's eyes were almost closed again. "Thanks for saving me..."

Her body relaxed, eyes closing, and the end of her sentence trailed off into a dreamy sigh. Alex indulged an unexpected urge, and stood up to gently arrange the bed covers closer around April's body.

Settling back down into his chair, and feeling his own need for sleep, Alex leaned forward and rested his head on one side of the bed, near April's arm. As he let himself drift off to sleep, he took her hand again and whispered, "Right back at ya."

April had saved Alex too. Probably in more ways than one.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Whew! The site is back! Here is chapter 5. Usual disclaimers. I thank each and everyone of you for your feedback. **Working hard on chapter 6. (Hopefully next week, ffnet will let me post it on time). As always thank you for reading, and let me know what you think.****

* * *

When April was a little girl, she'd been fascinated with all things scientific She had a burning desire to know how things worked coupled with a healthy interest in why things worked the way they did. How the body worked. How electricity worked. How the whole world worked. Because why?

She did science fairs, experiments, and projects all through her childhood. She could remember being very small, and standing in the doorway of her and Libby's bedroom reaching her hand to the light switch.

It drove her parents crazy. April would flip the switch on, and off, and on and off. Over and over again. Just to be sure. To be sure that the science and the wires and the electricity would always work. To be sure the lights would  _always_ come back on. Because until you tested it, flicked the switch as many times as you could, how could you ever reallybe sure that they would?

Now, April felt like her whole world was reduced to that room, and everything she was aware of, everything she could see, was controlled by the flick of a light switch. It was confusing and frustrating, and more than a little frightening.

She'd thought her life was over. Reed had come to take her to die, and Alex was with her, and she hurt too much, and it was all just too hard. That was it. End of story. The end of a barely lived life. Lights out.

Except...it wasn't the end. Lights on.

This place was blinding. So different from the darkness she'd become accustomed to in the rubble. Everything was too bright to focus on. She could only make out shapes and sense movements. There were people all around her, moving so fast that she felt dizzy. They were touching her, making her leg hurt more. April felt cold, and exposed. She writhed and tried to escape. She tried to tell them to stop. That it hurt too much. They should just leave her alone. Let her die in peace. But April couldn't talk. Something was blocking her throat? She struggled more and gagged. She could hear voices around her. People she knew? Maybe. She couldn't tell.

The sounds faded away. Lights out.

Lights on.

It was less bright here. Her nose twitched against a plastic band that ran from ear to ear. She felt better. Still kind of like she'd been hit by a truck, but the pain and panic she'd felt before was muted. Her leg didn't feel like it was on fire. The invasive tube was gone from her throat. Everything was moving in slow motion. April might normally be anxious, because, logically she knew that things weren't supposed to move slowly like that but...but...She really didn't care.

The voices were there again. And she was sure she recognized them. If she could just remember? Who? What did they want? Squeeze their hand? Yeah. April thought she could do that. Her fingers tingled and she felt strangely gratified when her hand obeyed her thoughts and squeezed back. She smiled faintly to herself. Lights out.

Lights on.

It was darker now. Maybe the other stuff hadn't been real. Maybe they were still trapped. But she didn't hurt like she did before. Opening her eyes, April realized that Alex was there. Still with her. He could tell her what was happening. April wanted to speak with him. She felt a distant vindication when her vocal cords responded to her brain's commands. Even more so when Alex seemed to actually understand what she'd said. Her throat felt as dry as sandpaper.

"You're in the hospital," Alex told her.

Amazing. So she'd made it out okay. Well, given how strange she felt, probably not  _that_ okay, but alive is alive. Incredible. April had now faced death twice in her life and survived. In other circumstances she might have tried to make more sense of it all, but right now, it didn't really matter. April numbly realized that she felt strangely disconnected from herself. She must be hurt. Well, she'd known that. Nobody feels that much pain and makes it out okay. April knew she should feel more worried, but right now...she just felt fuzzy.

She tried to move her limbs and managed to control her movements enough to lift her hand. She tried to make her eyes focus on her hand. It was easier said than done. April's throat still felt painfully dry. She turned back to Alex when he offered her an ice cube. He carefully slipped the moist square into her mouth.

Bliss.

April felt a sudden surge of affection for Alex. She'd always kind of liked him. Sure, he was a little scary at first. And at second. Even third. But deep down, April knew he was a good guy. She'd seen glimpses of it over the years. And again today. He'd stayed with her down in the rubble hadn't he? He'd remained by her side even when he could have gotten himself out. She really wanted to thank him.

"You sstayed..." April mumbled as best she could, still reveling in the sensation of the cool ice melting down her throat. As Alex talked, April was lulled by the sound of his voice.

"I may be an ass, but I am not a lying ass."

That was funny. She laughed weakly. Really, it was. He was generally honest, if nothing else, even if he didn't always say things in the nicest way. Or nice at all. What had she wanted to say? April could understand Alex's words, and she could see him but...

Everything felt...smooth. Loose. Imprecise. Like guesstimation...or estimation? Something like that. Whichever one was a real word.

It suddenly hit her. This felt just like when she'd studied abroad in college and accidentally gotten drunk in Italy. She hadn't actually drank anything though. A 19 year old April had just been deceived by three pieces of lemon liqueur dipped cake. A fruit filled cake saturated in 70 proof alcohol had been no match for a girl who'd never even drank as a high schooler. Nope, it hadn't ended well at all.

The rest was history, a history April _definitely_ didn't want Alex to ever find out. He'd never let her live it down, the fact that she got drunk for the first time off of a fruity cake of all things. Nice guy deep down or not, he still had a venomous way of teasing her and exposing deepest insecurities. Her voice, her virginity, her lack of friends...the list went on. With most anyone else, April could brush the comments off, but it was different with Alex. And right now she felt too fuzzy to handle it. Her incapacitation definitely felt exactly like in Italy.

Then again, she supposed, April's mind making another uncoordinated leap against her will, Alex probably had his own embarrassing memories that he didn't like to share. He might even feel as embarrassed as April did sometimes. She vaguely remembered learning at lunch once that Alex had somehow not only gotten an std, but spread it, to the so called 'heart in an elevator' guy, George. When the subject came up, Alex had made a hasty enough exit. He could have been embarrassed about that. If he was a real person, deep down. And she knew he was.

"You...you had syphilis." Oh dear. She hadn't actually meant to say it out loud. April panicked.

Why had she said that? A pre-emptive strike so Alex wouldn't tease her about getting drunk from eating cake? But Alex didn't actually know about that, did he? She'd just been thinking about it. And she really wasn't drunk, right?

Sedated. She understood that now. April knew that she was heavily sedated.

Alex didn't seem bothered by her accidental slip up, instead he just shrugged it off and laughed. As a smile pulled up the corners of his mouth, April was struck by how different it made him look. It changed the contours of his face, made his eyes twinkle, and made his features seem more alive. He didn't look intimidating, or hard, or harrowed. He just looked happy. Alex hardly ever looked that way, at least so far as April had seen in the time she'd known him. Which wasn't fair. Everyone deserved to be happy. Even Alex. Especially Alex.

And he looked hot. Oh boy. Definitely not lucid. But it was true. April knew she'd always thought so. If he smiled more...

Unintended words spilled out of her mouth again, completely against April's will. "You sm-mile nice. You should do it more."

"Okay, April." He was probably just humoring her.

Well, even if she hadn't wanted to voice her thoughts out loud, April would stand by them. It was true. Even with heavy duty pain drugs. And, the way she was feeling right now, she didn't care if Alex thought she was ridiculous. It was the truth, and she would say it. Call it medically induced courage.

"Really, I Iike it."

April was starting to feel even more disconnected. She was suddenly very sleepy, and it was getting hard to keep her eyes open. But she'd wanted to say something to Alex, right? Before her own muddled mind had distracted her. What was it? He offered her another piece of ice. No way she'd decline. Bliss to her throat again.

As the tiredness overtook her once more, April finally remembered. Alex had stayed with her when she was hurt. Kept her alive. She owed him her life.

"Thanks for saving me..." she mumbled, unable to resist the pull of sleep any longer. Her eyes closed and she surrendered to sleep. Lights off.

April felt like she slept a lot longer this time, though not as deeply. She was faintly aware of more voices, the sound of a woman crying, and the steady beeping of a heart-monitor.

Someone was gently touching her chest. And all around her she could hear...snoring? How strange. April struggled to open her eyes. When she finally succeeded she blinked out at a hospital room bathed in early morning sunlight, and directly into the face of Cristina Yang. She blinked some more, feeling more awake than she had for a long time, since before getting trapped and hurt in the earthquake, really.

Cristina was looking down, carefully probing at a line of stitches April was surprised to see running down her chest between...well, between...God, for whatever reason, she even had whisper the words in her own head. She flushed with embarrassment at the thought that her fellow resident was seeing  _that_ much of her.

April knew she could be  _such_ a prude. She really needed to get over it. She lowered her eyebrows and looked down, trying to get a better look. The line of stitches ran straight down, in between her breasts. They must have had to crack her chest. Wow. She numbly lifted one hand to her head and discovered bandages wrapped amidst her hair. Brain surgery too. Whoa. She was all messed up.

"Incision looks clean...no indications of infection," Cristina said quietly to herself, still unaware of April watching her. She turned to make a note in the chart she was holding and mumbled. "Amazingly lucky."

"Virgin super powers at work..." April said carefully, smiling as best she could.

Cristina's head whipped up and she smiled. She really smiled. If April didn't know any better, she'd say the other resident was actually happy to see her awake. She must have really scared everyone if Cristina was being nice.

"I guess so," the cardio resident replied. "How's your pain?"

"Fine. I mean. I don't really feel anything painful..." Only numbness. Some aching.

Cristina nodded and then put a finger to her lips and whispered, "Good, now let me just finish this exam before anyone in the snore symphony wakes up again. I'm sorry, but I'm just not up to dealing with all your well-wishers, April. I mean  _really_. Your mom gets all blubbery, and Jackson tries to tell me how to do my job...as if I'm not the best cardio resident in this hospital. Who am I kidding? On the whole west coast."

That sounded more like the Cristina she knew. April chuckled quietly and glanced around the room. It was pretty full of people. Most of whom were snoring. On her left side, behind Cristina sat her parents. They were snuggled together in the uncomfortable looking hospital chairs. Her mom's head was resting on her father's shoulder. Joe Kepner had his arms crossed and his head was leaned back against the wall behind him. His mouth was slightly open and from him came the room's loudest and deepest snores.

On her right side, closer to the bottom of the bed was Jackson. He seemed to have tried to stretch out a little, as his legs were splayed out in front of him, making his body seem like it formed an upside down letter Y shape. He was snoring too, but he was also moving a lot, with his head bobbing around, listing to one side and then another. And he was seated way forward in the chair, perched precariously on the edge. April smirked. What a goof. It looked like one wrong move would make him fall out.

Then April realized that someone was lightly touching her right hand. Turning to get e better look, she could see the back of Alex's head as it rested near her shoulder. Poking out from beneath the collar of his still bloody and dusty scrubs, April could make out some angry bruises. Probably from the earthquake and from saving her, she realized guiltily. He was partially leaning on her bed and on a chair, and it looked as though he had been holding her hand when he went to sleep.

But...that was crazy right? And had he stayed with her all night? Alex wasn't the kind of guy who'd fall asleep holding someone's hand for no reason. Not unless he really wanted to. And April didn't think he'd really want to for her. He never acted like it anyway. What a pipedream.

Everyone stayed asleep as Cristina quickly finished the exam, re-bandaging April's chest. She informed her that Dr. Torres would be in later to explain things later, and then she quietly slipped out, leaving April to stare blankly at the contraption that held her right leg elevated in the air. Metal rods and wires formed a sort of scaffolding around the knee and lower leg. It was easily the numbest place on her body, so April figured she had some localized pain management down there too, in addition to her drip. Deep down she knew it couldn't be good. But she didn't want to face that reality just yet.

She wanted to let herself feel happy to be alive. And maybe, just maybe, April wanted to let herself fell a little happy that Alex had stayed with her. Not just in the earthquake but all night. It made her fell a rush of feelings she couldn't quite describe. So, she'd let herself feel happy about it. Even if it was completely and totally irrational.

The sound of Jackson's beeper made him jerk suddenly, nearly making him topple from the chair. April laughed, but he recovered quickly grabbing and silencing the plastic object before it woke the others up. He squinted down at it for a split second before he realized that she was awake. Relief and excitement spread across his face as he rose from the chair and moved closer to the bed.

"Oh, it's you," April teased, scrunching her nose in mock disgust.

"Hey, sleepy," he replied jokingly sticking out his tongue.

They'd been friends a while, but after the shooting April and Jackson had become closer than ever. He looked out for her, listened to her, and generally supported her. It was probably because they'd both lost their best friend. She'd lost Reed. Jackson had lost Charles. And they both understood just how much pain that makes a person feel. For whatever reason, April was grateful for the result. Now, Jackson was the brother she'd never had. And she'd always wanted a brother. Plus, she could only assume that he was the one who'd gotten her parents out here now. He was a great friend.

Jackson's expression became serious and he tilted his head, scrutinizing her closely. "How are you feeling, April?"

Leaning back on her pillows, she replied, "All things considered? Not so bad. I think I'm on morphine, so that's probably why."

Jackson snorted and nodded, "Good. That's good."

He stood awkwardly for a moment looking at his feet. April bit her lip and twisted the edge of her bed sheet with the hand that wasn't touching Alex's.

"I, uh, I'm really...I mean we could have lost you," Jackson said finally, lifting his gaze to meet April's once again. "I'm really glad you're okay. I mean...well, you're okay."

He faltered and sniffed loudly, "So, I just wanted to say that, uh, you mean a lot to me. People don't say that often in everyday life. But if you don't, you might miss the chance. I thought I'd learned that the hard way already but...anyway, you're a great friend, April. I don't say it enough."

April's lower lip quivered and she blinked back tears as she listened to Jackson's words. "You too, Jackson. Really. I haven't exactly had that much luck with friendships. Even before Mercy West and here, people thought I was annoying and stuff. I'm glad I met you. You're of one the best friends I've ever had. I don't tell you enough either."

"Well, from now on, we can remember to say it."

"Deal."

They both nodded. The quiet moment was broken suddenly when a particularly long and loud snore emanated from her father. They both burst out laughing, which caused Alex to groan and shift slightly as he started to wake up. The sound made her mother's head pop up. Karen blinked wearily and yawned, beginning to wake herself.

Jackson's pager went off again, and he sighed, heading for the door. "Some of us have to work for a living," he teased again reaching for her shoulder and giving April a reassuring squeeze. "I'll be back to check in when I get a break, okay?"

April smiled as she watched him go. By her side, Alex gave a long sigh and sat up, scratching the back of his head and stretching. She winced as she could hear the popping of his joints. Staying in a chair overnight must have been so uncomfortable for all of them. She felt suddenly guilty to have been the cause. When Alex saw that April was watching him, his eyebrows lifted.

"Uh, hi," April said, feeling suddenly awkward in his presence. Before he had time to reply however, she was interrupted by her mother's excited voice coming from behind her.

"Oh, April! Sweetheart. You're awake. Thank goodness! Joe! Wake up! April's awake!"

* * *

Alex slept surprisingly deeply, in the chair next to April's bed. He'd never been the kind of person who was all about creature comforts anyway. He certainly never had many growing up. He'd slept in worse places for worse reasons than in a hospital room with someone he cared about. Now that he knew he cared. So, crappy hospital chairs? No big deal.

At least, he'd felt that way last night as he fell asleep. When he woke up to the sound of quiet talking and started to stretch however, Alex was reminded of his aching bruises from the earthquake. Damn. He used to be able to bounce back from bad wrestling matches, beatings from his dad, anything. But that had been years ago. Alex was currently painfully aware that he wasn't as young as he used to be.

He shifted and rubbed the back of his neck, groaning as all his joints seemed to pop. Alex had the strange sense that someone was watching him, and when he lifted his head, sure enough, April wide awake staring right at him, looking better, though still pale, and more lucid than she had last night. He was trying to determine just how 'with it' she was when April greeted him. Alex was about to reply, when he was shocked to discover that there were other people in the room. At the sound of a voice, April turned away from him.

"Oh, April! Sweetheart. You're awake. Thank goodness! Joe! Wake up! April's awake!"

On the other side of the bed Alex could see a man and a woman walking over to stand by April's bed. It was the woman who'd spoken, and her voice left Alex with absolutely no misunderstandings. He knew from the sound alone exactly who this woman  _had_ to be. April's mother. What was her name? Karen? That sounded right. No way she was one of the pack of sisters, and that voice had to be genetic.

Alex assumed to dude yawning next to her was April's dad. Joe. He remembered that name for sure, because of the bartender.

Parents. Great. Alex winced. Even at his job in peds, he wasn't typically very good with parents.

Operation 'stop being an asshole' was getting underway much earlier than he'd expected it to. He'd realized the previous night that he had feelings for April that ran strong and deep. But he'd also come to understand that he'd messed things up with her far too much already to get very far with her now. He'd blown it romantically.

So, Alex figured the very least he could do was to treat April better. To try and live up to the kind of guy she thought he was. Be a friend to her. The best friend he could be. Certainly better than before. Which would be hard, but he'd try. In as much as he was able, Alex planned not to be so rude and insensitive around her. He knew he  _was_ capable of it, he just...didn't have a lot of practice.

So he'd be starting with Mom and Dad. Right, farm jokes are out. And definitely don't say anything about 'the voice'. Piece of cake? Well, baby steps.

It would probably be a good idea for him to say his goodbyes and high tail it out of here as quickly as he could. He could go home, get showered. April wouldn't be alone with her family here. He could check on her later. Take nights to visit her or something. That way he wouldn't have the chance to screw it up with her parents.

Karen and Joe hadn't seemed to notice Alex was there at all, let alone awake. They were completely focused on April. Which made sense. They'd thought their kid was dying. Seeing her awake and alive must be a relief. He'd seen it a thousand times in peds.

It gave him a second to plan out his escape, but also to take a closer look at April and her parents. His sick curiosity about functional families reared its ugly head again. He knew he was never going to have one. Why did he keep torturing himself by look at other people's?

Karen Kepner wasn't a particularly tall woman. She was a little on the plump side, and her auburn hair was laced with gray strands. She wore one of those ubiquitous teacher sweaters. As soon as April had turned to face them, her mom got all chocked up with tears.

Sitting back in his chair and cracking his neck Alex watched as April's mom reached her hand toward April several times. Karen was fighting back tears, and Alex guessed she was probably a little afraid to touch her, like if she did, April would break or something, or disappear and this would all turn out to be a dream.

Alex could understand that.

"Good morning, ladybug," Joe Kepner was less afraid to touch his daughter. He lifted her closest hand and held it tight in both of his. Where Karen Kepner was on the small and heavy side, Joe was lean, and had to be about 6ft tall. Big dude. He had laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. Looking at his face, Alex was shocked at just how much of April's facial features came from him. The cheeks, the nose, the forehead. She totally looked like her Dad. Except for the hair and eyes.

Genetics or whatever.

April seemed a little overwhelmed to see her family. She wasn't crying yet, but she was close. "Mom. Dad. Thanks for being here with me. I'm  _so_ sorry you had to fly out and leave everything. What about your students? And the farm? I didn't mean to..."

Really? Alex shook his head in disbelief. Kepner apologizing again. She didn't need to do it nearly as much as she did. Even if sometimes she annoyed people, it wasn't like she was an imposition on anyone else's life. She shouldn't feel that way. At least, Alex didn't want her to feel that way.

Joe only shook his head and held April's hand tighter, "Don't you even think on it. It's not your fault. They've got substitute teachers for that sort of thing. And Mike and Libby can handle the farm! Don't worry at all. We're just...so, very thankful you're still with us, April. I love you so much."

More waterwork's from Karen, as she finally reached out and gently touched her daughter's cheek. Alex made a face. Geez. He felt out of place, like he was intruding on a private family moment. He slowly rose from his chair and moved to the door.

"I am gonna let you guys have some privacy. I'll just head out..."

Alex had almost made it out when all three Kepner's said, "Wait!"

Karen turned to face him, gingerly fishing a wadded up tissue from her purse, "Dr…Karev? You're the one who saved her right? Jackson said..."

"He did Mom," April chimed in tearily. "He absolutely did."

Alex cleared his throat, and shrugged, rubbing his aching neck again, "Yeah. You know. Whatever."

Joe Kepner stood staring at him for a long time, and Alex was ready to just freakin' bolt. It was like the farmer knew  _everything_. Like he could see right through Alex, and like he'd pass judgment on him. As well he should. Alex knew he was the guy who'd ridiculed and yelled at Joe's kid.

He stood his ground though. He'd take responsibility for everything. He'd made the decision to approach all things related to April differently now. Because he cared about her. If Joe was judging Alex, he had every right to.

Even if Alex was pretty sure the man had no idea how he'd treated April. Because if he knew about the on-call room alone, Alex figured he'd be unconscious already.

Finally Joe bit his lower lip, an action so April like, that it made Alex take pause. Really? The older man sniffed and nodded once, looking down to his feet. He slowly lifted one hand and held it out. Cautiously moving closer and reaching out with his own hand, Alex thought that Joe just wanted to shake his hand.

To shake the hand of the guy who'd saved his daughter. No big deal.

What Alex didn't expect was for Joe Kepner to grip his hand and pull him into a tight bear hug. The taller man fully enveloped him, and he was pretty sure that even Joe was crying now.

"Dude!" Alex said, awkwardly patting the older man on the back. Now they were  _all_ in tears. He heard April and her mom sniffling away being him. What was it with Kepner's and crying? You'd never catch Alex's dad crying in a million years...well that was a stupid train of thought really. Because the truth was you'd just never catch his dad. Because he'd left and stayed away.

"I, uh, I was happy to help and all," Alex tried again, cautiously trying to extricate himself from Joe's arms.

Then he heard the man whisper, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Don't know what we'd do if...As far as I'm concerned son, I owe you everything. You're as good as family."

Alex sighed and gave the man a gentle squeeze. His realization the previous night had made Alex feel guilty enough for treating Kepner the way he had over the years. And now? Now, Alex could see that April's parents really loved her. They really did. Which made him feel even worse. She was lucky to have them. So lucky.

"That's okay, uh, you don't need to..." Bother with any of that crap. Alex knew that they couldn't really want him in their family anyway. He'd just mess it up.

Still unable to pull back from the hug, Alex was rescued by a knock on the door. Dr. Torres cracked the door open and popped her head in, giving him the chance he needed to step back from the hug.

"Hello," Callie said, stepping into the room further. Her voice was friendly but more professional and diplomatic that Alex was used to hearing it. "I'm Dr. Torres. I'm here to walk you through what's coming next for April's recovery."

This was going to be the leg prognosis. Which Alex knew wasn't good. His eyes flicked sympathetically back to April. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her lower lip jutted out. She was staring numbly at her elevated leg. She knew what was coming. Of course she did. Damn it. Still sucked.

Alex was torn. He didn't want to leave April. Not when she was about to hear some of the worst news of her life. But he wasn't her family. He didn't think she'd want him there. That was probably right. He took one more step toward the door, but April's voice stopped him.

"Alex? Um, can you…" she turned to Torres. "Can he stay? I-"

Callie nodded vigorously, "Yeah. If you want him too. I mean, unless he has somewhere else to be."

He didn't. Even if there hadn't been an earth quake, today would have been Alex's day off. And Robbins would've probably let him off of work today anyway if he'd had it. He had absolutely no excuse  _not_ to stay. No matter how hard it was all going to be for everyone to hear. For Alex to hear. If only there was something he could have done differently to treat April's leg.

He looked at April once again. Now she stared right back at him, eyes wide and pleading. How could he refuse that? She still needed him, wanted him there. Asked for him.

"Okay. Yeah sure, April. I can stay."

* * *

"And, because we don't want to risk muscle atrophy, I usually recommend starting physical therapy within 24 to 48 hours of surgery. That way we can keep the rest of your muscles strong, which will help you adapt better when your leg heals enough to bear weight."

April sat, glumly taking in everything that Callie was explaining to her. Blinking slowly, she realized that she wasn't really listening anymore. She couldn't kid herself and say that she hadn't had an inkling of the extent of her injuries. But listening to Dr. Torres explain, April felt like her world was falling apart. It was devastating.

Rods, and pins, and rehab. Her knee wasn't even real anymore. April felt like her life as she knew it was over. Over. She'd never walk without a limp again. Probably never be able to run again. So, how could she be a trauma surgeon? Who would give a fellowship to someone whose leg was so messed up?

Callie continued, "So, if you are up to it, after you take a nap, I've scheduled your first round with of therapy with Bobby downstairs. This afternoon. Sound okay?"

April continued to stare. Her back up specialty was ortho, but now that was out too. No one wanted to have a bone doctor whose own bones couldn't be fixed. She probably couldn't be chief resident anymore either. She'd probably get fired. Again. And really with all the rehab and the pins and the rods, she might not even be able to be a surgeon anymore. She was a fifth year. This would reduce her OR time. She'd never pass boards. And she wouldn't have a specialty. This was washing out.

She was washing out. And if she washed out? If she couldn't be a surgeon? Without her job, what was her life? Pathetic. Guys didn't like her before. No one would ever love her like this. Scarred and crippled. No love, no work. Nothing. She'd lose her insurance and have to go back to Ohio.

Ohio, the place she'd spent an entire childhood dreaming about leaving. She'd end up alone in Ohio, with a bum leg and 25 cats. Physical therapy wasn't cheap. She'd be nothing but a dead weight on everyone. She'd bother all her relatives, and bankrupt them. This stupid leg would not only ruin her own life, but her family's too.

April felt almost sick as she watched all of her dreams, everything she'd worked so hard for, disappear. Just like that. She shook her head, trying desperately to hold back the onslaught of tears that threatened to roll down her cheeks. It was no use. This was too much.

She began to cry. The kind of cry that Kimmie long ago dubbed, her 'ugly cry'. The kind tears that made April gasp for air. Made her face scrunch up. The kind of crying that she'd done when she was little and came home from school after being ridiculed, or doing poorly on a test. The reason her family had occasionally called her April-Showers.

April was crying so hard that her body shook with each racking sob. She felt her mother slide on to the bed next to her. As Karen wrapped her arms around her, April buried her head in her mother's chest and let it all out.

"April?" Her mom's soft voice whispered, as she gently rubbed her back and rocked back and forth, "Shh...you'll be okay."

April wanted to explain, she tried to. It wouldn't be okay. Didn't they understand that it was all over now? Her whole pathetic un-lived life would stay that way. Except all that came out of her mouth were disjointed phrases, "C-can't finish...boards...no f-fellowship...or insurance...'m no-othing..."

"Hey," It was Alex speaking now. Through her tears April saw that he had moved to the edge of her bed. He reached out one hand tentatively and brushed her arm. He seemed to have understood what she had said.

"April, nothing Dr. Torres just said means you can't be a surgeon anymore," he continued.

"No, no, no," Callie quickly added. "I'm not going to lie and tell you you'll have a full recovery, but you will be able to work again, April. I can probably clear you for admin stuff in a matter of weeks. And someday, I am optimistic that you'll be able to walk unaided. Things will be different, but you can't let this get you down."

"Yeah," Alex agreed. "Hunt will let you delay boards. You got hurt saving a freakin' patient. And me. You'll get through this. Alright?"

April sniffed and lifted her head to look at him. She didn't really know quite what had possessed her to ask him to stay for this. And she didn't really understand why he was being so nice to her all of the sudden. Probably just pity. Well, right now, she'd take it.

"You'll find a way to do what you need to," Alex continued. "So what? You might need a cane. You can be like that one doctor dude on tv. House? Badass."

That made April laugh despite her tears. He was looking at her, and for some inexplicable reason she felt her cheeks flush.

"Huh?" Alex murmured, still watching her closely. "Badass like him. Only nicer. I know it sucks but, I also  _know_ you are not a quitter. Stuff doesn't get you down. You've got this. You do. And, uh, we'll all be here for ya."

April shrugged and used one arm to wipe her eyes. She gulped and took a couple deep breaths. Alex was right. Rehab was rehab. She'd never thought she'd be able to get over the shooting, getting fired, or graduating medical school. Yet, April had survived and accomplished all of that. She squared her shoulders. April believed Alex was right. He'd been right about her making it out alive. This might be hard, but she'd done all that and she could do this too.

* * *

Alex shifted uncomfortably and clenched his hands on the steering wheel of his car. He really had no idea how he'd ended up in this position. Driving Joe Kepner to the house to pick up some stuff for April while she got some rest before starting her physical therapy. Apparently operation 'don't be a douchebag' was already making him soft. Because he might have actually sorta volunteered to do this. Then again, it fit in with his whole 'be better for April' plan. In the end, her Dad was getting the clothes and things for her. So she'd feel a bit more comfortable being in the hospital for the next stretch. Which was good, even if Alex felt awkward.

They were halfway home from the hospital and they hadn't said more than a few words to each other. Alex kept glancing over to the older man, wondering if he felt uncomfortable on the silent ride. He didn't really know what to say. Or if he should say anything at all. Alex sighed and drummed his fingers, reminding himself for the 100th time not to speed. If he got pulled over driving April's Dad, he'd never live it down. Not with Meredith, and Jackson. And certainly not with Cristina.

Alex cleared his throat and glanced over to Joe again. The man looked solemn, and tired. His features were drawn and he was leaning his head on the passenger side window. Joe sighed and ran his hands down to his knees.

Looking back to the road, Alex tilted his head from side to side. He really probably should say something. Be polite or whatever. The guy had had a roller coaster of a day.

"So," he began tentatively. "Avery tells me that you came up to Seattle for Thanksgiving once."

That's really about all Alex knew about Joe Kepner. That, and a rambling story about him teaching April to care for chickens. Which she'd told him when she was trapped. And he really didn't want to explain how he'd found out that little bit information. So, Alex went with the lame-o-lame topic of conversation.

Joe glanced up, looking slightly surprised, "Oh, um, yeah. We had dinner with her friends. Reed and that tall boy. Before they died. That was...oh 6, 7 years ago? Something like that. Before the, um, merger thing. April was in her first year interning."

Alex nodded. "That's what Jackson said."

Oh yeah. Way to go.

Alex cleared his throat, "Look, I'm sorry. I'm not much of a conversationalist or whatever."

Joe smiled faintly, "Don't worry. I don't mind the quiet. I haven't been able to get a word in edgewise for most of my life."

"Right," Alex replied, chuckling slightly. "You lived with five chicks."

"More than that. I grew up with five sisters. I have got nine nieces, four daughters, and four granddaughters. And my wife. So, to say I am used to being outtalked is definitely an understatement."

Damn. "Whoa!"

Joe's smile grew and he looked out the window, "Wouldn't change a thing about my life though. God knows I love them all."

Flipping his turn signal on and guiding the car off of the freeway exit, Alex took a deep breath and said nothing. For most of his life Alex had been sure that dudes like this didn't exist. Who fully committed to and loved their families. Dads like this didn't exist. He still wasn't sure. Kepner's dad could be a fluke.

"Did you mean what you said in there? To April? About her job? She loves that job. Gives her a lot of joy. You meant that? And helping her through all this?" Joe was looking at him intently.

"I'm positive the chief of surgery will let her wait on her board defense. And she'll get a fellowship. She's a great freakin' candidate, leg or not. And yeah, we'll help her. The whole house will. And there are attendings who like her. They'll help too."

"And you? You already saved her life. You'll be there for her?"

"Yeah, I will. Whatever." That was true. This whole thing had gotten Alex to realize that April mattered in his life. So, if she needed help, he'd do what he could.

Joe didn't look away from Alex. He nodded and continued, "Because, you know...April's...always been a little...different."

She was un-jaded. Special. Alex remembered thinking that, in the collapsed building, when he thought April was dead.

"I hate to see her sad. She's always been kinda sensitive, you know?" the older man shrugged. "Making friends was never really easy for her. Kids can be cruel, and all that. People can be cruel. Then that whole shooting killed two people she was close with. So, it's...nice to see that she has such great friends here. I appreciate that. Like I said. I owe you a lot."

Alex gulped. He still had this strange feeling that when Joe looked at him, he could see everything. More than just his life now. More than as it related to April and whatever feelings he had for her. It was like the man could see all the crappy outcomes, family issues, the crazy chicks, the skanks, asinine decisions, bad wrestling matches, and failed foster placements. Everything.

"Whatever." It was all Alex could say.

"Is that your favorite word?" Joe nodded, and looked back out the window. "It doesn't really have that much meaning, does it?"

He shrugged, "I'll trust what you say, Dr. Karev. You'll be there for her."

As Alex guided the car up the street to Meredith's house, he sighed and squirmed in his seat. He should probably tell the guy not to trust him. Alex knew he was a screw up most of the time. Yet, here he was again with someone, a Kepner, who expected the best of him.

After a long silence, he responded quietly, "Alex. You can call me Alex."

Why not? He was trying to turn over a new leaf right?

"Alex. You seem like a tough nut to crack. But I owe you big. Call me Joe."

"Uh, okay. Joe."

Joe Kepner smiled brightly, an achingly familiar smile that made Alex's chest grow tight. He pulled the car into Meredith's driveway and threw it into park. They unbuckled their seatbelts and got out the car. As Alex shut the driver's side door, he looked over the top of the car and saw that April's dad was still smiling at him.

And, for reasons Alex couldn't begin to explain, he smiled back.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: All the usual disclaimers. Thank you all again for reading, reviewing, and returning for chapter 6! It's a big chapter them and a long one for you. Chapter 7 is in the works. As always thank you reading, I hope you enjoy it, and let me know what you think.**

* * *

April angrily fingered the remote to the television in her hospital room. She was laying in her room, with her new near constant companion, a wheelchair, stationed next to her bed. She'd been in the hospital a week and she was bored silly. It was hard to believe how much her life had changed in one week. Just 7 days. This time last week, she'd been walking around, doing challenging surgeries, and saving lives.

Now? She felt like all she did was sleep, eat, go to rehab, which hurt, and watch bad tv. Well, that and research bone damage.

Currently, she had her laptop, her notebook, and several medical journals with articles on orthopedic surgery spread out on top of her blankets. April was reading up on crush injury recovery times in order to best optimize her own treatment. Not that she didn't trust Callie's plan for her or anything. She just felt like she needed to  _do_ something.

Something that made her feel like this whole thing didn't just happen too her. Like she had some agency in the course of her own life. Crush injuries had damaged the bones badly. Her knee was completely artificial, and much of structure of her lower leg was now actually supported with metal pins and rods. April could only let herself research so much. It could be too depressing.

April was, for the most, part optimistic. Callie Torres was one of the best orthopedic surgeons in the country and she was making sure that April had the best shot to make a good recovery. Talking to Torres made her feel better than her own research, actually. She knew she should just trust Callie, but April had so much time on her hands that she couldn't help herself. She had to look into it.

Karen and Joe Kepner had managed to stay for her first 4 days, which had been great, just what she needed. But a crisis with some livestock, and a general shortage of substitute teachers had forced them to go home sooner than April thought either of them wanted. It was okay though. She understood. And she wasn't a child; she could manage without her parents. Even if the past 3 days had been torturous and dull for her. Being a patient really sucked.

Luckily, Dr. Torres told April that she would be discharged the next evening, on the condition that she return daily for her therapy sessions, so she only had to endure one more day of being cooped up. Although April still wasn't entirely sure on where she'd be going. Meredith's house wasn't exactly wheelchair accessible and April's room, all the bedrooms actually, were upstairs, and there was just no way she could do that just yet. But Jackson had told her not to worry about it, that he and Alex and Meredith were 'working something out' at the house. April didn't know if she should be pleased or worried.

At night in bed, April still had to use the medical sling to keep her right knee and leg apparatus elevated. Which annoyed her to no end. It wasn't comfortable, and made it hard to sleep. She wasn't on morphine anymore, so April felt the aches and pains in her leg way more acutely. Flicking to the next channel on tv, she shifted again, fingering the sling with her other hand, trying to find a better position.

The other residents had slipped into a routine of visiting her, which April appreciated very much. It made her feel more connected to the rest of the hospital. Lexie came over in the mornings, detailing what interesting cases she remembered through her photographic memory, interspersed with the occasional, unintentional mention of Mark Sloan, which April chose not to comment on. Then Jackson would come and hangout with her, updating her on the latest non-surgical happenings in the hospital until she had to go to her dreaded rehab.

Her physical therapist, Bobby, was pretty good. However, the whole process was draining. Her muscles ached, her nerves burned, and her pride suffered. Because really, April had gotten a handle on the whole walking thing decades ago. It was disheartening to realize that she actually  _couldn't_ do simple things like walking or standing up like she'd used to. Bobby said April needed to be patient. She wasn't sure she could. She felt like she was failing.

April sighed and surfed through the channels again, finally leaving the same channel she'd started with, the Hallmark Network, playing on the tv set. Nine times out of ten that's what April had on. That and weird documentaries on the discovery channel. She was predictable, even to herself.

After her rehab, the fifth years had moved their lunch location to her room, which April loved. She didn't mean to be a burden on them or anything, but the company made her feel better. And because Meredith had sort of taken over some of April's chief resident scheduling work, she would sneak in some of the paper work. So, April could still 'work' without really working. Which also made her feel better.

Bailey usually shooed the group out by around 12pm, leaving April basically alone, save for check-ups, for the longest stretch of her day. She'd sleep, read, watch television and trying not to indulge too much wallowing. Instead she'd spend time planning things. Her recovery, how to keep her career on track... It was all she could do. That and wait. Until Alex came to visit that is.

Alex. The best part of her day, even if she didn't really know what his deal was. She didn't know how to interpret his behavior. April generally wasn't that good at interpreting behavior anyway.

Alex came to see her every evening after his shift ended, and he stayed long into the night. Until his pager went off or she went to sleep. He was actually being nice to her. Why? April didn't know. Honestly, she figured that he just must have really gotten rattled by the whole series of events. He probably came because he pitied her. Because he felt guilty for not being able to save her leg.

Well, April  _thought_ something like that had to be the reason. Because before, Alex had never voluntarily spent much time with her. He would never have chosen to. And now he did. He'd eat with her, crack lame jokes and watch bad tv. Which was great. It made her feel less lonely, and less self-pitying. Alex could make April feel like everything was going to be alright in the end.

Which was why she couldn't for the life of her figure out why she wanted to ask him about it; ask him why he was visiting.

Actually April knew why. She was an obsessive over-thinker. She could never just let something be. Especially when she didn't understand it. Especially when it was Alex. Because she just couldn't stop herself from trying to understand him.

But she was afraid. Alex didn't have deep and serious conversations. Not with her. And April worried that if she broached the topic, asked him why he was behaving the way he was, the situation, like a bubble, would pop, and she'd loose him. That if she bothered him about it, Alex would go back to being the way he was a week ago. Telling her too shut up, and stop trying so hard. April was afraid to lose this fragile sort of bond they had.

At the same time she knew that sooner rather than later she would ask him about it. Because April  _really_ couldn't help herself. It was an aspect of her own personality that April hated, just a little bit, because she could never, ever just let things be.

As if right on cue, as April's line of thinking involved Alex, he appeared at the door of her room, carrying an open bag of goldfish and looking sullen. He headed straight for the chair at the side of her bed and turned it a little so he could see the tv better, angling it expertly so that he could also rest his feet on the edge of her bed, without disturbing her leg.

"Hey," he mumbled crunching through a mouthful of the tiny crackers. "Leftovers from peds."

Alex squinted at the television screen and then glanced to April with a raised eyebrow. "What the hell is this?"

April shrugged, "Channel 19."

"Again? Seriously April, can't we just check ESPN?" he said reaching for the remote.

"Fine," she handed the electronic device over with a faux dramatic sigh. It was okay. She'd seen this particular rerun of  _Golden Girls_ already anyway.

"I swear to God, April sometimes you can be such an old lady." Alex changed over to the sports network.

"I am aware. But..don't you ever just wish your life was like a Hallmark movie?"

Where people were decent. Guys fell in love with the ordinary girl, and everything ended up happy when all was said and done. If her life was a Hallmark movie, April knew her leg would miraculously heal, she'd get over all her nagging insecurities, and someone like Ryan Gosling would declare his undying love for her. And then they'd cure cancer or something. Pipe dreams. Fantasy.

And it wasn't like April really wanted a Ryan Gosling anyway. She just wanted...well, someone who loved her. Someone who  _got_ her. She wanted something like what her parents had. The slow burn of a longstanding affection, where you actually  _wanted_ to stay with a person for decades. Forever even. If that were possible. April worried that her chances of finding that were lower now than ever. She didn't think she'd ever had that much going for her, especially not in terms of 'sex appeal', and the whole 'kind of crippled for life' thing probably wouldn't improve matters.

She wanted...she could admit to herself, because after almost dying it seemed stupid not to, that she wished Alex would be that guy. For all that April didn't fully understand him, she still felt drawn to Alex, now more than ever. But, she also knew that that was completely unrealistic given her longstanding penchant for inappropriate and unobtainable crushes.

Plus, Alex didn't like her. Because she was too needy. Too inexperienced. Annoying.

And he didn't seem to want anybody. Didn't seem like he wanted that kind of life at all, judging by the never ending parade of women that April had had awkward breakfasts with at the house. Not that she could blame him completely. She knew that he'd been married when she'd met him in the merger, and that things had gone really badly with his wife. Even not knowing all the details, April could tell that that had had a profound affect on Alex's outlook and approach toward life. He'd been burned.

At any rate, bottom line, April wanted to be happy. And not alone. Not stuck at the kiddie table every holiday for the rest of her life because she was that one unmarried relative. Not unloved. She wanted to have at least that much in common with a Hallmark movie.

"No. That's all crap." Alex offered her the bag of crackers, as he kept his eyes glued to the tv taking in the latest basketball scores that rolled across the screen.

April squared her shoulders and grabbed a handful of the food. "I know...but I still I like them," she said after she swallowed, trying not to sound too indignant.

" _You_ would."

Alex tore his eyes from the tv and stared right at her, lifting the remote and changing the channel back to channel 19. He looked sheepish and gave her one of those small smiles of his that April swore was on the verge of making her turn into a puddle of...well, pheromones probably.

Before the earthquake, his comments through this whole conversation would have been filled with venom. He might have even used the same words, but now he just said them in a different way. And also Alex would probably have added things and mimicked things, and would have generally made her feel embarrassed or childish. But now he didn't. And April was dying to know why.

"Why are doing this?" April blurted out. She couldn't stand the nagging question in her mind anymore.

"What? You don't want to watch the Hallmark channel now? It's Betty White. You love Betty White."

"No. No! Not that," she said shaking her head vigorously and tilting it to one side. She bit her lip and vaguely gestured in the space between them. "I, um, this. I mean this. Why...why are you being so...nice to me?"

April lowered her eyes unable to meet his gaze as she continued, "I mean, I understand that you feel responsible for me because of what happened. After the... after...well, with the earthquake and everything. But I am not trapped now. And yes, my leg is...it's...but I'm okay. I can manage. You don't have to be here. You're no longer obligated to care."

"Can't we just freakin' watch tv?"

"Uh...no. I need..." April winced, mentally kicking herself. She shouldn't have said that. He didn't react well when people said that. When she said that.

"I...need to know."

She heard Alex give a long sigh, and she felt brave enough to take a peek at him. His jaw was set and he'd leaned his head back against the wall.

"April," he said slowly. "You almost died. I almost saw you die." Alex paused for a long time, as a shadow of something, surely not pain, flickered across his features.

She gulped and lowered her eyes again thinking back to her scattered memories of being trapped. Yes, it had been very close. She did almost die. But, at the time, Alex had made her feel like she wasn't at the end of her life. He'd convinced her that she could live. And she hadn't really considered how much that might have actually affected him.

"And I know.." Alex continued, rambling in that semi monotone way that meant he really didn't want to talk too much, "I've never been really good at showing my friends that they matter to me or whatever. And you almost died. Thinking I thought you were a freak or something. So now, it's...better to see you here like this. Getting better and stuff."

April met his gaze raising her eyebrows. What exactly did that mean?

"Okay, so I still think you're kind of a freak, but like...like a freak who is a friend, matters to me, you know? Part my life. Someone...I'd...you know," Alex looking down, seemingly choosing his words carefully. "Miss."

"You'd miss me?" April never thought she'd see the day. She was stunned, both from what Alex was saying, but also from the fact that he was actually, sort of, talking about his feelings. Something she'd almost never seen him do.

"Yeah," he shrugged, clearing his throat loudly. "And if you died, who'd do my laundry? So, just don't worry about, like  _why_ I am helping you out and stuff. I'm kinda recovering too, you know. Don't get all...just try not to...think about it."

Oh, like April could, just like that. Stop thinking? Fat chance. Her mind was already whirring, trying to make some sort of shocked sense of Alex's words.

"I'm your friend?" She blinked, still feeling like she was a little behind in the conversation. Alex considered her a friend.

"I know I...didn't act like that all the time...before..."

"Ever."

Alex tilted his head, and smirked, "Ever. But I am not exactly known for my good manners. And I have trouble cutting people some slack."

"This is true." April knew that many an attending and several of his patients parents could attest to that.

"So...I'm trying. Whatever." He shrugged again, looking strangely uncomfortable, "Uh, besides hanging out here is better than your office. Free cable. Anyway, can we just leave it at that and watch tv?"

No, April really didn't want to leave it at that. She wanted to press him more. She had the strangest feeling that Alex was holding back. Then again, she wasn't that great at reading people. April also had the completely ridiculous desire to ask them if they were 'friend' friends, which she knew would make him roll his eyes. And the idea that he felt anything deeper than friendship was just projecting too. Just because she might feel that way didn't mean Alex did. He liked her but probably didn't  _like_ her. Well, he'd already proven that once already, in an on-call room the year before. And that was long before the scars and the rods and the rehab.

But...but...

April held her nervous energy together, though, even if she was dying to know more. Because Alex had never talked with her like this before. And she was afraid that demanding more now would make him retreat. Maybe she could learn something else another day.

For now, she could let herself be content that he considered her a friend. That made her feel unreasonably happy inside.

So, April gave Alex a tight lipped smile, which surprised her by dissolving into a yawn. "Ok-ay," she said unable to hold back a second yawn. She grabbed another handful of goldfish from the bag, and they both settled down and focused on the tv, each doing their best not to be caught glancing over at the other.

April chose not to point out the strangely appropriate theme song as a second episode of  _Golden Girls_ flickered across the tv screen. Too freakish.

_"Thank you for being a friend..."_

Way too freakish.

* * *

"Okay baby girl," Meredith said happily as she picked up her daughter Zola from daycare. "Time to go home.

She thanked the daycare worker and strapped the little girl securely into an umbrella stroller, before making her way through the hallways of the hospital towards the rehabilitation center to meet April and Alex to carpool. It had been 2 weeks since April was discharged from the hospital, and Meredith felt quite proud of how everyone in her little 'frat' house had acted. Especially Alex. April couldn't drive yet, and her crutches and wheelchair didn't fit into her own car, or Alex's, or Lexie's. They had to use Meredith's or Jackson's SUV.

But between everyone at the house, they shared those two cars, and made sure that April made it to the hospital for her physical therapy appointments. They'd all found a workable routine. And even if Meredith could tell that her fellow housemate was frustrated by having to relearn to walk, it was evident that the sessions were doing her a world of good.

The bulky apparatus was gone. There was still pain, but it was managed. The swelling had started to go down. April still used her wheelchair, because her stamina still wasn't what it used to be, and she still couldn't really support her weight on her bad leg, but she had already graduated to also using a pair of lofstrand crutches to get around and had even started cooking by herself while standing with them. A few days prior she'd cooked a pasta dinner for the whole house, and Meredith knew that that had made April feel accomplished.

Meredith had even heard Hunt and Bailey talking about getting April back to work, part time at least, in the clinic and running skills labs, within the next several weeks, once she could stand with the crutches for longer periods of time. And she was pretty sure that April was itching to get back to the hospital in some capacity, aside from being a patient. Meredith remembered well her own recovery from donating her liver to Thatcher Grey. It sucked to be out of the loop and away from what you loved. Even if Alex tried to cheer April up by telling her she was getting a jump on studying for boards with all that free time. He seemed determined not to let April wallow in depression.

Meredith was actually impressed at how much Alex in particular had stepped up to support April. She knew he could rise to the occasion. He was more than capable. She'd seen him do it for patients, herself, and of course for Izzie. It was nice to know that the realization he'd shared with her in April's office was something that Alex had actually taken to heart.

She'd first noticed just how much Alex had decided to let himself care when everyone was trying to figure out where to put April when she was ready to get discharged. Meredith and Derek weren't that sure if the house could really work since it had so many stairs. And April's room was upstairs as well. But Alex had had the brilliant idea of 'swapping' April's room upstairs with Derek's study off of the living room. He'd explained his idea, leading Derek and Meredith through the house, animatedly pointing out that from the study, April could get to the kitchen, living room, and downstairs bathroom, fairly easily on crutches or in the wheelchair.

And then when he'd convinced them, Alex had gone the extra step of getting everything set. And not just enough to make the new situation livable. Alex had completely switched the rooms. He had enlisted Jackson's help to carefully move all of April's belongings downstairs, and the two had set it up in roughly the same configuration April had had before. So that when she came home, it almost felt like the same place. Which Meredith could tell mattered her injured friend. The look on April's face when they'd brought her home had said it all. So much had changed for her in these past few weeks, it must be nice to have one thing stay mostly the same, even if it wasn't in exactly the same place.

Meredith had also noticed that the look on Alex's face as he watched April. That had said it all too. Just further proving to her that he'd meant what he'd said that first night. He cared. About April. He was letting himself care. And he hadn't done that for anybody. Not since Izzie. Meredith knew that Alex had been damaged by all of that.

And while Isobel Stevens was a friend of sorts, someone who Meredith still cared about, she couldn't quite let herself forgive what her former housemate had done to Alex. Not that Izzie had kept in touch with everyone anyway. She'd simply left, and stayed away, sending the house a Christmas card for the past two years. Yes, Alex was damaged by all of that, Izzie and more, but Meredith found herself secretly hoping that maybe, somehow April might play a part in fixing some of that. In making Alex happy.

Alex and April were already waiting for them when Meredith wheeled Zola down the hallway. He stood behind Aril's wheelchair, fidgeting with the crutches that were strapped to the back of the chair. April, pouting slightly, had her head down and seemed to be trying to pull some of her hair forward, to cover the spot where they had shaved her head to drain her hematoma. The bandages and stitches had come off a few days ago, and Meredith knew that April felt self-conscious about the awkward bald spot.

Awkward or not, Meredith knew that the surgery had saved her life. And no one really noticed the hair so much but April. And if they did, Meredith knew that they would see it as a sign of survival and nothing else. Or Dr. Bailey would personally kick their ass. If she could beat Alex to the punch.

April looked up as they approached and smiled broadly at Zola, reaching a hand out to tickle the little girl when they were close enough proximity to her chair. "Hey there, Zozo!"

Alex lifted his head in greeting and asked, "All ready to go?"

Meredith nodded and April moved her arms to push her wheelchair forward. But Alex was already behind her wheeling her forward.

"Hey!" April muttered indignantly as they journeyed to the elevator and took it down to the main lobby. "I can do it myself you know..."

Meredith only smirked as Alex replied, "Yeah, well, so can Zola. This is just quicker."

He seemed to be in particularly good mood, which was rubbing off on April. When the elevator doors opened Alex zipped out, pushing the wheelchair toward the main doors with increasing speed. As they reached the threshold and headed outside, Meredith could hear April's voice, "No! No, no, no! No running!"

Alex only increased his pace rushing forward toward Meredith's car, making April shriek, "Absolutely no wheelies!"

She looked down at her daughter and smiled, "I guess we already lost this race."

Zola only gurgled happily in response. "Oh, well."

By the time Meredith caught up to them by the car, both Alex and April were laughing hard, poking fun at each other, bickering, and very much enjoying each other's company.

"If you do that again, I'll stop cooking for you," April threatened, still breathlessly laughing.

"You won't."

"I will!"

"You  _won't._ "

"How do you know?"

"Because you had fun. Don't give me any crap that you didn't...And you're too much of a softy to let me starve."

As Alex and Meredith both moved to load the car, April focused her attention on Zola reaching from her chair to the stroller and holding the baby's hand. From her body language it was clear that the younger doctor still felt very uncomfortable about needing so much assistance getting around, and that talking to the baby was an easy diversion.

"Uncle Alex is being  _so_ silly, huh Zola?" she said sweetly.

As Alex moved to help April get from her chair to the car, he retorted, "Don't listen to a word she says Zola. You're cute like me. So April will never let you starve! Don't worry. And take it from me, anything you can ride that has wheels on it? That's always fun.  _Always._ Remember: faster is better."

"I dunno Alex," Meredith cut in. "What pearls of wisdom are you forcing upon my little girl today? Seems like a recipe for making her parents hair go gray."

Alex shrugged looking at Meredith with a glint in his eye. Anticipating his next quip, Meredith gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder, "If you say I have gray hair already I'll hurt you."

Zola giggled at the tones of voice the all three used, and Meredith unstrapped her and lifted her into the car, re-buckling her into the safety of her car seat. As she knelt down and folded up the stroller, Meredith watched Alex help April get into the SUV. Again she was struck by how much care he took with her. And how well he did it. April had her arm around Alex's neck for support as she hopped on her good leg, and Alex began to lift her into the back seat of the car. Getting in and out of vehicles was still a difficult thing to do.

April winced, and sucked in a quick breath as her leg was jostled, and Alex immediately paused, midlift, realizing her pain and letting April take a break and a few deep breaths. Meredith quickly finished putting Zola's stroller away, and rounded to the driver's side of the car and got in. Alex had April settled and as Meredith started the engine, he started folding up the wheelchair and loading it in the back.

April still looked down cast and embarrassed, and refused to meet Meredith's eye in the rearview mirror. Instead she reached out to Zola again, letting the baby play with her fingers. Meredith smiled sympathetically.

She'd learned a lot about April in the past few weeks. More than she'd known before. And honestly more than she had been inclined to know at the time. April was exceptionally self-conscious. Probably more than she had to be. But April was also extremely sweet, and even in her current condition, she insisted on pulling her weight at the house by doing chores and helping with Zola. And the habits that Meredith had once found to be annoying now seemed slightly less so and endearing in a way. Because April had nearly died. And Meredith found it hard to imagine Seattle Grace without her.

Annoying habits, insecurity, and checklists or not.

"Uh..." April began clearly trying to distract herself. "Uh...Anything interesting happen for you today?"

Meredith glanced over at Alex as he climbed into the passenger seat. "Eh, Derek's let me back on his service, so lately we've been chasing down lost cause tumors. We've got a massive frontal lobe patient flying in Monday. Today we just 'defused a bomb' aneurysm."

She turned to Alex, continuing the conversation, and choosing to overlook April's insecurity in the hope that the chatter would take her mind off of things. She really shouldn't feel bad. "What's going on in peds lately?"

"Robbins has got us doing some pro-bono stuff with some kids from the south side. Some of these kids were born drug addicted and withdrawal symptoms are really rough when you're that little. So we're helping with the complications or whatever."

As Meredith pulled the car out of the parking lot and onto the road, she glanced to the back seat, eying Zola and April. The conversation seemed to have done nothing for the injured doctor's spirits. In fact it had seemed to have had the opposite effect. April still stared down at her knees, looking glum. Well, it probably wasn't the best topic of conversation for distraction. The one thing April wanted to get back to doing the most, surgery. She was still recovering. She just wasn't there yet.

Alex, true to his new approach, turned in his seat and asked, "What did you do today, April? How did your therapy go?"

April glanced up for Alex, laughing nervously, "Nothing really. Not like you guys. Nothing that interesting. Just more of the usual."

"Oh, come on," Alex continued. "Didn't you tell me Bobby's got you started with balancing work today or something."

"Yeah..."

"How's that going?"

April turned to the window, and her expression changed, becoming less embarrassed, and a little dreamy.

"Well, I...I kind of stood up on my own today..." She said quietly. "I stood up. For like, a second. No crutches or supports. It hurt. But I did it."

Meredith saw Alex's expression change. A big grin slowly appeared on his face, he crossed his arms, and he beamed with pride. "Ha! Freakin' A! Nothing interesting? April, that's...great progress. Awesome."

"It was just a second."

"Awesome."

April shrugged, and continued to look out the window.

"It is very good April," Meredith added steering the car home.

"The fact that you're on your feet only a few weeks out from your surgery is...seriously," Alex continued. "It's great. I know you feel like it's not that big of a deal or whatever because it's just standing up, but...I mean I thought you might lose the leg altogether, you know when we were down there. Bad-ahhawesome!"

His eyes darted to Zola, and he smirked at Meredith. She'd gotten him into a lot of trouble lately for his language in front of the baby. Neither she nor Derek wanted their daughters first words to be one of Alex's more colorful expressions.

April looked away from the window, with raised eyebrows. She smiled faintly at Alex's near gaff and said quietly. "Really? I guess."

"You're freakin' awesome."

Meredith could see it, just then. The moment when April finally raised her eyes to the mirror, and gazed at Alex through its reflection. The way Alex's mouth lifted into a half smile and his eyes softened. How April's posture and expression perked up the moment she believed him.

Oh, yes. Meredith knew that things were different between these two, ever since the earthquake. She knew April had once held a bit of a crush on Alex, but ever since their on-call hook up had gone wrong, Meredith wasn't entirely sure whether the crush still persisted. Now though, she knew. April's reaction said it all. And Meredith was pretty sure Alex might be falling for April. He was actually letting the other resident in at least, with his whole 'caring' thing.

Who knew what would happen between them though? What if neither of them ever said anything or acted on their feelings? What if Alex couldn't keep his knew attitude up and he went back to his old ways? It could all go so wrong.

But Meredith surprised herself by hoping for a bright and shiny ending.

* * *

Alex sat on the couch nursing a beer and eating some nachos. He had a basketball game playing on tv. Huskies vs. ASU. This was the first Saturday night he'd had off in a long time. Well, the first one he'd been able to spend at home at any rate. The actual last Saturday he'd had off was four weeks ago, but April had still been in the hospital then, and he'd opted to stay and keep her company. And it hadn't even been that hard really.

Turned out, April could actually be okay to talk to. Better than okay. He'd never really tried that hard before. He was surprised at how much random crap she remembered from school, books, and documentaries and stuff. It was different than 'Lexipedia', and the whole photographic memory thing. April didn't remember everything at every time. Stuff just popped into her head, sometimes with good calls.

Her memory of Oprah had kept April from getting shot by Gary Clark, which Alex had been surprised to hear, when the topic had come up in relation to the talk show queen's new cable channel. They hadn't lingered on the subject of the shooting for long though, which made Alex happy. No need to dredge up that crap. At any rate, the stuff that April remembered was like a little window into her mind that told Alex a lot something about what made her tick.

April was also funny. At least, she could make Alex laugh. Even when she didn't mean to be and rambled off into a tangent. And April didn't mind eating left over junk food that they used as treats in peds. Or burgers from the cafeteria. He'd talk with her, eat, and watch tv. Try to distract her from getting so worked up over the whole deal with her leg. He'd caught April furiously researching orthopedic surgery outcomes, and consequently freaking herself out, so many times. Alex did his best to try and make her see that things would work out. She was really lucky.

And Alex thought that she should be able to take at least a little bragging rights. Because really? She was freakin' standing already at only 4 weeks out from the earthquake. Given the amount of rods and pins and crap she was dealing with? She deserved major props. Street cred? April had it. And Alex tried to make her feel like she did. As best he could, even though sometimes, he could tell she still seemed down. She really was stronger than she looked, and knew.

So on a whole, Alex felt that 'operation don't be a douche bag' seemed to be doing okay.

He glanced over to the door of what had once been Derek's study. They'd converted it to be April's room, so that she could get around the house without using the stairs. At first she'd used a wheelchair most of the time, but in the past week or so, Alex was happy to see that April mostly stuck to using her crutches. Which was pretty cool. They had her using the type that attached to the upper parts of her arms, so that she could maintain her balance and use her hands. Alex noticed she used her hands a lot when she talked, gesturing and stuff, so it was good that the crutches didn't get in the way of that. One step closer to being her old self.

One problem about moving April into the study however, was that there was a certain lack of privacy. No one liked to have their door shut all the time, and now her door opened onto the living room. But none of the residents of the house complained though. Things were working out.

Currently, April was in her room, propped up on her bed with the door partially open. Alex tried not to eavesdrop, but then again her voice had never been that discreet. He knew that she was talking to one of her sisters, and it was clear that she was trying her best to blows it off, and hang up.

"You convinced him to go with? That's, um, good," she said carefully. "I mean Dad did PTA stuff when we were little. Maybe...I'm sure the girls won't be embarrassed." April frowned slightly nodding as she reached her free hand to her ear and nervously tugged on the lobe.

"Ah. Well, actually...I'm-I'm, uh, pretty bushed today. I-I just took my...anti-inflammatory medicine and that always makes me sleepy."

Alex smirked. Liar. And she wasn't really good at it. Those meds did make April tired, but Alex knew full well that she had yet to take them this evening. He'd seen her little pill organizer thingy when he was making his nachos. One of those pill things with a little labeled box for each day of the week. To keep organized or whatever. And tonight's was definitely still full. Alex's brow furrowed and he put another nacho into his mouth. She just must not feel like talking to her sister or something. He wondered why.

Her sister must have bought the excuse though, and April quickly wrapped up the phone call and hung up. Alex her heard sigh, and pull herself up on her crutches. April then slowly made her way out into the living room. He glanced up and inclined his head in greeting as she carefully moved to the room and settled on the couch next to Alex. He gulped and shifted at little at how close she was. He could feel the heat coming from her body and her leg was mere centimeters away from his. Alex's eyes darted down and then back to the game. He chewed his food. It didn't really matter how close April sat. Really.

Once she had settled on the couch, removed her crutches, and rested her leg on the coffee table, April reached for a few nachos.

Alex couldn't resist teasing, "Mooch."

April only rolled her eyes and took a few more chips, sliding a coaster down the coffee table in his direction, "You'll stain the wood."

Oh, she's grumpy. He huffed and settled his beer bottle on the cork circle. She peered at the tv and stayed silent for a moment, looking downcast.

"Uh, who's playing?"

"Huskies. Losing. Whatever."

"Mhmm." Another sigh, and now there were pursed lips.

Alex knew April didn't really care about the game. He could tell that something was bothering her. So, after sitting in silence for a few plays, Alex turned to look at April.

"Which one was that?" he asked, taking a sip of his beer. "On the phone?"

"Big sister, Libby. Married to Mike. Share the farm with my parents. Claire and Tiffany, 7 and 5," April rattled off, like a medical bullet, in a habit they'd developed early on in her hospital stay, because Alex had trouble keeping track of all her relatives. He almost believed that April was related to half of Ohio. She well could be. It wouldn't surprise him.

"You uh, didn't want to talk to her?" Alex asked tentatively.

April tilted her head to one side and muttered, "She calls. Every. Single. Day."

Alex shrugged and fidgeted with the bottle in his hand. He kind of got that. It could be annoying to have people on your case all the time. Yet, he knew what it was like not to have any family really worry about you. That felt worse. April had started to make him think of family differently.

"You know," he began. "She's probably really worried about you."

The fact that Alex was throwing April's own words back at her didn't escape her. She sighed again, and blinked rapidly. He didn't usually have to prompt so much. She was usually inclined to talk about feelings and crap.

"I took your advice," Alex continued, shrugging slightly. "That day, in the ambulance. After they took you into surgery...I called Amber. She really was just worried. Because of the earthquake and all."

April made a sound in her throat and slowly looked over at him.

Alex pushed forward, "This is like the same thing. Only you  _actually_ got hurt. You're her kid sister. She just wants to know you are okay. You're lucky to have that. Even if they are annoying...your folks care about you. It's...uh, not everyone gets that."

Alex certainly didn't. Her eyes widened. Alex guessed April hadn't expected him to call Amber in the end. She still wasn't talking though.

"You can talk to me or whatever, if you need too. I'll listen."

April's eyebrows arched sadly, "I know. I  _know_. It's just...Libby's never been good at talking about Seattle anyway... and it's not like we can really talk about my leg and stuff. It's just this great big thing in my life that she doesn't want to touch with a ten foot pole. She was the same way after the shooting."

"She might not want to make you feel like bad or whatever...she just might not be that good at it."

"Yeah. I know that too. Instead she talks about  _her_ life, and Mike and the girls. And I can usually do that. I don't mind. I used to love to. Just right now, I'm...I can't listen to that right now. I am never gonna have it, and I have to let it go. And I just can't...I'm still letting it go."

What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell was she talking about?

Alex grimaced and stared at April incredulously, "I don't get it."

April sighed, shaking her head, "I can't hear about the ballet recitals, and the PTA meetings, and the anniversary gifts right now. Not when four weeks ago my perpetual virgin status pretty much became permanent. I'm not going to have that kind of life. I am going to end up alone. I've never been normal. I'll be okay with that someday. I'll be able to listen and be happy for her and all that someday. Just not right now. Not tonight."

Yeah, Alex thought it was a little weird that April was 29 years old and had never had sex. It wasn't something you heard about every day. And it was a little freakish from his perspective. But, then again, everyone had their own weird crap. He did. Crazy chicks, bullet wounds, family history of mental illness...Alex also figured she'd avoided a lot of bullshit over the years. He still didn't quite connect how now she thought she'd be alone forever with her virginity and getting hurt in the earthquake.

"What do you mean you'll end up alone? That's crap."

April gave Alex a withering look and started to get animated, "No, it's not. I was never the kind of girl guys wanted be with. I'm-I'm annoying and neurotic, and ordinary and my voice grates. I am aware, and the scars and being crippled thing doesn't really help matters."

She looked at her legs, and pulled her arms to her chest, where her incision was healing, "I wasn't winning any beauty contests before, and now I'd say my chances are non-existent. I'll get over it. I can handle it. I just-need to let it go."

She thought she wasn't good enough for someone to love her? That her leg made her less attractive? Alex could believe how April could be so hyper-aware of some things and so completely clueless in others. She was attractive, more than attractive, and Alex could admit to himself that he totally dug her. If he'd realized how he felt about April sooner, if he hadn't messed things up, if he wasn't such a pig, he'd...what? Date her? Love her? Totally. It was freakin' scary that Alex admitted that actually. Not that it mattered. He'd screwed his shot up already, long before he realized what April was.

"You're hot, April," Alex said, gently turning her to face him, urging her to believe him. "I've always thought so."

"Yeah, right," she set her jaw.

"I am guy, I know these things. Your hair is...uh, you know...and you curl it and it looks good. And your smile is...it lights up your face and you've got this really great 'nice person' thing going for ya. Sure, you can be a little annoying, but everyone is sometimes. But you are hot. Then and now. You're still...beautiful or whatever."

"You're just saying that," April snapped, turning away from him and folding her arms. "You made it very clear last year that I'm not."

Oh. That. The on-call room. When Alex had blown it without even realizing what he might be losing. That had been a hard time for him. Aaron had just been diagnosed, after he tried to kill Amber. He'd had his brother committed, he'd had a brilliant idea and that asshole attending Stark had stolen it. And then April...Alex just hadn't been in a good place at the time. But he guessed from her perspective things were obviously different. And he'd certainly never told her the truth. He wasn't eager to face it.

"April..."

She sniffed and refused to look at him. "It's fine. It was a long time ago. You don't need to humor me, okay?"

"I'm not just humoring you. That…" Alex struggled, unsure of how to proceed. Maybe he could explain, if only to make April feel better about herself. "That...that had nothing to do with you. That was all my own crap, alright? It's on me. I messed up. Nothing to do with you at all. I-I didn't go to Vegas that weekend. I went home. To...Iowa."

Here was a crossroads. Did he really want to tell her the truth about all his family issues? He really didn't tell that many people. He didn't like to think about it, let alone talk about it. It was years before he'd told his closest friends many details about his childhood. And most of that had only been because a surprise visit from Aaron had forced him too.

April had turned to face him now, and was looking at him carefully. Her proximity to his body still made Alex feel a strangely electrified. Could he tell her? Should he? Because how he'd treated her was still unacceptable. There was no excuse.

Somehow, Alex needed to prove to April that she was wrong about herself. To repair the damage that his actions had caused her. And the truth seemed to be the only way forward.

"My, uh, I have a brother, Aaron. He's the middle kid between me and Amber. And he lived at home in Iowa with our mom and Amber. My mom's always had, uh...well she's been diagnosed with some mental health issues, and Aaron...he-" Alex stared at his hands uncomfortably.

"He got diagnosed too," He laughed humorlessly. "They figured it out when he tried to kill my little sister. She was 16. He tried to kill her. So, that weekend I was home signing papers to have him committed, and checking on my sister in the hospital."

"Oh God. That's terrible." April gasped, and Alex glanced over to see horror spread across her face.

He sighed and continued, "And I...that was the first time I'd been back home in 8 years. Growing up...well, I'm just not the guy who stays. When they need me, I just can't. I can't go back there and make it you know? Too much crap happened to me in that house…I'm not the brother who stays. And even when you know that about yourself, it still feels like shit when you leave your sister behind. Even if you always do. So, that's...what kind of a weekend I was coming off of. Not much of an excuse."

"And your Mom and Dad? Weren't they with you?"

"April, my mom is...she just has bad patches. And the whole Aaron thing put her on a rough patch again. She couldn't help much," Alex answered. Really that 'bad patch' was still on-going. He continued, "And my dad...he, uh...left when I was a kid. Whatever."

April moved closer to him reaching over and taking Alex's hand. "I am so sorry."

He didn't want pity. Or need it. "It is what it is...anyway, that's my crap. Like I said, be glad you have the family that you do. And the point is, believe me when I tell you: You are hot. I'm more than aware of the chance I lost. I blew it and I treated you like crap. There's no excuse."

"Lost chance? You still think..."

"Well, yeah. Not just for a hook up or whatever...I mean, I've gotten to know you better now, and I see what I missed out on. I screwed up. I still think you're hot because you are. And it's more than your looks, alright? You're...good. You're a good person, April. Anyone would be lucky...to uh, love you."

April's jaw was practically on the floor and she blinked rapidly. Alex guessed that behind her eyes she was thinking a mile a minute. She squeezed his hand gently and Alex thought about what he really was missing out on. His family life had kept him from having a lot of normal childhood experiences, but now it seemed like it was keeping him from having things as an adult, namely his shot with April.

"I-I...you could have said something. You should have said something"

"Yeah, right," Alex snorted, staring straight ahead. "Remember how I was with you then? It was before we even sort of talked like this...I doubt it would have mattered."

"Alex!" April countered. "I-I would have understood. I do understand, and...it's not your fault. I mean I knew, I  _know_  I am not the kind of person who... _does that_...in on-call rooms anyway. I shouldn't have even let things go that far in the first place. But it was you and..."

What did she mean anyway? Alex kept his eyes determinedly fixed on the tv, too guilty to face her. At the same time he could almost feel her staring at him. He heard her take a deep shuddering breath.

"But it was you and I...I liked you," her voice dropped to a whisper. "I...I still do."

Alex tilted his head and slowly turned to face her. She couldn't mean...surely she didn't still like him. He'd been awful to her for so long, there was no way she could ever even possibly still be attracted to him.

"April..."

She held a finger to his lips. "No...Alex. I am allowed to forgive you. I can. I do."

April squared her shoulders and breathing deeply. Her eyes were bright in the reflected light of the tv and open very wide. Alex expected her to launch into some philosophical ramble about forgiveness or something. Or some crap about how sorry she felt about his family.

Basically, Alex expected her to talk more. Not lick her lips and pull him into kiss. That had never even crossed his mind. Ever. April kissing him? Completely unexpected.

And what a kiss it was. Her lips were soft, and for all April's lack of confidence in most things, Alex would assuredly label her as a good kisser. All of the sparks and the tingling feelings he'd had had just from her sitting that close to him seemed to bubble to the surface, magnified. And everything he'd felt in the on-call room back then was still there and it was thrilling. He lifted his hands to her cheeks. Alex closed his eyes and surrendered for just a moment, kissing her back, letting himself feel all the sensations, before gently pushing away.

He still held her cheeks and smiled a little sadly. April stared back at him, with a wide eyed expression of panic mixed with delight. She seemed giddy at her own boldness.

"April-"

"Life is too short," she interrupted. "I mean, if there's something I've gotten out of this whole disaster it's that. I like you, and you said...you said...and why can't we just, just- go for it now?"

"Because I'm a douche. I've already treated you like dirt."

"That was before."

"Doesn't matter."

"If I forgave you it does."

"Not really."

April let out a frustrated breath and glowered at him. "I'm socially awkward."

"I'm an ass."

" _I_ think too much." She wasn't seriously trying to out list him with reasons not to date her. Alex knew his list would always win. He was a pig.

"I'm no good for you."

She shook her head vehemently and took his hand again, "That's not true. You have been and you are. I don't think I'd be coping with all of this if it wasn't for you. You saved me when I was trapped down there and you've been good ever since. You make me feel...awesome. Strong. Like I can do this. Like it will be okay. You are definitely good for me.

Alex swallowed and remained very still. April thought he was the reason she was doing well. Sure, he'd done her first aid in the building collapse and helped her get out. But everything afterward had been her. She'd pulled through the surgeries and avoided complications. That was all her. Surely, Alex had just been around to support her and stuff. Because he'd realized she mattered to him, and he'd chosen to act better. Could it really be true that April...that Alex was someone who mattered to her? That he just might have a chance, one last chance to try being good? Alex wasn't sure he believed it, but oh, he wanted to.

"So what exactly are you saying we do, April?" he finally said, feeling her out, and trying to see where she was going with all of this.

April was a little flummoxed, "Well, we...we could get to know each other better. Hangout, I mean, we're already kind of doing that, sort of-and I mean, we-we could just...go…eat places, talk more, or..."

Alex smiled in spite of himself, "Are you asking me out? You want to hangout, like dates? You want to go on a date?"

She bit her lip and looked away, "Yeah...I'm sorry, I know I'm not good at any of this stuff. It's just...we could just do that and see how it goes..."

April laughed nervously, "Like normal people."

Like normal people. Maybe a stretch for them, but Alex could hardly believe his luck. April was asking him to go out with her. In spite of all the taunts, the yelling, the insults. Even after he'd rejected her in that on-call room. She was still willing to give him a shot. He probably should say no. He probably should decline. He'd just end up hurting her, like he did everyone else. Or he'd end up getting hurt. He always had. And Alex wasn't sure he'd come back from getting hurt again.

April looked mortified by now, dropping his hand, she started to pull away, "I-I'm...really s-sorry. If you're not interested that's-that's t-totally fine. I mean, we'll just have to forget about the whole me kissing you th-ing...and I-I-I'll just-"

And yet...And yet? Alex wanted to do it. He wanted to try dating, 'like normal people' or whatever. Despite all the crap, and the crushed heart and the crazy history he'd dealt with. Somehow Alex thought things could maybe be different with April, and he didn't want to lose that chance, gambling that it would fall apart. She was different. He thought he could be different for her. April was asking him to try. He was already messed up anyway, how much worse could it get? How much better? Alex knew it was a leap of faith. He'd take the chance.

"Okay."

"I-what?"

Alex grinned at April leaning closer to her, "Okay, I'll go on a date with you. We can...see how it goes."

He gently rested a hand on hers, "Like normal people."

April's look of surprise dissolved into a shy smile. She turned her hand so it slipped into his, and quietly repeated, "Like normal people."


	7. Chapter 7

April leaned on her crutches in front of the mirror that hung on the back of her door, taking a good look at herself, and fidgeting with the edges of her sweater. She pursed her lips to one side and pulled at the scarf she had wrapped around her head like a headband. It covered the patch of short fuzzy hair that was beginning to grow in. Not really how she’d imagined she’d look for a first date. Especially not with Alex. Then again the last time April had worn this particular dress, she hadn’t looked like the Bride of Frankenstein. It wasn’t particularly low cut, but the healing incision on her chest made her feel self conscious.   
  
And of course the angry scars and the brace on her healing leg was impossible to disguise with a scarf, a sweater, or anything. The skin of her lower leg now looked like a road map of crisscrossing scars and healing scratches. April couldn’t quite wrap her mind around the idea that her knee and lower leg were significantly artificial. That at some point, the bones she’d been born with, that had grown as she had, ended and were supplemented by man-made materials. April kind of had a bionic keg. To be honest, it still freaked her out. She just wanted to look nice for the date, but it seemed her injuries were preventing that. She still didn’t quite feel ‘hot’, no matter what Alex said.    
  
April was still half afraid it was all a dream. That she’d wake up and Alex would be back to the way he was before. Or that the whole date thing would turn out to be some cruel prank of his, at her expense and he’d pop out at the end and yell “Surprise! Fooled you. Who’d ever want to go out with you?”  
  
What on earth had possessed April to ask Alex to try a date in the first place? Or to...kiss him? Replaying the whole thing in her mind, she couldn’t quite say what came over her. The moment had been so unexpected. One moment last week, she’d been down after talking Libby, the next Alex, _Alex,_ had done his best to convince her that she was still beautiful. Which April had been so sure was just a joke. One of those white lies you tell people to spare their feelings. Then again when did Alex spare people’s feelings?  
  
And then Alex had started to explain. Why he’d yelled at her that night in an in-call room. For April, that whole experience had been a terrible blow to her confidence. And it had been almost enough to squash her crush on Alex altogether. Almost. But now she knew why. Why Alex had yelled at her. Or at least some of why. Another piece of the puzzle that formed April’s understanding of Alex. The brief story he’d told about her his family was nothing short of tragic. She couldn’t imagine. Her own family was so different. Sure, they had their fair share of disagreements and drama, but nothing like that.   
  
April could tell that there was more to the whole thing, but she was glad that Alex had told her some of his past. It gave her more insight into his personality. As April had long suspected, there was a _reason_ behind all of Alex’s jerk behavior. He made more sense. Alex it seemed, had had to take a lot of responsibility for everyone in his family, even if he felt that he wasn’t doing enough by not staying with them. His life had been hard, so he was a hard right back.   
  
Then Alex said he’d regretted how he treated April and then she’d just felt a sudden surge of, well, you could call it bravery. April had just felt like everything had come to a tipping point, between her and Alex, and that she just _had_ to act. Like if she hadn’t, the opportunity would have passed, and never returned again. So, she’d kissed him. And luckily the boldness had worked out. At least it would if she could figure out something for them to do.  
  
April had always been the studious one, staying at home with her books and homework, while Libby, and Kimmie, and eventually even Alice went out on dates and things. Boys in school had just never been interested in her in that way. Her mom had always said that her time would come. And April hadn’t really minded, so much then. At least with Libby and Kimmie. She wanted to become a surgeon, and that demanded a lot of discipline, work and time. She’d reminded herself of this all through high school, college, and med school. By the time Alice had started dating guys, however...well that had been a slight wound to April’s pride.    
  
Sighing, April reached for the handles of her crutches and hobbled carefully over to her bed. As it was, at age 29, she could really probably count on one hand the number of _actual_ dates she had been on. Well, that was a slight exaggeration, but April knew that she really didn’t have that much experience.   
  
Especially when you factored out the ‘dates’ that didn’t count. Like Dr. Stark. Because, well Robert was a nice person, at least if you looked deep enough. Really. But April didn’t like him _that_ way. Or Travis Andrews, in college. Because he hadn’t liked April for herself at all and had only taken her out to try to convince her to...well... _with_ him right in the bio library. He hadn’t understood her at all. She didn’t count Kenny Dirkin during her undergrad years, either. Because he was a nice person, who kind of _got_ her, and at the time April had thought she liked him _that_ way, except it’d turned out that Kenny didn’t like girls _that_ way. Which was fine. Good for him. Not so good for her.   
  
No, mostly April had just lurched from unobtainable crush to unobtainable crush, with very little real dating over the years.  
  
Easing herself down on the edge of the bed, April had to laugh a little. Her love life was certifiably ridiculous. Most of it could easily fit under the banner of “That Awkward Moment When...” like one of those things from the internet that Alice was always sending her on facebook. If April was imagining a good first date, and it was before the earthquake and all her injuries, she would have pictured a nice dinner out, maybe some dancing. Something nice. If she were picturing it.   
  
Now though? Frowning, she stared back down at her chest and leg.   
  
Right now, April felt embarrassed enough going to the normal places she had to, like to the grocery store, or to the hospital for her rehab. She just didn’t think she’d be comfortable out in public somewhere nice, with Alex. With everyone staring at her?  Looking at her scars and her crutches. Watching her down the army of pills she had to take with dinner. They’d think she was a drug addict. Probably wondering why on earth someone as handsome as Alex would even think of taking out scarred up person like April. She’d be nervous.   
  
And an anxious April, was an awkward April. An annoying April. One who’d probably bother Alex to no end. He’d never ever want to go on another date with her again. Or even keep talking to her. Which were both things she definitely wanted. Public dinner had to be out. Public in general, really. Or shelved at least. Until she could be sure that Alex wanted to keep going out with her. Until she felt more comfortable with the marks on her body and the limitations of her leg.     
  
So, she needed an alternative. No big deal. Except, April had been racking her brain for ideas all day. She’d even bounced ideas off of Bobby during their rehab session that morning. He’d just tried to convince her that going somewhere public would be a good thing in terms of testing her stamina in preparation for coming back to work in next weeks. Leg practice wasn’t exactly what April was looking for in terms of date options though, even if she appreciated Bobby’s suggestion.  
  
Looking at the clock, April realized that Alex would be getting off of work soon. Damn. She’d told him she’d have it figured out by the time he got home. Would he think she was lame if she suggested they stay home and watch a movie instead? Probably. He’d probably think it was more lame because rehab and planning their date was about all she’d _had_ to do that day. And every  day. For the past week. And she still couldn’t come up with something.   
  
Now, April could feel a nervous energy building up in her body, and she used her crutches to stand up, and once again moved to stand in front of the mirror. Maybe she should curl her hair? She had time.  
  
Heading to the bathroom to get her curling iron, April figured that at least it would give her hands something to do while she contemplated her options. Why couldn’t she just pick something? Maybe it was an omen or something. A sign that this date thing wasn’t going to work. That it was a bad idea.  
  
Think. Think. Think.  
_____  
  
Alex made his way down the hallway. He had one last patient he wanted to check on before finishing up and heading home. Cracking open the door he saw the kid, Marcello, leaning back on his pillows looking beat. Poor kid had a recurrent adolescent cancer. He’d been in remission last year, but now the tumor was back. It sucked. And Marcello was alone a lot of the time because his last battle with the disease had done a number on his parents sick, medical, and vacation leave. Now, in order to keep their insurance the mom and the dad had to work during the week, and because they lived in Yakima...  
  
Basically Marcello only saw his family on the weekend.    
  
But Alex had to hand it to the kid, he was tough. He took care of himself, and didn’t whine about how unfair everything all was. For a 15 year old, he was dealing with a crappy situation really well. Better than most adults. All the same, Alex couldn’t help but checking on the kid a little extra. More than the kids whose families were around all the time. Maybe he saw something of himself in the boy. Not that he was getting soft or whatever. Besides, it was more of a professional thing. Really. Robbins was taking the teen’s tumor out soon, and Alex wanted in on the surgery.  
  
Thinking that Marcello had dozed off with his television set still blaring WWE crap, Alex moved to turn it off.   
  
“Hey,” the boy said quietly. “I’m still watchin’ that.”  
  
“You know this isn’t real wrestling, right?”  
  
“I don’t think any of it is real Dr. Karev,” Marcello shifted and pulled at his chest tube uncomfortably. “Doesn’t mean I won’t watch it.”  
  
Glancing back at the images on the screen and pulling an overly disgusted face, Alex adjusted the boy’s blankets.  
  
“Things going okay? Need med adjustments or whatever? Sandwich? Gameboy? Extra pillow?”  
  
Marcello laughed weakly at Alex’s words. They had almost the same conversation at the end of all of Alex’s shifts.   
  
“I’m cool, Dr. Karev. You heading out?”  
  
“Yeah, you know...things to do.”  
  
The teen’s jaundiced face lit up a little and his works took on a sing song quality, “ _I_  know. You have a hot date.”  
  
“Who told _you_  that?”  
  
“I overheard Dr. Robbins talking to Nurse Hemmel.”   
  
How the hell did Robbins find out? People knew everything about everybody in this god-damn hospital.   
  
“Robbins talks too much,” Alex said as diplomatically as possible. “Besides, me having hot dates isn’t exactly unusual.”  
  
“Right,” Marcello smirked and then looked wistful. “Girls are weird. I sort of used to have a girlfriend back at school. Until I got sick.”  
  
Alex lingered by the side of the bed. “Oh yeah?”  
  
“Yeah, she was in my math class. We used to hang out in the skate park. Get ice cream. She used to visit me here.”  
  
Shaking his head, Alex said, “Well, she probably isn’t worth it if she ditched you just because you got cancer.”  
  
“She didn’t dump me. I told her to stop coming. After I lost my hair. I’m sick. She wouldn’t have liked to be with me,” the teen continued.   
  
“I felt different. You feel different, you know? When you get sick. And change. Look different. I wish I hadn’t now though...I wish she still visited.  I miss math class. And the park...and I don’t think she cared about my hair at all."  
  
“Hey, I know it sucks. Try to stay positive.” Alex knew it wasn’t a given that Marcello would actually get to do any of that stuff again. His cancer was aggressive, and the fact that the tumor came back wasn’t exactly the greatest sign. Even so, the kid should try to keep some hope. It didn’t do him any good to focus on regrets. He was a teenager. They shouldn’t have to have regrets. That was the thing about working in pediatrics sometimes. Alex saw a lot of stuff that frustrated him. No kid should have to deal with health crap or family crap.  
  
“I am. Don’t worry. I was just thinking,” Marcello replied and smirked again. “I don’t have to miss ice cream. See? Bright-side and all that?”   
  
“Ha. I see what you did there...”  
  
“I’m a clever guy, Dr. Karev.  Anyway, you should go. Don’t be late. Girls pay attention to that.”  
  
“Thanks Mr. Clever, but this isn’t my first rodeo,” Alex teased, moving away from the bed towards the door. “You sure you’re cool for the night?”  
  
“I’ll call the nurses if I need anything. Go on. Have a good time.”  
  
“Alright. See you tomorrow, Marcello.”  
  
“I’ll be here. Peace man.”  
  
After he exited the room, Alex moved to finish up some charts at a nurses station, near the main entrance to the pediatric ward. A glance at the clock told him he would be done with his shift in 15 minutes. Just 15 minutes. Then Alex would go home and he and April would have a date. Of some sort. He still didn’t know what they’d be doing.   
  
April had yet to make up her freakin’ mind. Which was getting on his nerves. He figured he’d let her choose, since the whole thing had sorta been her idea. She’d been the one to make a move, and she’d convinced Alex to give things a try. Plus, she was a chick, and a sappy one at that. So, surely she had loads of fantasies and ideas and crap for what to do on a first date. Except, so far, she hadn’t been able to come up with one.  
  
Most of his recent relationships had not started with an ordinary first date. It had been a long time since Alex had even bothered with any of that crap. Like, getting involved with someone he didn’t pick up in a bar. Like, going on a date before he’d slept with a chick, or going on one without the expectation of it ending with a hook up. He was sure that wasn’t going to happen. Not tonight.  
  
At any rate, Alex hadn’t done anything like this in a long time. And even if he didn’t know what they’d be doing, he was surprised to find that he was looking forward to the date.   
  
Alex shifted his shoulders and glanced around. He had the strangest feeling that someone was watching him. As his eyes searched the room, but they were only met with the sight of the nearest peds nurse, Lynda, or Lydia or whatever.  And she had her head buried in her own mountain of charts, so Alex figured it was safe to assume she wasn’t the one who gave him the feeling.  
  
She seemed to sense he was looking at her because she looked up and gave Alex a skeptical glare. It was obvious she thought he should get back to work. Fine then. He shrugged and looked back down at his paperwork and nearly jumped out of his skin when Avery seemed to magically appear right next to him.  
  
“Dude!” Alex groaned, taking a step back.   
  
Jackson only crossed his arms, and stared back with a stern expression on his face.  
  
“You and April.”  
  
“Yeah...”  
  
“You’re going on a date?”  
  
Alex nodded, and mumbled, “If she’d make up her freakin’ mind.”  
  
Avery’s eyebrows lowered even more at that comment and he moved even closer. “What’s the deal, man?”  
  
“The deal is,” Alex said defensively, grabbing his charts off of the nurse’s station and heading to replace them in filing. “It’s none of your business!”  
  
“April told me that you told her that you were sorry about what you did to her last year,” Jackson explained breathlessly. “She didn’t say why, but she’s definitely sure she’s believing you. I’m not so sure she can. Should she?”  
  
Alex was mildly relieved that April apparently hadn’t told Jackson about anything about Aaron or Iowa. Not really surprising though. April was trustworthy even if it seemed that she needed to confide her side of things to Avery. The plastics resident followed Alex and continued to stare at him fiercely.    
  
“What are you? A chick?” Alex deflected.  
  
Jackson crossed his arms. “I’m her best friend. She tells me stuff. She listens to me when I whine about how the hottie in radiology won’t call me back. So, yeah. It just works. You’re avoiding the question. What’s in this for you? She’s not just going to sleep with you.”  
  
“What? The only reason I might possibly go on a date with her is to get her in to bed?”  
  
“The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.”  
  
Alex sighed. Jackson did have a point. His track record with women wasn’t the greatest. He was a playboy. He’d slept around. Because it was easy. And the one time he’d tried, really tried, not to be? The time he’d been inspired to be a dedicated partner? He’d married Izzie, and she’d left. Well, twice, and the second time he’d asked her to stay away. To spare him from the crap. And then he’d sorta kinda been willing to go there with Lucy also. Only she’d left too. And taken his freakin’ job. Hard. Who could blame him for picking easy after all of that crap?  
  
“Look,” Alex said, exasperated. “This is different. I know you won’t believe me but, there’s nothing else I can say. It’s different. And, like I said, it’s none of your freaking business anyway. Get off my case!”  
  
Jackson stared at him for a long moment with his arms crossed. Finally he said, “April likes you. A lot. More than she understands, I think. She doesn’t have much experience, and after what you did to her last year, I had to pick up the pieces.”  
  
Alex cleared his throat, recalling Avery’s reaction to all of that. The other resident walked closer, making Alex take a few steps back.   
  
“So, if you’re messing with her or using her,” Jackson’s voice was deceptively calm. “If you hurt her? I will with kick your ass. I mean it, man.”  
  
They stood there for a moment locked in an intense glare. Alex wasn’t sure exactly what Avery expected to happen next, so he skeptically answered, “Okay...whatever.”  
  
When the other man still didn’t move he added, “Don’t you have some place you’re supposed to be? Plastics Posse or something?”   
  
Avery started to back down the hall. He made a motion toward his eyes with two fingers, “I mean it Karev. I’m watching you.”  
  
“Fine,” Alex said, rolling his eyes and turning to finish his charts. Geez. Maybe Jackson was right though. He wasn’t exactly cut out for this sort of thing. His recent usual motivation with women was undoubtedly and very simply to get laid. Alex realized that that couldn’t be how things went down with April. She just wasn’t like that. And, if he thought about it, Alex didn’t want her to be. She _was_ different.  
  
But Alex was cranky today. And hungry. He could feel that the stress of his whole shift was waring down his nerves, and it was hard not to snap at people. He especially didn’t want to snap at April, even if she couldn’t come up with a freakin’ date idea. Because...well because he’d almost lost her without even realizing that she mattered. So Alex worked really hard at the whole ‘don’t be an ass thing’, at least to April, because he knew how close things had been. Even so, it was damned hard to keep up some of the time. He caught himself on the verge of snapping too many times to count.   
  
Alex finished his paperwork and quickly changed and made his way home to April. He was surprised to find that as he drove home was irrationally excited. What was he? Some 15 year old kid?  Maybe it was because of his conversation with Marcello. And maybe he really was looking forward to the date, even if he didn’t know what it would be. It didn’t really matter to him anyway. Alex just figured that whatever she picked, she’d have a good time. At that would be enough. He just wanted to spend time with her or whatever.   
  
After parking his car, Alex quickly headed to the front door and let himself into the house. He first walked to April’s room and knocked on the door.   
  
“Hey, I’m back. Have you figured out what you want to do yet? I could definitely eat, so maybe...April?”  
  
She didn’t seem to be in her room, so Alex walked back out into the living room which was empty. He walked through the kitchen, offering a casual greeting to Derek as he sat at the kitchen table feeding Zola in her highchair.   
  
“Have you seen April?”  
  
The older man shrugged, “Nope. We just got in. She’s not in her room?”  
  
Alex shook his head and continued walking. It wasn’t like April could be that many places. She still couldn’t drive yet, or walk up the stairs, which basically meant that she had to be somewhere on the first floor. He finally found her, standing in front of the bathroom mirror, leaning on her crutches and holding a curling iron in one hand with the door wide open. She’d put on a flowery dress thing with a sweater, and she’d used a scarf thing to hide the shorter part of her hair. Alex thought she’d looked pretty good. But judging by the look on her face, April was less than pleased with the outcome.   
  
“There you are,” Alex said moving into the bathroom with her. “Are you almost ready to go? What’s the plan? I’m starving.”  
  
April frowned and glanced away from him and replied nervously, “I actually...I c-can’t think...um..m-maybe this isn’t such a g-good idea...”  
  
Alex felt his good excited mood pop. _Seriously?_ What the hell? She was the one who’d suggested they try dating in the first place! Life is too short and whatever. And then she couldn’t come up with an idea, and now she was just breaking it off? Well, he shouldn’t have let his hopes get up anyway. He knew better. April didn’t really want to date him after all. Right?  
  
“No, shit Sherlock,” he sneered lashing out to muffle his own disappointment. Doubt bubbled up within Alex’s chest. The virgin and the asshole. So not a good idea. Even if he wanted it to be.  
  
Alex glowered and let out a frustrated sigh, and moved to leave the room when he noticed April’s expression. She was looking down, on the verge of tears, wide eyes darted every which way. She’d put down the curling iron and was now fidgeting with the edge of her sweater and biting her bottom lip. If she really didn’t want to go with him, why did she look so devastated?  
  
Wait. His day had been stressful. He shouldn’t fly off the handle. He usually did and Alex knew this often got him into trouble. Hold on. Think about this. She’d obviously put some effort into things. She’d curled her hair for crying out loud. Suddenly, something clicked in his mind, and Alex thought about his conversation with his patient. Marcello had pushed his girlfriend away after his cancer came back. Because he felt different. Looked different. Changed. April definitely didn’t feel comfortable with herself before sustaining her injuries. And things had probably only gotten worse now.   
  
She’d admitted as much one week ago. In fact that very conversation had led to this whole thing. Alex had tried to prove to her that she was still attractive. Apparently, she still had doubts. Of course she did. She was like Marcello,  pushing him away, not because she didn’t want to out with him but because she felt different. Probably she’d regret pushing him away. Only Alex wouldn’t let it happen. He remembered her pale and pained face in the rubble of the collapsed building. Not being an ass seemed so much easier than it had earlier.  When he remembered seeing April like that...And when he saw how far she’d come post-op.     
  
That’s tough. She was tough. Screw the scars. And the limp. Whatever. She still had everything going for her, as far as Alex was concerned. If April needed to hear the truth about herself again? Well, then he could tell her again. And again. If she needed it, he could try.   
  
Taking a deep breath, Alex took a step closer to April. “Uh, wait...I’m...er, sorry. Look, I don’t think you mean that. I happen to think the real reason you said that is because you are worried or something, about your scars and stuff. Am I right?”   
  
April’s eyes met his in the mirror guiltily and her lower lip jutted out as she gave a small nod. Aha! Alex kept his eyes on hers and tentatively lifted a hand to her hair and plucked one of the curls.    
  
“You look really good. Honestly. And,” he reached down for the edge of his own shirt and lifted it high enough to reveal his own set of scars. Some from his childhood, some from wrestling, and one from Gary Clark. “See, I’ve got scars and stuff too. No big deal.”   
  
“I don’t know if this whole thing really is a good idea, but whatever, I don’t care. We should try. I still wanna go for a date, don’t you?”  
  
April sniffed and nodded. Okay, so she really was just uncertain about her looks. He could handle that. He’d jumped the gun. She still wanted to go. She could be a little quirky, but Alex thought he was beginning to get the hang of how her mind worked. He could see where she was coming from. Sort of. Watching her intently in the mirror, Alex saw how solemn she still looked. He felt bad. His crappy day couldn’t really be as bad as her crappy past few weeks.  
  
“Don’t worry so much. You...uh, you look good in anything. And I don’t care what your dress looks like,” he continued. He lowered his voice conspiratorially, “I’m probably picturing you without it on anyway.”  
  
Which was true, even if Alex doubted she believed him. Yet. At least the comment had made her cheeks flush red, and had managed to raise a nervous laugh.   
  
Finally looking down again, April said softly, “I still didn’t think of something for us to do though.”  
  
“April, it’s not rocket science.”   
  
“I know...I know it’s silly. I just...maybe... it matters or...I don’t know.”  
  
“I don’t even care what we do. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. We’ll figure something out...Do you wanna go see a movie?” Alex said, teasing.   
  
Before April had a chance to answer he pressed on.  
  
“Out to eat? To a ball game? Coffee? Taco truck?”   
  
She was biting back a smile now, so Alex continued, “I know! We can blow up a building! Or wait! I have a couple of clean ski masks. How about we rob a bank?”   
  
April laughed hard at that. One of those gleeful belly laughs of hers that kind of surprised Alex, because he didn’t expect her to laugh like that. Breathlessly she finally said, “Maybe we should just get in the car and go somewhere? Go wherever.”  
  
“Sounds good to me.”  
  
And they did just that. Since April had graduated to almost exclusively using her crutches, Alex was able to take drive his car. They got in and just started to drive. And talk. He told her about some of the crap he, Cristina, Meredith, George, and Izzie got up to at Seattle Grace before the merger and before his marriage. April tried to teach Alex how to keep track of her sisters. Which he still couldn’t do. She talked about her family and childhood. He didn’t talk about his. She didn’t push him to. They joked. They laughed. Alex actually thought the whole date thing was going well, for all the shaky start it’d had. He was having a good time, and as far as he could tell, April was too.  
  
They ended up making a stop at the taco truck anyway, before Alex got the idea that they could eat in the park. Because of Marcello, he guessed. It was still light, and Magnuson Park had some stunning views of Lake Washington, and of the city of Bellevue on the other side. Plus the park wasn’t too crowded, so Alex hoped April could relax.   
  
Alex helped April to a bench where they sat, with her crutches leaning on one side, and ate their tacos and watched the breaking waves of the huge lake. Scooting closer, because why not, it was a date after all, Alex looked down at his taco and laughed.   
  
“Alright, I got a taco story.”  
  
April snickered, and replied incredulously, “A taco story?”  
  
She didn’t seem to mind that he’d moved closer, and turned her body to face him more. Taking another bite if her taco, April watched him intently.  
  
“Well, sort of,” Alex figured he would try stretching his arm off the back of the bench, and gently resting it on her shoulders. She swallowed her mouthful, and glanced to where his limb now rested. Her gaze darted back and forth between his face and his arm and for a second Alex was afraid he’d made April uncomfortable. But after a moment she relaxed, leaned closer to him and poked his leg.   
  
“Sort of?” April prodded him to continue.   
  
“Taco related,” Alex conceded, letting his eyes drift out across the water. “I was like 19. Sophomore at Iowa State. Our wrestling team had just won semi finals. And after the match, we had this huge party. Everyone got trashed. Hardcore. Shitfaced. And then, somehow we all decided we wanted to go to taco bell...at like 1 o’clock in the morning. So we walked to this taco bell.”   
  
“Uh oh.”  
  
He paused to take another bite of his taco, and glancing back to April, “And the inside part, where you walk in or whatever is closed for the night, but the drive thru is ‘open late’ or whatever. And we really wanted tacos. Right, I’m still an underclassman, the grunt, you know? So the guys, they send me to walk through this drive through. So, I’m yelling at the intercom thing ‘I want, like, 56 tacos!’ and I’m wavin’ my arms around.”  
  
Alex used the arm that wasn’t draped around April’s shoulders to demonstrate, accidentally spilling some of the contents of the taco he had now onto the ground in front of their bench. She cracked up. Whatever.   
  
“You’re littering!” Oh, here we go.  
  
“It’s taco topping. Food. Organic. Some duck will eat it or something.”  
  
“These are _so_ not organic.”  
  
“Bio-degradable then.”  
  
“I’m not sure. They might qualify as toxic waste. I mean, it’s the taco truck.”  
  
“Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?” Alex smirked.   
  
“Oh, so...there’s more to it than you got drunk underage and made a fool of yourself?”   
  
He snorted. April must be really feeling comfortable, if she was teasing him. Which he figured boded well.   
  
“Hey, this a good story!”   
  
“Go on, go on.”  
  
“So,” Alex continued. “Finally someone comes on the intercom and says they can’t serve pedestrians in the drive thru because it’s too dangerous. I thought that was bullshit. I’m yellin’ and yellin’ and finally I give that up and walk my ass up to the window and I tap on the glass, and I can see the lady working there, so I press my face up against the glass and cuss her out or whatever-”  
  
“This?” April interrupted, giggling. “This not a good story. It’s terrible! You were terrible.”   
  
“Yup. Drunk and freakin’ disorderly,” Alex rolled his eyes. “So she comes over and presses the button to open the window. It’s one of those old school windows where the glass kind of goes out and to the side or whatever, and my face was all pressed up against it. So when it opens, I’m so drunk that it’s more than enough to knock me flat on my back.”  
  
Alex lifted both arms up and spread them wide, making April chuckle. “I’m rolling around down there like a freakin’ turtle or something, I’m so drunk, and all I see is the face of this taco bell lady looming above me, back lit from the inside lighting. She’s leaning out the window at this point, see? And all she says is:  ‘Taco Bell is in no way responsible for any injury, emotional or physical, that you receive while in this drive thru. It’s dangerous. We told you so. Now get your ass up and go back to campus!’”  
  
Both Alex and April laughed hard as he finished the story, imitating the no nonsense fast food worker. She was doubled over slightly, using one hand to cover her mouth.  
  
“Serves you right.”   
  
He shrugged, “I guess it kinda did.”  
  
“Needless to say, I can think of no adventure like that from my college days.”  
  
“Not surprised.”  
  
They fell silent, distracted by the beautiful sunset as the sun dipped lower and lower in the sky. All in all, Alex thought that it wasn’t so bad. Having dates like this. It was mostly talking or whatever, but he was having a good time. In a lot of ways he felt less pressured to show off than he did in one of his typical hook-ups. He’d have never told a girl in a bar about his taco bell experience. Great way not to get laid. But with April...things felt more low key, and genuine. It wasn’t about getting sex.  
  
April leaned back on the bench and looked out across the water. Alex turned to look at her face. In the fading sunlight her skin looked great and the shadows framed her cheekbones.   
  
“Beautiful,” April breathed, still transfixed by the setting sun.   
  
“Yup.”   
  
After the sun went down, the night air became much colder, and Alex figured it was time for them to head back to the house. He had work the next day, and April had rehab in the morning, so it wouldn’t do for either of them to be out in the cold very late at night. He helped her stand up and get back on her crutches and lead the way back to the car.  
  
On the drive home, Alex asked, “So, what did you do  in college then? No sex. We know that. Not much drinking apparently, either. No sports?”  
  
“Hah, no,” April shook her head.  “Kimmie was the athlete. I was very boring.”  
  
“What did you do then?” Alex asked as he guided the car down Meredith’s street.  
  
She squared her shoulders and began a list, “3 term co-president of the pre-health professions club. Historian for the bio-bunch, for biology majors. Pottery club. And Italian conversation hour. That pretty much covers my extracurricular activity as an undergrad.”  
  
He parked, and moved to help April get out of the car and onto her crutches. Alex was surprised at how much better she had gotten at pulling herself in and out of cars. He stood back and watched as she opened the car door and stood up with no assistance at all, using only the frame of the car and her crutches to get out of the car. Looked like one positive by product of all April’s leg crap was that she was actually increasing her upper body and are strength just by getting around. He thought that extra strong hands and arms could be an awesome asset for doing surgeries. He also made a mental note to beef up his own weight lifting. Just in case. For boards.  
  
Alex gave her an impressed smile and continued their conversation as they walked to the front door.   
  
“What the hell is a ‘co-president? And Bio-bunch? Pottery club? Lame.”  
  
“I had fun! Besides, you’re on a date with me. I can’t be so lame.”  
  
“Oh, yeah. Well, I guess you’ve improved a bit since then,” Alex joked as he unlocked the front door. April jabbed him with her elbow and they walked to the living room. “You speak Italian?”  
  
Glancing back at Alex as she settled on the couch, April rolled her eyes, “I went to the conversation hours. I didn’t say I could speak it. I was practicing to go abroad.”  
  
“You studied in Italy?” Alex inquired as he sat down next to her. As an undergrad, he’d always thought it would have been really cool to study in Europe or somewhere for a while. Not for the studying really. For the drinking. And the girls. And to get out of freakin’ Iowa.   
  
But he’d taken Spanish and his Spanish was crap and no way he could’ve kept his wrestling scholarship if he’d gone off to Spain or somewhere. And without his wrestling scholarship, Alex wouldn’t have been in school at all.   
  
“Just for a semester of junior year,” April continued.  
  
“You lived there. So, you can speak Italian.”  
  
“Badly. Very badly.”   
  
“Say something now,” Alex was certain that a younger April wouldn’t have gone to Europe for the booze and she certainly hadn’t gone for the sex. And most of all she’d never have gone and lived somewhere without being fully prepared in every way. Probably with color coded post-it notes.  
  
“I-It was a long time ago. I-I don’t really remember.”  
  
“Come on. Say something!”  
  
“Fine,” April lifted her eyes to the ceiling, as though she was searching for something to say. Her eyes twinkled when she find the right something, and Alex was sure that its probably going to be something like, “You’re a jackass, Alex.”  
  
“Io no capisco l'italiano.”  
  
Whoa. Alex was transfixed. The way April’s dimples faintly appeared in her cheeks and the way lips moved and formed the foreign words...it just _did_ something for him. He remembered the feel of her lips the two times they had kissed before, and he knew he had to do it again. He leaned down until his face hovered just inches above hers and he could feel the soft puffs of her breath. She didn’t pull away.   
  
“What does that mean?”  
  
“I don’t speak Italian.”  
  
“But you just did. It’s very hot. I dig it.”   
  
April opened her mouth to speak again, but Alex cut her off by covering her lips with his own, using his arms to pull her close. She seemed a bit surprised at first but Alex felt her relax and respond to the kiss rather quickly. Talking and crap was fine and all for a ‘date’ or whatever, but he did want _something_ else. If he wasn’t going to get laid at this particular time, Alex at least wanted to make out. If they were going to do this ‘normal people’ thing and all.  
  
He lost track of time and things a bit, so he wasn’t sure exactly how long they made out, until he heard the sound of footsteps thundering down the stairs and into the living room.  
  
“April do you have any extra laundry soap? I’ll pay you back. I’m out and I was hoping to run a load of-oh...oh! Oh, God. I’m-I’m sorry...”   
  
Alex and April jerked apart as Lexie came into the living room. He groaned. Way to go Lexie. Go and kill the moment. Or moments. However long it was. Despite the convenience of living so close to the hospital, and of usually being able to con certain people into doing your laundry, being in Meredith’s house definitely had some draw backs. Lexie was going to be on his shit list. Next time she had something going on with Sloan or some other guy he’d...he’d mess with them somehow.  
  
“Uh, my-my detergent is on the top shelf,” April replied. Her cheeks had turned beet red.  
  
“Okay. Thanks,” Lexie started to leave the room, but she paused, looking stunned. “When did you and-Really? I’m sorry, but...Really? Seriously?”  
  
“Mind your own freakin’ business,” Alex grumbled, crossing his arms across his chest.  
  
Lexie gave them one last puzzled glance before heading to the laundry room. Alex continued to scowl and stared straight ahead. April sighed and turned to face forward. She still seemed really flustered.   
  
“Don’t be mean, Alex.”  
  
“Whatever.”  
  
“It’s not her fault...we sh-should have more caref-”  
  
“Whatever. Spoiled the fun.”  
  
“Right. Yes. This was...fun. I mean I had fun. For the whole thing...and the...k-kissing.”  
  
“Good,” Alex said, uncrossing his arms and smirking at April. “But next time, we might have to make out in the car.”  
  
April’s eyes widened and the shocked, mildly horrified look she gave Alex made him think she’d probably never made out in a car before. Oh no.That was practically a right of passage or some bull like that. One that April hadn’t gone through yet, and one that Aex had gone through a long time ago. Maybe things could be even more fun.  
  
Alex thought he could change that. He grinned. He _wanted to_ as a matter of fact. The whole ‘normal people dating’ deal might not be that bad at all.  
\--  
Taking deep slow breaths, April adjusted the lapel of her lab coat as she waited for the elevator to reach the ground floor. Today was her first day back at work since receiving her injuries in the earthquake, over a month and a half ago. First half day back anyway. Her standing stamina, even with the crutches, was still a little weak. Bobby had April working on it, and she hoped to be doing full days soon.   
  
Because standing stamina was essential for getting back to performing surgeries more than anything else. You could do certain procedures using a walker, supports, or a crutch, but if you couldn’t stand long enough to run a surgery from open to close, you couldn’t be in the OR. Which she needed to do if she wanted to pass boards. Especially if April was going to push extra hard and still try to sit for her boards this year, with the rest of her peers. She would really need to beef up her OR time and ER time as soon as she could.   
  
Best not to get ahead of things though. Blinking and clearing her throat as the elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open, April couldn’t help but grin.   
  
Even if she would only be doing administrative chief resident duties, working with interns and running the clinic, it felt nice to be back in scrubs again. Despite all that had transpired April was actually feeling mildly confident about herself in coming back. The past month and a half had been so life altering she could hardly believe everything that had happened. What they said about silver linings was true as far as April was concerned. Because while it did suck that she’d almost died, and that her leg had received major damage, April couldn’t say that it had ruined her life.   
  
Sure it was probably derailing her career, but she had a plan to fix that. The injury had made her understand that, maybe, she was more capable than she’d thought before. She was getting through it. Surviving. And then of course, there was the whole Alex thing. The earthquake and all that followed had been a major catalyst for that.

They’d chosen to try going on dates, and so far, April thrilled with the way things were turning out. She thought Alex was okay with things too. At least she was pretty sure. She was getting better at reading his moods. It was fun and April felt closer to Alex. And he could make her feel like she wasn’t a completely awkward lame-o-freak, even if he teased that she was. Which was a huge part of why April thought she was getting through everythin with her leg.   
  
They ate, hung out, talked, watched movies...and did other things. Not _certain_ other things, but April now kind of felt that...well _that certain other thing_ wasn’t very far out of the realm of possibility. At some point. In the future. When she was ready. Maybe. Probably. And Alex, so far, was acting surprisingly understanding. Not that they’d talked about sex exactly. He didn’t seem to mind not doing _that certain thing_ , so long as he could do other things. So, it was kind of okay. At least she hoped so.   
  
At any rate, even though she didn’t exactly have much experience with this kind of stuff, April thought it was all going pretty well.  
  
She reached down to the handles of her crutches and toward the internal entrance of the Denny Duquette Memorial clinic. April had become very adept and using her crutches to move and could bear more and more weight on her right leg as the days passed. She was getting used to her knew limping gait, and could actually get around very quickly on the crutches if she concentrated. Nothing like before she’d been hurt, of course, and she’d never be back there again, but April had hopes that she would continue to improve.   
  
Dr. Bailey was the first person April saw as she walked through the doors. The older woman pursed her lips and looked up from the stack of charts she had been reading.   
  
Beckoning, Bailey’s face softened for a moment, “Kepner. It’s uh, so nice to see you back.”   
  
“Thank you. It’s nice to be back.”   
  
Bailey cleared her throat, held out the charts and continued sternly, “Uh huh. Okay. Kepner, we have 6 patients waiting in the clinic, some immunizations, a pregnancy exam and some sort of foot _fungus_....After that I’ve got you down for running ROC Patient Sensitivity training for the interns.”  
  
“Okay,” April said slowly as she took the offered paperwork, tucking them under her arm so she could still get around. Not the most graceful looking but hey. April figured she wasn’t ever going to be graceful again so why worry about it.   
  
“Do you remember the ROC?”  
  
“Uh, I do.”  
  
Bailey gave her a look, and made a gesture with her hands, “Yes? Say it with me, Kepner.”  
  
Tilting her head from side to side recited, “Reflect Observe and Communicate. Remember ROC and you’ll ‘rock’ your patient’s world.”  
  
“Exactly,” Bailey nodded curtly and turned to leave.  
  
Alright. April started toward the first patient, fungus guy and glumly realized that ROC would definitely come in to play while working in the clinic. So, very different from surgeries. Well, maybe it could be fun. Interesting, at least. Kind of.  
  
After seeing several patients in the clinic, April was startled when her 5 interns all descended on her in a rush. She was puzzled because she knew that they have been parsed out onto other people’s services, at least until she could work full days again.   
  
One of them, Ian Olant, rushed up and threw his arms around her shoulders. “Dr. Kepner! Thank God you’re back!”  
  
“Well, I-” April didn’t quite know how to respond. “Thank you, Dr. Olant.”  
  
Gina Chi gently grabbed her friends shoulders and pulled him back saying, “He’s been on Yang’s service all week. It’s a little traumatic. You know going from being a person to being ‘3’. And Dr. Yang’s been worse than normal lately so...”   
  
“Anyway,” Olant interrupted.  “We saw you were down for the skills lab today! That’s great. We really missed you. You never make us feel stupid in skills labs.”  
  
“But yeah. We’re excited to work with you again,” Miles Rooney, ever practical, cut in. “But we should probably go before our residents kill us. Looking forward to skills lab.”  
  
April was too flabbergasted by the whole situation to say more than, “Thanks...”   
  
What intern ever wanted to do skills labs? And she’d never thought that her particular groups of interns (or any of them really) even noticed who was teaching which skills lab. They probably only thought of her because getting hurt in the earthquake and all was quite a dramatic thing and everyone at the hospital knew about it.   
  
Only the entire intern group gave her a round of applause later in the day when she started the skills lab. And they did it again when she’d finished. That had to be some sort of record? No one applauded skills labs. It wasn’t even like April had given a real lecture or anything. ROC was hardly revolutionary or applaud worthy. It was probably because she almost died.  
  
Her half day flew by, and soon April found herself changing back into her normal everyday clothes. Half days working in the hospital were not nearly enough. Even if it was just for the clinic. A small buzz from her phone, distracted her attention, and when she read the message, her gloomy spirits vanished. It was Alex.   
  
The text message was simple: come. eat. rm 204 peds. hanging w/kid 4 break. kid lonely.   
  
When April arrived in the room, she smiled as she saw Alex sitting in a chair next to a teenage patient. His bald head and jaundiced skin made her guess that he had cancer. He and Alex were gleefully eating cafeteria sandwiches and staring at a small video game that the boy had on his bed tray. They both looked up when they saw April, and Alex waved her over.  
  
“I got you one of those fruit bowls you eat, but I also saved you my fries if you don’t want heath crap. And this is Marcello. Marcello this is April,” Alex smirked and stuck out one foot to tap her crutch in greeting as she passed.  
  
Pulling up the only other chair in the room and gingerly settling into it, April gave Marcello a bright smile and a nod. He smiled back and said, “Hey.”  
  
Alex was staring intently at the handheld game when he suddenly pressed a button with particular vigor and whooped. “Take that Marcello. I own this.”   
  
He passed the game back to the boy, “Beat that score, man.”   
  
Marcello squinted at the screen and then rolled his eyes, “Piece of cake. You’re not as much of a hot shot as you think, Dr. Karev.”  
  
April smirked at the exchange. Alex in pediatrics might not seem like the obvious choice, indeed in her early days at SGMW she’d thought it was a scheduling fluke, but he really did have a way with his patients. A way of finding out and doing exactly what they needed. He’d even done it for her when she was in the hospital.   
  
And somehow when he was with children, Alex seemed so changed. But still very Alex-like. It was a strange balance that April still didn’t quite understand. And seeing him with children made her heart flutter in a way she couldn’t quite describe. Not that she was analyzing or anything.  
  
Turning his attention to April and offering her the plastic container of fruit, Alex asked, “How was the first day back? Regretting not taking more leave? Because rumor has it that today there was some sort of fungal foot infection in the clinic.”  
  
Biting into an apple slice, she rolled her eyes. It hadn’t been that bad. Really. And April was glad to have helped the guy so that his foot would get better. As gross as it was, she was a doctor and doctors helped people.   
  
“It was fine. N-not exactly fine but...it’ll get better now,” she said shrugging. “The weirdest thing that happened was that my interns all rushed up and hugged me.”  
  
“Chicks? Interns are crazy.”   
  
“Two of them are. Women, I mean, not crazy. But the main hugging came from Dr. Olant.”  
  
“Small dude? Crazy.” Alex sat up a little straighter and his brows furrowed.   
  
“Well, he has been on Cristina’s service.”  
  
“Anyone’d need a hug after that. Cristina’s had a crap week, which means she’s even  more crap to her interns.”  
  
“Really? Still stuff with...eh her husband or?” April slid over the fact that Owen Hunt the Chief of Surgery was her husband, not wanting to be talk about it in front of a patient. Professionalism was more relaxed at Seattle Grace than April had expected. She’d gotten used to it over the years, but she still tried to maintain a certain level of decorum. If only for her own code of ethics.    
  
Shrugging as his cell phone buzzed, Alex replied, “Yeah, I guess they started therapy or whatever.”

April had had no idea. She felt bad for them, especially given her own recent turn of fortune when it came to…romance? Yeah. Sort of. For almost a month.

He held the phone to his hear, “Hello...Amber? Is everything okay?”   
  
April could see in his face, the moment his mood changed. Like the fall of a curtain and the relaxed and snarky man she’d been chatting with earlier disappeared. His eyes turned hard and his jaw set. It was startling to see how quickly the change happened. Alex seemed to fly out of the chair and head for the door.  
  
“What do you _mean_ you’re here?” he fumed. “In Seattle? In this _hospital_? How the hell did you manage that? Are you hurt...then why? And you just left Mom ? Oh, real nice.”  
  
April exchanged a glance with Marcello and the teen raised his hand and gestured toward the door. Moving as quickly as she could, April followed Alex into the hall way picking up more of his end of the conversation.  
  
“Kicked out of St. Xavier’s? Good job. Whatever. No! It’s stupid. I’m so pissed right now. I can’t even- Where are you? Don’t. Freakin’. Move.”   
  
Alex let out a growl of frustration and hung up.   
  
“Alex?” April ventured tentatively. “What’s going on?”  
  
He looked at her and groaned again, “Crap! Just...crap. A bunch of God-damn crap.”  
  
“Is something wrong with your sister. What-?”  
  
“Just...I gotta go. Move!”  
  
Before April had time to do so however, Alex brushed past her at a jog, upsetting her crutches and nearly causing her to lose her balance. He didn’t seem to notice and continued moving quickly through the peds ward. Hissing in pain as the unexpected movement jarred her leg slightly, April watched as Alex hopped on to the elevator. She knew she’d never catch up with him, but she gripped her crutches and followed him anyway. She could catch the next elevator.   
  
Alex never talked much about his past or his family, but April knew enough about how the whole situation made him feel, to know that Alex’s anger also came from a deep sense of guilt, whether or not that guilt was warranted. Whatever was going on, if it involved his family, it probably wasn’t going to leave Alex in a very good place. And they were sort of...together now, so April wanted to help.   
  
And Alex had been there for April when she’d needed him. She planned on returning the favor as best she could. Even if she could only catch the next elevator instead of the same one he was on.

She’d catch up to him eventually.


	8. Chapter 8

Alex stood, fuming, in the slowly descending elevator. Of all the stupid, short sighted, immature,  _unstable_ , things for his sister to have done. Getting herself kicked out of the best school in Davenport? Half way through her senior year? Bumming her way across the country? Hitch-hiking?  _Anything_ could have happened to her. Maybe it had for all Alex knew. Amber was 17 freaking years old. How could she  _ever_ have thought hitch-hiking to Seattle was a good idea?

Alex lifted his hands to his head and ran them through his hair. The elevator felt like it was moving at an agonizingly slow pace. He scowled and angrily pounded the floor button with one finger.

"Come on!"

And how the hell had Amber managed to get kicked out of her school? The school that was her best shot at getting out of Iowa. At succeeding and making it. St. Xavier's was ten times better than the school Alex had gone to. Amber was a smart kid, someone who could maybe really go places in life. If she could get a good education. And scholarships of course. But she'd blown it. Blown it. Maybe she'd snapped too. Like his mom. And Aaron. Like everyone.

Mom. Crap. Alex didn't want to think about what this would do to their mother. Amber said on the phone that she'd just left; just walked out and left. Their mother must be crazy with worry. He chuckled slightly at his internal choice of words.  _Crazy._ Well. That was the one word his life always seemed to come back to. Crazy.

Alex berated himself for not expecting the other shoe to drop. It always did.

Things with work had settled down, he was studying for boards, learning all he could about peds, and he felt like he had a really good shot at getting the pediatric fellowship. Plus, 'the dating thing' with April was really nice, great even. It was different. Different than what he was used to with women, but that didn't mean it was bad. Alex actually liked how things were going. Who would have thought almost losing April in an earthquake would be what it took to make him willing to try?

He would even have cautiously described himself as happy, for the last month or so. Which was the longest he'd been happy since before Izzie left, if he really thought about it. He'd relaxed. Let his guard down.

But nothing ever lasted. Alex should have known better than to relax. He should have known.

When the elevator reached its destination and the doors finally opened, Alex all but flew out of the small space and into the long hallway that led to the main lobby. As he rounded the corner and saw a waiting area, he caught sight of his sister.

Alex was taken off guard for a moment, struck by how grown up Amber looked. Granted, the last time he'd seen her, she'd been laying in a hospital bed with hand shaped bruises on her throat, looking small and fragile. And before that he hadn't seen Amber since she was a child of what? 8 or 9? Alex hadn't been back to Iowa in 7 years when Aaron flipped out. And he hadn't been back since.

Amber sat, sprawled out in a chair with her arms crossed, looking sullen, her eyes reflecting the same anger that he felt. What did she have to be angry about? Amber was the one freaking messing up her life. She looked disheveled, her clothes were tattered and wrinkled, and she had huge dark circles under her eyes, making her look surprisingly gaunt. Alex strode up to her, still livid over her decisions.

"Amber! What the hell do you think you are doing?" he yelled, ignoring the looks he got from doctors and other people in the lobby and waiting room.

"Oh, Alex. Not even going to say 'Hello Amber'? 'Nice to see you Amber'? 'How ya been'?"

He completely ignored her sarcasm an continued, "Hitch-hiking? Really? Do you have any idea how freakin' dangerous that is? Anything could have happened to you!"

"Whatever. Nothing did," Amber shrugged and rolled her eyes.

"Why would you even...I just don't get it Amber. Why skip school and come here? It's so stupid."

Out of the corner of his eye, Alex could see Meredith, Bailey, and Cristina heading across the lobby from the pit.

"I'm not skipping school," Amber muttered, glaring. "I got kicked out. And I only came here because I don't want to live in Iowa and I have nowhere else to go. I can't take it anymore. Done."

 _She_ couldn't take it anymore? Really? What was so hard about her life? She'd been in a great school. Their mom had the meds Alex sent every month. They had the money he sent each month. She'd been out of foster care for 10 years, and their father wasn't around constantly beating up on her all the time. Compared to Alex's experiences at the same age, Amber's life now was a cake walk. Well, except for that whole thing with Aaron last year. But...that was last year.

"You're done?" Alex sneered. "Great school too much work for ya? Bo freakin who! Get over it. Life is tough. That school was the best shot you had at leaving!"

"Shut up!"

"Alex, what's going on? " Mer was suddenly beside him.

He crossed his arms, "Oh, nothing important. My sister is an idiot. Throwing away her life. Hitch-hiking all over the freakin' 's all."

"I said, shut up!" shouted Amber as she sprung to her feet, standing close, and glaring up at him.  
Alex leaned forward and opened his mouth to shout right back, but suddenly Cristina's hands were on his shoulders and Dr. Bailey was there now too.

"Dr. Karev! This is a hospital. You need to keep your business outside the lobby."

Even though Meredith and Cristina were trying to hold him back, Alex leaned toward his sister once again.

"You're making a scene," he grumbled. "This is my freakin' job. These are my colleagues.  _I_ work here. I have to do surgery in an hour, and you just come in and..."

It was the same sort of crap his mom used to pull at his school functions and games when he was a kid. Before the meds they had now. Maybe Amber really was unstable. Or maybe he was just being paranoid, and she was just being 17.

Maybe, for Karevs, it was a fine line.

"Well, then maybe I should have just gone and found Dad, and run away to him instead!"

The hell she would. Amber had been a very small child when their father left. She didn't know what he was like. She didn't remember when he'd hurt them. Alex did.

He'd barely registered everyone else's arrival, but Alex was now somehow keenly aware of the fact that April had just gotten off of the elevator and was approaching pretty rapidly, given the crutches and all. His eyes flickered in her direction and he felt vaguely guilty that he'd just run out on their lunch like he had. And on her first day back and everything. Some boyfriend or whatever the hell her was to her. More like some douche who ran out on her big day.

Well, now April'd see. How messed up he was. How messed up his family was. How bad he was for her. The truth was bound to come out sooner or later. And she wouldn't get it. The meds, and the foster care and the crazy. So freakin' far away from the idyllic childhood of Kepner farm, Ohio.

She wouldn't get it, and when she saw it up close, she'd run as far away from it all as she possibly could. That was why he never told people about it. He'd never even introduced Izzie to his when they were married. Because no one wanted to get involved in crap like this. Alex didn't even want to be. So much for dating. Being normal was fun while it lasted.

April arrived, slightly winded, just as Bailey spoke again.

"I don't think this is the time or the place to be yelling at each other!"

"We wouldn't be if Amber hadn't dropped out and bummed her way halfway across-"

"Fuck you, Alex. Like you even care what happens to me anyway."

Whoa. You never expect your kid sister to cuss you out. He'd never heard her really swear before. It went against every memory he had of the sweet blonde little girl who'd used to tag around the house after him. But deep down, he knew that on some level, Amber had a right to feel the way she did. It wasn't like he stayed with her or took care of her. Even in her darkest hour. Alex had never been good at facing his mother's condition, let alone dealing with Aaron's. He'd failed as a brother, because he was too weak to handle reality.

Alex's nostrils flared, and he felt Cristina's grip tighten on his scrubs. April hovered at the edges, mouth slightly open and wide eyes darting between himself and his sister. Exactly as he'd feared.

He gulped and ducked his head, unwilling to meet her gaze. She could see the whole train wreck clearly now. The whole damn hospital could.

* * *

April drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, and shifted uncomfortably as she sat in Meredith's driveway waiting for Amber Karev to wake up. Though she could now drive, it was still a vaguely uncomfortable experience, and sitting in the car extra long wasn't exactly doing her right leg any favors. Still, April knew she'd made the right choice in offering to take the girl to the house. It was only practical. Of course Amber would be staying with Alex, at least until he got things arranged for her to go home, and well, 'with Alex' meant at the house. With everyone.

And 'everyone', all of them in the house, were doctors, working full shifts. Except Lexie, who was already home on her day off, and April because she...because her leg...because she was only just getting back to half days. And it seemed impractical to make Lexie drive all the way to the hospital to pick Amber up. No, it made much more sense for April to do it. She was already there.

Plus, she was kind of  _with_  Alex now. His girlfriend, sort of. April wasn't entirely clear on exactly where they stood, since they were just trying the dating thing. Like normal people. But, even with her lack of experience, April knew enough. She might not know exactly how to handle all of this, but she knew that they were  _something_. That she was Alex's someone. And your someone helped you whenever things got tough.

Like Alex had in the immediate aftermath of April's injuries. And he hadn't even been her someone then. April desperately wanted to help him now. Even if she wasn't sure how to help, or what her status with him was, it made sense that she be the one to drive his sister to the house. It just did. She wouldn't pretend that she understood all of Amber and Alex's issues, but she could see the toll it was taking on them, and it made her sad.

So, April figured it wasn't the time to worry about exact definitions anyway.

When April had finally made it to the downstairs lobby, Alex's fight with his sister was in full and audible swing, and she could tell just by looking at Alex that rolled up with all his anger and frustration, was a lot of guilt and self reproach. She didn't know just what it was, his posture or the way his eyebrows twitched when he looked at Amber. April just knew. She hated seeing him that way. He was livid, but there was a haunted look in his eyes, that just made her wish she could...what? Make everything okay for him. Fix it. Somehow.

What she didn't quite understand was the look of shock and surprise on Alex's face when she'd volunteered to take Amber home. He had even tried to talk April out of it, suggesting his sister take the bus, or hitch-hike to the freakin' house, since she was so good at it. April wasn't sure if he thought she wasn't capable of doing the drive, which didn't make sense as she'd been driving for about a week and he'd never tried to stop her. Or he was really that pissed at his sister?

Or worse, had Alex tried to talk her out of it because he thought she didn't really want to do it? Because he thought she didn't really care. But April did. She cared a lot. So much so that she already had a plan to research information on runaway and problematic teens, so Alex could have a strategy or something. So he could know what do. So Alex could have an idea of just the right thing to do, and not what his anger told him to do. Or his guilt.

April had a plan to help, for whatever it was worth. She had a plan. As soon as she got into the house that is.

Alex's sister was curled up in the passenger seat and clearly exhausted.

When the transportation was arranged in the lobby, she'd thrown one last jab at her brother, shouting, "Oh, so you're all pissed that I'm riding around with strangers and now you send me off with another one?"

She'd tersely acknowledged April's stiff introduction and then Amber had said nothing more to April as they walked to the car. She'd fallen asleep before they'd left the SGMW parking lot. April was more than willing to let the teen sleep, if only for a little while. Amber's journey here certainly couldn't have been comfortable or easy.

A squirrel suddenly darted across the hood of April's car, and the small noise it made was enough to rouse the teen from her sleep. She brought a hand to her mouth and yawned, blinking drowsily as she eyed April suspiciously. Looking at her like she'd done something ridiculous. The expression on the girl's face wasn't all that unfamiliar actually. Alex kind of looked at her like that when April did something he didn't understand.

"Uh, well, we're here," April said awkwardly, fumbling for something to say. She gestured to the house vaguely, still uncertain about whether Amber would even be talking to her.

Amber glowered and stretched. Rubbing her eyes she turned and looked at April.

"How long have we been parked?"

"About fifteen minutes..."

"You sat here for fifteen minutes?" Amber asked skeptically. "Why didn't you just wake me up?"

April frowned a little and shrugged. "Y-you seem tired. I'm not really in a hurry."

"I guess not. Whatever," Amber said, rolling her eyes as she flung open the car door and stood up, slinging her small duffel bag over her shoulder. April of course, could no longer simply hop out of a car like that. If only.

Sighing she opened her own door, pulled her crutches from the back seat, and began to pull herself out of the car. She'd gotten a lot better at doing this herself in recent weeks, but it still wasn't the quickest thing in the world. Alex teased her that it was worth it because she was getting some major arm muscles and that it was kind of hot. April wasn't so sure about that, but it was kind of cool to see how the rest of her muscles adapted to her leg being weaker. The human body could be really resiliant. And it let her know that her physical therapy sessions were worth it.

April made it out of the car and headed toward the front door, watching Amber carefully. The teen stood in front of the house, head tilted to one side. Opening the front door and moving into the house April waved for Amber to follow.

"Uh, you can come on in."

Amber ran her eyes up and down the building one last time before slowly following April inside. As she placed her bag on the floor near the front door, her expression was around at the empty first floor, April guessed that Lexie was probably upstairs catching up on some well deserved sleep. She decided to go drop her own things off in her room, and after she did, she found Amber in the living room, perched on the edge of the couch arm staring suspiciously at Zola's playpen and toys.

Using the toe of her well worn vans sneaker to point at them, Amber asked, "There's a baby in this house? Something else Alex forgot to tell us?"

Shaking her head vigorously, April moved closer to Amber lifting her shoulders and grinning as she thought of the baby who really did live in the house, "No. Oh, no. No. It's Zola's stuff. Our landlords, Meredith and Derek have a 1 year old daughter. She's a cutie pie. This belongs to her."

Amber pursed his lips and grunted in response before replying, "Well, you can't blame me for asking. It's a logical assumption to make considering my brother got married and divorced without so much as a stupid phone call. We never even met his wife...ex-wife. Whatever. I guess we're just not good enough."

April blinked. She hadn't known that. His marriage, like his family was another topic that Alex didn't really talk about. Things had all gone down before April's time really. Or while she'd been fired. She knew Izzie had been tight with Meredith and Cristina and Alex and that she'd gotten cancer and married Alex. Then she'd survived the disease, but she'd left. Twice. Or something.

Still, not telling your own family about your wedding? Or your break up? Unusual. Secretive. Probably a part of the reason Amber seemed so mad at him. It never felt good when someone in your own family left you out of things. But April was sure Alex had his reasons, even if they might have been misguided.

"Well. That's...that's..." April shrugged. "That's kind of weird, but Alex doesn't always make sense."

"I guess."

Bouncing her leg slightly, and fighting back another yawn, Amber's tired eyes roamed around the room. Silence hung between them for a few moments, and April wondered what the teenager thought of it all. She'd never been great and reading people, and even though his sister was a lot like Alex and she was getting better with him, April didn't quite know what to make of the younger Karev. And she didn't really know what to say. Luckily the teen thus far had seemed very disinterested in talking.

So, she was startled when Amber blurted out her next words.

"How'd you get stuck with this gig? Watching me or whatever? Are you sleeping with my brother? You owe him or something?"

April coughed and sputtered, "Uh, n-no. I mean we're just-we've been...Th-that's not really your business, I think. I care about him, and he cares about you, so I'll help if he needs me to. He helped me. It's not a problem at all. I want to."

"You want to?" was the skeptical reply. "Yeah, freakin' right. No one ever wants to help. I don't need it anyway."

Something clicked in Amber's expression then. Her brows knitted together and her jaw set. She seemed to look down her nose in that same way April noticed Alex did sometimes. Actually Amber looked a lot like her brother. They had the same eyes, very similar bone structure, only the girl's features were more younger and more rounded. The teen's gaze flicked down to April's crutches and back to her face.

"You're the one Alex said got hurt in that earthquake. You almost died."

April blinked. She hadn't know Alex had told Amber that. She knew he didn't call that often, but he'd told her that right after the earthquake he had contacted his sister.

"I did. Yes. That's how..." April tapped the handles of her crutches with her fingers. "I got these. Alex saved my life."

Amber still looked guarded, "Your leg? It'll get better?"

"A bit. Soon I think I'll be down to one crutch. Then maybe someday just a cane. I'd like to even go without that eventually, if it's possible. It won't get all the way better...not like it was before. Still, I know I'm really lucky."

The magnitude of the whole situation still kind of baffled April. But it could have been worse, and this thing Alex was an outcome she was starting to feel really okay with, as strange at that was.

"That sucks," Amber replied. "I-I remember...Um. Alex seemed really freaked out. Worried about you. On the phone that day. When he called. It was different."

"He really has been different since then...at least to me...I think it made him think differently."

"He stayed with you? In the hospital? And after?"

"Yes. In the building when it collapsed, and after. "

"Lucky you. He must really like you. More than he likes me. When I was in the hospital, he left before I woke up," Amber sighed and scratched the side of her neck.

After a beat she added, "I'm sorry about your leg."

April winced. She didn't know why Alex had behaved the way he had. Again, she suspected it had a lot to do with his guilt and his childhood. But she didn't really know much about any of that. April did know that the decision had clearly hurt his sister deeply. And that Alex probably could have handled it better. But it was all in the past. Nothing to do now but move forward.

"I'm really sorry he didn't stay with you. I-I don't think it means...I mean, you shouldn't think...I know he loves you a lot, Amber. He's just-doesn't always do the right things to show it."

Well, that was true, and April didn't think it was overstepping to tell the teenager that her brother loved her. The level of fear and anger Alex was expressing over this whole hitch-hiking thing was proof enough of his feelings. The few times he'd had talked about his sister, it was clear to April that he loved Amber deeply, as bad as he was at demonstrating his emotions. He wasn't good at showing anyone he cared.

Maybe he couldn't exactly tell his sister he loved her, but April thought it was important for Amber to know. Sometimes it was important to hear. Especially when you were 17. Young and unsure of yourself. April might not know much about Amber and Alex's home life, but she did know that in a lot of ways it could really suck to be a girl that age. And that sometimes you just needed to hear that someone loved. That your family loved you.

Amber gulped and blinked rapidly, and the room fell silent again. April sighed and made her way to the front door, gingerly lifting up the girl's duffel bag. It was dusty, a little dirty, and the clothes inside it kind of smelled.

"Um, April?" Amber asked, more tentatively that anything she'd said all afternoon. "I feel gross. I haven't really had the chance to...shower or whatever. Can I, uh?"

"Oh! Sure. Of course," April replied quickly, heading toward the bathroom and holding up the bag.

"If you'd like, I can wash your clothes while your in there. I think I have some old yoga clothes that will kind of fit you. To wear in the mean time?"

"Okay," Amber agreed following April down the hall.

"Fresh towels are right here," April said inclining her head toward in the direction of the linens. Amber's stomach suddenly growled loudly, making the girl's eyes widen in embarrassment.

"Sorry. I'm kind of starving."

Smiling April added, "How about I go ahead and make us some lunch too? Sandwiches sound okay? Do you like avocado? I have one that is pretty ripe and I've got some chicken. Oh! I have cookies too. They're oatmeal raisin, which I know isn't really a 'cookie' sort of cookie. Not like chocolate or sugar. At least according to Alex, but he eats them anyway and I've always liked them so..."

April trailed off realizing that, as ever, her nerves made her prone to rambling.

"You don't have to give me all of that stuff...I mean I can p-pay you back or whatever...and you don't have to make it and stuff...your leg..."

"Don't worry about it. I always buy extra food anyway. Your brother eats all mine. And...I want to help you, you know. As much as I can. Really."

Amber's eyes darted to the floor as she grabbed a new towel, and spoke quietly, "Thanks."

"No problem at all. I promise. I'll just eave the clothes on the counter, okay?"

Laundry. Lunch. Towel duty. April was familiar with stuff like that. She knew food and folding all too well. She couldn't change or understand everything that had happened to Alex and Amber. And maybe she couldn't take their pain away. But she could run loads of laundry. And fix a few sandwiches. Fresh clothes and a full stomach go a long way in feeling better. Small things. She could do what she could do.

And April could hope that all the small things added up together might make the harder things easier for Alex and Amber to bear.

* * *

Meredith carefully ascended the stairs, with her sleeping daughter in her arms, heading for the master bedroom and the girl's crib. Gently lowering Zola into her crib, she felt relieved that the little girl was generally a very good sleeper. With the exception of a memorable bout with a cold and some teething, Meredith' baby wasn't prone to waking up at all hours of the night. Girl liked her sleep.

It was especially a lucky trait on nights like this when Derek had to pull a night shift, and Meredith was tired from an unreasonably long and stressful day. They'd worked on a woman with a massive tumor near the brain stem, and Meredith could really understand why the poor thing had been turned down by every other neuro surgeon around. Somethings you just could not fix. And this was one of them as it turned out. The patient had died on the table. Never a great end to your day.

That professional stress coupled with the ongoing personal issues of her friends was enough to make Meredith tired. Cristina and Owen were blowing up at each other all over the place. They'd started going to therapy, which hopefully would make a difference. Watching her best friend have marital problems was difficult. Even if Meredith hadn't always liked Owen, for Cristina's sake she hoped that they could work things out.

And then, out of the blue, Alex's sister had shown up and they'd had a  _huge_ shouting match in the hospital lobby that morning. Up until that point, things in his personal life had been going rather well recently. Meredith hadn't been so worried about him. He and April were basically dating. She'd come home from work and find them cuddled together on the couch watching the tv, Alex griping if it was a movie April picked, and April meticulously pointing out every rule infraction if Alex insisted they watch sports. It was ridiculously cute.

Meredith didn't know how it had started, but knowing how much she'd seen Alex change after April almost died, she thought it was good that he was really making an effort with her. It was different for him, but again Meredith knew that he was capable, and that this whole thing was probably very good for him. He'd seemed happy.

That is, until Meredith had found him screaming at his little sister in the middle of the hospital. Not a high point for any of the parties involved. There were only a few times Meredith had ever seen Alex get that worked up, which was really saying something. And of course there was no way Alex and Amber could fight like that in the lobby, so Meredith had convinced him to let his sister go to the house while he finished his shift. Then they could both cool off those Karev tempers.

In the end poor April, finally back to work, though only for half days, had been the one to take the angry teenager away from the hospital.

Meredith had no idea what she'd come home to that evening, given how volatile the Amber had seemed at Seattle Grace. And April, as sweet as she was, was never someone Meredith would expect to be very good at dealing with volatile people. So Meredith came home prepared to do some stern talking of her own, ensuring that Amber knew that she was a guest in this house only as long as she behaved, and didn't disturb Zola.

But she'd come home to a quiet house. Meredith had passed Lexie and April talking quietly in the kitchen over what looked like a plate of cookies on her way to the master bedroom. Amber was nowhere to be seen.

Once she was sure her daughter was settled, Meredith ventured down the hall and peered into Alex's bedroom. Her friend's sister lay curled up under quilt on the bed, breathing deeply, so deeply asleep she was dead to the world. Maybe things hadn't gotten so heated. Maybe without Alex here, they hadn't had to.

Making her way down stairs into the kitchen, Meredith joined her own sister and April at the kitchen table. April looked up first and asked, "Uh, did Alex finish his procedure?"

Meredith pulled up a chair and sat down saying, "I think it ran a little long, but he should be home soon. If he comes right home. So, how's it been with Amber?"

"Mostly fine," April answered, chewing on a mouthful of cookie. "She was hungry and tired so I made sure she ate and let her sleep. I don't-I didn't really know...It's all I could think to do..."

Lexie slid the plate of cookies in Meredith's direction, "Poor kid. She really must have been starving. April made her like 3 sandwiches for lunch. And then she ate a ton of meatloaf for dinner. We don't think she ate much, uh, on the trip over here."

Meredith grabbed a cookie and watched as April pulled out her little red notebook and pointed to a page toward the back, wide-eyed, "She's lucky that apparently her biggest problem is food. I mean-um, she didn't say anything bad happened. Hitch-hiking is so dangerous. It's a wonder she even made it here. Do you have any idea how many girls her age just disappear? According what I've read, way more than you might think..."

Looked like April had been researching again. Well, maybe that was a good thing. All three women sadly shook their heads.

"Well, she's not the first person in his family to randomly show up after making questionable personal choices," Meredith added ruefully remembering when Alex's brother Aaron had shown up out of the blue with a potentially life threatening untreated condition.

"Aaron..." Lexie agreed.

"Oh," April sighed. "It's all so sad. Alex never talks about what happened to them. His family, I mean. He hints but..."

Meredith shrugged, "He never said much to us about it either. We didn't even know Alex had a brother for years. Until he showed up."

Grabbing another cookie, and eating it carefully, the red-haired resident frowned slightly, "Alex is probably still going to be mad when he comes home, isn't he?"

Remembering Alex and Aaron's huge fight in the hospital two years previous, Meredith nodded. It seemed like Alex had only wanted to get his brother medical help, and then get him out of Seattle as quickly as possible. Like he wanted to keep the his two worlds separate. In some ways, Meredith got that. It would have been nice to exist in the hospital as a doctor completely separate from her mother's legacy. But everyone knew about the saga of Ellis Grey, from her affair with Dr. Webber to her Alzheimer's, so Meredith had never been able to even try to segregate things.

"Probably. But he only gets this angry when he is really scared," she agreed, remembering Alex's emotional responses to Izzie's cancer. He'd been terrified and prone to lashing out. But Meredith knew Alex well enough to see that he usually lashed out to protect himself. "He is only mad to cover that up."

April continued, "I mean, he should be angry because of the hitch-hiking, but he has to be reasonable. Teenagers make mistakes. I don't think it's unfixable."

April probably thought nothing was beyond repair. Except maybe her leg, but Meredith was damned if the other resident hadn't slowly seemed to find a silver lining even in that, through Alex. She wasn't sure she agreed, but then again her own life had had a major turn around in the past few years. Maybe it wasn't so naive to hope. But Alex didn't accept advice or help easily. He hardly ever let anyone in. His family had been his responsibility and his alone for so many years. And a lot of people had let him down.

But April...he'd let her look after his sister for the afternoon. At one time, Meredith thought Alex would have cancelled his surgery and ditched out on work for the rest of the day. But today, however reluctantly, he'd trusted April. And his list of trustworthy people, as far as Meredith knew, was very short.

"Maybe you can tell him that. He might listen to you," Meredith added.

April stared at her hands and mumbled, "I don't know. Probably not."

Meredith glanced at Lexie, uncertain about how much to actually say about her conversation with Alex on the night of April's surgery. That night made her think that her friend's deep feelings for April might be enough. It might be enough for him to finally be willing to accept a little help with his family from people who cared about him.

Lexie shrugged and glanced to the clock over the stove, "Well, my shift starts in half an hour, so I should probably head out."

She rose and headed out of the kitchen. "Goodnight guys. Hope things don't get too crazy around here. And April," Lexie turned and gave her housemate a pointed look. "Dinner was nice. Thursday we'll get lunch, remember? No skiving off to eat with Alex instead just because you can. Bros over hoes."

Meredith chuckled slightly, as April's brow furrowed and she nodded quickly.

Sighing and stretching slightly, Meredith rose to her feet too.

"I'm actually going to call it a night too. Baby's asleep, I'm asleep. Or I should be. Hopefully there won't be anything that wakes us up tonight. You going to stay up and wait for Alex?"

The question seemed hardly worth asking, because Meredith was sure that she knew the answer.

Sure enough, Kepner nodded rapidly, "Uh, yeah. I will."

As she moved to leave the kitchen, Meredith passed by April and squeezed her shoulder gently, "Good. That's good."

* * *

After a long day, and a long surgery, Alex stood in front of the hospital, breathing heavily, and squinting in the drizzly Seattle night air. He was pissed. He was devastated. He really wanted to get drunk. He'd just spoken on the phone with his mother. Alex had called to make sure that his Mom knew that Amber was in Seattle, and that she was alright. Because of course, if your 17 year old daughter just up and disappeared, you'd be out of your mind with worry, right?

Only his mother wasn't. She was just out of her mind. After only a few seconds on the phone with her, it was clear to Alex that she didn't even know what year it was, let alone what her teenager was doing. She still thought they were all little, and that Dad still lived with them. Mom was definitely off of her meds, and the only time Alex could remember her being more out of things, was when he was very small. Before his father had left. Before Amber had even freakin' been born.

He sighed and ran a hand down his face, and slowly made his way into the parking lot. Alex just didn't know what to do. He sent her the medicine every single month. He sent a good portion of his own earnings to Iowa. It's why he'd been stuck subletting at Meredith's for years. Why he wasn't nearly as caught up on his med school loans as he should be. And for what? If Mom wasn't taking the pills?

It was probably because of what happened with Aaron. She'd been mostly fine until then. Damn it.

Amber shouldn't have runaway. She shouldn't have hitch-hiked across at least 5 states by herself, and she certainly shouldn't have done whatever it was she did to get kicked out of St. Xavier's School. But...damn it. He knew what it was to be with their Mom when she had one of her spells. Her bad patches. It was about the most draining experience he could possibly think of. Worse than a 10 hour surgery. Almost worse than getting shot even. At least then you had the chance to be unconscious for a while.

It was understandable. That you'd want to get out. Because this crap sucks. Made you want to get as far away from it all as humanly possible. He got why Amber felt like that. But she should have called him. Well, she kind of had, he could admit that to himself. But she hadn't really confided in him. Told him it was that bad. That Mom was that bad.

Then again, Alex had never really made the effort to be that close to her. She hadn't felt like he was a person she could tell. Hell, it was actually really lucky she'd still had him in mind as a place to run to. Otherwise who knew where she might have ended up. It was all Alex's fault. He knew that the whole rotten mess was all his fault.

Unlocking his car door, settling in the driver's seat and revving the engine, Alex stared out the back window of his car. He could just make out the Emerald City Bar sign flickering across the street. He could just head over there, and with Joe's help he could forget all this crap for a while. It would be so easy. So goddamn easy. He'd done it many times before. Over his father. His mom. Ava. Izzie. Gary Clark. Lucy. For a dozen other reasons.

But something stopped Alex from going there now. He wasn't sure why, but he felt he couldn't use booze to cope tonight. Not for this. He needed to talk to Amber. He needed to set her straight. She needed to understand how freakin' dangerous her decisions were. Because if she didn't feel she could depend on him, Alex at least needed to know that she could depend on herself. That she knew how to make good choices.

So, instead he guided his car out of the parking lot and drove to the house.

It was late. Most of the windows were dark as Alex silently let himself into the house. His eyes flicked around the dim empty living room. He didn't know where his sister would be in the house.

Alex peered into the kitchen, seeing April sitting at the table, scribbling in her notebook with a stack of printed papers near the far edge of the tabletop. Probably studying for boards or something.

"Alex," April looked up as he leaned into the room, smiling awkwardly. "You're home. Hi."

Ignoring her greeting, Alex focused on his goal, "Where the hell is Amber?"

"Uh, she's upstairs. Sleeping in your room," April replied, blinking rapidly.

"It's not a freakin' hotel, April."

"I know. But she was dead on her feet. She's exhausted."

"Well that's what happens when you bum your way across the country. It's tough. I gotta talk to her."

"You're still angry."

"Of course I am still angry! She messed up."

"I-It's pretty late..."

"She left Mom. She dropped out of school. She needs to know that there are consequences!"

April stared down at her hands glumly, and gulped nervously, "That's t-true. She sort of said-well, I think Amber is just truant at school, that's a suspension, not dropped out...if that makes a difference. And it's really late. Zola and Meredith are asleep too. You're tired. And...mad. And you're not g-going to accomplish anything tonight that you w-wouldn't be able to in the morning."

So, April was suddenly the expert on his own ability to deal with this? It wasn't even her problem anyway. It was his crap. She shouldn't even worry. She didn't understand it anyway.

"Whatever! I can handle my own family. Butt out!"

"I-uh-sorry. Sorry, I just," April hunched down over the table. "I want to help."

"This is  _not_ your problem!" Alex struggled to control his anger, but he knew he was failing miserably. Here was the death knell of 'operation don't be an ass'.

"Well, I-I don't think Amber is a problem. I mean, she's your sister, you shouldn't think of her like that. She's 17. And she is a part of your life," her voice wavered. "So...so am I right? You've been handling things all by yourself for so long...And I just th-thought maybe I could..."

April had been a part of his life. But no one wanted to be wrapped up in any of this. His family crap? She simply couldn't be a part of this. Nobody would ever choose to. And he could never ask them to. It was probably the reason why nothing had ever worked out with anybody. Not with Izzie or Lucy or anyone.

Alex could never let them all the way in. Never ask them to take on all the disaster that went along with his family. And he could never fully be free of it. Even if he only went home every 7 years. It always came back to bite him in the ass. He was trapped. So, maybe this was the end. And maybe a month was all they'd get.

"You think you can help with this? This in so far above your freakin' head!" Alex felt his anger boil over in full force. Damn it. He was helpless to control it. He gestured animatedly between the two of them.

"In case you haven't noticed, April, there is a  _huge_ deficit in life experience between the two of us! This? This? Its more than just my sister. It's my Mom and my brother, and their crazy, and their bad spells and my jackass fucker of a Dad who isn't there! And you don't get it! You don't understand any of it!"

Alex turned and fled the kitchen. He knew that his words would hurt April. He was good at picking words that hurt people. For Alex it could be called something of an art. He never had any problems cutting right down to the things that could cause the most pain. He didn't want to see her face fall. He knew exactly what that face looked like, and it would only make him feel more guilty to actually watch it spread across her features.

At the foot of the stairs Alex realized that he couldn't go hide out in his freaking room because apparently that was where April had set up his sister to sleep. He was almost mad about that, but it did make logical sense. She wasn't the kind of person who was about to let a guest sleep on the couch. And April couldn't go upstairs. And Amber was  _his_  little sister. Using his room made sense. But it was damned inconvenient.

Alex made a detour to the living room, doing his best to ignore the sounds of quiet sniffling coming from the kitchen. Damn it. He plopped down on the couch and held his head in his hands. He could see things clearly now. He'd heard this before. When he was a kid. Only then it had been his father yelling at his mother. And the sound of her tears coming from the kitchen.

So here it was. The horrible truth Alex had been afraid of facing his whole freaking life. He was just as bad as his father. Just like him. Scum. Worse.

He heard the scraping sound of a kitchen chair and the shuffling clicks of April walking on her crutches. Alex figured she was retreating to her room. Away from him, and all his cruel ways. At least she could do that. Could handle herself. She knew enough to leave. Was able to leave. Not like Mom.

Alex froze as he heard April pause behind the couch. She didn't move for a few moments, and then...? What? He looked up to she her coming around the side of the couch. She hovered at the far end of the furniture, eying him apprehensively. She bit the inside of one cheek and gingerly lowered herself onto the couch, slipping her crutches from her arms and leaning them next to her.

It wasn't like one of their dates though. They weren't close. They weren't touching. Alex sat near one arm, and April near the other, with a whole empty cushion between them. He scowled and looked down again, sniffing. She shouldn't be around him. He'd only mess up. He'd only hurt her. Like his father hurt his mother. Like he'd hurt his sister.

They sat in silence a for few minutes, until April took a shaky breath and began to speak softly.

"My life experiences are as valid as anyone else's, Alex. They're...different, than yours ...but they are just as valid. You...you don't have a moratorium on bad experiences. You don't."

Alex glanced over at her guiltily, saying nothing. Good for her, though. Backbone, even if she was weepy. She'd be okay. Not like his mother.

April continued, "I'm sorry. For whatever happened to you. I really am. I know I don't get it. How can I? You never...never talk about it. I understand why you don't want to talk. And it's okay. I don't mind. I don't."

She was shaking her head earnestly, and inching ever so slightly closer to him. "But, if you don't talk about it, you can't yell at me for not knowing. You can't push everyone away because they don't know. Not knowing doesn't mean we don't care, and it doesn't mean we can't help you."

His nostril's flared, and he sighed. "They shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to. It shouldn't freakin' be like this. Life shouldn't be this full of crap."

Still moving incrementally closer to him April agreed, "It doesn't seem fair. But nothing can make it disappear."

"No."

"And...we're not going to-to leave you, because of all this. Mer's not. I-I don't think Cristina or anyone else is. I...I know I'm not going to."

Alex sighed. He'd been left so many times before.

"And...maybe this is your lifetime's worth of...crap," April added in a high pitched tone. She seemed to fumble over the word she didn't use very often. Way less than Alex used it. It sounded funny to Alex to hear her say it actually.

"Eventually it'll all be smooth sailing. Maybe in 50 years while the rest of us are freaked out about medicare, social security, and broken hips, you'll be laid out on a beach somewhere relaxing. And I'll be complaining about scars, and sunburn and gray hairs," she flicked her hand dismissively, imitating his voice. "And you'll just say, 'Whatever. I already had all my crap.'"

"Heh," Alex chuckled through his closed mouth. April never thought things were just done for. There was always a light on the other end of the tunnel. If only he could feel so sure. Because right now all he could see was the fact that his mom seemed worse than she'd ever been, that his brother was committed, that his sister could have disappeared, and that Alex was no better than his father as a man. No light there. None.

To his shock his half-hearted laughter dissolved into his own shaky tears. What the hell? Alex didn't cry. He hated crying. He hated crying in front of people. And April was his girlfriend. Maybe. Sort of. Not someone you wanted to cry in front of. But he couldn't hold it back anymore. It was like all his anger had converted into this blubbering crap.

"Alex?"

He felt April close the gap between them, her arms tentatively wrapping around his shoulders.

"My Mom-" He struggled uncertain as to why he was speaking. "I called her. She is so out of it. Doesn't even realize Amber is even gone...She wasn't always...I mean yeah, she was always a little different, but she never had  _episodes_ like this when I was a little kid. When I was really little, before Aaron and Amber were even born. She was okay. Until my Dad started beating on her."

April began to rub his back, making small circles between his shoulder blades. It was surprisingly soothing.

"I'm sorry-"

"No, you see? It was me. That's the reason he'd start yelling at her. When he first started drinking and yelling. When he started hitting us. It was because of me. Because I was whiny or whatever, and she couldn't keep me quiet. Then, things got worse and he just broke her. It's my fault. And now I'm just freakin' like him. That's why Amber couldn't even call and tell me how bad Mom is. That's why I am not there. I'm just like him."

Alex let April pull hims closer to her, and he rested his head on her shoulder.

"No, Alex. You are not like him," she said, shaking her head. She sounded so certain. So positive.

"You are a good person, Alex. You don't always do good things but...you feel bad about the things you do...I know you do. And it's not your fault. Your mom just has a disease. That's not your fault. It's no one's fault."

Again, April sounded so sure. Alex could tell that she believed what she said 100%. How the hell did he wind up with someone like this? Because, he wanted to believe it. He almost could. And it made him feel better. To have April here. To say some of this shit out loud.

He sniffed and wiped at his eyes. Freakin' tears. Damn it. Suddenly the box of tissues from the coffee table appeared before his eyes. Rolling his eyes he grabbed one and dabbed his cheeks awkwardly.

"You really don't have to do any of this alone anymore, Alex. If you don't want to," April said quietly. "You don't deserve to feel all this guilt. You don't have to do it all by yourself."

But was just it. Taking care of everything alone. Hadn't that been his subconscious self imposed penance all these years? For making his father freak out their mom? For learning to fight so he could made Dad go away? For not seeing the signs in his brother sooner? For not knowing his little sister? Alex wasn't sure he could let it go.

Except, the past month and a half, Alex had been trying to approach life differently. Because of the earthquake. Because of April. And so far, that hadn't been a bad decision. It hadn't lead him wrong. It'd made many parts of his life much better. Maybe he should extend it to dealing with his family.

He sighed, letting out a huge shuddering breath. Somehow Alex felt like he was about to jump out of a plane. And he didn't know if his parachute was going to work. But he was going to jump anyway.

"Okay. You can help. Okay."

April leaned her head on his, "We'll figure something out, okay? For Amber. And your Mom."

Alex shifted his arm so that he was embracing April too, and nodded numbly.

"I may lack life experience's about relationships, but I do know a lot about families. And about sisters," April cautiously teased after a long silence.

He couldn't help but smirk, "Oh yeah? Of course you do. Related to half of Ohio...Lucky me."

"I think we both fill each other's knowledge gaps."

"Yeah...Look, I'm uh, sorry. About what I said earlier or whatever..." Alex said, slipping his hand into hers and squeezing.

"Yeah. I know."

Alex bit back a yawn and stretched. That's the trouble with crying. It made you look like a wuss, and it wore you out. He needed to sleep.

"I guess I am rocking the couch tonight," he said tilting his head toward the stairs and thinking of his slumbering sister in his own room.

"Well, actually..." April cleared her throat and bit her lower lip. "You d-don't...have to. I mean...you c-can stay with me in my b-bed. If you want."

Alex sat up straight and looked at her incredulously. April was inviting him to share a bed with her? Even if he knew that he was unlikely to get laid tonight, he was surprised she would offer for them to share, even for sleeping. April could be strange about stuff like that.

"Really? You'd be comfortable with that?"

"Just to sleep," April said raising one finger and pointing it at his chest. "No...nothing...else. Not that I don't think I want- I mean..."

Her cheeks flushed to the deepest shade of red that Alex had ever seen them. She seemed to shake herself, and continued, "What I mean is...we...I do want to-you know-just...tonight's not the night."

Alex nodded. Amen to that. She'd just seen him cry. Couldn't exactly be a boost to his sex appeal. And that didn't even count all that emotional crap.

"Alright," he agreed. "Tonight isn't the night. We'll just sleep...and uh, thanks. Thank you."

"It's fine. You are more than welcome...You'll have to be careful...when we sleep, I mean, I'm still not really supposed to jostle my leg or anything. I have to prop it up with pillows, so I can only spare one...and you'll have to take the left side of the bed," she added nervously.

"You got it," Alex replied. He could manage that. Easy.

April grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him on the cheek. He stood up, and helped her get back on her crutches, before they carefully walked over to her room. She turned on the light and limped inside, while Alex stayed in the doorway, surveying the room.

"What?"

" _So_ much flowery crap."

"I like it. Shut up," April fired back, a faint smile tugging at her lips.

Alex smirked. Maybe having someone else wasn't so bad afterall. Maybe the parachute would work.


	9. Chapter 9

It was kind of nice, April decided, as she lay in bed next to Alex in the early hours of the morning the next day. Strange, but nice. Having someone else sleep in your bed with you, that is. Like a guy. A  _boyfriend_  sort of guy. Someone who wasn't Kimmie. Or Reed. Or Kenny Dirkin.

The previous night, she'd been so anxious and jittery that it seemed like every single twitch or move that Alex made caused April to wake up. She was normally a pretty light sleeper, and with Alex there, in such close proximity, that trait was magnified. Not that he tossed and turned too much. April's leg had been fine the whole night. Alex fell asleep quickly and appeared to be a deep sleeper.

Which, on reflection, April figured was probably a good thing. Because every time she'd woken up, before she could doze off again, she hadn't been able to stop herself from watching Alex. Not that she was being creepy or anything. Well, she didn't mean to be. It was fascinating. He was fascinating. April liked having him so close. In sleep all the stress and pain that she'd seen on his face that night vanished. Alex was warm and solid, and completely relaxed. His eyes flicked around behind his closed eyelids. He was dreaming. She wondered what he was dreaming about.

When April finally did fall deeply asleep herself, she found that she was still vaguely aware of Alex's presence nearby. She'd woken up early, as usual, but today the sounds of soft snores greeted her, and Alex's arm was draped across her stomach. And April couldn't really remember her own dreams, but she had the vague sense that they'd been happy. Alex moaned and shifted, turning on his side, now facing away from her.

Having someone else sleep in your bed was strange, but nice. And it was something April could very get used to.  _Easily._

Sighing, April decided it was time to get up, so she sat up and reached for her crutches. She rose, and headed out of her room, slipping on her robe and leaving Alex asleep on her bed. She was surprised to find Amber eating a breakfast bowl of cereal with Derek in the kitchen.

Waving off April's inquiring gaze, at seeing her up so early, the girl had simply explained, "Timezones".

As she went about making her own breakfast, an alarm went off in her room, causing Alex to groan loudly. After some ruffling sounds, he emerged bleary eyed and yawning, making a beeline past the kitchen, directly to the bathroom. The fact that he'd come out of April's bedroom escaped no one's notice. Soon the sound of running water could be heard in the kitchen. Sitting at the table between Derek and Amber, April ducked her head and shoved a mouthful of cereal in her mouth.

Shepherd only coughed and raised his eyebrows as he finished his last mouthfuls of food, but Amber smirked, with a glint in her eyes.

"I thought you said you _weren't_  sleeping with him..."

April flushed, feeling mortified as Derek rose and placed his bowl in the sink.

"I-I did...but we only...I mean, we're not...That's really none of-"

"My freakin' business. I know. Whatever you did, thanks for keeping him from reading me he riot act last night. I was beat."

Glancing up as Shepherd moved through the kitchen headed for the stairs, April winced apologetically.

Smiling slightly, Derek only held up his hands and said, "Don't worry. I don't even want to know..."

"Alex is still going to have to talk with you," April said after the older surgeon had disappeared up the stairs.

"Yeah, yeah," Amber mumbled.

"I'm being serious Amber. Hitch-hiking is-"

Rolling her eyes and tilting her head from side to side, the girl chimed in, "Very dangerous. I know. Whatever. It's probably not the best decision I ever made."

"Probably not?" April prodded with raised brows.

Amber shrugged and had smiled faintly, "Definitely not."

April smiled back and they ate the rest of their breakfasts together. She was glad that Amber seemed to be aware of the potential consequences of her actions. When they finished eating, April went about getting ready for the day. She had a feeling it would be interesting, and she turned out to be right.

Things got started before anyone even left the house. Alex hadn't trusted his sister to be left to her own devices, and he didn't have time to talk with her in a meaningful way before work. So, with much protest from everyone involved, Amber was left under the supervision of Derek who had the day off. He'd complained that all he wanted to do was to play with Zola and catch up on sleep, while Amber whined that she was 17, and didn't need a babysitter.

Which had almost set Alex off into another angry fight with his sister, because, "The way you freakin' got here proves that you need supervision!"

Luckily, after his conversation with April the previous night, Alex didn't let everything dissolve into a shouting match. He'd also allowed Meredith and April to convince Derek to do watch Amber, because it wouldn't be so bad, it was only a half day, and he could sleep after April came home.

Alex had grumbled, and scowled, and sighed, but in the end he'd allowed them to help. Which to April seemed like a pretty big step.

Once the Amber situation was settled, Meredith, Alex and April headed to the hospital. She'd gone to physical therapy and then spent her second half day at work getting back into the scheduling side of being chief resident. April enjoyed performing at least part of her old job, and decided that the position kind of worked in her favor in light of her injury. A big part of being chief resident was administrative, so April was happy to slide back into that as best she could. You could plan schedules on crutches.

April saw Alex a couple of times throughout her day, and he'd only been able to give her small waves as he walked to and from surgeries. It'd felt different, since she'd woken up next to him that morning. Not that anything had changed really. It was just a sleeping arrangement after all. Still, April felt different. Her heart skipped a beat every time he crossed her path. She felt closer to Alex. Especially in light of the fact that he'd told her more about his family and accepted her offer to help.

But it was also slightly disheartening to watch Alex and all of her friends and housemates busily performing procedures and building up OR time in preparation for boards. April was now even more determined to get down to one crutch, and back to surgery.

The rest of the morning passed quickly, and soon she was ready to head home. She hoped that Derek and Amber had managed alright. In the back of her mind, April had been mulling over ideas on how to help Alex and his family. A chance encounter in the parking lot with a Seattle Grace attending gave April spark of inspiration.

"Hello Dr. Kepner," Webber smiled, with his hands in his pockets, as they walked past each other. "Nice to see you back working again."

"Thank you Chief...I mean...Dr. Webber."

April had gripped her crutches and was already two car lengths down the aisle when her eyes widened and she turned around as quickly as she could.

"Uh, Dr. Webber wait! C-can I ask you something? Personal?"

After getting Webber's answer, she quickly headed home. April cautiously let herself into the house, uncertain as to how she'd find things.

"Hello?" No one replied, so she followed the sounds of animated voices coming from the living room.

"Hello?" April tried again as she walked up to the couch where Amber and Derek were sitting pouring over the plans for his new house which were laid out on the coffee table. Only Zola, nestled on her father's lap, acknowledged April's greeting, looking up and grinning toothily.

"Dude," Amber said excitedly. "Bay windows are awesome. This stuff is so cool."

"You think so?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, I love this sort of thing. I, uh, I used to have this game on our computer. Before Aaron broke it," the teen replied wincing and scratching her neck. "And there was this game, called The Sims? You make people and stuff, but I didn't really play for that. I loved it because you could design their houses. Man, I loved that game."

"So you like architecture," Shepherd concluded, tickling Zola and making the baby squeal.

"Yeah, back then I thought about being an architect or something...but whatever," she rolled her eyes. "Aaron broke the cd like last year."

The unspoken addendum to that statement was, unfortunately, last year when my brother tried to kill me. April frowned at the sad and forlorn expression that marred Amber's features. Another idea popped into her head.

Noticing the change in Amber's attitude, and eying the girl with a concerned gaze,Derek continued, "Tell me about some of the homes you designed when you had the game."

Amber shrugged shyly and began to speak, "One time, I made this house that had a moat..."

Since they seemed to be getting along well enough, April decided to quietly slip into her own room. She settled in on her bed, powered up her lap top and began to research her two, hopefully useful ideas. Soon she found tat and more information, and her printer whirred to life. By the time Alex got home she'd gotten two nicely prepared packets of information ready. Just in case the ideas did help.

Dinner was an awkward affair for those at home because, well, everyone in the house, Jackson, Lexie, April, and Meredith and Derek, all knew that the big 'talk' between Alex and his sister would happen afterward. It was a necessary conversation, inevitable, given circumstances within the Karev family. Inevitable and certainly not enviable. And no matter how much they all wanted to help, this had to start with Alex and Amber. They would be the decision makers. Any assistance April and the rest of the house could give had to come after that,and had to support whatever choice the siblings made. Because they were family.

So most ate quickly, talked sparsely and retreated to their rooms or back to the hospital as fast as they possibly could, leaving Alex and Amber alone at the kitchen table.

April hovered in the kitchen doorway. She knew this was a family thing. And she wasn't family. Yet. She realized now, that on some level, she wanted to be. She really did. Not just because of Alex. Even after knowing Amber for a short time, April worried for the teen. She wanted things to work out well for her. She wanted to see them work out.

Then again, April knew that these kinds of thoughts were probably ridiculous. People would probably say she was one of those crazy girlfriends who immediately thinks of marriage after a date. Although, she had had  _more_  than one date with Alex. And she wasn't really thinking about marriage per say. Just the idea of being a part of Alex's family. A part of his life. That couldn't be too bad. So, maybe April wasn't that crazy.

"We're not gonna kill each other," Alex said, as he noticed her continued hovering, his voice serious but teasing.

"Speak for yourself," Amber added, arms crossed, her tone much less playful.

"I know," April said jerking out of her thoughts. She moved to the counter and grabbed the printed pages of research she'd gotten ready in the afternoon. "I, uh, looked into some stuff for you guys...I t-thought it might help keep the conversation...well...constructive, you know? Give you a few starting p-points...And..."

She nervously slid the papers onto the table in front of Alex and Amber. This likely seemed a little odd to them, but April really did think some of her ideas and the stuff she'd researched might help.

"It's color coded by subject..."April continued lamely gesturing to the carefully highlighted marks on the pages in front of them. She gulped. Yeah, they thought it was weird.

Feeling strangely embarrassed April turned to leave, noticing a plate of cookies on the counter top. On second thought, maybe that might help too. At the very least, a few sweets couldn't hurt. It was going to be a serious conversation after all. So, she slid the cookies onto the table too.

"I'll..just leave you two to it then. I'm gonna, um go to my room. Study for boards..."

Before she could pull her hands away Alex grabbed one of them, and squeezed, "Thanks. For the help. We, uh...well, thank you."

"G-good luck," April flushed inexplicably, and nodded, before turning and leaving the kitchen.

"Don't go too far," Amber called after, half joking, and half serious. "We might need a referee!"

* * *

Alex sighed as he watched April leave the kitchen. He really wished she were in here talking to his sister instead. She was better with emotional crap like this. Better at laying down rules too. But Alex knew that he was Amber's brother. And right now he was the only responsible adult in her family. So he had to deal on his own. Mostly.

He laughed internally. A packet color coded by subject. April was still helping him, even if she wasn't the one who had to discipline Amber.

When April was gone he stared at his hands and messed with the papers she'd left in front of him. Lifting his eyes ever so slightly, Alex could see Amber drumming her fingers on her own set of papers. Silence continued between them, and it felt like all the tension of yesterday was back in full force.

"Amber, I know Mom is bad," Alex finally said, working as hard as he could to keep his voice calm, and to not allow his anger to control him.

"I know she is. But you shouldn't have just left like that, okay? It's no excuse to bum out on school and stuff. Never use all this crap with mom as an excuse." Sighing he finally lifted his eyes so he could see her face.

Amber pursed her lips and ignored his words. Her eyes were still focused on the door April had just left. She crossed her arms.

"I think you know was pretty dangerous coming here by yourself," Alex continued, taking slow deep breaths, and trying to resist the urge to scream. If she would just act like she got it. If he could see just some little sign, Like she'd learned something from all this.

"If something had happened to you...I mean you could have been...uh kidnapped or...I mean there are creepy dudes out there just waiting to..."

"Funny thing," Amber sneered, deceptively calm. "You cheat death once and nothing spooks you ever again."

"I know," Alex realized that he didn't exactly know his sister all that well, but he could see plainly now, just how much the whole incident with Aaron had affected her.

"No you don't! You didn't even stay!" His little sister evidently had no intention of controlling her angry outbursts. It egged on his own frustration and he began to fire back.

Alex slammed the sides of his hands on the surface of the table, "I have a job! You think it's easy to get Mom's medication? Or to pay for Aaron's placement? I have to work. I can't be everywhere. I can't take care of everybody! I can't... _do_  everything!"

"You can't do anything because you are never there! So, whatever. I hitch-hiked."

"No. It does matter. It would worry Mom if she wasn't...It does worry me."

"You're worried? You're not my freakin' father!"

Now they were both angry. He frowned and sighed. He wasn't her father. And he didn't feel like much of a brother either. Alex placed both elbows on the table and held his head in his hands. It seemed like they were talking in circles.

He heard Amber rustling the pile of paper in front of her. Then she snorted, and chuckled. Not exactly the kind of response Alex had expected. His heart sank and his frustration grew. Amber clearly didn't take this crap seriously at all. He lifted his head ready to yell at her again when she spoke in a strange radio announcer type of voice.

"Do you have unresolved conflict in your family?" She was looking down at the packet in front of her.

Alex made a face. "What?"

"Page three. That's what it says. 'Do you have unresolved conflict in your family?: 4 steps for resolution,'" Amber read dutifully.

Looking down at his own set of the papers that April had left them, Alex quickly flipped to the pages. He scanned the neatly highlighted words. There were articles on 'Cultivating Effective Communication Skills', 'Strategies For Forgiveness', and 'Teenagers and Responsibility'. The back pages included Iowa School District attendance regulations, a list of in-home and night nurses with mental health specialties in the Davenport area, and admission and program requirements for the University of Washington Architecture program. April had pulled out all the stops.

Despite himself and the situation, Alex shook his head and chuckled, "What the hell did she look up?"

Amber was laughing slightly too, and shaking her head in disbelief, "Look at all of this...stuff to help us, I guess. She meant it. When she said she wanted to help. She really meant it. I never...people don't usually mean it..."

"No, they don't." Alex smirked, "Her and her freakin' lists."

Amber pursed her lips and surreptitiously grabbed a cookie. He reached for one at the same time and their hands brushed each other. He realized that the last time he'd actually touched her he'd been holding her hand at the hospital after Aaron's psychotic break. Amber seemed aware of this too and quickly drew her hand back, staring back at him with guarded eyes as she bit into her cookie.

"We do need the help...don't we? I mean...we are pretty messed up, right?"

Alex, suddenly not so interested in eating, curled his fingers into a fist and shrugged. "Yeah...and, uh... I'm not really good at any of this."

"Me neither."

"We probably need a therapist," Amber said scrunching her nose up in distaste.

"I'm not really a fan of head shrinks."

"Me neither."

Alex frowned. Therapists and counselors and crap. To him it all felt like it was skirting a little to close to madness. To the kind of condition his mom and his brother suffered from. That was why after the shooting, Alex had tried to finish counselling as quickly as possible. He wanted to be no where near a head shrink. Because he wasn't nuts. He knew what nuts looked like.

He winced and used the fingers of his other hand to carefully pull the papers closer to him.

Amber swallowed her mouthful of cookie, and lifted her own packet to her face, "But...maybe we could try to use this stuff...like...look at page one? 'Tips for Repairing Fractured Familial Relationships'...I mean, that's what we have, isn't it?"

"Okay," Alex said tentatively, reading through the guide and studiously ignoring the fact that these very articles were probably written by the dreaded head shrinks he and Amber desperately wanted to avoid. Whatever. At least, it was a place to start. something in their own control. "It says that first we should just, uh, talk. Like about neutral normal, everyday crap. Not the stuff that makes us fight..."

"Right...okay."

And talk they did. For hours. About tons of things from football, to movies, and favorite foods. Alex realized that this was the first time he'd ever  _really_ talked to his sister since she'd grown up. And talking to Amber, he could now see that she had grown. She wasn't the little girl he'd said goodbye to on his way to medical school. She was smart, funny, and tough. Amber shared Alex's trait for brutal honesty and irreverence.

Everything you'd want in a kid sister and more. Everything Alex could think of. It was nice getting to know her. He probably should have made more of an effort before.

After they talked for a while, things were less tense. It became easier to address the other stuff. The things that made them mad. Alex and Amber slowly worked through the pages of April's packets. It was easier, having the lists of stuff to talk about. Of ways to talk about the things they never talked about.

Amber finally explained to him the reason she'd been suspended from school. It wasn't that she didn't care about school. She'd been suspended for being absent and tardy. Their mom's bad patch was the real reason.

Amber looked down at her hands, "Mom started waking up at night and stuff...and she'd try to leave the house and whatever. So I'd have to keep an eye on her. And...I was just so tired..."

Alex nodded. He understood that. His mother had done that when he was a kid too. Before Dad left. Before they had meds.

He finally told Amber about some of the crap he'd been through at her age. So she'd know that when he said he understood about living with Mom, it was because he'd actually done it. And worse. Alex glossed over most of the details about their father, but tried to show her that it was a good thing, in the end that he'd left. That it was better for Amber, in the long run, even if she didn't remember him.

They stayed in the kitchen long into the night, planning what to do with their mother. Alex thought the whole in-home care nurse was a brilliant idea. He'd thought of something like it before. Amber liked the idea too. Because, it would be better for her. Easier. To have another adult, a professional, no less, who would look out for their mom and make sure she took her pills. Of course money was always the crux of things.

Only, on page 17, April had included a list of mental health resources Alex had never heard of, available in Iowa, and covered by his own freakin' insurance. It was doable. Money might be kind of tight until Alex made attending, but he thought that it would work. And Amber wanted to go home. At least for now. She didn't think she would stay in Iowa after high school, but wanted to at least finish up her senior year at St. Xavier's.

Smirking happily and pointing to the last pages of information that April had printed out, about freakin' architecture school, Amber said, "Who knows? Maybe I could come to college in Seattle?"

Alex rolled his eyes, "You should probably focus on finishing at St. Xavier's first. But you could. If you got in. It uh, it might be cool."

"You think I could do it?"

He shrugged, "You made it from Davenport to Seattle all by yourself. I'm pretty sure if you put your mind to it, you could get in. If you studied or whatever."

Amber beamed, and Alex couldn't help but smile at her too.

When they finally ironed out a plan for their Mom, it was well past midnight. Alex yawned and pushed back his chair to stand up. Amber rose too, and turned to face him.

"I'm good with the couch or whatever, if you want your bed back..."

"Nah," Alex shrugged. He'd actually didn't mind sharing with April again. In fact, he enjoyed it. Even if it was only for sleeping. "I'm good down here."

His sister smirked, and then looked down thoughtfully at the papers in her hands. The papers that had broken the ice between them in a way. Glancing down at his own stack, Alex could hardly believe it. They'd had more progress in his family tonight, than had happened in years. If ever. All because of a few 'starting points' that April had thought might help.

"I know I never met your, uh, ex-wife," Amber said quietly. "But I think I like April. As a girlfriend or whatever. She seems better. For what it's worth."

"Me too," Alex replied scratching his neck. "And, uh...it's worth a lot."

After quietly getting ready for bed, Alex slipped into April's room, expecting her to be fast asleep. The lights were dimmed, but a desk lamp on her nightstand was illuminated and a book lay open on her chest on the bed. He could tell that she was sleepy though, by the way she was blearily squinting at the pages.

When she saw him enter April sniffed and rubbed her eyes, closing her book and settling it on the nightstand, "So...everything okay?"

"Yeah. Better than it's been in a long time."

Alex shook his head. She didn't have any idea how much she had helped. He had never talked with Amber or anyone about his family life. For years it'd been easier for him to ignore things. To tread water. But now? He and Amber had a plan. It could be the start of something completely different for the Karevs.

Alex climbed into the bed next to April and pulled her into a deep kiss. She seemed taken off guard for a moment and when the kiss ended she placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back slightly. His brow furrowed. She seemed really nervous.

"I-I...we are, um _sleeping_ , sleeping...right? I mean, I don't think I'm quite ready to-to..."

Oh geez. He hadn't meant it to be a 'Let's screw' sort of kiss. Not that he didn't want to screw. At some point. Hopefully sooner rather than later. But this? He'd only wanted her to know grateful he was. He just didn't have the words.

"Keep your dirty mind out of the gutter, Kepner," he joked, wrapping his arm beneath her and letting her head rest on his chest.

"I, um...s-sorry. I just wasn't sure..."

"I'm not bothered. It's just...all that stuff you looked up? The list? It really helped. We talked. We have a plan and everything...so, I just, thanks or whatever...I wasn't trying to rush you or anything. We are _sleeping_  sleeping."

"Oh," April said quietly. She stayed quiet for a minute, gingerly twisting the fabric of his tank top with one hand.

"I suppose," she continued. "If we weren't _sleeping_  sleeping, we'd still end up...sleeping..."

Alex bit his bottom lip and smiled at the ceiling.

"For crying out loud, April," he teased. "You can go ahead and say sex. And yeah, you usually sleep afterwords."

"Right," she gulped.

"Don't worry so much."

Running his hand up and down her arm, Alex laughed a little. She'd been doing this whole 'if we did' thing in recent weeks. They'd be making out, and he'd reach somewhere or whatever, and she'd just say, 'if we did' blah, blah, blah.

It was like April was a character in one of those late night alien movies where a UFO crashes into the town and everyone goes to look at it. The townspeople would inch closer and closer to spaceship, checking it out from every possible angle. They'd poke it with a stick, and look at it with a magnifying glass before they'd get close. April circled the topic of sex much the same way, with a wide birth at first, occasionally prodding with questions, and over time she'd brought it up more and more.

Alex guessed it was her way of getting used to everything. Of gathering information and ticking off some freaking list in her head. Since April had never done it before. Her and her freakin' lists.

It didn't matter anyway. Alex could wait. He'd never been that kind of guy before, but now, in this relationship at least, sex wasn't the end all be all. Not that it wasn't important. Just, he was okay with April going at her own pace. He'd manage.

Especially after the help she'd given him and Amber today. So he sighed and squeezed her arm.

"Sleep tight."

* * *

April carefully unlocked the door to the house, poking her head around the edge. Her eyes darted around, looking for any signs of life in the house. Holding her shopping bags as close to her person as she could, April held the handles of her crutches and slipped into the house. She knew she couldn't exactly tiptoe, but she was doing her absolute best not to be loud. Because there was absolutely _no way_  April wanted to get caught with the contents of her shopping bag.

Having to pay for it at the bookstore checkout had been embarrassing enough.

Alex had been in Iowa for the 3 days, taking Amber home and getting things settled with his mother. It was the longest they'd ever really been apart since their whole relationship had started. April knew that she was going to miss him, but she'd been startled by how much. Maybe it was because she was still only working half days, and had more time to think about it. At any rate, she felt Alex's absence acutely, and it made her realize just how much a part of her life Alex had become.

And, she'd come to a decision. April felt ready, to...well, she felt ready to  _not_  be a virgin. She was ready.

So, when Alex came back she wanted to have sex. Make love. Get it on. Screw. Because she could call _it_  by... proper names...when she wanted to. She just need a plan. Research.

Sex was definitely not April's area of expertise. And it wasn't a topic she could ask her mother about. And no matter how much nerve she tried to build up on the phone, April also couldn't bring herself to ask Libby. Or Kimmie. Or Alice. Even if they were all married. And had children. Which meant that they'd obviously...

And just how do you bring that up in conversation anyway? With your younger sisters? Awkward. Even if they occasionally told April more than she strictly wanted to know, April had no idea how to talk about the topic of 'the bedroom' with any of her sisters.

So, April was going to turn to reading. To the trusty pages of books. Because she'd always learned from studying. Of course getting the books had been an adventure in and of itself. She felt like her whole trip to Barnes and Noble had been spent with her cheeks beet red. But she'd done it, and now she had the information she needed.

Locking the door behind her April moved through the living room, hoping to make it to her bedroom unnoticed. She winced and froze when Lexie's voice drifted in from the kitchen.

"April? That you?"

"Uh, yeah..." April bit her lip and eyed the distance to her bedroom. She could hear Lexie jogging over from the kitchen. Even though her mobility had continued to improve by leaps and bounds in the month and a half since the earthquake, she knew that she could never make it to her room before the younger Grey intercepted her.

Sure enough a grinning Lexie appeared in the living room doorway, carrying to a can of soda and a bottle of beer.

"Hey," she said happily, offering the soda to April. "I know your still on Naproxin so...no alchohol."

"Ah," April lifted one hand and took the offered beverage. "Thank you."

She tried to inch closer to her room, but Lexie stared at her quizzically, and gestured emphatically for April to sit down. Gingerly, she slipped off her crutches and sat down next to the fourth year resident, still clutching her bags.

"Everything okay? I figured you might be lonely. Jackson and everyone studying, and I know you must miss Alex," Lexie continued, shaking her head.

"What's your deal with him anyway? I mean...are you together? How did that even happen? You never said. You guys are just so...unexpected."

"Well, we...we uh," April stammered, and her mouth began to run, like it always did when she was nervous.

"Yeah. I-I always kind of liked him. He's a great person, underneath everything. And...he...well, with the earthquake and everything. He acts different. I mean, I know it's not that obvious, but I can tell. And I almost died, and life's too short, and I just thought... why shouldn't we just try to see how things go? And...Alex said okay, and...we've had fun. I think. I mean I have, and Alex never says he isn't having fun and he doesn't mind planning new things to do..."

Her eyes widened, when she realized she'd said too much. April brushed her hair behind her ears and quietly said, "He makes me feel...awesome. Even with my leg. And my...me-ness."

"Well," Lexie said carefully. "That's good. But make sure you really like him for him. He deserves that. He deserves not to get hurt or left behind. He's a good guy. Make sure you really like him, and your heart isn't just living in your vagina. That was my mistake."

April blinked and opened her mouth to speak several times before she finally stammered, "I-my heart's living...what?"

"You know," Lexie said lifting her eyebrows. "You know. Be with him for the right reasons. Not just because of the earthquake. Not just because he is good in bed. Make sure you like him for him and for more than just the sex."

"Oh. Oh god. N-no. I really d-do like Alex. Himself. Not because of...I'm...I...We-we haven't."

She shifted, suddenly uncomfortably aware of the fact that Lexie not only was much more experienced in this sort of thing than April, but had in fact at one time been sleeping with Alex.

"Oh come on, you two've been...I mean I found you guys hot and heavy on the couch a month ago," Lexie was disbelieving. "You  _still_  haven't? But I can't imagine Alex not making a move...Really? And he hasn't said anything or?"

April shrugged, her cheeks flushing even more deeply than at the bookstore, "He s-said he wasn't b-bothered. And, I mean, we do other...uh, stuff...not...nothing like...anyway. He...he doesn't seem to mind. Well, not that much...with my leg and all."

She closed her eyes and held her head back, silently cursing her mouth for running farther than she'd intended. Again. Without opening her eyes, April heard Lexie continue.

"Well, if Alex has been willing to wait...oh, April he must really like you."

April grunted lightly in confirmation and bit her lip. She reached for her crutches and stammered, "I think I am just going to..."

She was cut off by the tell tale ripping sound of the plastic bag she was carrying. Damn it. Her purchases tumbled out of the bottom of the sac and onto the living room floor. Kneeling and picking stuff up was definitely something April knew her leg wasn't up to. Damn it.

Lexie quickly reached down to grab the fallen texts, saying, "Oops, sorry about that. Ooh what did you ge...Oh my God!"

April ducked her head. She felt like she was on the verge of disintegrating from embarrassment. When she glanced over at Lexie she saw the other woman was incredulously reading the titles of the fallen books.

"'The Art of Seduction'? 'The Karma Sutra'?" She pulled the books back as April made a grab for them. Damn it.

"April!" Lexie continued, her eyes wide and a smile playing at her lips. "You! You are planning to seduce him, aren't you? When he gets back! I never would have thought you had it in you."

April crossed her arms. This was the absolute _worst_  worst part of living in this stupid house. Everyone knew everyone else's business. It hadn't really been a big deal before. When April didn't really have any business for people to snoop in. Now that she did, it sucked.

"Surely you don't need..."

April made another grab for the books, and this time she was successful. She held them to her chest and glowered indignantly, "I understand the mechanics! Just because I am a virgin doesn't mean I am oblivious...I-I just..wanted to do a little research. Don't laugh."

Sensing April's distress, Lexie backed off, holding her hands up, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It makes sense...I guess."

"You think it's weird."

"No. Yes. Just...sex isn't exactly an exam or something you can get prepared for. You kinda of just, go with it. In the moment."

"I am not really an 'in the moment' type of person," April said dejectedly.

"And Alex...he's no virgin. He's...And I know I am not that..." she cleared her throat. "I'm not a 'sexy' sort of person. I'm ordinary."

"No-" Lexie tried to cut in, but April was on a roll.

"I've always been ordinary. I've cornered the market on ordinary. And Alex...I'm not an acrobat...and my leg isn't exactly a plus...I just want to make sure...he doesn't...if I'm not g-good at it..."

She sank dejectedly into the cushions of the couch.

Lexie tilted her head to one side and sighed. "April, he's not going to ditch you if you're not good at sex. Really, I am telling you, if he's waited this long already, it is not about the sex. It's about _you_. If he really just wanted sex, Alex could easily go down to some bar and pick up some..."

"Skank," April supplied glumly.

"Some skank, and get laid. Like he used to. But...is he doing that? No. He's been watching movies with you and going to the park with you. He's hanging out with you. That means this is about you. And I haven't seen Alex act that way since...since Izzie."

April hated her curiosity, but she couldn't help but ask, "Even with you?"

Lexie chuckled sadly, "No. Not at all. Ours was a convenient thing. He'd just been dumped. Mark'd just tried to make me a step-grandmother...it was all a little ridiculous."

"Mark tried to make you a s-step-grandmother?" April sputtered. What did that even mean?

Slack jawed, she stared. She'd never heard about that. It must have been when she'd been temporarily fired. Or something. It seemed like Seattle Grace was full of stuff like this. Coming in with the merger, April felt like she'd never fully get caught up.

Lexie caught April's eye and they burst out laughing.

"Like I said, ridiculous. Though...now..." Lexie looked melancholy, sighing. "Anyway, nothing like how you guys are. Go. Read your books. But, you can't learn it all from them. Just...go with the flow. You'll...be fine."

Go with the flow. You'll be fine. Go with the flow. Okay. Easier said than done.

On the night Alex got back from Iowa, 2 days later, April tried to keep the mantra going in her head. She picked him up at the airport, and tried to keep her nerves in check on the way home as he described getting Amber and his mom settled in Iowa. Alex kept shooting her concerned looks from the passenger seat.

April was twitchy as they walked into the house, and Alex finally nudged her shoulder asking, "What's with you?"

She shook her head vigorously, "N-nothing. I'm just really happy you are back."

Alex threw his bag on the ground and kicked off his shoes and settled in his favorite spot on the couch. "So, you missed me."

"Sure," she teased. "I missed you."

"Hah! Good. I missed you too."

April hovered by her bedroom door, uncertain how to...how to say what she wanted to say. Alex stretched and placed his arms behind his head and continued, "And I actually missed the weather. Seattle mist actually grows on you."

"Yup..." April said.

"It'll be nice to get back to work. Nice to be back at the house. Have my own car. My own bed..."

That's it. April gulped. This was her chance. No better opportunity to bring it up. She shifted and gulped again. She loudly cleared her throat.

"Seriously, you okay? I have some gum or whatever from the plane if your throat hurts..."

"N-no. I, uh, you d-don't have to go up to your b-bed...maybe...tonight...tonight's...the night. If you wanted to. Because...because I do."

Alex froze for a second and then shot up from the couch and slowly approached April.

"April? Do you mean you want to?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Y-yeah," April gasped as he moved closer, backing her up to the door.

A smile spread across Alex's face, and he leaned forward and kissed April, running his hands up and down her arms. Some how they pushed into her room, made it to the bed and sank down on the edge. Her crutches clattered to the floor. Alex began to pull at the buttons of her sweater.

When they pulled back from the kiss, April breathlessly smiled at Alex, feeling slightly giddy. It was really happening. Finally, it was really happening. She blinked and swallowed again. With him,  _that_  close, right there, everything she'd read in her books flew from her head. Practically everything ever that she'd ever known flew from her mind.

"You're scared, aren't you?" Alex asked as he finished the last button on her sweater. "Look, if you're not-"

"No!" she squeaked.

It wasn't like she was afraid of it. Well, only a little. And it was different than her fear in the on call room, all those months ago. It was a good fear. A thrill fear. Like the way you feel on a roller coaster as the ride slowly jerks its way up the tracks, before it reaches the big dip. You know it's going to be awesome, and the butterflies in your stomach are just anticipation.

"Not scared. The last time we almost did this...you yelled at me and...it's stupid. I really do want to..."

He nodded and leaned forward and did something to her neck that made April gasp.

"I'm not gonna yell at you. I promise."

"I-I know, it's just...I k-know you've been with a b-bunch...who...prettier...no scars," April found that she couldn't make sense. Not when he was by her neck like that. She closed her eyes and let the sensations of his lips on her skin spread through her.

"I'm not keeping score. And," Alex kissed her again. "I don't care about your scars. Don't be scared. I can make it good for you."

April shrugged her way out of the sweater and let it fall to the floor by the bed. Alex pulled at them hem of her tank top and soon it joined the sweater on the floor. It didn't take long before the sweater and the tank top became a pile of both their sets of clothes.

She'd thought it would feel, exposed, or embarrassing to be so,  _naked_. Even if Alex said he didn't mind any scars. April still sort of did. Or she'd thought she did. She normally would. Logically, it seemed like it should be more awkward but, somehow, in the moment, April didn't feel like that at all. Not with the way Alex whispered, "Nice freakin' boobs..." when her bra joined the clothes pile. Not when he could make her toes curl with a single touch. Or the way looked at her when everything came off. That made her feel like she was the envy of every woman in the world.

And Alex, well, he was gorgeous. April didn't really know what to do with her hands, and she couldn't really help but let them roam up and down his chest and back. Which seemed to work for Alex, judging by the sounds he made.

"Lay back," he said quietly, gently pushing her down to the bed. Here we go.

April let herself fall back, and he was by her neck again, and she couldn't keep track of anything, time, space, feelings. It was too much and then he was suddenly by her breast and he was running his hands all over and it felt amazing and...

"April," Alex said.

"Yeah?" she murmured, as he moved his legs across the bed, so that he was hovering above her, careful of her leg.

"Don't hold your breath."

Oh, right. Right. Breathe.

It was probably a first, but she finally let her whirring mind settle down. For once, April let herself be completely 'in the moment'. She took a deep steadying breath.

Go with the flow. You'll be fine. Her last coherent thoughts of the evening.


	10. Chapter 10

Alex sniffed and shifted as he lay tangled in the floral sheets of April's bed. Early morning sunlight shone through the blinds of her bedroom window and right into his eyes. He reached up a hand and rubbed his eyes before he opened them and squinted around the room. He smirked and rolled over to look at the person sleeping next to him tangled up in the same tangled mess of sheets.

Alex Karev typically didn't wake up early. In fact, waking up early was one of this least favorite things to do in life. Alex also didn't usually wake up next to the girl he slept with. Not since Izzie and Lucy left. He was used to finding the other side of the bed empty. If he'd picked the chick up somewhere, they'd wake up first and skulk off, or if he was at their place he'd leave first. Of course that was before. Things were different with April. Everything was different with her.

Talk about role reversal. April Kepner did not sleep in. In the whole entire time Alex had known her, she was always one of the first ones in the house to wake up. Even when she'd been in the hospital, loopy with drugs, she'd tended to wake up early. Maybe it was the farm childhood or whatever. And April didn't generally snore either. At least she hadn't on those few nights he'd shared her bed when Amber was in his room.

But right now April was dead to the world, and for anyone else the little sounds she made as she inhaled would totally be called snoring. She was laying on her side facing Alex, resting her head on a curled up fist. Her hair was a wild mess on the pillow, and her mouth hung open slightly. She sighed and shifted curling closer to Alex, and making him groan. Damn her feet were cold. Reaching down he carefully tucked in the edge of the sheet beneath her feet and around her propped up right leg.

Holding his head up with his arm, Alex leaned closer to watch her sleep. She really didn't have any idea how hot she was. Even completely asleep, the sun light danced across her features, and made her look that much more beautiful. He couldn't help but feel slightly smug that he was the reason she was so tired. He'd worn her out. Oh, yeah.

The whole sex thing had been a surprise. April had been hinting about it for while, even before the whole Amber issue. And then that had forced them to share a bed, which in turn had made the topic of sex an even bigger elephant in the room. He could tell that April had been thinking about taking that step, but he'd never expected her to just go for it. Not in a million years. It was like she suddenly she'd either figured everything out or had given up trying, and just jumped in. Whatever it was, she'd come to her decision while Alex was away.

He'd gone to Iowa for 5 days, gotten his Mom set up with a homecare nurse, and set Amber back in school. Then Alex had come home, and April had acted weird, and then said that she wanted to screw...as close as she could ever get to saying that. Freaking awesome, though unexpected.

Alex thought, on a whole, that things had gone very well. At least she wouldn't have an awful or awkward first time story. He'd made sure of that. Because of his mistake in with her in the on-call room. And because, if you waited 29 years to finally get it on, at the very least you should be allowed to have a good first time.

April licked her lips and let out a long breath as her eyes slowly opened. She blinked drowsily, coming to wakefulness in slow stages. Yawning, she stretched a little and rubbed her eyes. When she realized that Alex was watching her, her face immediately flushed and looked down, as a shy smile played on her lips. Alex held back a laugh as she pulled the sheets closer to her chest. As if he hadn't seen everything already.

"Morning," Alex said, gently pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, and lifting her chin to face him.

"Good morning," April whispered when she finally made eye contact with him again.

"So," he joked. "Feel any different?"

She grinned and rolled her eyes, "I guess so."

Then her face fell slightly and she bit her lip. Behind her eyes, he could almost see her mind racing a mile a minute, analysing and reanalyzing. Or whatever. April sighed, opening her mouth to speak again. Alex held a finger to her lips. He had a feeling where this was going, and he wouldn't have it. April had no reason to be so nervous and apologetic all the time.

"Ah," He said quietly. "Don't do it. I know what you're gonna say."

Her brow furrowed in confusion, "What? How?"

"Okay, maybe not exactly, but I think you are about to try to apologize for something, because that's what you always freakin' do. Sometimes it seems like you just walk into a room and say you're sorry," Alex ran his hand down her freckled shoulder. "So just listen: You have nothing to apologize for."

April blinked, and stammered, "B-but I...I got the hiccups, a-and my leg..."

He grinned and tilted his head, "I told you not to hold you're breath, but whatever. It's really no big deal. They didn't even last that long."

"But-"

"Did you hear me complaining?"

"No," April said softly.

Alex let his hand roam lower, and lightly gripped her thigh on top of the flowery sheet. Raising his eyebrows suggestively, he continued, "And now we know exactly how to get rid of your hiccups. So next time, no worries."

Although the comment made April blush even more, it also caused the corners of her lips to twitch into a small smile. That's more like it. Alex really thought April needed to give herself more credit. Seriously. She'd turned out to be way more adventurous than he'd suspected. She told him she'd read stuff or whatever. She'd surprised him. A lot.

Somewhat tentatively, April reached a hand to his chest and began absently letting her fingers dance around on his collar bone. She still looked a little pensive as she spoke again.

"It's just-I know you're not new at this, and I am and I wish...I don't know. I feel bad if...you don't," Her eyes widened and she stared resolutely at her hand as it continued to move across his chest. April cleared her throat, "If you didn't have a good time."

"April," Alex murmured moving his hand to cover hers. "Who said I didn't have a good time? I had a great time. Freakin' A!"

Maybe she didn't yet know how to read the signs, or she was just too nervous to see, but it was definitely true. Alex thoroughly enjoyed their first time. It'd had been a while for him anyway, and even though he was by no means a virgin, the fact that April was had been an experience in an of itself for him. He felt kind of special or something. Because at this very moment in time, he was the only guy in the world who knew exactly what April was like in bed. How she looked. How she sounded. How she felt.

Watching April go through all the new experiences was kind of cool. Like when you got a present for someone for their birthday or whatever, and you watch as they unwrap it. You know exactly what they're getting, but there's something about seeing them get the surprise. Cool.

April still didn't look convinced, "I know my leg limits things and-"

It wasn't like that at all. Sure, it meant that they'd had to get a little creative in finding ways not to jostle too much or re-injure her leg, but it wasn't a problem at all. He didn't really mind taking care. In fact, it was something Alex was glad to do. Because of everything. He struggled to find words to explain why. Looking at April's eyes, he could see her insecurity. He'd at least have to try to say something. He couldn't not. Not when she looked like that.

Alex wrapped his arm around April and pulled her to his chest, revelling in the feel of her warm bare skin against his own.

"Look," he said slowly. "Your leg is never something you have to worry about with me. It's never something to feel bad about, okay?"

He sighed, still not quite sure if this was going to make any sense. This was why he hated talking about sappy crap like this. Emotions or whatever. They hardly ever made sense anyway. Alex ran his hand down the sheets to her thigh again, this time continuing down further to where her lower leg was propped up.

Through the thin fabric of the sheet, he gently slid one finger along the long vertical scar in the center of her knee, from her replacement surgery, and mumbled, "I figure...I, uh, I kind of owe this leg. I know getting hurt really sucks for you, and it's going to sound weird that I am saying this but I owe it. Because, it's like...without you getting hurt so bad, I would have kept on being too much of an ass to realize that you...that I-I care about you. That's what it took."

Alex pursed his lips to one side, and gently cupped the knee with his whole hand. This wasn't really coming out right, "And I've been, you know, happy and whatever...since we...since this, and...the leg just always makes me remember. It won't let me forget that I almost missed out on this...on you...so...I owe this leg. And it'll never be a problem for me. Ever."

Didn't really make sense, but whatever. He knew he sounded like a freakin' lunatic. Cosmic balance, symbolic reminder and bullshit, but that's the best he could explain it.

April gulped and let out a shuddering breath, "I-wow. Wow. Alex, that almost sounded sentimental. I'm afraid I'm rubbing off on you."

"Don't tell anyone."

She shifted and looked him in the eye, "I n-never thought of it like that...I mean...thank you. I feel...that makes me feel better. A lot."

"I know you're still getting used to everything," Alex whispered, thinking of her knee, their relationship or whatever, and now sex. "But you don't have to be sorry so much. You don't have to worry all the time."

April sighed and tapped his chest, "I'll try."

"Okay." That was something at least.

He kissed her forehead, "I dig you April. You are, uh, so...beautiful. And...it has as much to do with...like how you are, as it does with how you look."

Chuckling Alex continued, "Think of it this way: I don't screw people I'm not totally into."

April snickered and replied sarcastically, " _So_  charming."

They laughed, and laid quietly for a moment.

April nuzzled closer to him and said, "You know...I should say the same to you. That you're...um ...Not just because of...you're so-"

She paused an her hand splayed out across his chest. Alex raised his eyebrows.

"Are you saying you think I am hot?"

"Y-yes. Yeah. O-obviously," April fumbled. "But, I think you are a better person than you think you are. And...well, I wish you could see you the way I do..."

"Me too."

Whatever. Alex had wanted to say that. That ever present word in his life had been on the tip of his tongue, but he'd taken pause. Because he was talking to April, and somehow that response didn't seem good enough. Alex still didn't quite understand her perspective on him, but he did appreciate the way she continued to have faith in him. He might be a douche a lot of the time, but having someone believe in him had made Alex try again.

It was getting late. As much as Alex might want to stay in bed with April all day, they both had crap to do. Life and all that. There would be other chances to sleep in. Sighing Alex pulled his body up a little.

Smirking, he ran his fingers gingerly over a mark on April's neck, "You're probably gonna need to, uh...wear one of those scarf thingy's."

Gasping, April's hand flew to the spot, "You mean I've got..."

Alex laughed at the look of mild alarm that crossed her features. He yawned, and pulled himself into a sitting position in the bed. He was just about to rise, when he felt April's hand on his own neck.

She smirked and giggled, "Alex, you might be in need of a 'scarf thingy' yourself."

* * *

Meredith sighed and slipped into a room on the pediatric floor, with her lunch in hand. Alex had taken to eating lunch in their with one of his cancer kids, and somehow the other 5th years in their little group had migrated along with him, though not without complaint. Cristina wasn't shy to point out that the cafeteria had more table space,that dermatology was more relaxing, and that April's office had better seating.

Today Meredith found Alex and Cristina perched on two chairs near the patient's bed. They were listening intently as the boy, Marcello, read to them from a stack of index cards laying on his bed tray.

Meredith scowled. They weren't. They couldn't be.

"Uh, if the patient is presenting with stomach problems and gastro...gastrointestinal distress what do you do?" the jaundiced teen asked.

"Oh, oh!" Cristina yelped. "Order an abdominal CT, paying particular attention to the lower tract. Look for blockages. Then-"

Meredith moved to an empty chair on the other side of the boy's bed. Patient rooms usually had two or three chairs, but the frequency of Alex's lunch time visits to the teen with the other residents meant that a miss matched variety of extra chairs filled this kid's room. Settling down and opening her lunch sandwich, Meredith chided her friends.

"Seriously guys? Really? Co-opting a patient to help you study for boards?" She turned kindly to the bed, "Marcello you don't have to-"

"I know Dr. Grey," he replied laying down the card he was reading from. "I like it though. Kinda interesting. Better than what's on tv anyway."

"Mer!" Cristina said gesturing in midair with a french fry. "It's boards! Oral boards. Cut throat, surgeon eat surgeon world. I mean, if any of us have any hope of getting attending jobs or fellowships here, we have to be the best. If any of us have any hope of getting attending jobs or fellowships anywhere we have to be the best. I am not used to not being the best. I refuse to let it happen. We have to keep an edge. If patients are willing to support that...then I see no problem."

"Yeah," Alex chimed in through a mouthful of burger. "Not all of us are blessed enough to have been offered the personal tutoring services of one certain Ortho attending."

Meredith shrugged. What could she say? Callie's study skills were legendary. She had no idea why she'd been picked, but she wouldn't complain.

"Or a plastic surgeon," he added, as Jackson slipped into the room carrying a cafeteria burger, and looking startled.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. They're trying to rationalize using a patient to help them study for boards," Meredith explained.

Marcello covered his mouth with one jaundiced hand and laughed at the banter.

"Well," Jackson said, shuffling into another empty seat. "Whatever you do, don't try to use your interns. Bailey busted me this morning big time."

Cristina sighed and shoved the french fry into her mouth, frowning slightly. Meredith had a great deal of sympathy for her friend. Her marriage was still on very rocky footing. It was more than understandable that Cristina would be struggling to work on that and study for boards. Not that she'd ever admit to it of course. It was still worrying. Boards were very important. It could make or break a career.

Not that Cristina wasn't studying. She just seemed preoccupied. Absentminded. Even a little distant. Meredith was doing her best to support her person, but it was hard because she knew she couldn't fix Owen and Cristina's problems for them.

The doors to the room opened again this time revealing a bouncy Lexie, followed by a somewhat weary looking Kepner. April was back to working full days and down to limping with one crutch these days, but she had yet to be cleared for the OR, which Meredith knew was still a sore spot for the chief resident.

"What is this? A conference room?" Jackson complained as Lexie sat in the chair next to him, accidentally bumping his arm and nearly making him drop his food.

"This kid is our study buddy," Cristina shrugged, sliding her box of fries to Marcello, offering him the food. "We can't all be lucky enough to be in the plastics posse study club."

"Marcello is totally the better study choice," Lexie joked, which made the ill kid grin, and earned her a fierce glare from Jackson.

April had made her way to the chair nearest Alex. She sat gingerly and began eating fruit slices out of a plastic box. Alex immediately turned to face her with his brows furrowed, seeming to pick up on her mood. He leaned closer to her and whispered, "Everything cool?" April shrugged and nodded, and continued to eat.

Meredith smirked and took another bite of her sandwich. Right now, Cristina and Alex's love lives couldn't be anymore different. If her best girl friend was preoccupied in studying for boards because her relationship was failing, her best guy friend was preoccupied because his wasn't. Not that Alex and April had really ever come right out and called their 'dating thing' a relationship. Maybe they weren't ready to look at things that way. But Meredith figured, if it looked like a duck, walked like a duck and quacked like a duck, it was probably was a duck.

They hung out at work, and they hung out at home. They practically shared April's room. After Alex had returned from Iowa a few weeks ago, he'd never really moved back up stairs. Alex didn't even deny it when Cristina teased that he was 'shacking up with Kepner'. He'd only looked smug. Lexie had even hinted that April was likely no longer a member of the V club. Meredith thought that certain half heard sounds from the downstairs room supported her sister's hypothesis.

Duck.

People at the hospital were even starting to talk, even though at work Alex and April didn't seem to indulge in many PDA's. The changes in Alex's attitude and April's confidence alone was enough to set the gossip train going.

Duck.

But Meredith wasn't about to push them on explaining it. Especially Alex. Because it seemed like every time he got anywhere close to having a happy successful relationship, everything fell apart.

"There's so much to cover," April said wide eyed, joining in the conversation about their upcoming oral exams. "The American Board of Surgery could throw you any number of scenarios, and they always include one or two from outside your specialty, so you have to review everything. And then of course there's your interview, and applying for fellowships..."

Cristina rolled her eyes, "You don't even have to be taking them this year. Over achiever. Everyone said you could delay and take them with Lexie's year."

"I can handle it," April replied less than convincingly, as she crossed her arms.

"You could delay," Alex said quietly. "It might be better. Easier, you know, less to worry about."

"Oh," April replied darkly. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Trouble in duckland?

Alex scowled slightly and shrugged, "I'm just sayin'. It's been freakin' you out. Whatever."

April pouted apologetically and hunched down in her seat.

Lexie leaned forward, "Why don't you just...you know, wait? You don't have to go for boards this year on top of everything else."

She gestured vaguely at April's crutch as Jackson smiled sympathetically and added, "People would understand."

Taking another bite of her fruit, April sat up straighter and squared her shoulders, "I don't need people to understand anything! Well, anything other than that I'm the same doctor I was before. I can pass boards. I can. I'm not completely...my leg is...I wish I could just throw this stupid crutch off of a building. I can still do it! I don't want this to change my life anymore than it already has."

Her outburst shut the room up for a few moments, and Meredith was about to say that she understood. She knew that April was resilient and bouncy, and that most everyone had taken her recovery for granted. To be honest, Meredith thought that April was coping much better than she would have if she'd been the one whose leg was disfigured. But it was still clear that coming to terms with having a disability was an ongoing process for the red haired resident. Perky or not. Optimistic or not. Even in duckland or not.

Meredith was about to speak when Marcello spoke up, "You don't want to be a super senior."

"What?" Alex asked.

"I get it," Marcello continued, grabbing a fry from Cristina. "Dr. Kepner doesn't want to be the super senior. No one ever wants to be that one person who has to hang out an extra year or two. I know if...when I ever get out of here, and have to go back to my old school, that part is gonna suck. It did when I was here before. It sucks. Even if people do understand. All my friends get to move on."

April nodded and offered the teen a grateful close lipped smile.

Jackson shook his head, "It wouldn't be like that April. No one would make you feel bad. And hopefully, if we don't screw up, at least the four of us could get fellowships here. We wouldn't be leaving you."

"I am the chief resident this year," she sighed and lowered her eyes. "How's it going to look when they pick another chief resident from Lexie's year, and I am still floating around as a resident waiting to take my oral exams? It'll just prove what everyone thought was true before. I shouldn't even be chief resident."

Meredith winced and Alex and Cristina both ducked their heads. They hadn't exactly been tht supportive of April getting the job in the beginning. Not supportive at all. But April had slowly come into her own in the job, especially after the earthquake. The administrative side anyway. And the teaching side too.

Bailey had even taken to bragging about April's abilities in teaching in skills labs. In her own sassy way of course. She'd tell Meredith and the others that the interns who did April's labs always seemed so much more efficient than the rest. Better than the ones who took skills lab from them. "I wonder why that is?" But April's confidence, though improving, was obviously still lacking in terms of her position.

Meredith felt bad. She'd been all swept up in the mess of trying to adopt Zola, messing with the clinical trial and fighting with Derek, and Alex at the time April was picked chief resident. She'd been disappointed in not getting the job herself, and too wrapped up in everything else that was going on to even spare a thought to how April might be coping. She hadn't even congratulated her. Which was something Meredith liked to think she would have done. If not for the trial drama, and the baby and everything. She liked to think so.

If she'd known at the time how close the other resident would come to death in the next year, Meredith probably would have acted differently. It was a lot like the jealousy she'd felt towards Callie at the baby shower. Feelings like that didn't matter so much after a traumatic event. No one said anything and for a time, the only sounds that could be heard were the crunching sounds of everybody chewing.

Alex reached his hand to the arm of April's chair and said finally, "Okay. So..you're taking boards this year. Means you have a hell of a lot of OR time to make up, but you do schedule everything. That's really the big part. Because...basically the rest is just knowing stuff and talking. Right? You know stuff. You talk. You like to talk. No sweat. Shouldn't be a problem."

That made April and everyone else laugh. Alex seemed to know what to say, because for the rest of the meal April looked less worn down. As they continued to eat and talk, Meredith was stuck by how smart and funny Marcello was. And by how close he was to Alex. And to a lesser extent April too. Some patients you got closer to than others; it just happened that way. She knew that the kid was alone a lot and that Alex had taken it upon himself to keep the boy company. If Marcello's cancer didn't go into remission again, which did seem unlikely, it was going to be a hard loss for Alex. Real hard.

The sound of a beeper startled Meredith out of her thoughts and she watched Lexie leap into action and leave the room. One by one her friends filtered out of the room to do surgeries and catch up on patients, leaving Meredith with Marcello. Alex and April were the last to leave. Meredith smiled and watched out of the corner of her eye as Alex quickly grabbed April's trash from her hands and moved it to the garbage can along with his own.

Duck!

After April said her goodbyes and headed back to the clinic, Alex headed to the door. Before he left he turned to Marcello, holding his hands up, and said, "See you on my break tomorrow. Watch out dude, I've been exercising my PSP thumbs. Your reign of terror is coming to an end."

"Right," Marcello giggled. "Like you could ever beat me!"

"Later man, and don't forget, if you need anything, go ahead and call the nurses. They'll come. And if they don't you let me know. Or Dr. Robbins. We'll kick their asses."

"Alex!" Meredith chastised.

"I got it Dr. Karev. Peace."

Alex left and to Meredith the room seemed so much more quiet, with just Marcello and herself. She tossed her own stuff in the trash and rose to leave. She should probably get going too. Her lunch would be over soon, and she had a brain surgery that afternoon.

"I think I have to head out too, Marcello," she said as she opened the door. "I hope we're not bothering you, eating lunch and bickering. Let us know if you're ever to tired to have us, okay?"

"I'm always tired, but I don't mind. This is practically the highlight of my day. You guys are funny to watch. Way entertaining."

Meredith supposed they were.

* * *

April walked into the clinic carrying a stack of charts under one arm. She was able to move a lot faster now and only used one crutch, but she still felt awkward and frustrated by the whole thing. She also had to be a bit more careful. It was easier to inadvertently land wrong and twist her knee. It made her feel self conscious. She didn't want to fall flat on her face with the whole hospital watching.

Passing by a nurses station, April nodded in greeting. the nurse smiled and gave her a strangely knowing look. As she continued past, she could almost feel the other woman watching. Stupid gossipy hospital. April could swear that they all knew, somehow, just by looking at her that she'd started sleeping with Alex. Maiden voyage and all that. That's what they were whispering about. Or they were waiting for her to fail at being a surgeon. Like right after the merger. Maybe she was just being paranoid.

Well, let them whisper. She...she found that she liked...sleeping, and  _sleeping_  sleeping with Alex. More than April had thought possible. She'd been nervous that first time, but Alex didn't seem to mind her scars, or her jiggles, or even her brief, unfortunate bout with hiccups. And since then, it had only gotten better.

April didn't care if people did thought it was a bad choice or whatever it was they thought. Because it wasn't just about...sex. It was everything else too. She liked laying on her bed with Alex and studying for boards together. She didn't even mind when he left his dirty socks all around the room. Not really. Even if the hamper was right there. She didn't mind when he ate in her bed and left crumbs either. Even if there was a perfectly good night stand to eat on, if you had to snack in the bedroom. Right there. Stuff like that actually make her laugh most of the time. He made her laugh. April didn't regret waiting, and she didn't regret having Alex with her now.

It just sucked that it took becoming crippled for certain parts of her life to get going. It sucked that getting injured had kept her from performing surgery for almost 2 whole months! That was the real root of her stress. She was itching to get back to doing surgeries. She was technically cleared, but Hunt had yet to allow April to actually schedule herself any procedures. Now that she wasn't taking heavy duty pain meds, she hoped it would happen soon.

April had made the decision to go ahead and sit for boards this year along with all her peers. Because...because she wanted to prove to her self and everyone else that she could do it. That this whole leg thing wasn't going to get her down, or derail her whole professional life. That she had been a qualified surgeon before the earthquake, and that she was still one now. But, as oral boards approached April was beginning to become nervous. She would only just barely meet the minimum required surgical hours if she started right now, and if she didn't start doing procedures soon, she probably wouldn't even reach that.

Then again, Alex was always telling her now to worry so much. He could always make her feel better. About everything. Her leg. Her job. Herself. Things would work out. And...and maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she had to wait until next year to take the exam. If she had to.

Greeting her interns and looking down at the list of patients in the clinic, April pursed her lips and prepared herself for yet another ordinary day. As she pulled on the clinics medical gown, she sighed and shook herself. She was on her way to see a patient complaining of pain. She had to be professional.

April pulled her features into a friendly smile as she limped around the curtain and saw her first patient. She was immediately struck by how weird the guy seemed, and by the bruises and cuts that covered his body. the man had blood shot eyes that listlessly roamed around the room, and he skin was sweaty and grey.

"Hello, sir," April said, moving closer and pulling on her gloves with a snap. "What seems to be your problem?"

He listed to one side and coughed. "Hey Doc Lady! I got in a fight. See?" The man tilted his head and showed off a swollen black eye.

Ouch. He didn't seem to be reacting at all to the pain from any of his injuries, even though April suspected that he might have a broken hand.

"Sir," she said quietly. "Have you...taken any...illegal drugs today?"

He raised his head and lowered it once in an awkward nod. April decided to take that as a yes. If he had, it was no wonder that He didn't seem to feel any of his pain.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Bob Marley," he lied, chuckling.

April shook her head, "Can you tell me what drugs you took?"

He turned and looked right at her then, with huge blood shot eyes, and a toothy smile. He shook his head. "All kinds of stuff, Doc Lady. Meth. Acid. I'm trippin' on all kinds of shit. Don't quite remember what..."

"Okay...Bob," April said, nodding. Most of the clinics cases were pretty dull, but they did occasionally get some cases like this. "Why don't you lay back and let me..."

"Doc Lady," he said sputtering and coughing. He held a hand to cover his mouth, and when he pulled it back April could see that it was filled with blood. "Doc Lady, this ain't my first fight. Bastard's broke my ribs."

"Dr. Olant!" April shouted immediately as she began to run her hands along his chest. Triple ouch. She felt the jagged edges of at least 3, maybe 4 damaged ribs. "Page cardio 911! And Dr. Hunt if you can get him."

The wide eyed intern popped his head into the around the exam curtain and nodded before he ran down the hall.

Broken ribs were not something the clinic was, strictly speaking, equipped to handle. Especially when someone was coughing up blood. That usually meant more internal damage. Recalling her own broken rib, April was amazed at how calm the guy was. He must be so high. Her rib had hurt a lot. And hers hadn't punctured anything.

Helping the man lay back on the hospital bed April asked, "If you know this is bad, why didn't you go to the ER?"

"No insurance. Heard this place was free."

She grabbed a pair of scissors from a medical tray, and began to cut his t-shirt from his body, "Well, this is enough of an emergency that they'd worry about insurance later."

"If you say so, Doc Lady," 'Bob's' chuckle dissolved into another bloody rattling cough. April held up a bucket to catch the blood. He suddenly passed out, taking more and more shallow gurgling breaths. She propped him to one side slightly so he wouldn't choke on his blood. Damn it.

Pulling her stethoscope from her neck April leaned down and listened to his breath sounds. Things didn't sound good. He had lots of internal bleeding. Damn it. Where were the attendings? Leaning on her crutch she pulled the bed curtain open.

"Olant! Any word on Altman or Hunt?"

He bounded back up to her, wincing, "I paged them. They are coming as soon as they can."

April bit her lip and tilted her head. This guy was bleeding into his chest badly. He'd fallen unconscious. Given how quickly he had deteriorated, and the fact that he had drugs in his system, 'Bob's' prognosis wasn't that good either. Time was critical. She needed to act now.

More interns hovered around the curtained area, as Olant paniced, "I don't think they are going to get here in time..."

Indecision plagued her again. But an ominous gurgle from Bob changed her mind. April turned to another intern and said, "Run go! Tell Hunt and Altman we are performing an emergency surgery in the clinic. Now!"

Taking a deep breath she turned back to the patient and waved a hand at Olant and the other interns. "Prep his chest guys. Standard trauma set up. Remember?"

"Us?"

"We've got to move. If we don't slow his blood loss, this patient will die."

The interns sprung into action, and April did too. They had just done a skills lab on dealing with trauma in non-ideal situations. She hoped that they could remember what they'd learned. April realized that she was about to do a surgery again. Finally. It just wasn't at all what she had in mind at all. No OR. No scrub nurses. No watchful eye of an experienced attending. Not at all how she'd imagined.

The space of this exam area was tight, not at all like the wide clean space of the OR. April would have to carefully consider each movement she made if she went ahead and did the surgery. For more than just the procedure. For her own mobility. An OR would be so much easier.

April turned to Olant as he prepped the surgical tray and spoke sternly, "Uh...Dr. Olant, I need you to listen to exactly what I say. You will hand me the exact surgical instruments I request as quickly as you can. You will move, when I tell you to move, where I tell you to go."

She softened her expression a little and added, "I need you to be a good set of legs in here for me. Okay?"

Olant nodded seriously and stood by her side.

"Thank you."

Bob twitched and gurgled again. April took a deep breath. She knew the procedure. She'd done it in the ER enough times before with Hunt. Only those times were before her injury. But...April squared her shoulders. The interns set up an IV and put the patient under. 'Bob' or whoever he was, was fading fast. Surgery again.

She had to do this. She could do this.

April held her hand out to Olant, "Ten blade."


	11. Chapter 11

Alex, Meredith and Cristina stood in the hallway, peering, as best they could, through the blinds of the conference room. From their somewhat hidden vantage point they could see inside. April sat with her back to the window, fidgeting with her crutch, across the long table from Owen. Teddy sat on the long side of the table between both ends. They squinted trying to hear something of what was being said.

Leaning forward, Cristina glanced back to Alex, whispering, "What exactly happened? I heard she did a surgery in the clinic? Interns said April went all MASH on everything. Cracked a guy's chest right there."

"What did she say when you saw her?" Meredith asked with concern.

He shrugged, "She said she did do a surgery. She was acting all weird."

Both Mer and Cristina's heads tilted to one side, Cristina pursing her lips as Meredith's eyebrow arched.

"Okay," he continued. "All weird, even for her. Shocked or whatever. Afraid Hunt's gonna fire her."

Meredith shook her head, "He's won't fire her."

Alex sneered, "If he does, he's a total ass." He glanced to Cristina, "No offense."

She shrugged and a shadow fell across her face, "Right now? None taken."

That didn't sound good. Alex knew that things between Owen and Cristina were tense lately. It must suck.

Alex sighed and shook his head, thinking over the past half hour. He'd just finished doing a surgery, and had been ostensibly studying for boards in April's office, though he was really doing some extra cancer research for Marcello, when April burst in, wide eyed.

He had glanced up and quickly covered his papers, afraid she'd admonish him for looking at cancer treatment alternatives. April however, didn't even notice. She'd barely even acknowledged his presence as she made her way to her desk and sat down. Her mouth hung open and she blinked numbly at her hands as she wrung them nervously in her lap.

"April?" Alex ventured, "What's the deal?"

She shook her head and stammered, "I-I performed an unauthorized s-surgery in the clinic..."

Whoa. Alex had thought, at the time, that even potentially violating any rule was bit out of character. April didn't violate protocol, if she could help it. If she could help it.

"Not just for the heck of it..." he'd prodded trying to get her to explain. There's a certain adrenaline rush, a little high, that you get as a surgeon when you rock a procedure. It could make you act strange. Alex didn't think that this was the deal with April.

"He-he was the bleeding internally and...there wasn't time to wait. He had drugs in his system...there just w-wasn't time."

Alex had uncrossed his leg, rising from the couch and cautiously making his way to April's side, "The patient? He was bleeding? Did he, uh, make it?"

She nodded her head distractedly, "Yes. Yeah, he is in recovery."

He'd been relieved when he heard that. Losing someone on your first surgery after getting back into things wouldn't be the best thing at all.

"Okay, well then, why are you spooked? We're 5th years, we can do solo procedures. Take action or whatever in emergencies. You're not on 'mind altering meds' anymore," he'd teased, trying to get her to lighten up. Rules weren't everything. "No problem."

"Chief Hunt thinks I still need time. That's why I haven't been scheduled for anything. Maybe I'm not ready...I-I paged him, but...but...there wasn't enough time."

Alex tentatively lifted a hand to her shoulder, "You did what you had to. Patient's alright. You did what you had to."

"Maybe. I...I keep going over it, in my mind again and again...and I- I think there wasn't enough time, b-but...if there was enough time for the attentings to get there...and I just...I wanted to do surgery...maybe I should have...gone slower...it could have gone so wrong...what if I made a mistake?"

April still hadn't made eye contact with him so he'd pulled her chair so it swiveled to face brows furrowed, and her shoulders slumped. She'd lowered her head to her hands and muttered in a low whisper.

"Dr. Hunt needs me to meet with him at 4. I'm going to get fired...Fuck."

Despite everything, Alex had chuckled. April never cussed. She didn't swear when cars cut her off on the freeway. Or when she was in a lot of pain. She didn't even cuss in bed. She must really be freaked out.

"Dr. Hunt likes you. You're not gonna get fired. You had to make a call. You did," he tried to reassure April. "And the patient's alive, so it's all good. To get fired you gotta do way worse than that. Look at Mer, she messed up a whole clinical trial and they kept her on. And you weren't here for half the crap we got up to as interns. Nobody ends up fired."

"I did," she said quietly. "I made a mistake, and I got fired. If I did make another one...I'm already on borrowed time."

"You're freakin' Chief resident!" Alex hadn't meant to snap at her, but he just didn't get April's anxiety sometimes. "You gotta have more faith in yourself. Seriously. If you go in there like this, Hunt really will think you did something wrong. Stand by your call. Stand up for herself. You can kick ass when you want to. You should do it more."

April had been so sure that she was on the verge of losing her job, and Alex had been unable to convince her otherwise. No matter what he said. She trusted rules and protocol and authority too much. A hint of doubt was enough to set off April's anxiety. Which, in turn, tended to make her hapless and awkward. But Alex knew that life was more than rules and crap. It never fit into neat boxes like that. You couldn't let it get to you. April shouldn't.

It still bugged him, even after getting to know April. She over-analyzed everything. Alex just didn't get  _why_  April was always so insecure. He was beginning to think she didn't even know.

In her office, Alex had thought that this meeting was probably nowhere near as big of a deal as April thought it was. Now as he hovered with Meredith and Cristina, he could hear the raised voices voices of Hunt and Altman. Maybe it was a big deal. But Alex suspected that the 'bigness' of it had nothing to do with April at all.

The muffled sound of Teddy's voice filtered into the hallway, as she tapped her hands on the table to emphasize her words, "I've reviewed this myself. Dr. Kepner's procedure was flawless. She managed her interns well. And the patient survived. You yourself just said that she was medically cleared to do it. "

Owen's response was partially muffled, "I understand...but...even medically...doesn't mean...ready emotionally. And...is her mobility level...think about. In an OR Kepner can... have special accommodations..."

"According to you! That is  _your_  assessment. She apparently can do very well on her own in a pinch. This was obviously an emergency."

"I am the Chief of Surgery! I make the decisions!" Owen's raised voice wasn't muffled at all.

"I-" April tried to speak but Hunt and Altman continued to argue as though she wasn't even there.

"Oh yeah," Teddy said caustically. "You make all the decisions right? And you have  _such_  a good track record."

"If I could just-" April tried again, but Owen raised one hand.

In the hallway, the three residents leaned even closer.

"Dr. Altman-"

Teddy cut Owen off, "You think that Dr. Kepner isn't capable of knowing her own abilities? Her limitations? That  _you_  can make all decisions for her? Like you know what's best for her."

"I am the Chief, and I make the best decisions that I can. To make the best decisions for this hospital. I'm being cautious. "

"You're deciding that you know someone else's emotional state, without even asking them. You're being a coward!"

Alex slumped, and his eyes darted to Cristina, who sighed.

Of course.

It would all come back to the death of Henry Burton. He'd known that it continued to be an ongoing problem for Cristina and Owen, and Owen and Teddy. But with the earthquake, and his sister, and the whole new  _April_  thing, he hadn't realized how much it was all still messing with the three of them professionally. It was a crappy situation all around, and clearly none of them were over it.

But crappy or not, Alex felt pissed that friction between Altman and Hunt was tangled up with April. She had a hard enough time already, dealing with her leg injury. And he kinda thought that this whole meeting, wasn't about April's surgery at all. Not really. Only tangentially. Hunt and Altman would probably have disagreed about whatever call April made in the clinic. And there would still have been this meeting. She would likely have been damned if she had done the surgery, and damned if she hadn't.

Suddenly, a loud bang stopped the whole conversation. Someone had slammed their hands down forcibly on the conference room table. At first Alex thought it was Owen, but judging by look on Hunt's face through the partially open blinds, it wasn't. Teddy moved to speak again, and was cut off by another loud slam. But not from Owen.

"Enough!" April said sternly, the rise and fall of her shoulders revealing to Alex how nervous she was, even from behind. Even if her yell sounded confident. Whatever. It shut the two other doctors up.

"Uh," April ventured, much more tentatively. "I don't think...u-um. I don't th-think either of you are t-talking about me anymore...sorry, but...I think w-we should try to k-keep focused this c-case."

Turning their attention to her end of the table, Altman and Hunt seemed too surprised to speak, so April pressed ahead, sounding more and more confident, "I got the chart and began the exam. The patient had obvious injuries on his face and hand. He told me he had a fight."

She took a deep breath, "He also admitted to using illicit drugs. My exam revealed broken ribs. When he started to cough up blood, I had my intern page cardio and t-trauma: 911. His condition deteriorated rapidly, and-and I determined that there wasn't enough time to...to wait for you. I am familiar with the procedure. I felt I could talk my interns through assisting. I had to make a decision. So I did. I chose to operate."

She gulped, "If...I misstepped in any way, then I take full responsibility. I think I made the right d-decision given the circumstances, but I'm h-happy to hear if either of you have any guidance for what could have been done differently. However, for this specific c-case I stand by my work. I believe I made the right call."

"Yes!" Alex breathed. Look at her go. A bit shaky, but April didn't usually say anything or stand up for herself at all. Especially not to attendings. She usually took a lot of crap. It seemed that she had taken his little pep talk in her office to heart. He beamed, unable to contain his grin. She stood up for herself. Sort of. April stood her ground at least. In a mostly nice  _April_  sort of way.

Still. Freakin' A.

He could feel Cristina and Mer's eyes watching him, but Alex didn't care and continued to peer into the conference room, where April had stunned the Chief of Surgery and the Cardio Department head into complete silence. So what if he was impressed? He was allowed.

April was being pretty awesome. And she was his...he was her...whatever. He was allowed.

"Kepner," Hunt said finally. "That actually sounded like a Chief Resident. And like someone who is mentally ready to be back in the OR."

"I-I...What?" April sounded shocked.

"I...apologize...I'll admit I wasn't sure about you and your adaptation to your new...after the earthquake. But...makes me reconsider...I might have...wrong. We can...you back on...surgical schedule," Hunt's calmer voice was more difficult to hear, and Alex strained to read the guy's lips.

The rest of the meeting was much more quiet, and Alex, Meredith and Cristina had trouble hearing. When the three occupants of the conference room suddenly stood up, Mer and Cristina gasped and slid down the hallway out of sight, as Dr. Hunt and Altman exited the room with an icy distance between them. Whatever. Alex didn't care if they saw him. He stayed right where he was, arms crossed, and Hunt brushed past him. Altman headed the other way. Clearly they were still pissed at each other. Oh well. April called them on their crap. And she hadn't gotten fired. That was all Alex cared about.

Alex leaned forward on the balls of his feet, waiting for her to come out of the conference room. Finally the door opened and April limped out, her expression only marginally less stunned than it had been in her office, earlier that afternoon. She came to a dead stop when she caught sight of Alex, seemingly surprised to find him there. She raised her eyebrows and shrugged nervously.

His smile grew, and he quickly moved, closing the gap between them, and letting out a low whistle.

"Badass," he whispered as he playfully nudged April's shoulder. "Totally freakin' badass."

She bit her lip and grinned.

* * *

April sat nervously in the passenger seat of Alex's car, tangling her fingers in the chain of her silver necklace. They were on their way to an upscale seafood restaurant, Ponti's, on the waterfront. It was a pretty popular and well reviewed place, and April had never eaten there before. Nor had Alex. She felt a little weary because she hadn't exactly been somewhere super fancy since the earthquake and everything, but Alex had insisted.

Because "We should celebrate or whatever. I mean, nice dinners and crap aren't exactly my thing, but we survived a freakin' earthquake! You are doing surgeries again, back in the ER. My mom's back on her meds, and Amber's okay and...We've been, uh, _acting like normal people_  for almost three months. We should celebrate."

How could April say no to that? Even if her limp and crutch still made her anxious. He'd smirked at her and well...of course she'd agreed.

So, here they were, all dressed up and on their way. If only traffic would cooperate. Currently, they were stopped on the I-5. The exit they needed was in sight, but cars were bumper to bumper. Urban rush hour traffic was still something April wasn't entirely used to. It was virtually non-existent in her hometown. Seattle was by far and a way the biggest place she'd ever lived. During her early years at Mercy West, she'd almost always miscalculated the time traffic took. She'd always been on the verge of being late. Until Reed, the lifetime city slicker, had taken pity on her. April sniffed. Even now, sometimes the pain of her best friend's death still felt as raw as when she tripped over her bloody corpse two years prior.

"Come on!" Alex moaned, as they inched forward. April smiled and glanced over at him. He looked very dapper in his suit, though he clearly wasn't used to wearing one. If only Reed could see her now. April wasn't sure if her best friend would even recognize her anymore. Not just because of the leg. Alex basically lived with her. She wasn't a 29 year old virgin. She was chief resident. She was even trying to be more assertive in her job. April felt like a page had turned in her life. Or something.

"Goddamn Washington drivers," Alex growled to no one in particular. "Learn to merge!"

April reached a comforting hand to his arm, "That's just how they drive. We'll get there."

Sure enough, despite the traffic, they arrived at Ponti's in a matter of minutes. Alex made a big show of taking her arm as they went into the dimly lit restaurant.

He approached the host and said, "Party of 2 for Karev. No booths please."

Alex turned toward April, and waggled his eyebrows, "Made a reservation and everything."

"I see," She laughed nervously as they followed the host to their table. She suspected why he was being so goofy. It was because of her. Because he thought she'd be nervous. Self conscious. And April was, as much as she hated to admit it. Alex had to ask for a table because the tight space of a booth would probably make her leg stiff. It felt like the minute she'd come into the place, moving slowly, everyone's eyes had zeroed in on her, and her crutch and her limp. Like she was on display or something.

It was probably all in her head.

Exhaling anxiously, April settled into her seat across from Alex and settled her crutch on the ground beneath her chair. He was watching her carefully, as she gingerly opened the menu, "Are you okay?"

"Uh," April replied, lifting her eyes. "Yeah. It's stupid. I just...I feel like everyone is watching me. Just more of my crazy...stuff."

Alex smirked, "They are staring at you. At us. You're hot. It's bound to happen. It  _does_  happen. You just don't usually notice."

As she scanned the menu, she snickered, "Haha. Yeah right."

"Ponti's is known for crab, so that's the thing to try, I guess," he continued pointing out the dish on his own menu. "And people do. Look at you. Guys do. It's a guy thing. Ask Jackson."

April scrunched up her nose. She'd never really eaten crab that much. Alex seemed excited about it, though. Some people loved crab. And she'd had crab cakes before. They tasted alright.

"People? Guys? Like who? You're just saying that to flatter me because you want...you want to..." April flushed deeply, and smirked at Alex. She still didn't think she was really good at, well, the whole coy flirty thing. Especially when it came to the physical side of things. She was trying though. And Alex didn't seem to care.

"But don't worry," she added, clearing her throat. "Planning this dinner goes a long way. It's very nice. Really."

Alex leaned back in his chair and unrolled his silverware, eyeing April in a way that made her heart flutter, "Oh, yeah? I'll remember that."

"And plenty of guys notice you. Dr. Stark, that parking lot guy, the nerdy patient with the broken feet and the costume," he teased, pulling a face.

"Alex-"

"The host, that dude with the mullet who lives across the street, Dr. Olant..." he continued his list.

"My intern? No. That's-"

"Me."

"Oh...I guess  _you_  can. That's fine," April giggled, and tilted her head to one side. Alex had a way of making all of her nervousness vanish. This, the dating, the  _normalcy_ , the laughter; all had done wonders for self confidence, especially after her leg injury.

But she still had to wonder...well, she'd finally managed to tell her sister Libby about Alex, and her sister's reaction had made her wonder what everything really meant. Libby had had all sorts of questions about 'the nature of things'. Were they just together because of the earthquake? Where they were headed? And on and on. April had never been good with ambiguity. 'Dating like normal people' wasn't exactly a clear cut concrete path. And if April was sleeping with Alex, and if he hardly ever  _slept_  slept anywhere but her room, what did that mean? Is there a point when things cross over from 'let's just see how this goes' to 'this is actually going somewhere'? April didn't know. Then again, Libby was always suspicious. And she was a bit of a busybody. This could all be on her mind because of what her sister had said.

April might not know the exact technical status of her relationship with Alex, but she knew it definitely made her happy. Happier than she'd been in a long time, and happy at a time in her life when she had more than enough reasons to wallow. So...screw what Libby thought. Mostly. Because...Libby was her big sister. And April had always kind of cared what Libby thought.

"Doesn't that bother you?  _If_  so many guys are noticing me?"

"It used too."

She folded her arms and pouted, "Not anymore?"

"Nah," Alex smirked, looking smug and tapping his chest. "Cause I realized that when  _they_  are lookin' at you,  _you_ are just lookin' at me. So whatever. It's all good."

They glanced up as a waitress approached the table. She smiled broadly and said, "Hello, you two! Are you ready to order?"

As it turned out, crab not in a crab cake is a bit of an adventure to eat. Both Alex and April stared skeptically at the cooked creatures as their plates were placed in front of them. Logically, she'd understood that the creature would have a shell. It just seemed a lot more solid that she'd imagined. You really had to work for every bite. Definite bonus of crab in cake form as far as April was concerned. After struggling to crack the crab, April managed to get several bites of food. Alex however, had a lot more trouble.

April tried to hold back a bemused smile, because he tried to play it cool, making conversation, even though he was working hard to get to his food.

"I talked to Amber this morning," Alex said, grimacing as he twisted a piece of his food violently, with little effect.

"Oh, that's good. She and your mom are settling in okay?" April replied, gingerly taking a bite of her meal.

Alex winced and hacked at his food even more, "Amber is. Got an A on her government test! Even though she missed like three weeks. My mom is still a little, uh...well. the nurse says she has good days, but she was off her meds for so long that it might take her a while to re-acclimate or whatever. Still, they're both in better shape than they have been in a long time."

"That's great! I'm so happy to hear that."

"Yeah, and um...well Amber asked about you, and your leg or whatever. So, I told her you were down to one crutch. She's impressed."

"Really? That's sweet."

"Well, Amber likes you," Alex said looking down. April blinked and her brow furrowed. If he hadn't have been struggling with his meal, she could have sworn he was blushing. She was glad to hear that Amber seemed to like her. But what exactly did he mean by telling her that his sister liked him? April knew she worried about whether her sisters would like him, if they ever met. Did Alex care if Amber liked April? If he did, could that mean...what exactly?

April didn't have time to answer or sort out her thoughts when she heard Alex grumble, "This is like trying to break into freakin' Fort Knox." He punctuated his statement with another violent twist. He froze, blinking rapidly, as bits of crab flew onto his face.

She guffawed, and then held it back because Alex's scowl and mumbled words showed April that he did feel a bit embarrassed, and very frustrated. "Screw this fancy crap!"

Alex threw his utensils on his plate and began to clean his face off with his napkin. She watched him with concern, biting the inside of one cheek. The crab was hard to eat, but April really thought the whole evening was very sweet. He really had made quite the effort to plan something nice, which she hadn't really thought he was the type to do. He'd tried to plan something she would like. And she did. But April wasn't really sure how to tell him without making him feel more uneasy.

Something clicked in her mind and she was surprised to find herself blurting, "Japanese Spider Crab can grow to be 12 ft from claw to claw, and can live for about one hundred years."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Alex stared blankly at her, his face still smeared with crab and his napkin hovering in one hand.

Dear God. Why on earth did her memory chose to provide her with the only random, useless information she could possibly have? Flushing, April continued fumbling, "Uh, well. That's all I know about crabs...I guess...I-I mean-we're lucky. If eating this crab is like breaking into Fort Knox, cracking a Japanese Spider Crab would be like...um, it would be-"

"Freakin' impossible," Alex snorted gleefully, lifting the napkin to his face and whipping off the rest of the goo. He shook his head and chuckled, raising his eyebrows at April from across the table. "You always gotta look on the bright side, huh?"

She shrugged and Alex tossed the napkin down next to his plate. His laughter was contagious, so April joined in, and their giggles intensified. They laughed so hard, that it made April cover her mouth with one hand and glance around the mostly quiet upscale restaurant. They were definitely the loudest table. And it was an honor that they pretty much upheld for the rest of their time at Ponti's. Normally, April might have been a bit embarrassed for being so raucous, but she really was having way too much fun to care. The whole night was awesome, and it distracted her so much that the questions that had plagued her mind earlier in the dinner all but disappeared.

Until much much later that is. Because she was April Kepner, and things were always ruminating somewhere in her head.

The thoughts began creeping back into her mind after they'd finished...after they'd...well  _after_ , as they lay next to each other, staring at the ceiling of her bedroom for a moment, each trying to catch their breath. Alex stood up and headed over to the trash can near her closet to...dispose of the...to clean up, and April shifted and pulled the sheets closer around her body as she propped up her right leg. It started simply enough. The questions and ideas. They came sideways, like always. She'd start thinking of one thing and end up somewhere else completely. That's the way her mind worked. She watched him, and she suddenly wondered what her sisters would say if they knew that she was in a room with a naked man right now.

Kimmie, who was always a little too literal, even worse than April herself, would probably think that it had to do with work. Like April was giving a guy a physical or something. Alice would make a joke, like hell had frozen over, or that pigs had to be flying somewhere, because April,  _naked_  with a naked guy in the same room? Unheard of. She could see it now. Alice would have her head thrown back in laughter, while Kimmie would be leaning forward, totally confused as to what was so funny. And Libby...Libby.

April knew that Libby would just give her one of those concerned, purse lipped expressions. She would want to know exactly  _why_  April had a naked Alex in her room? And what happened that could possibly result in such nudity? And why had April...done  _it?_  April was sure that if her sister hadn't married Mike, her high school sweet heart at age 20, she would have chosen to remain a virgin until she wed. Whether that was 20 or 40. And April didn't necessarily...well, she was glad she'd waited for someone who understood her, and...whatever. But maybe marrying part wasn't something that mattered as much to her. 'Marriage' itself had never seemed like a realistic sort of goal for the young adult April. She'd fantasized about it of course, but she was too busy, too annoying, too focused, too...everything. And she didn't really see the harm in actually sleeping with someone who understood you, even if you weren't married. Or defined. She was fine with that. It was fine.

Unless...unless of course sex was all there was to the relationship. For herself, April knew that this wasn't the case at all. It was about...feelings and laughter and...Alex might not be the most demonstrative sort of guy, but he slept in her room almost  _every_  night. And he tried haphazardly making her bed in the morning, even if it was "Freakin' dumb, we're just gonna sleep in it tonight." Because Alex knew she liked beds to be made. He saved her snacks from pediatrics and always grabbed fruit bowls for her at lunch. He always let her control the remote in the end, even if he pretended to put up a fight. Alex was also gently getting her to go places and to try new things, different things, even when her nerves about her leg made April want to stay home. He...he was sweet, in his own way and she just knew that it wasn't just about sex for him either.

Yet, April could almost feel her sister's judgement burning her from across the country. "Do you know where you stand with him, April? Do you know where you stand? Do you?"

Her sister's words echoed in April's mind, as Alex walked back to the bed and climbed in. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. April cursed herself. She knew that she was about to rock the boat. She knew it. But she couldn't help herself. She just couldn't. From the sound of his breathing she could tell that Alex was still awake. Twisting the top edge of the sheet, she mumbled, "Um...tonight was really great. Almost perfect actually..."

"Only tonight? Almost? I must be rustier than I thought." Alex said teasingly, reaching down and pinching her thigh, making April jump. It hadn't even occurred to her that he'd think that she thought...

"No, no, no. I didn't mean...I mean... _it_  r-really was, not that it hasn't been before...I just meant...the  _whole_  night. Everything. Ponti's..." She bit her lip, twisting the sheets even more, and hoping that her next words wouldn't ruin everything. "I-is this? Are we? I mean, you-you...we're basically living together. It's been three months. And we go on dates, and we spend most of our free time together...and...I don't really know...Is this, uh, a r-relationship?"

April felt his body stiffen, ever so slightly and cringed internally. She really should learn to keep her damn mouth shut. But, when you really needed to know, it was hard to help. She closed her eyes, afraid that in the long silence, Alex would push her away, roll over, or worse: stand up and leave.

But he didn't do any of these things. Instead, Alex used the tips of his fingers to mess with her tousled hair, still curled from their outing. Eventually, he sighed. "I'm not screwing anyone else, are you?"

Taken aback April replied, "No! That's-"

"And you don't want to screw someone else?"

"NO! That's not what I meant. This is about...commitment, not-"

"Good. I don't want to screw someone else," Alex sighed again, "Do you want to be? In a relationship..."

"Y-yes."

"What...what do you think 'a relationship' is?"

"I..." April raised her eyebrows. She didn't really,  _really_  know. Not first hand anyway. She'd watched her parents, sisters and even Meredith and Derek. But all her observations didn't really amount to much. "I don't know...I've never really...uh...I think...I think it means that we...that this isn't just something we want to let go of. I mean...it's actually kind of hard for me to imagine...like, like next year, and it being next year and us  _not_  being...like this. I...I'm happy, with you...and 'a relationship' would mean...that I am working to keep being happy with you. The we're working to stay like this. Together. For as long as we can. Like we're...it's going somewhere. So...it doesn't go away..." Ever. Her silent addition to her jumbled explanation. Because April didn't really know how she'd bear it, if something did happen, and she didn't have Alex anymore.

"Okay, I'll level with you. I don't exactly have the best track record with these kinds of things. They always, al _ways_  crash and freakin' burn. It's not all my fault, but...I did play my part. I can be a real ass."

"But-"

"It's true. It is. But," Alex lowered his chin, so that she could feel it resting on her head. "You're...you're different. You...you made me want to try or whatever. Somehow. And...I'm happy too. I am. I've had so much crap these past few years, I almost forgot what it freakin' felt like. Being happy. And you know what? It's easier not to be an ass when you're happy. Go figure. So...yeah."

"Yeah?" April said slowly.

"Yeah...we are. In a relationship. Like, you know, we'll try to...we'll  _work_  to stay together. Like you said. That can be us. It is." Alex's arms pulled her closer, and she felt him brush his lips on the top of her head, in a quick peck, and her eyes widened.

"Um...okay," she nodded. "Okay . Doesn't that m-mean, we...we should talk about it?"

Alex shifted, "We just did."

"Like... _talk_ talk about it."

"What does that even mean? When you do that? Say a word twice?" He was speaking quietly and April thought she detected humor in his tone. He was fighting not to laugh at her. She sighed. He lifted his hand to where she was relentlessly twisting the sheet top, and laced his fingers through her own, stilling her nervous motions.

"Why do you always want to talk about stuff?"

"I don't know. I just need to. It helps me understand."

Alex yawned. "Whatever. Fine. We can talk more. Tomorrow or the next day. Whenever you want, when we're not about to pass out. But, I already understand everything I need to. You don't want to screw anyone else. Neither do I. We do what we can not to break up. Neither of us wants to lose this. Maybe we do more cool stuff together along the way."

He yawned again and his words faded away, "Sounds awesome."

"Yeah it does," April couldn't help but smile. Alex never stressed over details, and always had a way of seeing things at their most simple and uncomplicated. It was so different from the way her mind worked, and that was why she loved...whoa.  _Whoa_. She let out a small squeak. Did she really just think...Could she really love him? Did she? Would it spook him if...if she did...and he knew? Luckily Alex had already drifted off.

Sleep began pulling at her too. As her eyes fluttered shut, April wondered what she had gotten herself into. It could be wonderful or heartbreaking. She wished, she hoped, she  _wanted_ it to be wonderful.

* * *

Meredith carefully unlocked the front door, and tiptoed into the house, carrying Zola. The little girl had fallen asleep on the drive home, and if she was lucky, Mer could have her daughter nap for a few hours, and eat in peace. Zola was in a bit of a clingy phase. It seemed like she  _always_  wanted Mommy. Always  _only_  at times when Mommy might be busy. Like when Meredith was taking a shower. Or eating. Or sleeping. Derek found it really amusing when he'd have to go into their bathroom carrying the little girl, knocking on the shower glass, saying "Someone wants Mommy!" And of course, when Meredith wasn't eating, sleeping or practicing good hygiene and had plenty of time, Zola was Miss 'I can walk' Independent. She and Derek loved it though. She never would have thought, never would have believed people when they said it, but having a child really was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to her.

As she entered the living room Meredith, caught sight of Alex and held a shushing finger to her lips, so that he knew to speak quietly, and not to wake Zola. She smiled because when he turned to greet her from the couch, he was making the same gesture, because April was sitting next to him, with her head resting on his shoulder, breathing deeply in sleep too. The red-haired doctor had note cards and a book on trauma protocol in her loose grip. They must be studying for boards. Sort of. Scanning the coffee table, Meredith saw that Alex too had note cards, and a book on pediatric surgery. But in his lap he had several oncology journals.

"That's not for boards," she whispered in mock admonishment. Meredith knew what Alex was doing though. It was for Marcello. He'd gotten close to the boy, and was desperately searching for some treatment for the cancer stricken teen. She didn't think Marcello could be helped, but she knew Alex didn't want to give up. No matter what. Until the very end.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I've been studying that stuff too. It's just-Cancer is shit."

"I know. I get it."

Meredith moved into the living room, carefully lowering Zola into her play pen, and covering her up with a blanket. She rose and headed to the kitchen, glancing to Alex, "Hungry?"

"Starving," Alex said as he carefully shifted and laid April down on the couch. He took her study materials and stacked them on the coffee table. April mumbled something, and Alex adjusted a few couch pillows under her bad leg, which made her settle down. Meredith shook her head and smiled faintly. She'd always known Alex had it in him. To be  _that_  guy. Instead of  _frat_  guy.

He joined her and they headed into the kitchen, leaving Zola and April to dream.

"We went cane shopping today," Alex explained as they opened the fridge and began peering at Tupperware. "Way exhausting. For April anyway."

He pulled out a blue plastic box, popped the lid and sniffed it, "How about chicken and rice?"

Meredith nodded, "Sounds fine to me."

They started heating things up and she continued, "So...Bobby thinks April can move to a cane soon?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah! It's pretty cool. He says her strength is really good, and her balance is a lot better. So, yeah. Next couple of weeks she's gotta migrate over to using the cane. He says she has to keep the crutch at home though, for days when her knee hurts or gets inflamed or whatever. Because of the humidity or rain and stuff."

"Ah," Meredith nodded. "Seattle isn't exactly the best place for any of those things really. Not really convenient for knee replacements."

"Nope. But, it's good. Spring and Summer she should be really good. And I think that the cane'll make her feel...less conspicuous or whatever," Alex shrugged. "Then again, you'd think she was buying a freakin' car today. It's just a stick that you lean on. You don't need to know how it was designed. And nobody cares what color it is..."

She laughed at the tone of fondness that slipped into his voice. Oh, Alex. She was happy for him. For both of them really. Alex and April were probably one of the strangest, most unexpected relationships she'd ever seen. Quite the odd couple.

"Well, it's a good thing you went with her," Meredith added. "Or else she might still be picking it out."

 _Such_  an odd couple. But maybe different worked. After all, she saw the world in shades of gray, and yet was married to a man that didn' yet, here they were. Herself and Derek. Alex and April. Seemingly happy. So very different from her other closest friend.

As though Alex sensed the turn her thoughts, he asked, "So...How's Cristina doing? Have you talked to her? I know I haven't really...been like there for...I mean, she...are they still in counseling?"

Meredith shrugged. He didn't need to feel bad. Cristina didn't really talk much about it. Even to Meredith. It was just a horrible situation all around. "They are still in therapy. I don't know how much good its doing though. Cristina says they just keep going in circles. And on top of everything she is trying to get ready for boards."

"That sucks. Is it just the Henry thing or...?"

"It's lot's of things. Too many things." The abortion, the PTSD, Henry, communication issues, values issues. Too many things. The timer buzzed and Meredith carefully dished up two plates of food. "I honestly don't know what's going to happen."

They sat at the table and Meredith began to eat. She was really hungry. Alex took a slow bite, and looked pensive for a moment. He sighed forlornly and finally said,"That's the touble with thinking things can work out, I guess."

"Hey now," Meredith said through a bite of chicken. "Don't get discouraged." She reached over and tapped a fading hickey that was just visible above the collar of his shirt. "You're relationship seems to be going just fine!"

"Don't!I'm not-I didn't mean...shut up!"

Meredith laughed. He was blushing. Actually blushing. He hadn't done that since...well. Not in a very long time.

"You know Alex," she said more seriously. "Things do work out for people sometimes. Even me and Derek."

"Shocking."

"You shut up."

Alex smirked and continued to eat his meal.

Meredith pursed her lips and looked back up at him. She decided to tell him something that she'd only just found out earlier in the day. "Derek says that the house is almost finished."

Chewing Alex cocked his head and joked, "He's been saying that for like two years.'

"Ha ha. You're so funny." She did concede that it had taken a long time to finish. That didn't matter now though, because it actually worked out nicely, with Zola and hopefully passing boards. "But it's true. We can move in after boards."

"That quick? Really? Cool...That's awesome."

"Yeah," Meredith stood up and poured her self a glass of water. "Don't worry though, we are keeping this place as a rental. We won't evict anybody. Water?"

Alex nodded and she grabbed a glass for him as well. Sitting down she teased, "Who knows though? Maybe you and April will want to have your own  _love_ nest by then."

Meredith was surprised at his reaction. Instead of being sarcastic or telling her to back off, Alex looked pensive again. Her brows knitted together as she watched him closely. "Alex? I'm making fun of you. You don't want to tell me off or...?"

"I-I think...April...I think she might be falling in love with me. I mean...she hasn't said anything, but..." Alex said it like it was some great tragedy. But wasn't falling in love kind of the point? He bit his lip and cleared his throat, digging into more chicken.

"And..." Meredith prodded. "That...scares you?"

Alex kept his mouth shut and swallowed. He blinked and gave a small nod.

"Because you might love her back."

He tilted his head and shrugged. Meredith shook her head. "What would be so wrong with that? I mean, you've been in a better mood these past few months than for most of the time I've known you."

"I dunno," Alex said finally. "What if I'm just...you know following my same old pattern of falling for 'girls in distress'?"

"Well, you didn't."

"Oh no? Earthquake much? Lot's of distress."

"But you said it only made you realize how you felt. You already had feelings to realize. They were there all along. You just didn't notice until she almost died."

Alex blinked and looked back down at his food. Meredith could understand his dilemma. Every other woman he'd let in, every other woman he'd allowed himself to love had let him down in some way. Left him. And he had no guarantee that April wouldn't do the same exact thing. If he didn't let himself feel, he wouldn't get hurt. Only...Only Meredith thought April could be different. If Alex would give things a chance. But it would be a leap of faith.

But Meredith thought it was a real chance. A leap worth taking.

"I know you've dealt with a lot, Alex. I know. But if April makes you happy? If you're starting to really fall for her...maybe...let it happen. If you do, you have everything to gain. If you don't, you'll always wonder what you might be missing. If you try and it doesn't work out, that will really  _really_  suck, but...you will at least know. You'll know."

Alex scratched the side of his cheek and sighed, nodding slowly. He swallowed and smirked, "When did you become the wise old lady?'

"I'm not old! Shut up."

He shook his head, "She color codes her closet. She stops at yellow lights. She likes ABBA. And Elton freakin' John! And puppies and fluffy things. Flowers."

"She does."

"It irritates me. Normally? Anyone else and it would just piss me off. But...it's her. And...she's...it's awesome."

"For the record, "Meredith continued. "I know she can be a little...quirky...well, you'd know better than me. But I think April's been really good for you so far. I'm happy for you. You deserve to be happy."

"I am happy. Crazy right?"

Meredith's heart twisted a little at how completely and utterly shocked Alex's expression was. No one should have to deal with so much crap that being unhappy became the norm. No one should be surprised to be happy. She reached a hand across the table and patted his knuckles.

From the living room the sound of quiet fussing reached her ears. She smiled at Alex and backed her chair out to go get her little girl. Before Meredith stood up, April's slightly sleepy voice filtered it's way into the kitchen.

"Uh oh, Zola. It looks like they ditched us. Huh? Just because we were sleeping."

Meredith heard the couch creak, and then Zola's cries quieted. In a moment, April appeared in the kitchen doorway, with Zola resting on her left hip. She knew she'd firmly crossed over to the sappy mother side of life, because Meredith thought the sleep tousled pair made quite the picture. And it was sweet. Right after the earthquake, April had been a little timid about interacting with Zola. Probably because of her leg and crutches and stuff. But as her recovery had gone on, that shyness faded away. April and Zola had their own little relationship, as nap buddies and play buddies. But then again the tiny girl was adored by everyone in the house. Jackson, Alex, her Aunt Lexie. And moving to the dream house wasn't going to change that at all. It was nice to know that her daughter had plenty of 'family' to love her, blood relatives or not.

Lifting her other hand from the handle of her crutch, April pointed to Meredith and whispered to Zola, "Look! See? There's you're Mommy! There she is! And Uncle Alex too! It looks like they left us to eat. That's okay. They can do that. They can do that if they are willing to share with us. Right?"

"Ri!" Zola parroted as Meredith stood up and held her daughter. April limped over and sat down next to Alex and smiled brightly.

"Did Alex tell you I have a cane?" She began, excitedly.

They were an eclectic and somewhat crazy group, her friends. But family is what you make of it. And this family made Meredith very happy.


	12. Chapter 12

Alex sat slouched in April's office, haphazardly adding the finishing touches to his fellowship application. It was due by the end of the week, and both April and Meredith had been after him to get it finished on time. Boards and fellowship interviews were rapidly approaching and Alex knew he needed to turn in the best application possible. He wanted to stay at Seattle Grace Mercy West. Though the hospital had declined a little bit in terms of ranking over the years of his residency, it was still a great place for a career. And Robbins liked him. And he liked Seattle, now more than ever. He had a reason to want to stay in Seattle now too. April, who was also applying to Seattle Grace.

And of course, she had already finished her attending fellowship application, as had Meredith. And even freakin' Avery, apparently. But Alex was close to being done. And it wasn't like he was wasting time, jerking around. He was looking into cutting edge cancer stuff. For Marcello. Not that he'd found much. Nor did the family seem very interested in trying experimental stuff. Which he kind of understood, but Alex still didn't want to give up. Marcello had been getting worse and worse. He and his family had made the decision to move him to hospice care if he stabilized enough for transport. Cancer sucks.

Cristina sat at April's desk, quietly snacking on a box of raisins, pouring over her own fellowship paperwork. Recrossing his leg, Alex eyed his friend closely and raised his eyebrows. She hadn't finished her application either, and so was spending her lunch hour in much the same position as him. He never thought she'd be one to put things off, though he did know that things in Cristina's personal life weren't great. Not that he'd been able to figure out a way to talk to her about it. Some friend he was.

It was just weird. Alex was never really good at talking about that kind of crap with his friends before his whole relationship with April. But now he wanted to, because she was his friend and... Especially since Cristina had been acting more and more closed off. Even to Meredith. Cristina had been there for him before and Alex wanted to be there for her now. He just needed to figure out a way to get things going.

"Cristina?" Alex ventured.

"What?" she snapped. Before Alex could reply they were interrupted by the sounds of people coming down the hallway.

Alex and Cristina both looked up from their applications as the door to April's office flung open and Jackson practically zipped into the room and sat down next to Alex on the far side of the couch. He crouched down and peered through the blinds of the office window.

Cristina made eye contact with Alex as he smirked and they both shook their heads.

The door opened again, much less abruptly and April casually limped in, with the aid of her recently acquired cane, gripped her left hand. She'd been using it almost daily for the past two weeks, save for two especially rainy days, and she seemed a lot more comfortable with it than she had ever been with her crutch. She still had aches and pains of course, but somehow the cane seemed less of a 'thing' for her compared to before. April told him it felt less visible than a crutch. And somehow that made a huge difference.

Heading over to her desk with a faint smile on her lips, April didn't look at Jackson. Instead she leaned over Cristina and opened her snack drawer, pulling out a bag of trail mix. As she moved to sit on the couch next to Alex, she calmly teased, "Jackson, you can't hide from your mother forever."

"I can try!" Avery replied, still crouching down and peering through the blinds. Alex saw Cristina roll her eyes. "She's trying to set me up with this junior urologist."

"Or she is trying to show one of her most promising residents a hospital with potential urology fellowship opportunities."

"My mother? The meddler? Yeah, right. You are such a groupie."

"Okay, well, even if she is trying to set you up, maybe Dr. Keaton is nice. And it's not like she asked your mom to do it. You might have a good time. It's just showing her around. And your mother is a great mentor, no matter what you say."

"Yeah, yeah," Jackson moaned.

As the two friends bickered, April rolled her eyes and grabbed a handful of trail mix. She carefully sorted the contents in the palm of her hand, peanuts with peanuts. Almonds with almonds. Raisins with raisins. M&M's with M&M's. Each taking up their own small corner of April's palm. Freakin' weird, but Alex had learned that April did a lot of little things that he thought were odd; like occasionally eating pizza slices crust first, or shopping in a particular planned way.

She said that it was a way of saving the best for last. Her favorite part of pizza wasn't the crust, and she would rather shop for baking supplies than cleaning ones. But she'd always get the cleaning stuff first. And April's favorite part of trail mix was actually the M&M's. But she'd eat them last, and she said that she'd done the sorting since childhood. Alex didn't really get the whole delayed gratification thing. In food or in life.

The logic seemed flawed. If he was going to bother with sorting the crap (which was highly unlikely), he would damn well go for the parts he liked best first . Maybe it was because of his childhood in foster care, but Alex saw no guarantee that what you'd saved for last would still be there if you waited, and no guarantee that you'd still want it even if it was still there. For food or life. But it was just one of those things he didn't get about April, and no longer felt annoyed by.

If April wanted to wait to eat her freakin' M&M's, let her wait to eat them. And reach over and snag a few snacks yourself. Alex did, swiping couple of raisins from her open palm.

"Hey!" she said leaning back and playfully covering her palm with her other hand.

Tossing the swiped raisins into his mouth and chewing loudly, Alex leaned forward and made a face at her.

"You can't share?" he teased.

"You can't ask?"

"Damn it!" Jackson gasped and pulled a flowery pillow from behind his back on the couch. He lowered his shoulders even more and held the soft object in front of his face.

"Lame hiding spot, dude," Alex mumbled as he filled out more of his application. The door opened again, and a confident Catherine Avery glided in, followed by a younger doctor chick.

Jackson groaned and lowered the pillow, his lips forming into a tight lipped smile, "Hey Mom."

"Hey baby," The senior Dr. Avery said, smiling broadly. "I know you've been trying to avoid me."

"I haven't been-"Jackon lied.

"That's okay, Jackson," Catherine said rolling her eyes. "I wasn't looking for you anyway. I needed to find this one here. Let me see you!" She held out her hands toward April and wiggled her fingers. "Girl! I'm so happy to see you looking so well!"

Alex was vaguely disturbed by the way that the senior Dr. Avery's eyes drifted to him, and up and down his body, as she said those last words. Like she meant, 'so well' in broader terms than April's recovery. Like she knew they'd...surely not.

Then again, April and Jackson's mom were apparently 'facebook friends'. And as soon as they'd agreed to try this whole 'relationship thing', they'd also ended up doing the whole 'is in a relationship with' thing on the site. So, at the very least, Catherine Avery probably knew about the fact that they were dating. The rest was easily inferred. Alex wasn't really a big facebook user himself, but Amber had been after him lately to use it. April used it to keep in touch with her family and friends back in Ohio.

When she'd updated her status to 'in a relationship with Alex Karev', it had made quite the stir. A flurry of people 'liked' it or whatever. Which felt a little weird, but he guessed that's just how social media worked. He figured it was better to be 'liked'.

Then Alex had gotten messages from two of April's sisters within minutes and a friend request from the third. Which proved to him that Kepner women were all a little crazy, not just April. The message from Kimmie had been polite and kind enough, expressing a hope that they might meet sometime in the future, if he ever came back to Ohio with April. Libby, the oldest sister if he wasn't getting it confused, had sent him a message with a very different 'don't mess with my sister or you'll have hell to pay' kind of tone.

Alice had just straight up requested to be friends with the simple message: "You're pretty much the first boyfriend my sister's ever told us about, and I am really excited for her, so I'm gonna keep facebook tabs on you. Fact, this is. Less creepy to facebook stalk if we're friends, but it'll happen either way. Also, I post many funny memes, so there is something in it for you if you accept."

Alex laughed out loud when he'd read the message on his phone and had accepted her request right then and there. At least she was honest. And it wasn't like he posted much to the facebook that much anyway. What would Alice see? So, now Alex was facebook friends with someone in April's family. Which made him feel good.

Which was weird. Because it was just the internet. Whatever. And Alice did post some funny shit.

April stood up and Dr. Avery pulled her into a tight embrace. "Honey, Jackson told me everything that happened, with the earthquake and everything. I was very worried about you. But look at you now, just persevering. Dr. Hunt told me you are almost caught up on your surgical hours already. So proud."

April's smiling face was barely visible over Catherine Avery's shoulders. She stammered, "I-I don't know what to say. Thank you."

When they pulled apart Dr. Avery gestured to her companion and said, "This is Dr. Mara Keaton, one of my best 5th year residents. This is Dr. April Kepner, Dr. Cristina Yang, and Dr. Alex Karev. And of course my son, Jackson. Some of the finest Seattle Grace Mercy West has to offer. Even if one of them insists on specializing in plastics."

Jackson rolled his eyes fondly at his mother, and rose from the couch, shaking the dark haired woman's hand. Alex and Cristina both murmured greetings and April grinned.

"Pleased to meet you all," Dr. Keaton added, in a faintly british accent. "Seattle Grace certainly seems like an interesting place to work." Her eyes settled briefly on Jackson and then darted to the floor. Uh, huh. Alex smirked. Suck it up, Avery. She thinks you're hot.

Turning back to April, Catharine asked, "Honey, do you have time to get lunch? I have a bladder transplant at 4:15, but I'd love to catch up."

Alex cleared his throat as he felt her eyes drift to him again. Catch up. Catch up. Old Doc Avery was certainly going to talk with his girlfriend about more than her leg injury. For crying out loud. People acted like their relationship was this totally out of left field thing. And maybe it was. Whatever. Stranger crap had happened right?

April seemed oblivious and replied, "Absolutely! Of course. I've actually been working since last night, so my shift is over. So...yes! I'd love that. We could get lunch now, um, i-if you have the time."

"Oh, of course! ABSOLUTELY! If you have time? I do hope you have the time," Avery mocked in a high pitched voice.

April rolled her eyes, "Shut up, Jackson!"

"Groupie," Jackson murmured glancing to Alex. He could only chuckle and give the other resident a small nod. April scrunched up her nose and squinted at them. She couldn't deny it though. She totally did have a tendency to idolize authority figures and act all over eager in front of them.

Catherine Avery seemed pleased with the plan and she somehow convinced Jackson to give Dr. Keaton a tour of Seattle Grace while she ate with April. Alex didn't get why Avery bitched and moaned so much. Keaton was hot. And british. Seriously, who cared if your mom introduced you? Avery needed to lighten up. Why complain over getting to spend the afternoon with a hot chick?

If Alex was single...well Mara wouldn't have really been his type. And it was hard to imagine being single again. Because he now realized that most of his recent single life, Alex had spent being miserable. Miserable. And he worried that Cristina, one of his best friends was miserable now.

When the bickering group finally left, the room felt so much quieter. It was just Alex and Cristina again. Alone. Back to where they'd started. He sighed and looked up from the couch, watching his old friend carefully. Her pen was still and, although she was staring at her application on the desk, her gaze seemed to be miles away. Alex felt bad. He needed to do something for her.

"Counselling still isn't working out, is it?"

So maybe he didn't have much tact. But Alex had to start somewhere.

Cristina seemed less than thrilled about his segway into the conversation, "You're asking me about this now?"

"Well," Alex shrugged. "Yeah. I'm, uh, here for you or whatever. If you want to talk about it."

"It's none of your business. I don't want to talk about it."

"I know, I get it...I just-" He shrugged. "I know its a crap deal. And I know you haven't...Mer is worried. You're stressed. Boards are coming up...I am worried."

Cristina made eye contact with him after a long moment. She sighed put down her pen and leaned back in the desk chair.

"We're still in therapy. To answer your question. We're still in it, and we spend every session arguing over the same thing. Then we go to work and we act like there is nothing happening. And then we go home and we don't talk. Or we yell. It's a real party."

"That's lame," Alex said quietly. He stayed quiet and still, afraid that Cristina would bolt or lock down if he so much as moved. She stayed silent for a long time, and he was afraid that those few words would be all she was willing to share.

"And I can't see a way forward," Cristina concluded, her previously stoic expression cracking slightly, as the corners of her lips twitched. "Not with both of us being happy. I guess sometimes loving someone just isn't enough."

Alex sighed. Maybe she had a point, "I loved Izzie. I really loved her. It didn't seem to make a difference."

Cristina snorted, "Well, lover boy, you're one to talk. Things have turned around for you haven't they?"

It was true. Crazy but true. Usually out of their little friend group, Alex was the one whose personal life was full of the most crap. Lately things had turned around for him though, with April. Because he was happy, and he could see himself loving her. Maybe he already did. He was still cautious because of his past, but Alex could see it. Circumstances had turned around for Owen and Cristina too. But not in a good way.

With a humorless laugh, Cristina continued, "And I thought I knew him. I thought Owen knew me. I thought that he...he knew me, and he understood me, and loved me. Because I have never been anything but clear about who I am. What I care about. What I want in life."

Alex carefully set down his paperwork and ran his open palms down his legs. The root of the whole conflict between Owen and Cristina was her abortion. And he could see why Cristina had chosen to be so closed off from everyone. Especially Meredith. Because Mer had had a miscarriage, and spent a year trying to get pregnant again. Then, she'd worked hard to adopt Zola, and even that had almost not worked out. Her best friend had tried desperately to have a child, and nearly failed, while Cristina had had the chance to have one, but chosen not too. Their friendship was tight, but Alex understood why Cristina might have decided not to talk about it.

"And he expects me to change my mind. Grow up. Because everybody wants kids," she said, sneering and waving her fingers making air quotes. She seemed to be on a roll. Alex figured she needed to get some of it off her chest. "No, actually some grown up people don't wanna have babies. I don't. I've never been unclear about that have I? Not everyone wants to grow a friggin' baby. I'm not-I'm me. Surgery...I am a surgeon. A great cardiothoracic surgeon. I don't want to be a mother. That isn't me. I shouldn't have to change."

"No," Alex agreed.

He'd known for years about Cristina's desire not to become a parent. Alex understood it, and it made sense, and Yang had never pussyfooted around the issue. And he had to think that Owen must have known too. before they got married. But on the other side, he could understand a little bit of the thing from Hunt's perspective.

Sometimes you didn't realize you wanted something until you'd lost it. Or almost lost it. Alex understood that all too well. Maybe Owen didn't realize what he wanted until it was almost a reality.

"But, I guess...he shouldn't have to change either," Cristina continued, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "If what he really wants in life is to be a father. If he wants someone to pop out kids for him. I love him though. But I can't see a way forward."

Alex winced and scratched the side of his neck with one hand. He'd never been good at this emotional crap. He almost regretted pushing Cristina to open up. He didn't know what to say. Because Alex didn't really have any solutions. Most of the time life works out way different than you'd imagined. Different than you'd want it. A sucky but true fact of life. Look at Webber's wife and the alzheimer's. Robbins ending up co-parenting Sloan's kid. April and her leg...wait.

"Maybe...you'll both need to change. You both gotta..." Alex paused, gesturing vaguely as he searched for just the right words. "Re-frame how you picture your lives or something."

"I am not having baby to save my marriage," Cristina snapped angrily.

"I didn't say that! That's not what I meant..." Alex placated. "Hold on, just listen. Hear me out: Look at the Chief and Mrs. Webber. Ellis Grey, the alcohol, the work. All those years and all that crap it took for him to realize he wanted to be with her or whatever. And how does it end? She gets freakin' alzheimer's and can't remember who she is half the time, let alone that he picked her. Is that how either of them imagined spending their golden years? No. But Webber is making the best of it. He's not working as much anymore, he's spending what time he can with her."

Maybe he wasn't making that much sense, because Alex could tell Cristina was getting frustrated with him. She stood up and shoved her application roughly into a folder and made for the door. Damn it.

"Or Robbins," Alex tried again, "You think she pictured her life being forever connected to Mark Sloan? I don't know much about it, but probably not. She wasn't exactly his biggest fan before. But...she loves Callie, and she adores Sophia, and so she's going with it. She can be happy even if this is different than what she thought she'd get."

Cristina was flush with the couch now, reaching for the door handle, when Alex realized he needed to pull out his big gun, so to speak. The real way he'd come to some insight on this whole thing. At least, he thought it might help. Maybe it was crap.

He continued, "And April? You should have seen her when Torres told her about her leg. She never dreamed she'd have a knee replacement, or scars, or pins. I mean, just to maintain that stuff, April is gonna need more surgery periodically throughout her life. And it'll hurt. She knows that. Faces that. But when Torres first told her, she flipped out. She freaked because she thought she couldn't have the exact life she wanted. And she can't. In a lot of ways, she can't. I mean, it's never gonna be the same. April was never an athlete, but now she told me she misses jogging. Running. Stuff like that. The point is, her life's going to be different. And at first, she thought different would be bad. owen...he's freaking out because he thinks different is bad."

Alex paused, eying Cristina cautiously. She wouldn't look at him and she stood completely still. She hadn't pulled open the door though.

"But different doesn't have to be bad," he added, trying desperately to explain to Cristina how he thought she could approach a 'way forward with Owen'. "April sees that now. Because...all that crap with her leg? Huge part of the reason we got together. And we're different than what she thought she'd have, but it's not bad. We're happy. I think she is happy. And she still do stuff. Maybe she can't jog, but April can still walk. Hike in the park. And see stuff."

Alex realized he was rambling, but found that he was unable to help himself. Maybe it was a habit he picked up from April. Or something. Still, he wanted to explain to Cristina, "We walked in Magnussen last weekend. Saw some frogs, and a crane...When you don't go so fast, you actually see stuff you'd never have seen if you were running. Yeah, her leg makes life different. Different doesn't have to be bad! Doesn't have to be less. You gotta find ways that it can be good, better even. Find ways you can still do what you want. Owen just needs to see that this life, a life with you, can still be good. Different from the one he sees with kids, but still good. Maybe you could show him. Show him it can still be a great life."

Cristina still hadn't so much as twitched. She continued to stand frozen in place, with her hand on the door handle, starting with a furrowed brow at the poster on the back of the door in front of her. One of April's, with those 'motivational' quotes she liked so freakin' much. In bold white letters on top of an image of Gandhi; "Be the change you want to see". Alex leaned forward a little and watched his friend closely, wondering if he'd blown it all. Stupid emotional crap. Whatever. He'd tried. Years ago he wouldn't have even bothered.

Alex had just started to straighten his pile of application papers when Cristina slowly sat down next to him on the couch. She remained quiet until she finally whispered, "How? How can I show him that? He wants to be a father. He wants to have a child. A life with me means that can't happen. Which means different is bad."

That was a good question. The heart of the problem really. Alex blinked, "Um, maybe not. I think you gotta figure out why Owen wants to be a father. What that means to him. What's important about it or whatever..."

Cristina raised her eyebrows. Alex supposed it was probably a little hard for her to see. Hard to get into someone else's perspective, especially when she didn't even want kids at all herself.

Leaning back thoughtfully, Alex said, "Owen doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who is all about flesh and blood. Like 'I need progeny' type of crap. You popping out a kid. He'd have...he'd have loved your kid if you'd had it, but if you guys ever adopted too, I don't think I can see him loving that kid any differently. Right?"

"I don't see where you are going with this."

"So, he's not about having a kid to sow his seed," Alex had seen those kind of Dads in peds before. They were often the kind of absentee types, who'd have a really hard time dealing when their kid was sick or not perfect. Because the kid was in a way an extension of their own ego. He didn't know Owen well, but Alex didn't think Hunt was like that.

"And if he's not that kind of guy, then...I think what Owen really wants is to love a kid. Teach 'em stuff about life and crap. Whatever. About being a good person and all that. It's about making a difference in a kid's life. I think that is being a Dad to him."

"That's what he feels like he'll lose," Cristina murmured. "If our life is different."

"But," Alex said holding up a hand. "That doesn't exactly have to be true. You can love a kid, teach a kid; make a difference in their life without being their parent. Owen could still find that-have that, in a life with you."

He thought of his own childhood. Alex had had a few teachers and coaches that made him think he could make it. People who weren't his parents, but who cared for him. Who made him think he could escape Iowa. Finish college. And Med School. Become a doctor. A surgeon even. If he'd had more encouragement like that, more people like that, maybe he wouldn't have had to spent so much time in his life being a total ass.

"Think about it: I know you are Zola and Sophia's godmother. I know you don't hate kids, but you don't exactly go out of your way to spend extra time around them. You see them when you see them, and whatever. But what if you re-framed your idea of being a godparent? Make Owen a part of it. Change the role that you think kids will play in your life. Really step up. What if you and Owen did something with them, like...often? You could both be really active in both their lives. Go to their little league games and stuff. Take them...camping or whatever...just- be there for them."

"They're too young to camp. And I don't like watching sports."

"Whatever! Do something else! It doesn't freakin' matter. I'm just saying, try being active in their lives."

"Wouldn't it make Owen bitter? Doing all of it for kids that aren't ours?"

"Probably," Alex conceded, shrugging his shoulders. "Definitely, at first. But, like I said, you both have to change a little. Let some of your old plans go. Compromise. And I don't know. What other choice is there? Neither of you wants a divorce. You gotta try something."

Cristina nodded, contemplating. After a while, she turned to face Alex and smirked, "Evil Spawn, Kepner has turned you into a regular Dr. Phil."

God, he hoped not. But he had been surprising himself lately. Only the other day he'd caught himself folding his laundry. Actually folding. That had to be in some part because of his girlfriend, because who really cared if your socks were folded together? Alex didn't. But he'd folded. So, maybe April really was making him change.

Not that much though. Surely. Alex snorted. Well, so what? He seemed to have helped his friend.

"Only for you," he teased.

"But I don't know, Alex."

"Just talk to him about it. See what Hunt thinks. If it's a crap idea, it's a crap idea."

Cristina looked like she was about to say something else, but her words were cut off by the sound of his ringing buzzer. Glancing back to her apologetically, Alex looked down and his heart sank. It was from peds. He was already on his feet and halfway through the door, when said hastily, "I gotta go!"

Marcello Conti, 911. Damn it.

* * *

April twisted the coffee cup on the table in front of her, carefully spinning it clockwise and then counterclockwise in equal measures. She smiled broadly. Her lunch with Catherine Avery really was the perfect way to end things before she headed back home. Her shift had been pretty long and, though April was happy to have done two procedures, she was even happier to unwind.

The senior Dr. Avery was always entertaining, even if she could be a little forward, and very brash. April admired her career, but also her personality a little bit. Because she just said things to people. Things that April would probably never work up the nerve to say. She'd been working on getting better at the whole assertiveness thing, but she was pretty sure that people like Catherine Avery, Dr. Bailey, and Alex were at a higher level. One which April didn't think she'd ever reach.

"Honey, I hope that you know how glad I am that you and Jackson are so close. You're a good friend," Dr. Avery said seemingly out of the blue considering that they'd just been talking about baking recipes. April turned around, following the older doctor's gaze, and saw that Jackson and Mara Keaton had entered the cafeteria and were chatting rather intensely at a secluded table.

Shaking her head April said, "I told him Dr. Keaton was probably nice. I told him you weren't just setting him up."

"I most certainly was!" Dr. Avery replied, eyes twinkling. "I thought they might get along. Why not see how they do spending time with each other?"

April's eyes widened and she looked back down to her hands, "Oh, then I guess...that's...that's fine."

Catherine only laughed, and added, "That's just how I am, April. I always have stir the pot. I just can't resist. Sometimes my meddling works, you know! Maybe not always for Jackson, but there are a few happy couples back at the Brigham who I could take credit for introducing. But anyway. And what about for yourself? Getting along with uh, who is it? Dr. Karev, yes? I'd never have pegged him as your type. How is that been for you? Because you look like you're a lot less...tense."

Her mouth opened as April struggled to reply. She knew what Dr. Avery was really fishing for. She thought April had been tense before. Wound up. Because she had waited such a long to have sex. And maybe that had been true. But you don't ask about it in public.

That's the thing. Catherine Avery just said things to people! Even right in public. She'd done it before to April the last time she came to Seattle. In the OR! So embarrassing.

Shrugging, she finally managed to reply, "It's been-It's really good. Alex is great. I mean, he might come off as a bit of a jerk, but deep down he's...I can't complain."

April shifted uncomfortably as a broad smile spread across the older doctor's face, and her eyes gleamed, "I see. That's good. You've had sex with a man."

"I never said-It's not that obvious..."

"Honey, I have an eye for these things. Good for you. It's helping you be a better doctor. It'll help you pass boards."

April gulped, and looked down to her hands. Awkward. Before she could steer the topic of conversation to something that wouldn't make her blush, April's phone buzzed. Her eyebrows knitted together as she read the message on the cell's screen. He wanted her to come up to peds. The message was a little cryptic, but April suspected that it had to do with Marcello. The teen was the only patient of Alex's that she had any real familiarity or connection with. And Alex had been working to save this kid with a higher than usual intensity, even for him.

"Speaking of Alex," she said looking back up at Dr. Avery. "I've got to run upstairs and help him with a pediatric consult."

They both rose from the table and quickly hugged. Catherine pursed her lips and laughed, "Oh, you don't have to make excuses to me, April. Get some girl. I've got my bladder transplant anyway."

The other woman elegantly walked away, leaving a flabbergasted April behind. Dr. Avery really didn't think April was leaving just to-that Alex had paged her because he wanted to...?

Well, she know that people did it. Had sex. In the hospital. Hell, she'd almost done it herself in an on call room with Alex all those months ago.

But that hadn't been a very good idea. And since they'd started dating, April and Alex had never slept together in the hospital. Or anywhere but her room actually. April didn't think she wanted to. Certainly not right now. Not in the hospital. She really hoped Alex didn't want to. Then again, his text message was a little cryptic. Suddenly, April felt nervous. What if he did?

Alex was typically pretty direct about most things. That sort of thing especially. He usually just rolled over and kissed her and said something simple like "Wanna screw?" If April wanted to, they did, and if not, they slept. Simple. Fairly low stress for all parties not always the most romantic, but April didn't really mind. She never felt like Alex was pressing her to do anything she didn't want to. And he could be romantic in other ways.

Sighing, April lifted her cane and limped to the elevators pressing the button that would take her upstairs to the pediatric ward. She was probably just freaked out because of Jackson's mom. Because if she'd gotten this text on any other day, or at any other time, April would have assumed that it was about Marcello. So, she decided to assume that now. To trust her gut.

The doors opened and April exited the elevator, scanning the peds lobby area for Alex. She caught sight of him near the nurses station. One look at the expression on his face and April knew that her first instinct had been correct. This had to be about a patient. It had to be about Marcello.

As soon as Alex saw April, he rushed to her side, grabbing her elbow and urgently leading her down a hallway, speaking quickly, "April you've done a Kimberland procedure once before haven't you? With Hunt? Back when there was that accident at the Boeing factory? For that guy with swelling that impaired his breathing? His lungs had fluid and erosion yes?""

"Uh, yeah," April said, thinking back, and trying not to stumble.

Months before the earthquake there had been a major industrial accident at the Boeing factory near Renton. Six traumas had come to Seattle Grace, and one of them had died. She'd worked on a man with lung and swelling issues, and Hunt had taught her to perform a somewhat new and controversial procedure. It had saved the patient though. But April didn't quite see why Alex wanted to know about it.

"Alex? What's going on?"

"The patient made it, right?" His grip on her elbow was tight enough that April could tell how involved Alex really was.

"Yes, but-"

"I've read some stuff about alternative applications of the Kimberland, like on cancer cases for instance. It relieves pressure on the lungs. Marcello's tumor is-"

"But Alex, that's just one study! I've read about it too. It's not even finished yet! Kimberland is a trauma procedure for acute injuries caused by an external factor. A tumor is different and-"

"Whatever, it's been done! You know how to do it. You're Chief Resident. Robbins likes you. The oncologist will listen to you. Come on."

"But-"

"Marcello's tumor is eroding the walls in his lungs. The results are not dissimilar to swelling!"

April shook her head, "I'm not Marcello's physician. I'm not familiar enough with his case to advocate for any procedure, let alone one that's risky and isn't known for success in cancer cases! There is an appropriate chain of protocol to follow for situations like this."

Alex glowered and looked at her pleadingly, "I don't give a damn about any stupid protocols. His condition is deteriorating. His family is driving up from Yakima! That's 3 hours away. They need to get here. They should be here. Marcello needs a few more hours!"

April didn't have time to reply, as Alex suddenly opened the door to a conference room and thrust her inside. Dr. Robbins and an Oncology fellow, Dr. Khanbo both looked up as they entered the room and Alex shut the door behind him.

Arizona looked sad and tilted her head to one side, "Karev-"

"She's done one before. A Kimberland procedure. I told you. Her and Hunt. Back for the Boeing case," Alex said. "It's been tested on a trial basis with cancer patients with lung distress!"

April felt out of place. She hovered, wide-eyed and silent by the door. Alex was obviously desperate to do something for Marcello's case, but she really didn't think doing yet another surgical procedure was the solution. He was so very sick, and his cancer had not responded to any of his treatments this time. Kid's like Marcello were a major part of why April had not chosen to specialize in any type of neonatal or pediatric surgery. It was just way too sad. Not that trauma surgery was much better, but at least then you were usually dealing with acute injuries that had a direct cause and effect. Not unexplained chronic diseases in children.

And of course, Marcello's treatment wasn't April's decision anyway. She cared for Marcello a lot, having gotten to know him over the past few months, but at the end of the day, she wasn't actually on the teenagers care team. It was Robbins, Alex, and Khanbo who had to choose what path to take.

It looked like Robbins and Khanbo were thinking making a decision that Alex didn't agree with and so he'd brought her in. April was surprised that he'd called for her actually.

Khanbo shook her head, "I'm not unfamiliar with the study Dr. Karev. But the patients they used were not end stage, and nowhere near as frail as Marcello. I'm sorry, I just don't see him as a candidate."

"The tumor is putting too much strain on Marcello's lungs! He'll be dead in a matter of hours if we don't do anything," Alex countered. "The parents aren't going to be able to make it. He'll die alone!"

Khanbo sighed, "That's regrettable, but even if we did do the surgery, it's likely that he would die on the table before his family arrived anyway."

"At least then we'd be freakin' doing something!"

Robbins walked to Alex's side and reached a hand to his shoulder, "We've done a lot Alex. And that iso-chemotherapy treatment you found gave him a few more weeks. The Conti's and Marcello knew that we are nearing the end. That's why they wanted to move him to hospice if his condition stabilized. They wanted no more extraordinary means. We can't go against that directive. We can't try one more thing. We'll supplement his oxygen and hope that it buys enough time."

April gulped and blinked rapidly, trying to control her reactions. This was too sad. It wasn't fair. Children shouldn't die. They should all get the chance to grow up.

"It won't," Alex muttered. "He's not gonna make it till they get here."

"No," Khanbo agreed. "But it's what we can do."

"It's sucks. This is a terrible situation, but sometimes this is what happens," Arizona continued.

He pulled away and crossed his arms shaking his head, "We can't fail him on this. I know his parents needed to keep working to keep their insurance. But the fact of the matter is that Marcello has been alone for most of his time here. Away from the people that care about him. He can't die that way."

Robbins shook her head, "He won't be alone, we can have nurses-"

"Freakin' nurses! They're overworked as it is! And he'll try to be brave, and say he doesn't need them and send them away and-"

"I think you are wrong, Dr. Karev," Khanbo said softly moving slightly closer to Alex, and tapping on the chart in her hands.

"What?"

"Marcello's parents haven't been able to stay with Marcello as much as they would like, but I would not say that he has spent his entire time in this hospital alone. He has had people who care about him with him often," the other doctor lifted one hand and gestured to Alex and April.

"You've done an excellent job of that Dr. Karev. I can't tell you how much Marcello talks about you and friends during my examination. Those visits, helping you study...that all made a huge difference in his life. Even now."

Robbins agreed, "You did a good job with this case, Alex. You could stay with him, if you want to. I can shift your other cases, until..."

Alex shifted his jaw, and April watched a haunted expression fall across this case. Something about Marcello really hit home for Alex. Thinking about it, April thought it made some sense. the teen was a feisty kind of kid, whose life circumstances had forced him to look out for himself. Not unlike Alex himself. And April's ex-wife had almost died of cancer. There were enough similarities that it was easy to see how he'd gotten so wrapped up in this case. More so than for a normal case, even for another cancer case. She'd looked into some stuff after the whole Amber hitchhiking thing had happened. April had been curious to understand Alex better, like why he could stay for hours on end with patients in their rooms, or why he could have done the same for her, yet he'd only spent a weekend in Iowa when Aaron tried to kill Amber.

Though she was no psychologist, April guessed, based on her research, that the traumatic experiences of his childhood had made Alex prone to transference. It meant that he unconsciously redirected intense feelings and emotions to similar circumstances or relationships in his own life, as a way of avoiding actually facing whatever the situation was in his own life. It seemed the only explanation for why Alex could go above and beyond in his job as a doctor for some patients, and yet had not been able to deal with his own family until very recently.

Not that April would ever tell Alex that this is what she thought he did. One, he'd freak out and think she was crazy for looking into stuff like this. About him. And two, he'd never even accept that there was a possibility he had transference. He was generally distrustful psychology, and so she thought it was more productive for her to just encourage him to further engage with his family, as he had been doing since Amber came to Seattle. And, it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. His intense connection to his patients was part of the reason why April thought Alex was such a good pediatric surgeon. He just needed to keep things in balance.

When Alex didn't reply to Arizona's suggestion, she thought that maybe it was too hard for Alex. Whatever was causing him to pull so much for this case, might also be causing him to freeze up when it came to staying with the dying child.

So April spoke up, "Uh, Dr. Robbins? My shift ended about half an hour ago. I haven't had the chance to change or head home yet. I know Marcello almost as well as Alex does. I...I can stay with him. Then all the burden wouldn't just be on Alex and the nurses. And I think having someone there that he knows at least a little will be important to the parents. Better than no one he knows at all."

"April," Arizona said quietly. "I know you're not on this case, you don't have to-"

"It's okay," April replied quickly. "I don't Marcello to be alone either." Her voice wavered on those last words and she swallowed. She knew how much comfort it had given her to know that Alex was there, in the collapsed building with her, for her own near death experience. If she had died, April would at least have had some comfort in knowing she wasn't alone.

Alex remained silent, and Khanbo nodded approvingly. Dr. Robbins solemn features held a flash of concern which dissolved. She seemed mildly impressed, "Alright Kepner, I know you're not obligated to do this, but thank you. I think I'll still shift Karev's cases. The both of you can see Marcello through this. It's gonna be a hard afternoon."

April bit her lower lip and nodded.

She could help. It was a devastating situation, but April thought she could do it. Sit with Marcello. While he...until he...

If Alex couldn't. If he couldn't alone. She could.

April could do it for Alex as much as she could for Marcello.

* * *

Alex clenched and unclenched his hand around his cell phone, as he spoke quietly in the hallway, updating the parents once again.

"Yeah, he's...he's been in and out of consciousness. That's um, not unusual when there is lung failure. Oxygen intake goes down and...yes. Yes. We do have someone with him round the clock. We'll stay until you get here."

His family was still probably about an hour out from Seattle, and with the onset of the evening rush hour, it could take even freakin' longer. Alex knew Marcello would be dead by the time they got here. It sucked. It was awful. It pissed him off.

Alex was angry at the insurance companies that forced the Conti's to keep working in order to pay for their son's care, at the expense of them being able to spend much time with him in his last few months. He was mad at Dr. Robbins and Khanbo for not being willing to try doing a Kimberland procedure, so he could maybe have a little more time. He was mad at the disease, the tumor, because Marcello was a great kid, and he was being robbed of his life.

And Alex was pissed at himself. Because he was being a chicken. He'd fought for a risky surgery. It was easier to keep fighting the inevitable, and to try to keep the teen hanging on for a few more hours.

Because it was hard to do this. To help Marcello do this. And his chest was tight and his palms sweated and he couldn't forget the feeling of holding Izzie in his arms as her own cancer killer her. At least he'd thought it was death at the time. It was awful and he couldn't face it again and none of that was Marcello's fault, so Alex was pissed. He should be stronger. Better.

But he wasn't, and right now April was the one who was really being there for Marcello. She wasn't making excuses to check stats or oxygen levels, or to update the parents. And she wasn't even his freakin' doctor. But there she was, going out of her way to help someone. He felt bad because it was really his responsibility. His job. Alex pocketed his phone and slipped back into the familiar and once inviting room. He'd spent a lot of time in that room. Eating, playing video games, studying. Now it just seemed cold, sad, and wretched.

April had lowered one handle on Marcello's bed and had her arms wrapped around him, deftly avoiding the various wires and monitors he was attached to. Alex could see unshed tears shining in her eyes, but April was holding it together. He was surprised. She was keeping it together better than him. April held Marcello leaning back on her chest, propped up a bit to hopefully aid his breathing, and he wore an oxygen mask, but his strangled breathing was becoming more and more labored. He was pretty out of it too. It was hard to tell in his moments of awareness whether Marcello knew he was dying or not, or if he would remember in the next moment of lucidity.

Making his way into the room, Alex sat down in a chair near the other side of the bed. Marcello moaned and gasped. April leaned her head to his ear and whispered, "Shh...don't worry. It's just Dr. Karev coming back in. Okay?"

The teen's eyes fluttered opened as he wheezed and shifted, feebly pulled at his oxygen mask. April stilled his movements and ran a soothing hand down his arm.

"Hey Bud," Alex said, trying to sound as normal as possible. "You gotta keep that on. For...for your breathing, alright?"

"M'kay, Dr. Karev," Marcello replied, wheezing even more. He seemed a bit more lucid than he had been.

Alex sighed, "Call me Alex, dude. She's April." They'd sort of had this conversation before on a less aware kick, and he clearly hadn't taken it in.

Behind his mask, Marcello smiled faintly, "April? Don't tell me you..." His words dissolved into a cough. He gasped and recovered slightly, "Don't tell me you...were...born in April?"

"April 23rd," she replied, gently leaning her head on top of Marcello's.

"That's lame," the boy croaked. A half smile fell on Alex's face. This was the longest and most coherent conversation Marcello had had so far. And he was still himself. Which made Alex's chest tighten just a little more.

"Hey!" April replied.

"It is a little lame," Alex agreed, joining in the tease.

"I didn't pick it. Blame my parents."

They all three laughed and sat quietly for a minute when Marcello sighed and whispered, "You...you guys don't have to stay...I know I'm...I know this is...it."

He swallowed, "I know I am dying...but I can handle it. I don't wanna...mess up your jobs."

"No," April answered firmly gently wrapping her arms close around his body. "No. I've got you. I've got you and I am going to stay. Alex is going to stay. You're not a problem for anyone."

Alex sniffed and looked to the ceiling as a lump rose in his throat.

"M'...M' kinda scared...I didn't...there a time when...my chemo...it all hurt so bad, I just wanted it to end. But now?" Marcello's wheeze gave way to tears, which made him cough. "I mean...what have I done...with my life?"

"I know," April said, shifting so that Marcello was sitting up even more, helping to relieve the coughing temporarily. "I think that it's okay to feel the way you feel. But you know what? You are a really good guy. You had a positive affect on a lot of people. Me, Alex, even Dr. Yang. Most people your age haven't figured out how to do that yet. Some people never do. But you did."

Alex has no freakin' idea how April was keeping her voice so even. He knew wouldn't be able too if he was talking at that exact moment. It was a good thing April was here. Marcello didn't need to see Alex fall to pieces. Maybe it was because all he could keep going back to was his memories of Izzie, and all the pain and surgery and crap that she'd gone through with her cancer. It was like his muscles had flash back. Muscle memory of something. He could remember exactly what it was like to hold her. As she 'died'. Not unlike the way April held his young friend now.

Her words seemed to calm Marcello. He slowly drifted off again.

And so time slowly passed, the boy sliding in and out of consciousness, and talking briefly. Alex found it difficult to sit. Difficult to stay in the room. He did for the most part but he couldn't help himself from going to the hall and pacing to calm his nerves every now and then. Because he freakin' needed to maintain his composure for this. Alex wasn't sure how April was doing it actually. Her leg certainly must be getting stiff from the awkward position she was in on the bed. And though she was clearly on the verge of tears, no hint of it slipped into her voice. Out of all the 5th years, she was usually the one who went to pieces over stuff. Even for patients. But today she was rocking it. Calm and comforting. She was being just what Marcello needed. And Alex was grateful for that.

At some point April had started humming and singing quietly to Marcello. He'd asked her what songs she knew, and then he and Alex had teased her about her taste in music and she'd started to hum stuff she remembered. Her head was good for lyrics. For all that crap. ABBA, Elton John, Manilow. Simon and Garfunkel. Lame or not, Alex thought it helped. Marcello was breaking through less and less often and grew more and more distressed as he struggled harder to breath, and the music seemed to calm him.

Alex had stepped out side to call the parents one last time when April was in the middle of 'The Boxer', and Marcello's breathing was more labored than ever, and he'd taken a moment to breathe. He'd gone to the far end of the hall and back before slipping in to the room again. The moment he came in, he knew. He knew.

April had stopping singing the words, only humming the chorus, and rocking Marcello gently from side to side. But Alex knew. The sounds of labored breathing were absent, and somehow the place just seemed...empty. Void.

"He's gone," April said softly, her voice finally revealing the depth of her emotions.

Alex froze, taking deep shaky breaths. He remembered how it felt when Izzie's body had gone limp in his arms. In your arms, death felt different than unconsciousness. He was overcome with an onslaught of memories of Marcello. And Izzie. It felt like the world was closing in around him. And he couldn't stay. He felt he should, but...

Damn it.

* * *

She'd kept it together.

April could hold things together. She'd been okay. Mostly. She'd been okay when Marcello told her he was afraid of dying. Mostly. She'd been okay when she'd felt the life leave Marcallo's body. Mostly. She'd been okay when Alex had left her alone in a room with the dead boy. Mostly. She'd been okay when Robbins and Khanbo had lead in the parents to see their dead son.

April had been okay when she'd carefully shifted the...the...him from her own arms to the arms of his mother. Mostly.

She'd kept it together when the woman had held her hands and balled on her shoulder. She'd kept it together when the father had thanked her for being there with his son.

She'd kept it together. Until she couldn't.

The tears had started to fall in the elevator. By the time she reached the 3rd floor and was walking to her office, she was sobbing. April Showers indeed.

Losing any patient was difficult, and took some toll, but Marcello? He was a hard loss. And it was different, just holing someone as they went. Usually April was in the ER or the OR, and doing a procedure when a patient passed away. Even for those she had to work hard to control herself. This was a whole knew level of sad. April made it to her office, and opened the door.

Alex already there, sitting on the far end of her green couch, with his head in his hands. She'd never seen him cry like this. He'd broken down a little when he'd told her the truth about his mom and dad, but April could see that his was even worse than that. Then he'd tried to hide the fact that he was a mess. Not now though. Now Alex glanced up and wiped his eyes with his hands as he saw her come into the room. She slumped down on the couch next to him, leaning her cane on the edge of the small table in front, and grabbing a wad of tissues from a box that sat on the table.

"April," Alex said, his voice thick with tears. "I'm sorry. I shoulda been the one to do all that. He was my patient."

"It's o-okay," April blubbered dabbing her eyes with the kleenex. She really didn't mind. She got it. About his transference. And his ex-wife and her cancer. "I-I understand. You-your...Izzie...had...c-cancer. Brings up bad memories... I g-get it. I've got your back. We...we d-din't let Marcello down...and his p-parents...they were glad someone was...with him..."

Alex turned and pulled April into an embrace, "You didn't let him down. I freakin' did. You were so great...with him and I just couldn't. I'm still sorry. I...I shouldn't be like this. After all this time. Izzie left me years ago. And she lived."

Gulping as her onslaught of tears continued April chocked out, "It's r-really okay. I had your back...and you were the-there. Marcello knew you were. I had your back."

"Huh," Alex sighed. "That's exactly why I am still sorry. You have my back. You do. You...you're here and Izzie left. And...and I shouldn't still let her crap mess my head. Not for important stuff like this. Not when you're here."

"Obvio-sly it was a big deal for you," April gasped tearfully. "And...you can still feel...I mean...it's okay if a part of you...s-still loves her enough to...f-feel so much from a m-memory."

Alex sniffed, and his arms pulled her closer, "I, uh, you say stuff like that and...I-that's why..." As he paused, and April reached to the table for more tissues. "I think that's why I-I love you April. I know it's a bad freakin' time to tell you but..."

April's heart and mind reeled with conflicting emotions, sadness for Marcello's death, and joy because of Alex's admission. As though it were an autonomic response she replied, "I love you too." She did. And she didn't need to think about it. But she would think about the fact that Alex had said it. And said it first. He loved her? She would no doubt spend hours thinking about it. Analyzing it. Re-analyzing it. But that would come later.

Right now, April was grief stricken, and all her mind could focus on was the loss of a fine young man.

"You know," Alex said. "Marcello is a reason our first date wasn't a bust. He's the reason I didn't walkout on you in the bathroom when you said it was a bad idea."

"What?"

"Yeah, he told me about feeling different because of what happened to him. He pushed away his girl, and you tried to do that...but because he told me about it I-I remembered and whatever...and we went and..."

"He was good," April's face crumbled and her sobbing increased two fold. She buried her face in Alex's chest and cried, "He was just a kid. It isn't fair."

"I know."

In the end, April and Alex ended up sort of doing something she'd vowed never to do, something she'd sort of worried about at lunch much earlier in the day. After the crying tapered off, they'd stretched out on her couch and dozed off. Before April feel completely asleep she found her mind taking a moment to realize the irony. Because April was ending up sleeping in the hospital with Alex. Just not in a way she feared.

And Alex Karev had told her he loved her. So, yeah, she was going to sleep curled up next to him in her office at the hospital. Whatever.


	13. Chapter 13

Jerking awake, Alex shifted and yawned in the unfamiliar hotel room bed. Not only was it unfamiliar, it was decidedly uncomfortable. Realizing he was cold he discovered that only a fraction of the sheet covered his body and the temperature had woken him up. April must have pulled it to her side. Damn it.

Alex squinted at the dim red lights of the digital alarm clock that sat on the nightstand next to the bed. 2:23 am. Late. Stupid late. It was the night before his boards, so he was bound to be a little restless. The 5th years had all flown to San Francisco for their oral exams and fellowship interviews with the American board of surgery.

Everyone seemed more than a little on edge, and Alex knew that he was totally on the irritable side. He just wanted so badly to pass. Normally his confidence would have been fine, but in the weeks since Marcello's death, Alex had realized just how much his cancer research had diverted him from his other studying. He may as well be applying for a pediatric oncology fellowship for all the adolescent cancer crap that filled his mind.

And it wasn't like he didn't know the rest of what he needed to. He had all the knowledge in his head. Just the cancer stuff seemed at the forefront. Alex was determined to pass. If he didn't freakin' make attending, he'd blow up.

Without rolling over Alex could tell that April was awake too. If she had gone to sleep at all.

If Alex was a little restless and irritable over their looming examinations, April was positively oozing unease. She kept sighing and sniffing fretfully. He could feel her messing with the edge of the sheet, and she kept moving into different positions as though she were unable to find a comfortable spot. April shifted again and pulled the sheets even more to her side of the bed and sighed again.

For crying out loud. If Alex was ever going to get back to sleep, he'd need her to calm down. And get her to not be a blanket hog.

"April," he said over his shoulder, as he gripped the sheets and yanked them a little more evenly on his side. "Freakin' go to sleep! I can hear you thinking. Cut it out. Just sleep already."

"I'm not going to pass," April said, and a quiet tone of despair slipping into her voice. Alex knew that she was her own hardest critic, but he thought that she had as good a chance as any of them for the exam. Even with the setback of the leg injury.

"You're gonna pass."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"Fine! You'll wash out, and end up working at Starbucks, and then I'll be the most popular attending ever because my girlfriend can get me coffee at a discount," Alex teased trying to get her to chill out and laugh. Her fears were practically making him more nervous.

"It's not funny, Alex!"

"You know what's really not funny? The fact that I am awake at 2:30 in the morning, the night before my freakin' board interview. I should be getting my god damn beauty rest, and so should you. So suck it up and get some sleep, or we'll both fail!"

April gulped and sniffed again, and Alex sighed. He felt guilty. She really was anxious, and snapping at her wasn't helping.

Alex. rolled over and wrapped an arm around her waist, "Look, I didn't meant to...I'm just tired."

April scooted closer to him, saying, "No, you're right. Laying awake like this is only going to make tomorrow worse. I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"It wasn't only you," he backtracked. "These beds are freakin' uncomfortable."

"Uh, huh," April murmured quietly. She lay her arm across his and said, "Come on. We've got to sleep."

"Okay," he whispered. "April?"

"Uh huh?"

He grinned, "You'll pass."

Alex let himself drift off. The next time he woke up, he found that the other side fo the bed was empty, and he could hear the sound of a blow dryer coming through the closed bathroom door. He groaned and turned to the night stand and stared at the clock. 7:30 am. Next to the clock sat two paper cups filled with coffee and two bananas.

The blow dryer shut off and a fully dressed April came into the room and reached for a cup of coffee. Sitting up, Alex arched his back and stretched his arms. He was glad to have gotten at least a few hours of sleep, but he wasn't sure if April had gotten any.

"Continental breakfast," she explained before she started peeling one of the bananas. She looked pretty hot in her business casual. Kind of librarianish. Nice. But Alex thought April was a little to 'awake' and perky. Especially when suspected she'd gotten less sleep than he had. "You should get dressed. We don't want to be late."

"Good morning to you too!" Alex groaned. Stretching again, his rose and made his way into the bathroom for a shower.

"Oh...yeah," she added smirking as she chewed a mouthful of banana. "Good morning."

Though he still felt very groggy, somehow Alex managed to wash up and throw on a suit, and when he was finally ready, he and April headed down stairs to the lobby of the hotel. Jackson was already waiting for them, sitting on a plush bench nervously loosening his tie. When the other doctor caught sight of them he stood up and walked to April's side.

"Van cab is on its way," Avery said.

"Meredith and Cristina come down yet?" Alex asked.

"Here they come," April said gesturing so that both men turned to see their friends exiting an elevator and walking over to join them. An air of solemnity seemed to hang around the group, as each of the residents contemplated the gravity of the exam before them. The events of today would determine the course of each of their careers.

The five residents were soon in the back of a van on their way to the test site, riding mostly in silence until the vehicle stopped. Alex reached for his wallet, ready to pay his share, as April, Meredith and Cristina each reached for their purses. Breaking the their silence, Jackson held up his hands.

"I got this guys," he said holding up a wad of money. "Sloan gave me a ton of cash."

April scowled, "Why?"

"It's Dr. Sloan," Cristina replied dryly. "Do you even have to ask?"

Exchanging a knowing glance with Meredith and Avery, Alex began a silent count down in his head. Because April did have to ask. And Alex knew that it would take her mind a moment to figure out what Sloan had in mind for Avery's money. Because it would never occur to her. Not right away. Her mind worked nothing like Sloan's. April frowned, blinking rapidly and tilting her head to one side.

Three. Two. One.

Realization dawned on her face, "You mean for...Oh...Oh! That's...that's gross. Jackson you're not going to-to..."

"Of course not," Avery laughed, as he paid the cab driver, and they all exited the van. "But I'm not about to turn down free money."

The short conversation made everyone chuckle and for a moment it pulled them from their anxious silence. Alex slipped his hands in his pockets and stood with Meredith and Cristina to his left and April and Jackson on his right. He stared at the building in front of them, thinking back to his first day as an intern at Seattle Grace, and everything that had happened in between.

All leading to this. To boards. Today's event could make or break their careers.

"Maybe...maybe we should say something or whatever," Alex mumbled glancing down to his feet.

"What? Like a speech?" Meredith said.

"Yeah, I dunno. Something. I mean, like, when we started we were..." Alex shrugged.

"Grunts," Jackson supplied.

"Babies," April added.

"The bottom of the surgical food chain," Cristina concluded.

He shrugged again, "And now we're..."

"Experienced," Meredith nodded, adjusting her suit jacket.

"Ready," Jackson agreed.

"Stop being so mushy. Let's just do this," Cristina sighed, moving forward and heading up the stairs to the front doors of the testing facility.

One by one the other residents followed her lead. Alex kept his pace slow and hung back with April as she made her way up the steps. She could do stairs now, with the cane and all. But it was slow going. Especially going up.

When they all made it inside the groups split off according to signs posted in the main lobby. Jackson and Meredith followed a sign that said A-G, while Cristina headed toward another hallway for P-Z. Alex and April took the third path and took seats in a long hallway with the rest of the hopeful residents whose last names filled the middle of the alphabet.

Alex tapped his fingers on his knees and gave April a small smile. She was uncharacteristically quiet and he knew that her nerves were probably running wild in her mind. And to be quite perfectly honest, his own anxieties were heightened too. Add to that, all that could be done now was sit and wait. No more time to study. No more time to practice. No more time to prepare. And the waiting was the worst.

A bored looking woman carrying a clipboard called, "Karev? Dr. Alex Karev? Seattle Grace Mercy West?"

Here we go. Alex waved a hand and popped up, "That's me."

As he began to follow the lady down the hall, April offered an earnest, "Good luck."

Alex turned back and tried to give her a reassuring smile. "You too. It'll be fine. We'll kick ass."

* * *

Turned out, the exam itself was the easy part of the board examination. The Torres method was solid.

At least, Meredith felt like it was.

She all but flew through the course of hypotheticals that the older surgeon proctoring the exam threw her way, and knew, with complete confidence that she the courses of treatment she'd recommended would have saved the lives of the hypothetical patients. The proctor, Dr. Cruise had a very good poker face, but Meredith was certain she'd responded correctly. That part was easy.

What was less easy, was the second portion. The interview. The part where the old doctor pulled her files and recommendations. The part where he saw her past. That made Meredith uneasy.

As he read her file, Dr. Cruise sniffed and lifted his fingers to his mustache, as Meredith sat across from him. She pursed her lips and stared her her hands, which she'd had splayed out on the table in front of her. She heard the sound of papers shuffling and glanced up to see that the proctor had put down her file. He sighed and remained silent for a long time.

Meredith swallowed.

"Dr. Grey," Cruise began slowly. "I knew your mother. She was an excellent surgeon."

"Yes," she replied tentatively, unsure of where the older doctor was going with this. She hated that her mother always came up at times like this. It was like always being in her mom's shadow. Meredith wanted nothing more than to stand on her own.

"Very principled, Ellis Grey," he continued, meticulously pronouncing the latter word, and eyeing her appraisingly.

"Yes."

"I see here that you are seeking a Neurology fellowship."

"That's correct."

"You have some very good recommendations here. From Jim Nelson, Richard Webber. Men I respect very much. And Chief Owen Hunt. Your case histories are strong. You've put in more than enough your OR time..."

Meredith knew all of this. Derek had been unable to give her a recommendation because she was his wife and all.

"You were involved in that big Alzheimer's trial before it went bust."

"Um, yes. I was."

"In fact, from what I understand, you are a big part of the reason the FDA pulled the plug," Cruise said evenly.

Meredith breathed slowly, unsure of how to respond. Dr. Cruise didn't know the half of it. The 'official' record didn't even contain the half of it. Meredith knew that if it wasn't for Webber taking the fall for her, she would still be fired from Seattle Grace.

"I don't need you to tell me the exact details of how that all fell apart," Cruise said finally. "But I would like to know the pathos behind the part you played in all of it. The  _why_ , from your perspective."

Meredith swallowed again.

"Because," he paused, lifting one hand and gesturing in the air. "Because I think that the  _why_  will tell what sort of surgeon you are. What sort of fellow you'd be, so please. Tell me about it."

Meredith knew that she was an excellent surgeon, and a caring doctor. But she also knew that her decision to alter the clinical trial had had far reaching consequences on both her personal and professional life. She had gotten everything straightened out with Derek and Zola. But now maybe the jig was up. Maybe the hell to pay would be in her career.

* * *

"Dr. Kepner, you currently hold the position of Chief Resident at Seattle Grace Mercy West?"

"Y-yes," April replied trying to control her breathing and the noticeable rise and fall of her shoulders. And failing miserably.

"Hmmm..." Dr. Kent, her proctor, flipped a page in her file.

She felt horrible. She had probably already failed her exam portion. April had fumbled her way through and given what she thought were the right answers. But she kept second guessing herself. Now looking back, she was sure that she'd been wrong about doing a segmental resection on the patient in the car crash hypothetical. Because now that she thought about it, she could have just done a longitudinal repair. Though, in real life she knew she wouldn't really have had the time to think that much.

Maybe what everyone had said before was right. April just wasn't ready for boards this year on top of everything else.

"But I see here that in your third year of residency, right after your hospital merged with another, you were fired for a time?"

April felt her lower lip jutted out and she looked down. This couldn't be worse. It was possibly the biggest regret she had in life. Not checking that woman's airway. She'd missed one simple step.

"It was...a mistake. I got distracted. I f-forgot to check a patient's airway after a fire...and...and she died," April lifted her eyes to the proctor. "I always double check my steps now.  _Always_. I implemented a checklist system, like they use for aviation. So everyone knows they aren't skipping s-steps," she answered lamely.

"Not many people come back from something like that and make Chief Resident."

"I-I..." she struggled. "Well, neither decision was r-really in my hands."

Kent smiled, shaking his head in agreement, "I suppose not. However, I also see in your file that this year, you had an extended absence? Because of your leg injury. You only just met the minimum requirements to even sit this examination."

"I, uh...I got back to work as quickly as I could," April explained wringing her hands nervously in her lap. "And-and you can see that when I got back, I tried my best to pick procedures that would be most applicable to...for this.."

Nodding, Kent's eyes flicked briefly to April's cane as it leaned against her chair, the polished wood handle reflecting the California sunlight through the blinds of the small room's single window. Something about the glance made April feel even more uncomfortable.

"Look. It's my job to ask you the tough questions, alright?" Kent said smiling sympathetically. "I have to ask you the tough questions to see if you really have what it takes to be a surgeon. To do what you want to do. remember that. This next bit is going to be hard. Okay?"

April bit her lower lip and nodded, "Okay."

"Can you tell me..." he sighed. "How can you expect to be a good Trauma fellowship candidate, given your new disabi-ah...your new circumstances? Trauma surgeons, we have to be able to think quickly. Act quickly.  _Move_  quickly. You could have changed your specialty, but you didn't. So my question is, why trauma? Why still trauma?"

April gulped and breathed deeply, trying to collect herself, and to formulate some sort of answer. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe he leg would stop her from being able to do what she wanted to do. Maybe she should just call it quits.

* * *

"Your record indicates that you have some issues with protocol and authority in the workplace."

"What?" Alex said trying not to sound too defensive. Where the hell does it say that? "I mean, uh, what's giving you that impression?"

The thin lipped proctor, and old chick called Dr. Grady, lifted her eyes from his file and stared at him over the top of her glasses. She lifted an eyebrow and smiled wanly at him.

"Well, Dr. Karev, there is nothing in your file that...explicitly states that you don't always follow the rules. Or that you occasionally butt heads with your superiors."

"Oh." Then why was the old bat talking to him about it? Alex cleared his throat and pulled at the sides of his suit jacket.

"But..." Grady continued, "You do have a bit of a reputation. My good friend Dr. Stark had quite a few stories when he finished his contract at Seattle Grace. Many about you. Body blocking the head of pediatrics?"

Freakin' Stark. Still causing trouble. And who would ever think that dude had 'good friends with anybody? Figures it'd be this dragon lady though. Alex lifted his hand and pointed to his file, "I can explain that-"

"'Persuading' a dying patient to donate her money to your project for African children?"

"I didn't make her-"

"I'm sure there you have a reasonable explanation for all of this," Grady said softly. Alex felt like this lady was freakin' patronizing him or something. So what if her bent the rules sometimes? His Africa project had helped quite a few kids, and he didn't regret doing it in the end.

He frowned and tried not to glare as he crossed his arms, "I do. Stark made a bad call and wanted to amputate the patient's leg. A teenage girl! No way I'd let that happen on my watch. I knew my ortho attending could save it, and the original head of pediatrics knew she could save it. So I stopped him from cutting. Kid's not an amputee today because I did that. Whatever."

"I see," Grady said. the pursed lips were back again. "You also not known for cultivating the best relationships with your patient's parents?"

Really? You've got to be freakin' kidding. From the look's on this proctor's face, he was starting to feel really tense about passing. Which was freaking stupid because he just  _knew_  he'd nailed the hypothetical section. If he failed because he'd body blocked Stark? Or because he convinced a selfish bitch to leave a positive legacy? Alex was going to be pissed.

"That's in my file too?"

The older woman sighed, glanced back down at the file in her hands, "Well your reviews are mixed. But, based off of her recommendation, Dr. Robbins seems to think you are quite the candidate. I'm just trying to figure out if you are simply a jerk, or if you have what it takes to be a great pediatric surgeon. Because children are very special patients. And I am very particular about who I feel is qualified to work with them."

Alex leaned forward, "Look: My priority is always my patient. Alright? They're kids.  _Kids_. Dealing with...crappy diseases and stuff. They're kids, and they can't always speak up for themselves. Way I see it, it's my job to advocate for my patient. So, so what if I have to bend a few rules? Sometimes you have to. And sometimes it means I have to talk tough with parents. Tell them things they don't want to hear. Same goes for attendings. Just because you've been a surgeon for forever doesn't mean squat if you are not willing to try stuff. There's always something you can do! Even if it's just sitting with a kid and making them feel comfortable. Maybe this crap doesn't win me a lot of brownie points, but I don't give a damn. I'm gonna do what's best for my patient!"

Grady blinked once and clicked her pen open, quickly beginning to write on a page in her paperwork.

"I see, Dr. Karev."

* * *

"The medicine was right there," Meredith concluded, having deftly relayed the 'official' version of her part in the failed Alzheimer's trial, and avoided directly saying anything about Webber. Even if Richard had been willing to take the fall for her, Meredith was unwilling to further damage his reputation. She sighed, looking back to Cruise's mustached face she continued, "I realize that it compromised the rest of the trial, and...if I knew then what I know now, I...I think I would have acted differently...but at the same time, I still don't think that things are always clear cut. They're not black and white. You have to look at each situation for itself."

The proctor gazed at her calculating, "So, would this be the way you characterize your approach to your patients?"

Meredith blinked, and lifted her eyes to the ceiling, considering the question. Neurosurgery was a very precise discipline on a whole. Move one wrong millimeter and you permanently damage the delicate brain. But...

"No two tumors are alike," she said carefully. "Just because they have similar locality and size doesn't mean their surgical removals would at all alike. It's more complicated than that. People's brains aren't exactly alike."

Cruise tapped his fingers together lightly, "Would an appropriate interpretation of your sentiments be that if you were a Neuro fellow, or eventually a neuro attending, you would still approach your cases on an individual basis?"

Meredith was silent for a beat, trying to figure out exactly what Cruise was getting at. Finally she replied, "Yes. Every single case is unique. It may have similarities with another, but you can't count on things being exactly the same. If I were a neuro attending, I would always account for that."

"Okay," the proctor said smiling faintly and writing a few notes down in his notebook."

* * *

"Why do you want to be a Trauma surgeon, Dr. Kepner?" Kent prodded. "With your mobility, how would you do it?"

April shifted uncomfortablely as she tried to answer. She knew that she wasn't and would never be a brilliant, raw talent sort of surgeon. She was no Ellis Grey. Or Cristina Yang. April wasn't the future of medicine and had long since given up comforting herself with the idea. She realized that ultimately, all she wanted to do as a doctor was to help people in their time of need. That was what really made her heart sing. Bringing some sort of order to the most chaotic moments of a person's life. It wasn't much of a reason. Probably not enough to pass boards, but it was the truth. And all she could say.

"Uh," April began slowly. "I didn't start out in trauma. At first, um, I thought I wanted to specialize in neurosurgery because...because it was precise and exact."

And she'd been so different then. A major reason April had been in Neuro back then had been her unfortunate crush on Derek Shepherd at the time. And her crush had been magnified by the fact that he had given her a second chance after being fired.

But now she knew that real love, not just crushing, was nothing like she thought it was. She'd never been in love with Dr. Shepherd. She never loved anyone really. Not a guy. She'd thought she had, but it wasn't real. It didn't feel real. Not until Alex. Derek was someone she really admired. She just hadn't known the difference at the time.

At that time trauma surgery had been the farthest option from her mind.

"But then..." she continued, gasping as her memories came back to her. "Then...there was a-the...our hospital had a shooting."

"Ah. I heard about that. Big news."

"Yes."

"That must have been difficult."

"It was. It was awful. Two of my closest friends...died. And one of them...he-he might not have. Training and knowing more on what to do for trauma...that could have made a difference for Charles. Maybe he would've lived. If-if the trauma training protocol was better, so Dr. Hunt implemented this new program, and I just-I liked it. "

"Yes, in his recommendation letter, Chief Hunt said this you excelled in his trauma team."

April shrugged, "Well, I- I guess it brings something out in me that I didn't know...I mean, after I started doing more trauma surgery there was a shooting at Pacific College and all of the patients came to us. And I felt...I felt like- in the shooting I was f-frozen. Useless. A total mess. But for those patients, I...I mean, I was running the ER, and I was doing something. If you have the proper training, and you get trauma. You can do so much.  _So_  much. I know I'm not the perfect candidate, but...I just want to make a difference."

Kent nodded and write notes for himself, "You should know Hunt is very interested in you as a candidate. His letter is very passionate."

She blushed and looked down at her hands, grateful that Hunt seemed to have more faith in her abilities than she did at the moment.

"He is very interested in you. Even now..."

Even now, in spite of your leg. That's what Kent meant. Which April thought was a little unfair. She could do the job. the knowledge in her mind and her surgical kills weren't affected by the metal rods and pins that held her leg together. Her leg should not be a reason to fail.

"I know it's a little unusual, but I don't think I am the first surgeon to have a limp."

"Trauma surgery is-"

"I know what trauma surgery is!" April surprised herself with her outburst. "It saved my life. My leg. I can walk now because of trauma training. Trauma surgery. I know what it is and I am grateful for it, and I know I can do it."

Kent seemed surprised at her snap too, and stared at her mouth slightly open.

"Look at my cases!" April demanded, gesturing to the files in front of the proctor. "Look at the ones after I came back to work! I haven't had any trouble doing my job. Now, I can get around fairly quickly, and I am doing my best to improve upon that. OR accommodations can be made. And when they can't I can find a way to manage! Surgery isn't a solo sport! Look! I performed a successful surgery on a man with rib injuries in our free clinic! With interns! If you have the proper training and you trust the people around you, you can do amazing things. I trust the people at Seattle Grace. And I know I can make a difference there. I just...I can do this job, Dr. Kent. I can be a trauma surgeon."

Kent still looked surprised. He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms and watched her for a moment. April knew in that moment that she'd blown it. Surely. she should have just waiting until next year to take boards. She would have been walking better, and had more cases under her belt as a better track record. She might not have had a cane by then. It would have been better. April was certain. But, at least she could console herself in knowing that she didn't let comments about her leg go. Because it probably wouldn't be the last time someone, somewhere would raise a concern about her ability to do her job with her injuries.

"Alright, Dr. Kepner," Kent said evenly, his tone and expression revealing nothing. "I think I have all that I need. I will be making my recommendation to the Ammerican Board of Surgery and the board at Seattle Grace with in the week. You should know your results a short time after that."

He beckoned one hand toward the door, and April awkwardly stood up, muttering a soft, "Thank you" before she quickly edited the room.

As she exited the room, April was grateful to see Alex, having already finished his interview, waiting for her at the end of the hall. she rushed up to him and gave him a hug.

"That bad?" he asked quietly as they headed down the hallway toward the main lobby of the test center.

"Yes. Maybe. I don't know."

"Couldn't have been as bad as mine," Alex huffed, wrapping one arm around her shoulder as they walked.

"No?"

"My proctor was a freakin' dragon lady."

"Alex..."

He held his hands up and made air quotes, "Apparently she's 'good friends' with Dr. Stark."

"That's not a crime. Robert Stark is a human being. He's not so bad once you get to-"

"Whatever. I don't want to hear it. Besides, human being or not. Stark was never a fan of me."

"This is true."

April waved as she caught sight of Meredith waiting for them.

"Hey Mer," Alex said as they walked up to her side.

Meredith smiled slightly.

"Yours was a bust too?" he asked curiously.

She gave a small humorless laugh, "The proctor wanted to know about the clinical trial. So yeah. Bust with a capitol B."

"Yikes," April replied, glancing over to Alex as he ducked his head. she knew he felt guilty for the part he'd played in revealing Meredith's actions.

"Oh, well though. The other shoe had to drop sometime," Mer seemed to notice the change in Alex's demeanor too, so she turned the subject around. "How did you guys do?"

"Fine on the hypotheticals. But I don't think Stark's BFF liked me very much."

"Bitch," Meredith concluded, turning to April and raising a questioning eyebrow.

April shrugged, "I kept rethinking things too much in mine I guess. And my proctor thought my leg was a problem."

"What?" Meredith said.

"I'll kick his ass," Alex added. "That has nothing to do with your-"

"It kind of does," April tried to explain. " For trauma it does. You need to move fast. Maybe even run. But, I know I can do what I have to. Especially at crunch time..."

Meredith and Alex looked at each other and grinned as they said in unison, "MASH in the clinic."

"Shut up!"

Cristina was next to join their little group, and as usual her self confidence was in tact, in complete contrast to the other three. All she would say on the subject was, "I am a rock star. My guy was ancient. I probably know more about modern cardio surgery than he does."

Jackson was the last to come out, surprisingly. He made his way over to their group with a familiar figure in to. Mara Keaton.

"Oh  _hey_  guys," he joked. "Look who I found!"

Alex glanced over to April and they both fought to keep from laughing. For all the complaining Jackson did when his mother first introduced him to Dr. Keaton, they really did seem to get along.

"Hello Mara," Meredith said.

"Your resident program is so different," Mara enthused. "Look at you all, hanging out. Waiting for one and other. Ours is a bit too cut throat for that."

Alex and Cristina joined in that conversation, so April leaned toward Jackson and whispered, "How did it go?"

He groaned and rolled his eyes, "Don't ask. Let's just say the phrase 'You are  _that_  Avery? And you want plastics?' started off the interview section."

"Ah," April winced. Today might have been a bad day for all of them. Except Cristina. She wondered whether they would all be able to repeat fifth year, with Lexie's group. She knew Hunt would probably allow her to do that, because that had been what he thought April should have done all along because of her leg. For the others she wasn't sure. But her trauma mentor had always seemed reasonable to April, so she thought he would let them repeat too. Still, the 'failed the first try' black mark would likely soon be on all of their records.

"What do we do now?" Cristina asked when the side conversation's had died down.

"We wait in agony," Mara sighed.

" _Right_ now," Cristina corrected. "What's done is done. We can't do anything to change it. Standing around here is pointless."

"Let's go get drunk," Alex suggested.

"Yeah," Jackson agreed. "We're here. In San Francisco. We don't have work tomorrow. For better or for worse, we just survived one of the biggest days of our lives. Booze is a must."

From the looks on the faces around her April could tell that they all thought it sounded fun. Not a bad idea at all. Because whatever was going to happen was going to happen.

It was out of their hands.


	14. Chapter 14

Alex's muscles strained as he and Jackson struggled to carry two ends of a heavy wooden bed frame. At their sides, Cristina and Lexie each gripped one edge of the massive object. Ahead of them, holding the front part of the frame, Meredith tried to guide the awkward team forward towards the stairs. She and Derek were moving into their new house, and Alex and the others had pitched in to help with the move.

It kind of took everyone's mind off waiting. It had been a week and a half since their board exam, and so all the fifth years new it was only a matter of time before they found out the results. They knew their results had already reached the hospital board, which had been deliberating all week and news of the outcome could reach them any day. Moving was a distraction from the agony.

"Okay," Meredith said, pulling her edge of the bed forward. "A little to the left..."

Then again, moving all this crap was proving to be its own kind of agony. The group strained and slowly inched the frame into position. What the hell was this thing made of? It weighed a ton.

"Remind me why you guys aren't using freakin' movers again?" Alex grunted, almost losing his grip.

"Well, we are already going to have to use them for all the new furniture," Mer sighed. "And most of the furniture is going to be new. Seemed kind of ridiculous to pay to move only a few things from the old house..."

Cristina rolled her eyes, "What's ridiculous now?"

Meredith shrugged, "This thing just didn't seem so heavy before...until you actually try to move it."

"Just how did Sloan and Shepherd manage to weasel out of helping with this part?" Jackson moaned.

"They are loading up the rest of the stuff from the old house in the moving van..." Meredith replied, somewhat sheepishly.

"Smart bastard's," Alex grumbled. "They knew that moving this thing would suck."

"Guys! If we're going to talk and complain," Lexie wheezed. "Can we at least set this thing down for a sec?"

She abruptly lost her grip and her corner of their load crashed loudly to the floor, narrowly missing Alex's foot. The sound echoed through the mostly empty spacious new house.

"Damn it, Lexie!" he hissed. Jesus, that thing could have took out one of Alex's toes.

"Okay calm down," Meredith said. "Let's just take a break."

Breathing a collective sigh of relief, the rest of the group carefully lowered the furniture to the ground, and sat down beside it.

From the nearby kitchen Alex could hear April chattering away to Zola, who seemed to have been startled by the noise. "What's that? That was loud, huh? It's okay."

Lexie could hear it too and crossed her arms, "And how is April lucky enough to only be saddled with baby duty?"

Alex glared and Jackson lightly kicked Lexie's foot. The reason was pretty obvious. So freakin' 'lucky'. April couldn't exactly lug boxes around or drag a bed up a flight of stairs. For crying out loud. And she still wanted to help with the move. Somehow. Mer knew that. That's why she'd asked April to watch Zola.

"Cut it out Lexie!" Alex snarled.

"It's the perk of being the crippled one. There had to be something," April said, having made her way into the room unnoticed by the rest. Zola toddled along by her side, carrying her favorite stuffed giraffe, with one tiny fist gripping April's cane. When the little girl saw her mother, she grinned and darted to Meredith's lap.

Jackson and Alex exchanged surprised expressions. April didn't usually make light of her leg injury. Or joke about it. And Alex was sure he'd never heard April tease about it. Then again, now it was clear to him that Lexie had only been frustrated with carrying the heavy bed frame, and spoke without really thinking about her wording. Alex wondered if maybe he was the one being oversensitive about the whole thing. Because April didn't seem offended at all.

Realization dawned on Lexie's face and her expression turned to one of horror, "April! I didn't mean-"

But April 's tone was light and her eyes twinkled, "Don't worry about it. In this instance, I would definitely rather chill with Zola then lug that up a flight of stairs."

"Well," Jackson said, pushing himself up from his sitting position. "I'm not lugging it anymore. Not right now. It's too heavy and I'm hungry."

"Oh yeah," Cristina agreed, standing. "Let's eat. McDreamy can move his own bed."

Mer only rolled her eyes, scooped up Zola, and led the group out of the spacious living room and into the brand new kitchen.

"Fine," she said, carefully navigating around packed boxes. "But we'll have to unpack kitchen stuff too."

Leaving the bed frame behind, Alex followed everyone into the kitchen, casually surveying the new home. Alex sat down next to April at the table set up in the kitchen, one of the few parts of the new house that was actually set up and ready. He still found it a little hard to believe that soon, very soon, Meredith and Derek and Zola would be living in this place full time. When they joked about it being a 'dream home', it was actually closer to the truth than he'd realized.

As Alex and the others laughed and ate hastily prepared sandwiches, he found himself watching Meredith with Zola. The little girl was going to grow up here. In this house. With two people who loved her. This was gonna be her childhood. Heck of a long way from being sick, abandoned, and alone in an orphanage in Malawi.

This whole happy family stuff wasn't something Alex was really used to. He didn't think he'd ever had it. Not even when he'd been very small, before things got bad between his parents. He wasn't sure he'd know what to do if he had a happy family. And he didn't think Mer was really familiar with it all either. It was Derek's thing to build the dream house. Her childhood with her uber surgeon mom didn't sound like it was anymore of a cakewalk than Alex's own youth. Emotionally at least.

But now, here she was, husband, kid, nice house. Hopefully a sweet job. Next, Meredith would probably be getting a freakin' dog. The Mer he knew now was so different than the one he'd met as an intern. Hell, they were all different. It seemed that suddenly, life was about more than their careers. They weren't in it alone. They had people they cared for.

As they finished up eating, Zola became restless and Meredith had April take her to the backyard to play outside.

"Unpack," she said, handing Alex and Cristina a box and setting up Lexie and Jackson with another, pointing to a cabinet near the brand new stainless steel stove.

Alex absently did as he was told, unable to fully pull his gaze away from the view through the sliding glass door. April held Zola's hand as they slowly explored the new backyard in the misty spring Washington weather.

"So," Lexie began, carefully unwrapping plates. "Nobody in fifth year has heard anything from anywhere yet?"

Alex crumpled up a wad of packing paper and craned his neck toward the window, only half listening as Jackson replied, "Most haven't had any news at all. On passing or failing."

Plunking a stack of dishes on the cabinet shelf, Cristina narrowed her eyes, "Heiss in Oncology got an offer from St. Michael's."

"Hey! Be careful with those," Meredith sighed. "And that's different, St. Michael's is in Toronto. It's an international offer. They have a different system."

Alex was still too distracted to notice that Jackson was staring at him smirking a little, "Earth to Karev..."

Just because he wasn't paying 100% attention didn't mean he couldn't follow a stupid conversation. Glaring and unwrapping another set of dishes, Alex grumbled, "If freakin' Canadian hospitals can give out the results already, Seattle Grace certainly should be able to. Instead of the board deliberating for an eternity. The wait is ridiculous."

"That's what you and Kepner get for putting all your eggs in one basket," Cristina quipped, setting another group of dishes in the cabinet. "I mean, even Mer also applied to Tacoma General and Seattle Pres."

"Still commutable, worse case scenario," Meredith nodded.

Cristina continued, "If you don't get an offer..."

He rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah...but it's not like any of you have heard anything from here or other hospitals either. So you're not any better off than we are."

Deep down, Alex knew that Cristina had a point. If Seattle Grace Mercy West didn't pan out for her or Meredith or Jackson, they each potentially had another option. They'd sent out other job applications. It had been a calculated risk not to, and to only hope for Seattle Grace, that much was true. It was a gamble. Especially for Alex. Because April had a pretty valid excuse if she really didn't pass boards. Earthquake injury. And Hunt would totally let her stay and repeat fifth year. So, she'd be in Seattle one way or another.

For himself, Alex realized that he didn't really want to be anywhere else, especially because it looked like April would stay pass or fail. And the peds fellowship at Seattle Grace Mercy West was one of the best in the country. Plus he liked working with Dr. Robbins, and she seemed to like working with him. If he had to pick someone to learn from, Robbins be his top choice. For once, Alex was happy where he was. He wanted to stay and he desperately hoped that he passed his exam and got a job offer. If he failed...

Alex's eyes drifted to the glass window again. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, whatever happened. If he failed and really couldn't repeat the last year of residency, he could find something else to do. Private Practice maybe? Research. He'd find something to do in Seattle. Because April would be here. And it was weird, but Alex knew he wanted to be where she was. How could anyone blame him? She was his girlfriend right now. It made sense. That outweighed career stuff? Right?

He watched as April leaned forward on her cane, helping Zola pick little yellow and white dandelions from the grassy back yard. Sniffing, Alex wondered whether April wanted any of this. A house. Kids. Whatever. They'd never talked about it really. Well, Alex realized he hadn't even thought about any of that. Not in a while anyway. Not that he was really thinking about it now. Most of his life Alex had thought that it didn't really happen for people, and if it did, the whole thing wasn't for him.

He'd wanted to be Dr. Hotshot Karev, filthy rich plastic surgeon.

Then, the whole Ava thing had made him think about it. Just a little. Family or whatever. A family that wouldn't be messed up like his had been. But Ava had turned out messed up too. And when Alex had married Izzie, he'd wished that she would live, and that they could have it all when she got better. But he never pictured dying embraces, frozen embryos or divorce by mail. Messed up again. Maybe, for Alex at least, that kind of life was always doomed to be crap.

Sighing slightly, Alex figured April probably did want it. A house. Kids. And whatever. Because she freakin' would. She had a million sisters after all. But, he also figured, worried April probably wouldn't want that with him, in the end. Because it'd probably be messed up. Until very recently, every time Alex had ever gotten close to a happy ending, things always got derailed. He still wasn't entirely optimistic that that would ever completely change. Even though he was happy lately.

Still he had to wonder...Alex watched April help Zola blow the white dandelions so that the pollen blew away in the wind. He smirked. Shepherd would have some weeds to pull in the summer, but Zola laughed gleefully and clapped her hands as the small fluffs floated in the air. And Alex could almost see it. A house. Kids. Whatever. With April. It might be nice. Very nice. She was good with families. Her help with Amber had shown him that. He might be destined to a crap parent, but Alex thought she'd be good. Really good.

Not that he was really thinking about it.

"Alex?" Meredith was looking at him strangely. Judging by the looks on Lexie and Jackson's faces it wasn't the first time she'd said his name. Mer craned her neck, "What are you looking at?"

"April and Zola. Baby doctor's got babies on the brain!" Cristina deadpanned.

Lexie coughed and held back a laugh and Jackson blinked and tilted his head to one side, "Oh?"

Squaring his shoulders, Alex finally pulled his gaze from the window, feeling oddly caught out. Like he'd had his hand in the cookie jar or somewhere it wasn't supposed to be.

"No! Whatever. Shut up!" he mumbled. So what? His thoughts were his own business anyways. And April was his girlfriend. He was allowed to look at her. And he'd been on Zola's case for a while so...so yeah.

"I was actually just thinking how much of a difference Zola's shunt has made with the spina bifita," he said, hoping to shift the stooges away from making him feel like a sap. He didn't need to worry about babies and houses and crap now anyway. He needed to focus on the situation at hand. Right now. Moving and boards. "Her walking is really very good. Robbins and I see lots of kids still have trouble post op. Her case is mild enough it made a big difference. She's lucky she gets to be here, and not Africa."

"Right," Lexie snickered. "That's exactly what you were thinking about."

Alex continued to glare at the lot of them and Meredith came to his rescue, ignoring Cristina's jabs and Avery's raised eyebrows, going with his attempt to change the subject.

"It's true," she cut in, looking at him thoughtfully. "I can't imagine what life Zola would have had without us. I can't imagine what kind of life Derek and I would have without her. I don't want to."

They all nodded. Alex, Lexie, and Jackson had gotten very used to living with the little girl, and Cristina hung out enough with Meredith, that they all found it hard to remember life without the little girl. Alex was immensely glad things had worked out for Meredith and Derek to keep Zola. He wouldn't have been able to take her loss on his conscience.

The front door creaked and Derek's voice echoed into the kitchen, "Hello? We brought the rest of the boxes..." He paused, as the sound of footsteps moved through the living room.

"Clearly you moved a lot while we were gone," he added sarcastically.

He and Mark made their way into the kitchen, followed closely by Owen, who still wore his suit and tie from the hospital. Catching sight of Mark, Lexie cleared her throat and stared at her feet. Derek stepped forward and kissed Meredith on the cheek. Mark grinned and pointed to the chief of surgery with one thumb, "We recruited another moving lackey."

Owen shrugged and slipped his hands in his pockets, offering a small half smile toward Cristina. She smiled back but Alex felt that the atmosphere was a little awkward between them. The moment was eclipsed somewhat as Jackson and Meredith both turned toward Hunt.

"So?" Jackson demanded. "Any news from the board of directors?"

The fifth years all waited with baited breath, as Owen only shook his head and said, "Nothing yet. I'm sorry. They're still talking."

Alex sighed. Damn. The wait continued for all of them. Spotting April and his daughter in the backyard, Derek grinned and moved to the sliding glass door, opening it and heading outside, "There she is! Zola! Hi."

April smiled and turned to the door, whispering to Zola and pointing at her father. Alex smiled faintly. She'd be really good.

Sloan clapped his hands together, "Come Avery! Let's get this place unpacked. Move people. Get that bed frame upstairs."

Alex rolled his eyes as the group slide their chairs back and began to make their way back into the living room. He grumbled a few choice words, but he figured that it would be a little easier to move the stupid thing with Sloan and Hunt and maybe Derek helping too. Only, Owen seemed to be following Derek outside. Alex squinted as the other man stood awkwardly next to Derek as he greeted his daughter, tickling her and taking the clump of flowery weeds she offered him.

"Wait," Jackson said. "Hunt's not helping?"

"Oh come on," Lexie whined.

"He's been working all day," Cristina snapped. "Stop being wimps."

Her tone was sharp, but as Alex caught her gaze and realized what was probably going on. Back outside he saw Owen gingerly accept a few flower stems Zola offered him from her father's arms. He grinned slowly, and placed a few of the flowers in his hair. At first his expression was pained, but then Hunt made a funny face, and Zola giggled. Alex figured they must be trying it. Cristina and Owen. Getting closer to Cristina's god-daughter. Trying to make a difference in a kid's life. Trying to work things out and stay together.

Alex glanced back to Cristina and added, "Yeah, whatever. He's probably just tired. We've got this."

Good for them. Because Alex was beginning to realize that there was more to life than your job. Sure boards mattered. But people did too. And the people you cared about would probably be around longer than any job. Owen mattered to Cristina. Zola mattered to Derek and Meredith. They mattered to Alex. And he thought they mattered to April too.

So, maybe there was more to the whole family thing than a house, kids or whatever. That was only a part of it. For some people. The rest was the caring, doing stuff because you cared about people. Like compromising. Or taking care of their kid for the day. Carrying heavy crap upstairs. You did it because you loved them. Kind of crazy, but kind of awesome too.

* * *

April stretched and yawned as she woke up. She opened her eyes and lay flat in her bed of a minute staring at the ceiling. Today was April 23. Today she was 30. It felt pretty weird. For once, April actually felt different. Like a real grown up. Sort of. More grown than she had felt on previous birthdays anyway. More than she had last year.

So much had happened to April in the last year. Good and bad. And really, really good. Particularly in the past 5 months. She'd become chief resident. Survived an earthquake, and knee replacement. She'd lost her virginity. Despite being alone, her cheeks flushed.  _So_  not a virgin anymore. She'd also fallen in love. She might even have made attending. Maybe. And no matter what, felt that she had every reason to hope that the next year, her 30th year, would be better then the last. Despite the earthquake and the knee. And even if she did have to repeat 5th year.

Rolling over, April gingerly lowered her feet to the floor by her bed, grabbing her cane from its usual place leaning her nightstand. She stood up and stretched her fingers and arms before walking to her closet and slipping on a robe. She moved slowly as she wasn't due at the hospital until the afternoon. The house seemed so quiet now. Empty. April still wasn't used to Meredith and Derek and Zola being gone. Especially in the mornings. Especially on rare mornings like this, when Jackson, Lexie, and Alex all had morning shifts at the hospital.

Only, for some reason the smell of bacon reached her nose. April's brow furrowed. She definitely smelled, food, and could hear the faint sounds of pots and pans clinking in the kitchen. Her hand immediately tightened on the handle of her cane and her mind leaped to news reports and crime statistics about home invasions. Seattle was as safer city than most, and Wallingford was a safe neighborhood, but that didn't mean it never happened. She inched out of her room, into the living room, heading for the kitchen. April relaxed a little as her thoughts became more logical. What was she going to do? Beat an intruder with her cane? And what kind of burglar would stop and cook? It was probably Jackson or Lexie. Maybe they'd left work early for some reason.

Crossing the threshold into the kitchen, April was surprised by the sight that greeted her. The mystery cook in the kitchen was Alex. He stood by the stove, with his sleeves rolled up, carefully holding a pan, so deeply wrapped up in concentrating on the food preparation that he didn't seem to notice April. Smiling in surprise, she cleared her throat, making Alex turn his head.

"Damn it," Alex muttered, frowning slightly. "You can't even sleep in on your freakin' birthday?"

"No," April smirked, limping over to his side and giving Alex a peck on the cheek. She gestured to the pans and cooking supplies Alex had on the stove and the counter top, "What all this?"

"It's your birthday, I'm making you breakfast," he shrugged.

"You're cooking?" April couldn't stop herself from smiling. Alex was cooking breakfast for her. He was actually cooking for her. Sweet.

"I'm not the best, but I am capable. Doesn't mean I like to do it."

"Ah. Well, it smells great. Thank you. But you didn't have to-"

"Oh come on!" Alex grinned and nudged her shoulder playfully. "30's a big deal. And we're...you know. I was gonna give you breakfast in bed but..."

"Sorry."

"Whatever," he shrugged and gestured to the table. "Sit down. Eggs are almost ready."

April did as she was told and took a seat at the kitchen table. Well, the only table now. Since Meredith and Derek moved with the dining room one. She smiled, biting her lower lip, and turned back to face Alex. She couldn't keep her shoulders still, revealing her delight.

Alex didn't tend to say 'I love you' very much. Not as much as April found herself doing anyway. He'd actually only told her twice since the first time he'd admitted to loving her in her office, after Marcello's death. And one time had involved alcohol, and had been said... _during_  and might have been a joke, so she wasn't sure if it counted. Not that she was keeping track. Not really. But at times like this, she just _knew_  he did. Love her. He showed it. April was beginning to understand that with Alex, his actions were far more telling than his words. So, April let herself bask in the glow of knowing that her boyfriend loved her enough to cook her breakfast in bed on her birthday. She did wonder how Alex had managed to do this without her realizing. She did plan his work schedule after all.

"I thought you were working this morning?"

"Yeah well," Alex replied, getting two plates of bacon and eggs together. "Swapped with Lynds to get the morning off. You have no idea how hard it is to pull one over on the chief resident."

"Robbins had you on that kid's heart surgery didn't she? She asked for you specific-"

Alex set in front of her along with a tall glass of orange juice, "That was a ruse. I do have some pull with Robbins you know."

"Oh, really?" She giggled and picked up her fork, waiting for Alex to get his own plate and sit down.

April began to eat her eggs when Alex joined her at the table, and started eating his own food. Through a mouthful of bacon Alex nodded, "Robbins likes me. I'm that irresistible."

She threw her head back in laughter and they began to eat. April still couldn't believe Alex had surprised her like this. She'd told him she didn't want anything special for her birthday. Really. Because having spent her whole life being named after the month she was born, April knew that she was already destined to spend the whole month of April getting birthday wishes anyway. That's how it always was. From April 1-31st, people always stopped and said Happy Birthday. No need to do have a big fuss on the big day when you already heard it from everyone you knew throughout the month.

April also didn't want anything because birthdays always made April a little homesick. As a child in Ohio, her family had always thrown her parties, filled with games and cake, and laughter. Since going to medical school and leaving home, she always felt a little odd celebrating birthday's without them, so she typically didn't do anything big. She'd spoken with her mom and dad the previous evening, but the fact that they were so far apart still made April feel a little melancholy.

And Alex seemed to have understood that. Because making breakfast wasn't something big, and it wasn't making her sad. It was like the Goldilocks effect on birthday gestures. Just enough.

"Happy Birthday, April."

"Thank you," April chewed enthusiastically as they chatted over breakfast.

Alex seemed to agree with her feelings about the house, "This place is so freakin' quiet now."

"Yeah," April said, taking a bite of a particularly crunchy piece of bacon. Really crunchy. Burnt really, but she wasn't going to say anything.

Alex lifted up a strip of bacon and held it between to fingers, making a face, "I burned this."

She shrugged, "Only a little. Next time you should turn the stove top down a little."

"You don't have to eat it," Alex added, dropping the singed meat and dusting off his hands. "I'm not gonna. Stick with the eggs. Anyway, here's a question for you: when exactly were you born? Like what time?"

"Why?"

"It's just this theory some of the peds nurses told us."

April sighed and shrugged as she ate, "Uh, I was a morning baby. Like 7 am or something."

Alex chewed a big mouthful of eggs, "That explains so much."

"What?" she asked incredulously.

"Well, it's probably just an old wives tale or whatever, but the nurses say that the kids who are born in the morning grow up to be a morning people. And you are definitely a morning person."

"Well, when were you born?" April prodded

"1:22 am. Solid night owl."

"Isn't that technically earlier in the morning? You should be more of a morning person than I am."

"It's still night until like 5am," Alex countered.

April grinned and drank her orange juice, letting her mind drift. Despite her happiness over Alex's birthday gesture, she couldn't help the nerves that slipped into her mind over her still unknown boards results. Her proctor had told her it would take about a week and a half. Today would make it two weeks. April was starting to believe that she really didn't pass. She'd suspected as much during the interview. And she thought she could be okay with it. Taking the test and interviewing had been a long shot considering how much time she'd missed in the OR that year. Now April's real worry related to the careers of her friends.  _Cristina_ hadn't even heard anything. So April was worried about them. And Alex.

"Do you think we'll hear anything about boards today?" she asked.

Alex scowled slightly and then shrugged his shoulders, "Whatever. I've given up trying to figure it all out. The freakin' board takes all the time they want because they can. It's just politics anyways. I hate it, because it's probably got nothing to do with our results at all. Load of crap."

"I guess."

"We'll be fine. No matter what happens."

"Right," April agreed, trying to sound more sure than she felt. Alex had explained it to her a few days ago. His plan to do research or private practice next year, if he didn't get certified as an attending. He'd explained to her that he'd be okay doing that. That all that really made a difference to him was staying in Seattle or wherever she was. That he'd be fine trying to pass again the next year. Or doing something else entirely if he never passed. Bu April didn't buy it. She knew Alex. And Alex did not like to quit or fail. He hated it. He'd blame himself, even if it wasn't his fault. April knew that if Alex really did fail, it would be because of her. Because he'd gotten distracted taking care of her after she'd been injured, and because of the beginning of their relationship. His failing would partially be April's fault, no matter what he said.

And April didn't believe for one second when Alex said he'd be happy working in medicine outside of pediatric surgery. He was a great peds doctor. Gifted even. He deserved the hospital's pediatric fellowship as far as April was concerned, and she didn't know how she'd live with herself if he never got it because of her and her dumb leg.

"Hey," Alex said, noticing April's silence and pause in food consumption. "We will."

"Okay."

Alex narrowed his eyes at her, probably guessing she only half believed him, but choosing not to comment, "So, did you talk to your mom last night?"

"I did, yes," April replied perking up. In all her worry and angst about Alex's board results, she'd almost completely forgotten about the conversation she'd had with her parents. They'd invited her to bring Alex to Ohio in the summer, and April wasn't sure how he'd respond. "Uh, actually...my mom and dad...they..I-"

Alex raised one eyebrow and April slowed down, taking a calming breath before rambling on, "Well, I usually try to go home for the 4th of July weekend, you know, because...better weather, easier to get time off than at Christmas...and anyway, well, my parents...they wanted you to know that you're more than welcome to come back with me this summer...I mean if you want to, and you're not busy... you could meet my sisters and my nieces..."

"It might be fun," She shrugged. "But it's fine if-"

"If I go with you, am I gonna get beat up?"

April blinked, "No. Why would someone beat you up?"

"Books could be written on why someone would want to beat me up," Alex joked. "In this case, your Dad probably has amble cause."

"My Dad? Why?"

"I'm screwing his kid."

"He doesn't know that!" She squeaked, feeling uncomfortable.

"He's a guy. He'll suspect."

"We're together though. It's not just like that's  _all_  we do. We...love each other."

"Well yeah,  _we_  know that, and we can  _say_  that. But I'm pretty sure it takes time for Dads to get used to stuff like that. To believe it. And..." Alex winced. "I am the only guy you've ever really introduced them to, right?"

April pouted slightly. She had had the most lame love life of any of her sisters, "Kenny Dirkin came to visit the farm on spring break once in college."

Tilting his head incredulously Alex asked, "Didn't he turn out to be gay? You said..."

"I didn't know that. My parents didn't know that," April huffed. "I don't even think Kenny really knew at the time. And that's beside the point. I brought him home and my Dad didn't kill him. And you wouldn't have to worry. You've already met my parents. They like you!"

Alex shook his head and looked down at his plate, "That was when I was just the guy who saved your life. Now I'm gonna be the guy who...tells them he uh,  _loves_  their kid. Not an easy transition to accept. I mean, if I ever have a daughter, and she brings a guy home, my first impulse is gonna be to kick his ass, even if he's the freakin' love of her life. I might try to resist the urge, but it'd definitely be there."

Blinking, and ignoring the small flutter in her chest that was prompted by his comment about someday having a daughter, April reached a hand to his. She was amused by how nervous Alex seemed. It was just her mom and dad after all. Nothing too intimidating. Just her parents. And Libby and Kimmie and Alice. And Mike and Wendell and Diego. And the little girls.

Okay. Maybe that was a little overwhelming.

"My dad's not violent," April tried to comfort.

"And your brothers in law?"

"No one is going to beat you up." Well, not her Dad, or any of her sister's husbands anyway. She might have a few reservations for her older sister, though. April still didn't think Libby liked Alex very much, or maybe it was just the idea of him, but she figured either way that it was just because Libby didn't really know Alex. And Libby hadn't beat anyone up over April since she was 6.

Still, April chose not to mention it.

"Alright," Alex squeezed her hand. "That's my summer trip then. On one condition. Remember when you said you'd help with...Amber and stuff?"

"Great! Yeah, of course I'll help with your sister. I said I would. Whatever you need?"

"Well, you know how Amber applied to that architecture thing at UW?"

April's eyes widened and she leaned forward, grinning, "Did she get in?"

"Conditionally. She'll be on probation her first two quarters. If she gets good enough grades, they'll accept her officially. So...she'll be uh, living out here starting in the fall."

"That's excellent!" April clasped her hands together and felt exceptionally happy that Amber had been doing so well after her hitchhiking adventure. She didn't really understand why Alex had such a pained expression on his face. Wasn't he proud? "Alex, that's good news, isn't it?"

"It is..." he said tentatively. "But, it's just...I haven't, um, you know actually  _lived_  in the same state as her since we were kids. I'm not sure I really know how to, keep in touch with her and stuff. When she's right in town, you know."

"She'll be in college. Studying. Meeting people. It's college. You talk on the phone already. If she's here, you could get together sometimes," April I doubt Amber being here will make it harder to keep in touch. She'll be so absorbed in the whole experience that it probably won't even be that different, except you can see each other more easily."

"Gives me more opportunities to screw up with her," Alex said biting into the last of his breakfast. April was finished too, so she grabbed his plate and stacked it on top of her own. Before she could stand up to take them to the sink, Alex snatched them from her hands, placing them there himself, muttering, "Not on your freakin' birthday."

April folded her arms and said, "You won't screw up with Amber."

"With your help, I won't. Otherwise, I'll freakin' call her too much. Or too little. Or I'll blow up at her if I don't think she's studying hard enough and she'll loose this shot. Or I'll forget to show up for something I'm supposed to. Plenty of ways I could do screw up. You just gotta keep me in line with it okay? Like you did the first night she was here. Be uh, a buffer or whatever, when things get tough."

"You'll be fine. But okay, I can do that. You'll come to Ohio in July, and I will 'buffer' you and Amber," she agreed, secretly believing that Alex wouldn't need her to at all. She'd seen him make what April thought were great strides in his relationship with his sister over the past few months. Alex should acknowledge that. Give himself some credit.

But before April could speak again, Alex's phone buzzed, and he pulled it out of his pocket to read a text message. April could tell by the way his eyebrows lowered, and how his eyes raced through reading it that the message was important. Her muscles tensed. It was a regular SMS message, so she knew it wasn't an emergency page. She had a feeling that it was about their board results. What else would it be?

April's suspicions were confirmed when Alex looked up from his phone and met her gaze, "Avery says the letters with our results just got put in everyone's lockers."

They stared at each other in shock for a moment, before they both moved to their feet. After all the waiting it suddenly seemed unbelievable that the letters were actually there. April was stunned. They'd know the truth soon. Whether they passed or failed. And on her birthday no less.

"Hospital?" she asked, suddenly dry mouthed and nervous.

"Hell yes!" Alex agreed, glancing over and looking April up and down and waving his hand. "But, while I find this whole 'just woke up' look to be very hot, I think you might want to ditch the robe and put on some pants before we go."

Despite all her anxiety, April laughed.

* * *

Alex stood in front of his locker, starting down at the envelope in his hands. His boards letter. He hadn't opened it yet. He wasn't sure he wanted to.

Not knowing might actually be better than knowing. Because once Alex opened this envelope, he would know exactly what the next year would be for him professionally. He'd know if he was good enough, or if he was a loser. If time froze, just right now, and never moved forward, Alex would still have possibilities. It would still be up in the air. After reading the letter however, Alex couldn't imagine anymore. He'd know the facts.

Glancing around the room he saw his friends, peers, reading their letters in various places. Mer leaning on the far wall, with her back to them and her head bent over her letter. Jackson sitting on the bench in the middle of the room, with his legs on either side. Cristina near the door way, holding her letter in front of her. A few other fifth years he was less close with scattered in various other places in the locker room. All their freakin' attendings hovering in the hallway, waiting to see if the time and effort they put into mentoring people actually amounted to something. April, biting the inside of her cheek and starting at her own letter, two cubbys down.

April turned to look at him and offered a nervous smile. Alex could hear the sounds of other people in the room as they learned their results. Some muttered soft curses, others seemed on the verge of tears, and others let out quiet 'whoops' of joy. He heard half whispered conversations, 'John's Hopkins!' 'I can't believe it.' 'Do you think I can get a different proctor next year?' He heard Meredith gasp, and Cristina laugh.

And Alex still couldn't bring himself to tear the envelope. April hadn't opened hers either.

"Go ahead," he told her, gesturing to her letter. "You don't have to wait on me. I'm just...It's dumb."

Just because Alex was being a coward, didn't mean April had to suffer not knowing for any longer. He pointed again, "Open yours."

"Maybe it's like pulling off a band aid," April said moving to stand next to him. "It's the most painless when you just rip it off. Or in this case open it."

"I've never been good at that," the corner of Alex's mouth twitched as he heard Jackson exhale and say, 'Yes!'. People in the room were beginning to move and leave.

"You said we'd be fine no matter what happens," April put one of her hands on his wrist and looked him right in the eye. "Let's just open them. Together. Get it over with. On the count of three."

"Okay," Alex sighed and straightened his shoulders. They would be fine. Even if his pride ended up deeply wounded. Because whatever happened, they'd get through it together.

"Right," April said, steadying herself and holding the edges of her letter. "One, two...three."

Alex tore into the white paper, lifting the envelope's flap and pulling out two pieces of embossed paper. The first was from the American Board of Surgery, and he realized upon closer inspection that this document was in fact a certificate. He'd passed! He was a qualified pediatric surgeon. A slow grin spread across his face. At least he had that. He wasn't a failure. Whether or not he had a job though...

Tucking his surgical certificate under his arm, Alex quickly unfolded the second piece of paper and began to read:

"Dear Dr. Karev, blah, blah, blah.

Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital is an institution of considerable rigor, yada yada. The pediatric fellowship is very competitive and only for candidates of the highest quality, he already freakin' knew that...After careful consideration, the hospital board of directors has elected to offer you the position of Pediatric Surgical Fellow. Should you accept, your position would grant you entry level attending status until such time as you complete the fellowship, when you would promote to a supervisory attending surgeon position. Your new contract goes into affect May 7, 2012. Please inform us of your decision in writing by April 30, 2012.

Congratulations,

Larry Jennings

Chairman, Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital Board of Directors"

Alex was frozen for a moment, with his mouth open in shock. Not only had he passed his exam, but he'd gotten the job! The gamble paid off. He'd gotten the fellowship. His reverie was broken when he heard April squeal at his side. Turning to look at her, Alex saw tears in her eyes. But she was smiling, so Alex figured the news had to be good.

"So?" he prodded.

"I passed! Even with everything that happened.  _I_  passed! And they want me for the trauma fellowship. I can't believe it!" her smile fell a little, as she looked at him expectantly. "Alex? What does yours say?"

He smirked and held the letter out in front of him, "I passed too. And I got the freakin' fellowship!"

April's lip quivered and she started to cry more heavily. Sheesh. She had a bigger reaction to his news than her own. Alex threw his arms around her and pulled her into a close embrace. "Hey. Don't cry. We're awesome! We did it."

Jackson was suddenly by his side looking at April with concern, and asking Alex, "Did she she?"

"We both passed," Alex replied, awkwardly patting April's shoulders.

Avery gently squeezed April's arm, "Some birthday, huh?"

"I'm just so happy!" she blubbered.

Jackson turned to the rest of their friends and gave a quick thumbs up. Alex turned around too, seeing that most of the other fifth years had filtered out. Cristina and Meredith stood, holing their letters side by side. Alex turned to his friends with his arms still wrapped around April, "How'd you losers do?"

Meredith smirked and held up her letter, "Passed, and hired. Here. As good as could be expected. Also accepted at Seattle Pres but..."

"They are so subpar we not even thinking twice," Cristina interjected. "Some of us have a better menu of choices to think about, let's see. John's Hopkins wants Cristina Yang. So does Stanford, Cleveland Clinic, UCLA Medical..."

"And Seattle Grace!" Mer added sadly.

"Mass Gen, Brooklyn Hospital-"

"And Seattle Grace!" Meredith said more firmly.

Cristina rolled her eyes, "Obviously."

Alex could tell that Meredith desperately wanted her best friend to stay in Seattle. But Alex didn't really know what Yang would do. She had so many offers, at really good hospitals, it would kind of be dumb not to at least  _think_ about going somewhere else. And she and Owen were having marital troubles, even though he thought they'd been working on that. Alex could see that Cristina had reasons to leave as well as stay.

April had calmed herself down considerably and was whipping her tears on her sleeves, looking anxiously at her own best friend, "Jackson?"

Avery grinned, "Passed! Offered, and accepting. This is the only place where people ignore that I am Harper Avery's grandson. Plus, Sloan and I have big plans!"

"Absolutely we do," Mark said venturing into the room, leading the way for the rest of the attendings. Bailey, and Torres, and Robbins, and Hunt. Shepherd entered the locker room and immediately stood by his wife. Teddy hovered by the doorway, away from Yang and Owen.

Sloan held his hand up, and he and Avery high-fived, "That's my boy Avery! The plastics posse shall live on. "'

Torres beamed and looked around the room, "Welcome to the club everyone."

All of the fifth years had a moment with their mentors, and Alex grinned at Robbins. As Hunt moved to congratulate April, Altman inched toward Cristina, giving her a nod of approval. Meredith and Derek hugged and Sloan pulled a brightly bedazzled scrub cab from behind his back.

"Avery sparkle!"

"No way I am wearing that Sloan. That is not gonna be my scrub cap."

"Oh, but it is."

Bailey stood in the middle of her room, cleared her throat and looked at all of the soon to be graduated residents, "Um. Now uh, I know sometimes...I've been a little  _strict_  with you all. And I know that some of you I haven't known as long as others. But I just wanted to say...that, uh, it's been a real pleasure to watch you all learn. Each and every one of you shown tremendous growth. So, uh well done...Try not to let becoming attendings go to your heads. They're big enough already."

Then the short surgeon lifted her hands and started to clap. All the other attendings joined in for a small round of applause. Alex smirked and tightened his arm around April's shoulder, glancing down at her. She was still a little weepy, but her smile was as radiant as he felt. Alex felt like he could fly. He felt like all the crap he'd gone through to get to this place in his life hadn't held him back. A guy like him, a foster kid, abused, left behind and whatever. If someone like Alex could end up being a surgeon than no one had any freakin' excuse not to succeed. Alex was proud of himself. And his friends. And April too. She'd managed to pass and nail a fellowship despite missing a ton of work and OR time.

It was awesome. It gave him hope. Like it was a sign or whatever that things would just keep getting better. Soon they'd all be in charge. Attendings, managing entire surgeries by themselves, observing interns, working on independent research. They were not students anymore. And Alex couldn't wait.


	15. Chapter 15

Meredith sat on the edge of her new back deck, taking deep breaths, and staring straight out at her new backyard. In her left hand she held a baby monitor, and the gentle snores of Zola and Sofia could be heard through its speakers. That, along with the quiet laughter of the rest of the party nearby, were the only sounds that she could really hear. The only ones Meredith wanted to hear.

Next to her, Cristina sighed and said, "Say  _something_."

Several feet away, Derek had the barbeque fired up, and all their friends hovered around the grill, laughing and drinking beer. It was supposed to be a celebration. For passing boards and becoming surgeons. Meredith watched as her sister chatted with Mark awkwardly. Jackson, Callie and Derek looked on with bemused expressions. Bailey crossed her arms while Alex, sitting at the lawn table, said something that made a slightly tipsy April giggle and blush furiously, and left Arizona shaking her head and taking another swig of her drink.

They were all happy. Happy and excited to have passed boards, and landed fellowships. Happy that their mentees had passed boards and landed fellowships. Happy for becoming attendings. Happy to be staying in Seattle.

Teddy wasn't there. Neither was Owen.

Finally Meredith swallowed, "What do you want me to say, Cristina?"

Cristina sighed, and waved her hands in front of her in exasperation, "Oh, I don't know, congratulations? Good luck? Something."

"Congratulations," she replied flatly. "Good luck."

"Meredith-"

"Cristina...You'll be leaving."

"I know. But," she paused, looking the same direction as Meredith, and taking in the nearby party. "It's just a fellowship. Two years. It doesn't mean it's for forever. I could work here...or anywhere after that-"

"You could just stay here! Do the cardio fellowship at Seattle Grace."

"It's Stanford Medical! The absolute best cardio center in the country," Cristina countered. "I mean...the stem cell research they are doing there, compared to what we are doing here? There is no comparison! Can't you at least  _get_  that I want to do this. I want to be the best. I've always wanted that."

Meredith took a deep breath as Cristina continued.

"Here is great, and I like Dr. Altman, but I have already been her student for two years. There is only so much she can teach me. And Seattle Grace isn't a cardio focused hospital. I can learn from others too. I want to go somewhere and be a surgical rock star. I want a challenge."

Cristina stared at Meredith pleadingly, willing her person to understand. And she did. She could. Meredith knew that Cristina was likely the most talented of any of their program. She always had been. So, it did make sense that Cristina would want to leave. Spread her wings. Make a name for herself. Beyond being a student of Burke or Altman. And Meredith knew, for her part, that the reason she opposed Cristina accepting the Stanford Fellowship was completely selfish. She didn't want her person to leave.

"I know," Meredith agreed sadly. "I understand. It's a wonderful opportunity. And...you deserve to be a rock star. A cardio god."

Cristina's shoulders relaxed slightly, relieved that Meredith at least understood her choices and accepted them. They sat in silence for a moment, taking in the beautiful view of Derek and Meredith's backyard, and the continued merriment of the party.

Finally Meredith spoke, "What about Owen? Are you guys breaking up? Because you'll be leaving him."

"I know," Cristina replied, still staring out at the party. "But he supports this. For my career. We're not breaking up."

"Really?" Meredith didn't mean to sound so incredulous, but for the past several months she could tell that Owen and Cristina's marriage hadn't been exactly picture perfect.

"Yes. Really. We're still working on things. The distance might do us good. And..." Cristina shrugged. "We're compromising. That's why, when the fellowship is finished, I will be coming back. If Owen is still here. If he's not, then I'll apply wherever he is."

Meredith gulped and worked to control her own emotions, deciding to be honest, "You'll be leaving us. All of your friends. Your...family. Me."

"I know," Cristina smiled sadly. "It's going to be hard."

Meredith's lower lip quivered and she nodded.

"But...it's Northern California. Not a bad drive. Short flight."

"Right."

Loud laughter erupted from the direction of their friends, and a smile ghosted on Meredith's lips as she watched her husband throw his head back in glee, along with everyone else while Mark looked sheepish.

"Right," Cristina sniffed.

"And you'll actually come visit?" Meredith asked glancing over at her friend.

Cristina tilted her head to one side and sighed, "When I came to Seattle Grace to do my residency, I was looking to make a splash. Get the best training I could, from the best teacher I could...I am a surgeon."

She shrugged, "I was never looking to find...people. You. Owen. Everyone. I didn't think I needed people. I thought it'd mess with my game. Too much distraction."

Meredith snorted.

"And I was right about that. You guys are ridiculous!"

"We can be."

"Maybe I needed you all. Need you."

Cristina smiled too, and they both dissolved into quiet laughter.

"It's just distance, really. It won't change anything."

"Just distance," Meredith echoed.

"I'll visit," Cristina continued, gesturing at the baby monitor in Meredith's left hand. "Of course, I'll visit. I have to see my girl."

"I'll miss you."

"You too."

Meredith reached one hand out along the ledge of her deck, lacing her fingers with Cristina's. It was hard to imagine life at Seattle Grace Mercy West without Cristina, even if the separation was only potentially temporary. Her best friend. Someone who had been with her through so much. Someone who was in so many ways her other half. Her twisted sister. Her person.

She sniffed shakily, and choked back tears.

"Don't," Cristina said thickly, waving her other hand in front of her eyes. "If you start, I'll start. And then we'll be the Debbie-downers. And we are so do not deserve to take that title away from Kepner."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, taking deep breaths and exhaling through her mouth, and leaning her head on Cristina's shoulder, like she had so many years ago.

Cristina would be at Stanford. Cristina was going to California. At least for a little bit. They wouldn't spend their first days as attendings together. She kept repeating the thoughts in her head, trying to get a handle on the reality of it all and failing. She was going to miss Cristina so much.

It felt bizarre. That in the end, at the end, it would only be her and Alex working as attendings together. In a way, the last ones standing. No George. No Izzie. No Cristina. Sure, new people like Jackson and April would be there. And new people she didn't really know yet, like Jackson's friend Mara, or the new ortho fellow from Hawaii. Even people Meredith had never met. It just wouldn't be the same.

Cristina rested her head on top of Meredith's and sniffed again. "Mer, can you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Let Owen see Zola," Cristina said quietly. "Even when I'm not visiting..."

The request made Meredith blink, "Okay..."

"I mean, if you're letting Evil Spawn, Mary Poppins, and the two stooges babysit...Owen's bound to be a better influence than they are..."

"One of those stooges is her Aunt," Meredith said evenly, smirking. "And I already said yes."

Cristina pursed her lips, and nodded, "Good."

Her fingers tightened around Meredith's hand, as they continued to stare at the ongoing celebration. They said in companionable silence, until Cristina spoke again.

"Good."

* * *

April couldn't remember a more stressful period in her professional life. Ever. Not studying for SAT's. Or waiting for med school acceptance. It was more stressful than the months following the shooting. More stressful than the months she'd spent in rehab relearning how to walk. April felt like a walking basket case for the first week of working as an attending. Everything seemed to be moving so quickly around her, and April had a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that she actually was not a resident anymore.

It hit her the most when her first big car crash sine passing her boards came into the ER. Standing with the other attendings, April watched as patients were wheeled in from the ambulances, and was surprised to find that the group of residents were eagerly looking her way. Torres, Bailey, and the other attendings began pointing people out, claiming both patients and residents to work with for the day. Bailey took the newly appointed Chief Resident Lexie Grey, Simmons took Guzman, and Torres used a finger to beckon Spalding over to her patient bed.

"Kepner, you better pick someone quick," Callie said as she began to work on her own patient. "Before all the good ones get taken."

That seemed unfair. Everyone had their own strengths. But April's eyes widened as the remaining residents descended on her, crowding in a circle around her, each trying to speak over each other.

"Dr. Kepner! I need more trauma hours!"

"Pierce had the last big crash!"

"Mostow has shaky hands!"

Walking alongside the gurney of her injured patient, April opened her mouth and glanced pleadingly at Dr. Bailey nearby. She didn't know who the best pick would be. She panicked, "I-I...who?"

"Ah," Bailey shook her head, working on the patient and waving one hand in the air. "I don't want to hear it, Kepner. Now is the time to stand on your own two feet." She paused and they both winced slightly at her choice of words before she continued, "You are an attending now! Quit whining and act like one."

That's when it hit April. She really was an attending. And the choice was all hers.

Taking a cue from Callie, she pointed to Steve Mostow with her free hand and said, "Come on."

The young surgeon grinned in victory, nudging past his peers, and fell into step with April on the other side of the gurney. Bailey shook her head as Torres made a face, and muttered, "Not the top choice."

But April didn't care. She was the attending now, and she could choose her own assists. And she knew full well that just because someone was a little annoying, it didn't mean that they didn't have potential as a surgeon. So whatever. April was an attending now. The choice was hers. She'd pick the underdogs. Because sometimes that is all an underdog needed to become a top dog. Sometimes getting picked could make all the difference.

The weeks seemed to fly by, in a flurry of cases and worries, and April was certain she'd made at least a million mistakes on things in that time. From accidentally forgetting that she could in fact use the attendings lounge to eat, to forgetting to update her surgical status to the whiteboards, a mistake she'd once railed at other attendings for neglecting. Now, she understood that it wasn't really so easy to remember to do as an attending. There were so many other things you had to keep track of.

April lost her first patient during her second week as an attending. It was a gruesome case of cyclist meets semi truck, and there had been very little hope to begin with. All the same, it'd taken her a full ten minutes to give up on cardiac massage, and one full replacement of the guys blood volume, which strictly speaking, April knew had been a reach given the extent of her patient's injuries. The flatline had still hit her pretty sharply. Calling time of death, she'd sniffed and pulled off her mask and gloves, surprising her assisting residents and the scrub nurses by roughly throwing her surgical utensils on a tray.

Glaring unnecessarily, April held her hand out to Bokey the scrub nurse, who'd handed her her cane. She'd booked it from the OR at a pace that made her leg ache, scrubbing out and heading to the attending lounge. It wasn't like she expected that becoming an attending would magically give her a better ability to save patients. April knew that wasn't the case, but she still wanted to be able to do more. Losing people remained her least favorite part of her job.

Most days were better than that though.

Her first gunshot victim was someone that most everyone had thought was a goner when he came in. Even April. He'd had a nasty abdominal would, and was at a high risk of sepsis. Gut GSW's were very dangerous. Often times deadly. As April knew full well. Charles's gunshot wound had been a gut wound. And even if the circumstances had been different, and he'd made it to surgery, his prognosis wouldn't have been good. Such as it was with this gunshot patient. He had damage to the vascular structures as well as his colon, and April knew surviving at all was a long shot.

The nurses and residents had all looked up at her as she knelt on the gurney, trying desperately to stem the guy's bleeding. She'd looked up and saw on their faces the questions she was asking herself. When is it enough? When to stop? When have we done all we can do? It was her call. April was the attending.

She'd looked back down at the patient. A very long shot. But...maybe it was because of Charlie. Or because, as Alex was fond of pointing out, there's  _always_  something you can do. Something. April's mind spun as she raced for something to try. Some procedure, or technique, a maneuver. Anything. A thought came to her, so instead of concluding treatment, she'd looked out to her surgical team and said, "I'm going to try a resuscitative thoracotomy."

Still a long shot, but it had done the trick for that particular patient. They'd gotten him stable enough for surgery, which he'd made it through. That had turned out to be a really good day.

Otherwise, things in April's life were going alright. It was clear that the status quo of their group of friends had shifted, so the rush and exhilaration of moving to a new career stage was tempered by no small amount of melancholy. It reminded April of her first visits back home after she started college. Now the hospital, like her hometown had been back then, was a strange mixture of familiar and unfamiliar.

Cristina headed to California, and her absence was acutely noticeable. Everyone now spent a lot more time in their respective departments. Jackson and Sloan were starting some big skin grafting research project among other things, and Alex and Robbins had this whole plan to expand the Africa project to countries surrounding Malawi. Meredith and Derek continued chasing lost causes. Because Owen was Chief of Surgery, April didn't really have a full time mentor who she could suddenly do projects with, so instead she focused on expanding the checklist system and helping Lexie find her way as Chief Resident.

She also made an effort to keep an eye on Meredith. She knew what it was like to suddenly feel the absence of a best friend. Meredith's circumstances with Cristina were thankfully different than her and Reed's, but April made herself available all the same. Just for company. Even if she knew that she'd never been the neuro surgeon's favorite person.

"There are a few things I don't talk about, April. Cristina is one of them." Words April had heard from Meredith before. Nonetheless, she figured it might help Meredith to know someone was there for her. Even if she never needed it.

Things between April and Alex had never been better. Attending fellow hours were somewhat less demanding than those of surgical residents. They were still working long and often draining hours, but the pressure was less intense. They didn't have to compete for OR time, and the drive to prove your surgical abilities was gone. If the American Board of Surgery thought you were good enough, most were unwilling to argue.

The hours were much more regular, and April found that she and Alex were home together in the evenings more often. Lexie was in the thick of her fifth year and wasn't home very often, and Jackson had taken to spending his free time 'helping' Mara get to know Seattle better, whatever that meant. And where once the near empty house had kind of made April uncomfortable, she found that now she kind of liked when it was just her and Alex. They ate dinner, bickered over laundry or tv channels, and laughed a lot. It was nice. Normal. Almost disturbingly domestic.

But April chose not to dwell too much on that thought.

As far as April could tell, Alex was settling into being a pediatric attending very nicely. Better than she was settling in. He never seemed to be plagued with doubts like she was. Sometimes Alex would pretend to grumble about some idiot intern, or difficult parent, but April saw this gleam in his eye and she just knew that he absolutely loved every minute of it.

He'd allowed her to convince him that he should go to Iowa for his sister's May 25th graduation. Alex had predictably resisted, likely afraid to have April meet his mother, and see where he grew up.

"It's her high school graduation, Alex!"

"Well, whatever. She almost didn't graduate."

"All the more reason to go to the ceremony."

"Are you even paying attention to this?"

Alex shook his head and reached for a handful of peanuts, trying to focus on the field in front of them. They'd been at a Mariner's game when the subject came up and April didn't really like baseball much so she'd spent most of the innings nursing a beer and pestering Alex to go to Amber's graduation.

"It's the kind of thing you go to, Alex. Trust me."

"Whatever," he'd only shrugged and continued to watch the game resolutely.

"If it's just that you don't want me to go meet your Mom that's fine...I'm not saying we both go. I'll stay here. You need to go be there for Amber."

"Will you just drop it?"

April tilted her head to one side. Did she ever just drop something?

Alex pursed his lips and glanced at her from the corner of his eyes, "Uh...it's not that I don't want you to see my mom...it's just...she's a lot to handle, you know? I just don't think..."

After years of keeping his family life to himself, Alex still seemed reluctant to open it up to other people. He really had made good progress with his family, and Amber, but he still never really talked about his past. April sympathized with him, and fully expected him to attend Amber's graduation on his own. And that was...fine. Really. What mattered to her was that someone would be there for Amber. If Alex wasn't ready for April to meet his mother and see where he grew up, she wasn't going to push it. Instead she'd sent him off with a smile, a card and tassel frame for a gift.

But, April wasn't too proud to admit that during the few days Alex spent in Iowa at the end of May, she ate more ice cream than she strictly speaking should have. She also did more thinking in circles than she usually did. The house definitely felt empty when Alex was gone. April spent those evenings working or alone in the living room. She felt more than a little unsettled. Because, maybe it did mean something that Alex didn't want her to go to Davenport with him? It sort of stung to think that he didn't want her see where he grew up. She was ready for him visit her family on the farm in the summer, right? Then again, April knew that her family was very different than Alex's. Very different.

But April couldn't stop the fears from creeping into her mind.

And Alex came back smiling, with an assortment of photos on his phone, showing himself standing next to Amber in cap and gown, full of pride. He animatedly explained to her in detail the outline of the St. Xavier graduation ceremony. Rita Karev had good days and bad days, and the graduation had evidently been a good day.

"She knew it was Amber's graduation and even congratulated me on boards and stuff. I didn't even have to remind her about where Aaron is or anything..."

Alex seemed so happy with the whole thing. April could hardly spring all her insecurities about the whole thing on him. Not when he'd clearly had such a good time. It was probably just her characteristically neurotic and insecure thoughts once again.

So, she'd squared her shoulders, pulled her lips into a bright smile and said, "Tell me everything."

April willed herself to just let everything go. All the niggling insecurities that had plagued her mind while Alex was away, and all the doubts and fears she felt about her work. To heck with all of it. Mostly. Everything Alex did wasn't necessarily laden with some hidden meaning. And there was no way April could progress as a surgeon without being okay with being more decisive. She'd do her best to ignore it all. Attendings are confident. April tried to let herself be more secure in her circumstances. Because things really were going well, all things considered. Great job, great friends. Alex. No logical reason for April to drive herself crazy with worry over things she didn't know.

Especially when there plenty of things for April  _did_ know about and could worry over. Like her and Alex's upcoming visit to Ohio. Would her younger nieces remember her? Did the fact that her parents were now meeting Alex as something more than her friend really make a difference?Was Alex going to get along with everyone?What would her sister's think seeing her leg now? Would the treat her the same? There were also worries about her fellowship to consider. Was she really doing a good job? As an attending surgeon? A teacher? A fellow? Owen wanted her publish a paper on her checklists, and she still hadn't found the time. Was she neglecting something?

Plenty of real things to worry about.

And as the weeks went on, the OR losses became easier to bear and the successes were more noticeable. Her disquiets about understanding Alex became less unsettling and less frequent. They didn't disappear, but the stress faded, and gradually, April found it easier and easier to be an attending. May turned to June, and June inched toward July.

* * *

Alex held his hands under the steaming hot water of the scrub sink. Avery bustled in behind him, complete with his silver glittered scrub cap, slipping his own arms under the running water.

"Dude," Alex said. "Your scrub cap is ridiculous. You look like an idiot."

"You only wish you looked this good," Jackson quipped, grinning, but still clearly a little uncertain about utilizing Mark Sloan's gift.

Alex only rolled his eyes, as both his and Avery's gazes moved to the window in front of them. April was already in OR 3 with Dr. Warren, prepping their patient. Both men looked to their right as the automatic OR doors hissed open and Meredith exited the operating room, moving to the sink to scub out. Looked like she wasn't going to scrub in on the procedure with them.

"So, this isn't going to be a surgical quartet?" Avery joked, leaning toward Meredith's ear.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, and continued to wash her hands under the faucet, "Luckily for the patient, she doesn't appear to have and neurological damage on top of everything else. Poor kid. Getting mauled by a dog is more than enough to be dealing with."

Alex shrugged and smiled, "That's true. Still, it woulda been cool. Like a class reunion or something."

The pediatric fellowship was by far and a way the coolest professional experience Alex had ever had. Robbins let him take on even the most complex cases, virtually independently. At the same time though, she was extra demanding in terms of how he managed his care plans and research. Because if he really did want to do great things in pediatric surgery, like being 'the future of the hospital' type things, Robbins felt that a meticulous paper trail was a must. So was publishing. Which Alex had once kind of hated. Hell, he still wasn't really fond of it, but now that he'd finished residency, none of that crap seemed so bad.

However, Alex also knew that as a result, he'd had less time to deal with other stuff. Most of his free time he spent hanging out with April. Or sleeping. Or... _sleeping_. None of which he really minded. He'd had a few big cases that kept him at the hospital on longer shifts. He'd also gone back to Iowa in late May for Amber's graduation, which had actually turned out not to be a total disaster.

At any rate, Alex felt guilty or whatever for not paying better attention to Meredith. He knew that things were hard for her lately, with Cristina gone to California. Add to that it felt like she was more cut off from the rest of them, aside from work, because the new house was across the sound and away from the city. It wasn't intentional on anyone's part, but Alex knew that they were all spending less time together as a group, inside or outside of the hospital. He missed Cristina too, but he knew that for Mer, it was probably even harder. Alex just wasn't that great with dealing with emotional crap. Going to Ohio tomorrow for four days wasn't going to help much either.

He just didn't know what to do. Or where to begin. She was usually the friend who coaxed him to dealing with feelings. Alex had tried to talk to Meredith about missing Cristina. A little bit anyway. But, it was hard to get a chance to talk, again because of the new living arrangements, or because Zola was running around or something. The conversations usually weren't terribly productive either.

"So," Alex had said once, as he and Meredith hung out in the attendings lounge. "Yang's really gone."

"Yup," Meredith's brow had furrowed and she'd taken a long drink of her coffee.

"Kind of sucks."

"Yeah, it does," she'd finished her coffee, and left the room.

Par for the course for the past few months anytime Alex had mentioned Cristina. He knew he should probably push her to talk more about it, but damned if he wasn't sure how to. Because maybe she was just grieving the change or whatever. Maybe she didn't want to talk about it. Because it made her sad. Alex certainly didn't think April's overly concerned, 'let's go shopping and talk' approach was quite right for Meredith. It just seemed too girly, however earnest and well intentioned April was. And it wasn't like Alex could try that crap anyway. Not that Meredith accepted the invitations very often anyway. Alex knew he'd figure something out eventually.

Now Meredith only smiled in response to Alex's statement, moving to dry her hands, "Well, that would have been interesting. Especially since I doubt I'll be seeing you again before you jet off to the land of cows."

Alex blinked, "I think her dad grows corn, but...I guess...I mean it's a freakin' farm, so there's bound to be a cow or two..."

"So literal. He's not nervous at all," Meredith laughed and Avery snorted.

"Shut up," he replied. Whatever, if they were teasing him. So he might be a little apprehensive about his upcoming trip. Joe Kepner was a nice enough man when they'd met, but he was a big dude, and no matter what April said about him not being violent, Alex was irrationally worried. At least Mer was in the mood to mess with him.

"Have a good trip. And a good surgery!" she added as Alex and Jackson slipped into operating gowns and made their way into the OR.

April and Ben looked up as they entered, and Jackson and Alex took up their positions around the little girl.

"Shall we?"

As they buckled down and started the procedure, Alex scrunched up his face and shook his head. The 11 year old they were working on had been attacked while walking home from school by her neighbor's dog. Her arms and face were severely affected and she'd come into the ER hemorrhaging far too much blood. But April and her new 'project resident' or whatever, freakin' Mostow, had prevented the girl from bleeding out and stabilized her enough for surgery.

Alex and April worked to fix the internal injuries, while Jackson assessed her external damage, acting where he could and planning ahead where necessary. It was all part of his and Sloan's knew plastic surgery angle. For severe cases, get someone from plastics in early, even during the first surgery, so that they can see what's going on sooner, and place balloons for skin growth or take cartilage samples all the sooner. Potentially cutting down on the number of individual surgeries a patient might need. As idiotic as the 'plastics posse' acted some of the time, Alex had to admit that they came up with some really good stuff.

"What kind of person keeps a dog that would tear a kid up like this? I mean, I get keeping a guard dog or whatever, but what the hell?" Alex said, as they carefully worked on the mangled child.

"She'll need some facial reconstruction on the left side. Maybe a graft, if this skin is too scarred," Jackson added.

April winced, and he could tell she was grimacing behind her surgical mask, as she gingerly twisted one of her surgical tools, pulling it back from the girl's arm, revealing a dog tooth between it's two metal prongs.

"Seriously? Freakin' A. Just look at that!" A tooth in a kid's arm! Damn.

The sharp object clanked into a basin, and April shook her head and continued her work saying, "It is awful. Really awful. But sometimes with animals, you just don't know. Things happen. Even the nicest or tamest pet can flip out, given an unknown element. They get spooked and...things happen. Children and animals should be supervised. It just takes a second."

Jackson glanced up from his careful suture work on the girl's facial lacerations, "Farm experience talking or...?"

"I-I'm just saying..." April stammered.

Alex paused in his work too, and took a moment to watch his girlfriend carefully. She ducked her head and shrugged, moving on to the next step in the procedure. Yep, that's the posture. Even if he couldn't see her full expression, Alex had discovered in the past several months that April had this way of avoiding eye contact when she had something on her mind that she wasn't particularly keen to share. He supposed she was trying to make herself appear inconspicuous, but it usually had just the opposite affect.

"Spill," Alex coaxed, because usually the stuff April was reluctant to share turned out to be her best stories. Like getting drunk as a monkey off of a lemon dipped cake when she was studying abroad. He'd practically howled with laughter when she'd told him that story over beer at Meredith's new house a while back. Or like the story April had told him about her volcano science project gone horribly wrong at the Ohio regional science fair. Or probably a dozen others. April just usually wasn't comfortable enough to share stuff like that. But Alex figured, whatever? Why get so embarrassed over crap you did in the past? Especially if it was funny. Or relevant to something happening now. And everyone had dumb stuff that they did when they were little. So, he usually tried to get April to fess up.

April sighed and glared at him over the top of her surgical mask, rolling her eyes and tilting her head to one side, seemingly contemplating her reply. Finally she shrugged and looked back down at the patient, "Fine...when I was 8, Libby and I snuck into the horse stalls when we weren't supposed to."

"And, the horses we had...they were all really good. I mean we thought they were desensitized. Bomb proof, if you will. At least kid proof. But Dad never let us be with them alone. Rule to ride- Mom or Dad had to be there. Sparkle was my horse and-"

Jackson and Alex both chuckled at the animals name and April gave them a withering glare, "I was 8. I thought it was a great name at the time."

Alex frowned slightly and inclined his head toward Avery, "Sloan still thinks so. Avery Sparkle."

Jackson only rolled his eyes.

"I rode Sparkle all the time with my Dad, so we thought, 'Why not go for a ride now? Who needs Dad?'"

"You?" Jackson mocked, making Alex chuckle. "You did something against the rules? I thought you said that rule following was the hallmark of your childhood."

"It was. After this, it really was. Libby helped me climb up and everything was fine, just like it was when we rode and dad was there. But then..." April's eyes widened and she shrugged and blinked. "Something spooked Sparkle and she bucked, and threw me across the barn. Head first. Broke my nose. Scared me and Libby big time. We got in trouble, I had to get surgery and it all just  _totally_  sucked. I could easily have died."

"Rhinoplasty?" Jackson asked incredulously, looking mildly impressed. "Who was your surgeon? Did good work."

"It's not something I talk about!" April continued defensively, as she finished up her last stitch and looked tenderly at their young patient. "The point is, sometimes things happen. They just do. For no real reason. It's not all the animals fault or all the kids fault. Or anyone's. Bad things happen, and you just get through it. She's strong, she'll get through it."

As they finished the surgery, Alex didn't quite believe what he'd just learned. April had had a nose job? She'd never told him that before. Well, it had to have been more of a nose repair than a nose job. Still, Alex had thought April would be comfortable enough with him to have mentioned it. She talked to him about her knee replacement, and surgical scars. Maybe she...Whatever. It probably just hadn't come up. Jackson didn't even know. And he was the best friend.

Pulling off her surgical mask, April stood between Alex and Jackson as they scrubbed out, each man trying to get a good look at her nose without her noticing. Of course April was well aware of their gazes. She snorted, pulled off her operating gown and limped into the hallway, glaring back at them.

"Stop it."

Jackson tapped the side of his own nose, "You'd never know."

Alex nodded. It really wasn't obvious at all. She'd gotten a really good repair. Still, he wished the topic had never come up at all, because it was a touchy enough subject to put April in a mood for the rest of the night. And a lot of the next day. At least, he thought that was what set her off. That night at the house April started off all frantic with the packing list in her little freakin' notebook, snapping at Alex. Do this crap. Don't forget that crap. Yada yada. All Alex had was an easy night. Put his feet up, watch some tv. Chill out before being trapped with a bunch of people he didn't really know. Even if they were April's family.

"April!" he snapped as she handed him another stack of folded clothes.

"I'm sorry you had to cancel your precious appointment with the sofa and "My Strange Addiction". I'm sure you'll be missed," she said briskly.

Smirking, Alex raised his eyebrows, and tried to lighten up the conversation, "Before that show, I had no idea about half the crazy crap people put in their mouths. And I'm a doctor that works with small children, so that's saying something."

April didn't so much as grin or look up from her folding.

"What's with you?"

"We need to pack."

"Yeah. Easy. Throw some crap in the suitcase and be done with it. It's only four freakin' days!" Alex held up the third pair of jeans she'd handed him. "I won't need this many pants."

"No harm in being prepared for-"

"I know what the Midwest is like in the summer, April. I grew up there too you know."

April pursed her lips and angrily replied, "Oh, I  _know_. Not that you ever volunteer much information about it. I'm the only one who has to talk about growing up."

"Whatever, April."

Alex rolled his eyes and stuffed the clothes in his suitcase. What the hell was her problem? It wasn't unusual for them to bicker with each other, but it usually didn't feel, weird like this. And since they'd become attendings, Alex had thought that the two of them had gotten more comfortable in the course of the past 7 months. They kind of just gelled together. Whatever. She was probably just nervous about going back home. And taking him home. And, if he was really honest with himself, Alex knew that he was a lot nervous himself. They'd get over it soon. Surely.

The next morning as they sat cramped next to each other on the plane to Columbus, Alex realized that 'soon' was definitely a relative term. He and April had been tense the whole night, and hadn't slept much. And they were both still very grumpy. They'd barely said anything to each other for the entire six hour flight. Which, with April was highly unusual.

Alex messed with the volume on his ipod and glanced back down at the list of names April had given him to help keep track of her relatives. Some first impression he'd make. April gets excited and brings this guy home, and whatever, and all her parents and sister's would see is a pair of sullen people barely talking to each other. They'd Alex was an ass. And he was. Sorta. Before, anyway. But now...

Spinning her cane in circles between her hands, April winced and shifted uncomfortably in her cramped seat, stretching her bad leg into the aisle. Alex looked on sympathetically. This was also April's first major travel experience since her leg injury, and he could tell she was getting really stiff. Torres had sent prescribed some pain meds knowing the trip would probably cause pain. Not that April had taken any yet. For some reason, she was always resistant, insisting on waiting until her pain levels were really high.

He should probably cut her more slack. Because her going home this time was about more than just introducing Alex. This was going to be the first time her family really saw her after the earthquake. Karen and Joe had seen her early on in the wheel chair, but other than that no was from April's family hadn't seen her since. Maybe that's what was on her mind. Or something.

Whatever it was, Alex needed to find out what was bothering April. Because her mood was bugging the crap out of him. His own anxieties and stuff seemed less important. Alex just wanted to get April figured out. It was throwing his game, right when he wanted to put his best foot forward for her family.

An announcement played over the plane's intercom, informing them that the flight was making it's final descent into Columbus. Pulling one earphone away from his ear, Alex sighed and leaned toward April, testing the waters. The last time they'd said anything to each other on the flight, it had ended in a fight."Truce?"

She sniffed and fidgeted with one ear lobe, "Okay."

"What's the matter?"

April gulped, "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Yanking the other earphone from his ear and wrapping the cord around his ipod Alex replied, "I bet your leg hurts, for one thing. You should take a pill."

"I've taken this flight  _so_  many times over the years...and it never...hurt. Before. It's not short, but I never had a problem with it."

"You had a knee replacement and rods and crap put in 7 months ago," Alex said diplomatically. "It's no big deal. That's what meds are for. It's fine."

"I know...it's just different. I'm different."

"Yeah..." Seemed like they were getting to the root of things. Alex thought she'd come a long way in accepting her new circumstances, but he could see her being worried about how her family would see things. April didn't know how her family would react to her limp.

"I don't even think my niece's will recognize me. I mean, everyone else still lives in Ohio and I hardly see them and now..."

"You said you haven't even met the youngest one yet so..." Alex ran his hand down her arm, until he grasped her hand. "They're little kids, if they forgot they forgot. They'll get new memories, and the older they get the longer those will last. Whatever. Your the cool aunt that lives in a far away land called Seattle. Has to beat Ohio anyday."

"What if...what if my family...doesn't...like me? Like this," April shrugged, twisting her cane again.

"Then they're a crappy family," he replied matter of factly. "But I'm pretty sure your family isn't. I know what a crappy family looks like, and your Dad has no place in a crappy family. Your family still loves you. "

April smiled faintly and Alex teased, "Besides, they'll be too busy not liking me to worry about you."

"Right," she chuckled. "I'm supposed to be the one giving you the pep talks about getting off on the right foot with everyone."

"I give better pep talks. Fewer words."

"Whatever," April retorted. "There is still plenty of time for one of mine, if you need it."

Alex's brow furrowed, "Uh, we're landing. We're almost there, right?"

April sighed good naturedly, and gestured to the piece of paper Alex held in his hands, "Did you even read my itinerary?"

"Not really."

"We're almost to Columbus, yes. But our farm is in Cook, Ohio. That's a forty minute drive from the city. My brother-in-law Diego's picking us up at the airport."

Damn. Alex was sick of sitting down and the prospect of enduring another stretch of travelling sucked. Then again, April seemed in much better spirit's as the plane slowly landed, so maybe the this last leg wouldn't be so bad. She grabbed his arm and pointed out landmark's through the tiny window on his left, seeming excited for the first time since the previous evening. Whatever insecurities she had, it was clear that a part of April was really glad to be back. Alex never felt this happy about seeing the Davenport skyline upon his arrivals in Iowa. Usually it meant something was going wrong in his family. He'd been excited for Amber's graduation sure, but Alex felt more excited to see the Seattle skyline. Especially now that he was dating April. It felt more like home than anywhere else.

The plane came to a halt and the other passengers began to clear out. Alex and April waited until most of the people behind them had left before April painfully rose from her seat. Alex was pretty stiff himself, and he cracked his back as he stood up. Before he grabbed their stuff from the overhead carriers, he leaned down and peered through the windows out onto the tarmac. It was a beautiful, bright, and sunny summer afternoon.

Hello, Ohio. Alex shrugged, and his nerves flared up again. April's family. He was meeting April's family. Here goes nothing. Don't screw it up.


	16. Chapter 16

April stood in the corner of the crowded Columbus airport, carefully up screwing the cap off a water bottle, and reaching for the pain killer that Callie had sent along on the trip. She didn't know why it irritated her so much to need the pills. In fact, she didn't really know why she had been so irritated the whole day. Even with Alex.

Alex stood nearby, by the baggage carousel, waiting for their luggage. His arms were crossed and he had his head tilted to one side, posture that made him seem closed off. Maybe it was just her nerves about having Alex meet her family. Especially, in light of the fact that sometimes April still felt that he still kept her shut out from a lot of his family stuff. Maybe because he did.

Swallowing the pill, April took a second swig of water, and smiled at Alex. His hair was a little longer than normal. Since becoming an attending, he hadn't had the chance to get it cut as often as before. The flight had made him look tousled and as April watched him deftly grab and lift their two bags off of the conveyor belt, her earlier irritation lessened.

Making his way to April's side pulling their suitcases behind him, Alex glanced around pursing his lips, "Where is this brother in law of yours?"

Pulling her phone from her pocket, April carefully reread the text message she had received from Alice's husband, "He said he would meet us by the baggage claim..."

Alex sighed and gestured to the big carousel behind him, "Well, we're here..."

"April? April!"

She caught sight of Deigo Ferrera waving a hand over his head as he emerged from the crowd, smiling brightly. April waved as the dark haired man quickly made his way to her side. His eyes drifted to her cane briefly and for a split second Diego's smile faded. But the moment quickly passed, without comment he lifted his eyes to hers, and grinned.

Diego was the only brother in law April hadn't grown up with. Mike Anderson's family had lived 2 miles down I-71 from the Kepner farm for as long as she could remember. Long before he and Libby had gotten married, Mike was a fixture in April's childhood. And Wendell Meyers had been in April's year in school. She'd tutored him in AP bio their senior year of high school. It felt like he was always around the house that year. At Wendell and Kimmie's wedding, April had joked that his need for biology help was a contributing factor to the couple getting together. He'd been around the house so much that Kimmie'd gotten far too used to him.

On the other hand, Alice had met Diego while she was away at college in Chicago, well after April had left home for med school. At first, she'd felt a bit like she wasn't as close to Diego because they hadn't known each other for most of their lives, but the more time April spent living Seattle, away from the farm, the closer she felt to her youngest sister's husband. She loved the farm and she loved her family, but the longer she lived away from it all, the less April felt like she belonged there.

And even though she'd spent a childhood dreaming of leaving her little town, of going off and becoming a great surgeon somewhere, it still stung a little to realize that she fit in less and less with her old home. Probably even less now, after everything that had happened with her leg, and passing boards. Diego was from the Chicago and in a lot of ways they both ended up being outsiders on the farm. At least, when he and Alice had first gotten married. Now Diego lived in Columbus. In Ohio like the rest of them.

Two summers previous, the year April had come back to Ohio early after the shooting, it was Diego who had understood her the best. She'd pretty much been a mess the whole time she was home, and had been prone to sudden bouts of uncontrollable sobs. He didn't push her to explain, or try to convince her to stop before she was ready. Diego had just been a silent supplier of kleenex, and a nearby person if she ever did want to open up. Which April had appreciated, because as much as she loved having as many sisters as she did, at the time their well intentioned attempts to comfort her had only felt overwhelming. And for some reason had made her miss Reed even more.

Pulling April into a warm embrace, Diego said, "Hello! It's so very good to see you."

"You too," she replied. April gestured to Alex and said, "Diego, I'd like you to meet Alex Karev. He's...we're..."

"Ah, yes," Diego grinned, making April blush and held out his hand. Still, out of all her family, she guessed Diego was the least likely to interrogate Alex about being her boyfriend. That was the reason she'd asked Diego if he could pick them up. "Pleasure to meet you!"

Alex straightened up a bit, and held out his own hand to shake, clearly trying to be more genial than normal, "Hey. Um...yeah. Nice or whatever. You're married to...uh, Alice, right?"

Diego nodded happily and reached over, taking one of the suitcases from Alex, before he began leading the way out of the airport, "Yes, nearly three years now. Hard to believe. I can take one of these..."

As they made their way to the parking lot April gushed excitedly, "How's the baby? Alice sent me the pictures from Easter. How cute is she? I can't wait to meet her."

April's youngest niece, Gabriella, had been born in late December, after April had returned to Seattle the previous year. Then with the earthquake and everything, she hadn't been back to Ohio until now. Gaby was already nearly 7 months old. Her youngest sister's first child had been alive for over half of a year, and April still hadn't met her yet in person. April actually had vague memories of 4 year old self meeting Alice as newborn. Now her little sister was a mother. Unreal.

Actually, getting to know her nieces seemed to get harder and harder with each child. Seven years ago, April had only just began her internship at Mercy West, and things just seemed far less cramped, and she'd even managed to be in Ohio with Libby when Claire was born. Two years later when Libby had Tiffany, things in her residency were tighter. April had at least made it back home to see the baby when she was only a few weeks old.

Kimmie's daughter Haley had been born during April's month and a half of being fired. She'd gone home for a while to lick her wounds, so she saw a lot of the new baby, and a lot of her two older nieces. It was probably the only reason the older two kind of remembered April at all. But she had basically been a wreck that whole time, so their memories were probably a little messed up. And since then, she had only managed to go home a few weekends and holidays here and there, aside from the July trip. Skype and phone calls can only do so much. And so now here it was, yet another new niece.

Quickly unlocking his car and opening the trunk, Diego beamed, "Gaby is fantastic. Growing as you wouldn't believe. Loves playing the peek-a-boo! Luckily Mr. Joe does too. Keeps them both occupied when need be."

Alex listened in silence, looking a little sullen as he lifted their bags into the trunk of Diego's sedan. April couldn't tell if he really was feeling that closed off, or if he was just being shy or tired. She really hoped that things would go okay with him meeting her family. Maybe it was just awkward to hear them babble about people Alex didn't know. Which was exactly why April had given him a list of her relatives. If only he'd bothered to read it. She'd just have to make more of an effort to include him.

All three clamoured into the small car, Alex insisting that April take the front seat for leg room, and began the drive out of Columbus. They'd lost 3 hours in the time difference between Ohio and Washington and it was already late afternoon, so they hit the beginnings of rush hour traffic. Alex still wasn't saying much, and April glanced sympathetically back at him as he sat uncomfortably in the backseat with his arms crossed, pressed up next to Gaby's car seat. His answering half smirk gave her a sense of relief.

As they crawled along in traffic, Alex suddenly perked up and pointed to a billboard on the side of the road, "Dude, that's you!"

April squinted and leaned forward to see what Alex was pointing at. Sure enough, a giant billboard read: Steer Clear of Traffic, with Diego Ferrara. Weekday Mornings starting at 5am. ABC6 On Your Side, WSYX. Next to the words was a giant picture of Diego's face, grinning toothily. She cracked up. She'd known he'd gotten a promotion, but the whole thing was a little ridiculous. The sign was huge.

"It is a new advertising strategy," Deigo replied. "I had nothing to do with it."

"Except posing for the freakin' photo shoot," Alex snorted. April hoped that Diego wouldn't be put off by Alex's sarcasm and way of speaking. Sometimes...okay, a lot of times, people were.

Luckily, it looked like her brother in law took the wise crack in stride, as Deigo casually replied, "It's a living."

From the back seat, Alex gestured vaguely to the multitude of cars surrounding them, "Did you predict this?"

"I'm a traffic man not a weatherman," Diego countered. "We report. We don't predict."

Alex shook his head, "Nah, I pretty sure predictions are involved..."

"Maybe. But it's my day off."

Both men laughed and suddenly the awkwardness seemed to disappear. For the rest of the drive to Cook, Alex and Diego chatted easily, and by the time they drove down the long driveway that lead to her parents house, they were locked in a friendly debate on the merits of lucha libre style wrestling and standard american style. At least that's what April thought they were talking about.

Their conversation allowed April to drift, taking in the familiar sights and landmarks that lead up to her childhood home. There was the small town of cook. Her old school, the corner drug store, a tree she and Kimmie had often gleefully climbed, and the county library. Then the tiny town gave way to expansive fields, and farms. When the car finally came to a stop in front of the Kepner house, April was feeling suitably misty and nostalgic.

Getting out of the car, April closed her eyes and breathed in the familiar scents of grass, daisies, and manure. A smokey smell also made her realize that her Dad was probably barbequing out back. Opening her eyes, she turned to Alex reaching out and taking his hand. He was looking the house up and down with a bemused expression.

"What?" April asked squeezing his hand.

"Think they have enough flags?"

Okay, so maybe her parents had overdone things a bit with the flags, plus the red, white, and blue streamers placed on the front of your house. They always went all out with decorations, and April had always loved it. Why not have a little fun? After all, it's not like everyday is a holiday.

A flicker of movement from the front blinds caught April's eye, and she could see Libby watching them suspiciously through the window.

"Welcome to Middle freakin' America," Alex continued, nudging her shoulder. "Where no one half-ass's the holidays."

April snorted but didn't have time to reply before the front door burst open, and her sister Alice, baby on her hip, bounded carefully down the stairs, enveloping April in a tight embrace. Neither of them could help it, and the tears began to flow.

"I'm so happy to see you," Alice tearfully whispered in April's ear.

* * *

"Oh, geez..."

Alex stepped to the side, thrusting his hands into his pockets as April and one of her sisters hugged tightly. Then came the waterworks. Then came the rest of the women of Ohio. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. But only a bit.

It was like pebbles falling before an avalanche. Of chicks. First the brunette with the baby, who quickly got handed off to Diego. That had to be Alice. Then another woman, who looked almost exactly like a younger version of April's mom and Alex later learned was Libby, rushed from the house. She was followed closely by Karen Kepner who shot him a bright smile and gave him a small shoulder squeeze, and lastly by Kimmie, who was taller than the rest. The group all hovered around April alternately pointing to her cane, blubbering, and embracing.

Alex moved to the back of the car and lifted out their suitcases. He stood next to Diego by the side of the trunk, and they both stared at the tangle of chicks surrounding April, with puzzled expressions. Gaby stared too, because it was probably about as interesting as anything else a little baby could look at right in that vicinity. And they weren't exactly being quiet.

It'd been awkward at first, but Alex thought Diego was a nice enough dude, and he was glad he wasn't the only one there who thought that everything was just a little ridiculous. Sure, it was the first time they'd seen April since her injury and recovery, but still. Sometimes women really did seem like they were a different freakin' species or something.

After a moment, Diego shrugged and smiled at Alex, expertly bouncing the baby in his arms and taking the handle of one wheeled suitcase, leading the way into the house, "Don't try to understand. They cluster. It is just how they are. You'll get used to it, eh?"

Maybe he would. Maybe he'd have to. Especially if this whole relationship with April kept going. And Alex had to admit he didn't want it to turn out to be a bust.

Following the other man into the house, Alex had a chance to get a good look at the place. There was a barn off to the side of the house, with a tractor in front, and a well worn swing set and slide next to it. It was like little house on the freakin' prairie. Well, he'd never actually watched that show, but this was how he'd imagined a farm house would look. Gables, and windows and a big front porch. Hallway and stairway walls lined with pictures of grinning freckle faced little girls. Quilts draped on couches and rocking chairs. The smell of baking in the kitchen. A gray cat curled up asleep in the front window.

Cozy. All so God-damn picturesque. Nothing like the dingy little house on the eastside in Davenport. The kind of place that had been miles away from his own childhood, to the point where Alex doubted it existed for anyone.

It was the kind of place he'd spent the whole afternoon worrying about. Because Alex wasn't sure he could fit in. Even just for a visit. It seemed nice, if a little foreign, but on some level he felt like he'd always be on the outside of a family like this, only able to look in.

Diego led Alex to a small room toward the back of the house and leaned the suitcase against the wall. Gaby fussed a little and Diego moved to the doorway and inclined his head to the left, "Beer and barbecue in the back, if you are hungry Alex...but no rush."

Diego nodded once again and then headed outside, leaving Alex alone in the small room. Judging by the frilly comforter and girly wallpaper, he could almost be certain that this room had been April's or one of her sister's before it had seemingly been converted to a guest room. Sniffing slightly, he shoved his hands in his pockets and casually made his way into the hall, heading the same direction as Diego. Alex could always eat.

On the way, he got a little side tracked by looking at photographs in the hallway though. He leaned forward and squinted at the neatly placed frames hanging on the wall. Laughter and the sounds of people talking filtered into the house. He could easily pick out April in the photos, she was the only redhead aside from her mom. He saw that April and all her sisters looked reasonably alike however, in one way or another. The smiles, or ears, hand shapes, even postures. One way or another. You could see it in the pictures.

Meredith had told him, once after meeting Aaron, and again after meeting Amber that Alex and his siblings had "Karev foreheads". He'd never really bought it, but then again there weren't really any photos of the three of them together that he could look at to compare.

Alex continued to slowly walk down the hall. There were baby pictures, pictures of April in pigtails with science fair ribbons, one of her sisters on a horse, another with a sports trophy. Formal studio portraits with the lot of them all dressed up, and pictures of Kepner family vacations showing Joe and his kids mugging for the camera from behind one of those roadside photo cut out deals you put your face in.

But it wasn't just little kid, childhood stuff either. There was a photo of April, Jackson, Charles, and Reed in front of the space needle. A few others her sisters as adults in various places. The wall practically had a whole section of graduation photos, featuring April, Kimmie, and Alice in caps and gowns. Then, there was a series of wedding photos and grandkid photos. It was like a whole family history laid out on the walls of their house.

But Alex guessed that's just what you did when your family life wasn't crap. Meredith and Derek were already starting to do it with Zola. Shepard was hardly around his daughter without some sort of camera, and Mer was always whipping out her phone to show the latest pictures. Sloan, and Robbins and Torres were just as bad. Even Bailey, if he really thought about it. But then again, if you have a happy life, it must be the thing you'd do. Document it. Because you wanted to remember.

Alex didn't think his mom had that many pictures of him throughout his whole life. There was probably stuff from when he was little, but no one had really been pictorially documenting his life when he was in foster care. There wouldn't really be more recent stuff either, because he hadn't actually gone home that much after he left for college. He'd been to Davenport more times in the past 7 months than he had in the previous 7 years. And Alex knew his Dad didn't have or care to have any photos of him. Alex's family didn't document. Probably because they really didn't want to remember.

Reaching the end of the hallway, Alex yawned and opened the back door, squinting in the bright afternoon sunlight.

In the backyard he spotted, Joe and Diego, still holding his baby, and another heavy set dude in a John Deer cap hovering around a massive grill near a picnic table. Beyond them, another man stood across from a curly haired toddler as she kicked a mini sized soccer ball. All in front of a giant freakin' corn field. Alex made a face a he walked down the back steps. So many freakin' people. Norman Rockwell would be all over this crap.

Joe looked up and smiled at Alex, waving him over, "There he is! Nice to see you again, Alex."

He didn't seem pissed. Or like he was about to beat Alex to a pulp. He still had small level of apprehension though. But then again, so far all of April's family were all being really nice, and not crowding him or whatever. He was glad for that.

Lifting his own hand in greeting, Alex moved down the back stairs. He was slightly started to find two small girls sitting on each end of the bottom step, clad in different colored, but matching sun dresses. They looked pretty glum and faced away from each other, with their heads resting on their hands and their elbows on their knees.

When she noticed Alex coming down the steps, the older girl looked up and smiled brightly, saying in that child-like sing song way, "Are you Aunt April's boyfriend?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm Alex."

"Can you...um can you tell me...what's a vantage? I heard my mommy say you take vantage...where do you take it? To the park? In Seattle?"

"That's a lot of questions..." he replied awkwardly. "We only just met. You know what they say about talking to strangers..."

"You're not a stranger! I seen your picture."

"You're the stranger!" Alex teased. "A stranger who is missing a couple teeth. How do I know you won't try to take mine?"

The girl giggled and covered her mouth. These must be Libby's kids. Alex could only wonder what other stuff they'd overheard from April's oldest sister. April had hinted that Libby didn't seem to like him very much.

"Do you like sparklers? We have some for later...my daddy said I could hold one."

"Claire! Shh! We're not s'posed to talk," squeaked the she smaller girl, as she spun around angrily, holding a finger to her lips. "We're in trouble!"

Alex held back a smile. The voice seriously had to be genetic. So did the rule following. Seriously.

"Girls," the man standing with the green baseball hat said firmly. "What have we told you about talking in timeout? You've still got two minutes on the clock."

Both children gasped and spun back to their previous positions. Claire glanced up at Alex surreptitiously however, giving him an apologetic smile.

"We got in a fight," she whispered, in that loud way that all kids think is really really quiet.

"Uh oh. You guys better finish serving your time. We can talk pyrotechnics when your done," Alex said quietly as he walked past them. Claire nodded earnestly and twirled her fingers in her whispy hair.

It was funny, he realized. Alex understood kids. He was used to kids after all these years working in peds. Kids didn't judge. He was happy around kids. Especially kids acting normal. that's why he loved his job so much. Alex wanted to help sick kids so they could get back to being normal. Because all a kid should have to worry about is fun stuff. Words they don't know, games they want to play. Sparklers. Stuff like that.

April's nieces had somehow put Alex at ease. Because suddenly he felt better about the whole thing. The little house on the freakin' prairie, and the museum of Kepner on the walls, and the Norman Rockwell scene in the backyard didn't seem quite so overwhelming, or foreign. Not when little kids still giggled, and fought, and had timeouts.

When Alex neared the barbecue, Joe rushed up to him and held out one hand. Alex grasped it and shook and this time, when Joe pulled him into a hug, he was expecting it.

"Alex," April's father said quietly. "I'm so glad you could make it. What did I say? As good as family."

"Hey Joe," he replied uncomfortably, still not entirely used to Mr. Kepner's tendency to embrace him.

"How are things?"

"Uh, fine. Pretty good. You?"

"Hungry. Which brings me to the really important question: How would you like your burger, son?"

"Um...well done is fine."

It startled Alex. How easily Joe Kepner had embraced him into his family. Even before he'd started dating April. The word 'son' just rolling off of his tongue, and not dishonestly. Alex didn't think he was the kind of guy people wanted. As a son, a surgeon, or anything else. But April wanted him. She'd stuck with him. And her dad called him 'son'. Weird, but Alex had to admit that he kind of liked it.

When they pulled apart the older man clapped Alex on the back and quickly introduced the rest. Wendell and his three year old Haley, married to Kimmie. Mike, in the hat, married to Libby and Dad to the pint sized delinquents, Claire and Tiffany. Alex shook hands with all. No one looked like they wanted to inflict bodily harm.

"Did you have a good flight?" Wendell said, sitting down at the table and lifting Haley into his lap.

Actually they'd been a little tense on the flight, but he wasn't exactly going to tell her Dad and brother's in law so Alex shrugged, "Yeah sure."

Turning back to the house, as he sat down with a beer, Alex caught a glimpse of April through the kitchen window. She was still surrounded by her mother and sisters, and when she caught his eye, her expression made him smirk. She was smiling her fakest of smiles and her hand hovered near her ear, and everything about it screamed 'help me!'. Of course, April wouldn't actually say anything. She'd just suffer through while her mom and sisters bugged the crap out of her. Watching Alex's smile, April gave a small eye roll and then turned her attention back inside the house. He knew April's family was happy to see her, but he half wished they could skulk off in a corner somewhere and hangout alone.

"So you're a trauma surgeon too, right? Like April?" Mike's voice snapped Alex away from his observation of April through the kitchen window. He'd joined Alex and Wendell at the table and slid a bowl of chips in Alex's direction. "That's why you were with her when...you know, when she go hurt?"

He blinked turning his attention away from the house, "Uh, trauma surgeon? No. Way morbid. Usually too depressing even for me. I do pediatrics. Surgeries on kids. That's why I was...there was a kid trapped in the earthquake."

From the grill Joe commented, "I'll never stop being thankful you were there..."

Alex reached to the bowl on the table and grabbed a few chips. He chewed them carefully, letting the salty food cover up his discomfort. Because while on the one hand the earthquake had been the wake up call Alex had needed, and it had set him and April on the path that lead to their relationship, he still felt a lot of guilt over what it meant for April's leg. And guilt that it had taken so much, the literal movement of tectonic plates, for him to pull his head out of his ass and face his feelings. But it was what it was, and Alex liked to think that he and April came out happy on the other side.

Sensing Alex's discomfort Diego continued, "Trauma surgery is like car crashes and stuff?"

"Gunshots, broken bones...Emergency room stuff. Acute injuries," Alex agreed.

Wendell shook his head and said, "Never would have pegged gory stuff as April's thing. In high school, she felt bad about dissecting a frog."

"You gotta be really organized. She's actually pretty good at it," Alex replied, taking a careful swig of his beer. "Brilliant actually. We didn't think she'd go for trauma either, but...people surprise you, you know?"

"Yeah," Mike chuckled. "We all thought April would end up becoming a nun. She practically was as far as I knew. You getting together with her is about the biggest surprise we've had from her in years."

Wendell and Mike laughed heartily, and Alex glared.

"Everyone is different," Diego said quietly, as they continued to chuckle.

So whatever, April didn't have the longest past history when it came to guys and stuff? He may like to make fun of her a little bit, but hearing her sister's husband's tease about April's lack of relationship experience made Alex's blood boil. None of their business anyway. Here he'd been all worried about April's brother's in law wanting to beat him up, but now Alex had to resist the urge to punch two of them. Diego looked angry too, and Alex was about to tell the dweebs to cut it out, and lay off, when a small but piercing voice interrupted.

"Daddy? Has it been two minutes yet?"

Mike glanced down at his watch, "Yep, you can come down now. But no more hitting or hair pulling or name calling or-"

Claire was already running down from the step with Tiffany hot on her heels, on their way to the swing set.

"Just you wait," Joe called over sternly, as the food on the grill made an ominous popping noise. "You'll be laughing real hard when your girls grow up and start bringing people home...you'll want them all to be nuns."

He expertly flipped a burger patty, and Alex watched the other men's faces fall as they each seemed to contemplate with horror the idea of their own daughters growing up. Diego cuddled Gabby closer, Mike frowned and pushed his hat back on his head revealing his slightly receding hairline, while Wendell gulped and looked down at Haley as she padded her tiny hands on the tabletop.

"Either that or you'll want 'em to be sure they find someone who cares about them, no matter how long it takes..." Joe continued, winking. He actually freakin' winked at Alex.

Joe was a strange sort of dude. Strange mix of a grown up Opie Taylor and Buddha or something. Not that Alex really thought about it  _that_  much. But he had thought about it a little. Alex still didn't think he totally understood him at all, but somehow he still felt like Joe just knew exactly what he was thinking. He'd felt it the first time he'd met April's Dad and he felt it now. Freakin' weird.

He felt a small tug on the back of his shirt and turned around to see Tiffany smiling up at him, with Claire not far behind.

"Come push us on the swings!" the older child pleaded.

"What do you say when you ask something?" Mike chided.

Claire rolled her eyes, and Tiffany tugged Alex's shirt harder, "Come push us  _please_!"

"He just got here, he's busy, he doesn't have to play with you. You guys both know how to pump," their father replied waving them off toward the swings. "Or I can push you, but Alex is-"

"But Daddy! He knows about pirates!" Claire interrupted, as if it was the most logical thing in the world. Alex smiled. Really didn't miss a thing that little girl. Even if she didn't understand everything she heard.

"What?"

"In Texas! They have pirates and Alex said he'd tell us about it!" Tiffany said, nodding earnestly.

Alex had to laugh. He'd said it before and he'd say it again, sometimes kids were really were better to talk to than adults. Better priorities. He rose from the picnic table and said, "As cool as pirates in Texas might be, I said I'd talk to you about pyrotechnics...like sparklers and fireworks...When you hear pyro in front of another word or whatever. It means like fire, or stuff to do with fire."

"Oh. Tell us about fire then! We have sparklers!" Claire was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Alex you don't have to," Mike added, messing with the brim of his baseball cap again.

The thing was, Alex wanted to. He didn't really feel like sitting around. And kids were easier to deal with than grownups. And hanging out with 2 little kids seemed like a lot better than chilling awkwardly with April's brothers in law, and her puzzle of a Buddha Dad. Less pressure to make a good impression. Her nieces were easy not to disappoint. He might not be good with grown ups, but he was generally a hit with the "tiny humans".

"It's fine. I don't mind," Alex said as Claire and Tiffany began pulling even harder on his T-shirt. Turning to Joe, he continued, "Call us when the food's done."

Mike gave him a long appraising look and nodded, "Please don't teach them too much about fire."

"Done."

* * *

"Are you sure you don't need to sit down?" Kimmie asked for what seemed like the billionth time. The first time when they hugged her outside. Then again as they made their way into the house. Then again when her sisters all gave her the requisite 'you live out of town, here's what going on with my life' update on their kids, jobs and husbands. And now again in the kitchen.

April couldn't help but roll her eyes. For crying out loud. Maybe if this was several months ago, before her cane, back when she was on crutches, and didn't have stamina, she'd need to sit down. But as an attending, April had to stand up for hours on end every day. And she could. Really. And right now she was fine leaning against the kitchen sink.

"I'm sure, I'm sure," she replied as diplomatically as possible. "When I need to sit down, I'll sit down. It actually feels good to stand after the plane and the car."

Kimmie and Libby and her mom all still looked suspicious. April reached her right hand to her ear and made eye contact with Alex through the kitchen window. Right now, she disliked the tendency of families to segregate by gender at big gatherings. Well, her family seemed to any way. At least when everyone first arrived. But April would much, much rather be outside with Alex.

She realized her mom didn't really seemed to know what to do. And couldn't accept that April really was okay, and that she really  _didn't_ need to do anything. Sighing, Karen wrung her hands, "Well, you should have something to drink, at least. How about some lemonade? And a cookie. We have some with frosting like the American flag. We have pie too..."

Her mother pulled a giant pitcher of lemonade from the fridge and began pouring glasses. Go to Kepner family solution. Food. Even April turned to it when pressed with a hard situation; she had with Amber. Alice stood near the stove stirring the steamed vegetables, watching April closely.

"You only have eyes for him, huh?" her youngest sister teased. "It's been months since you've even seen us. You've gone through a traumatic experience, fallen in  _love_ , passed the biggest test of your career, and you got promoted. So much to tell us, and you won't even spill the juicy details. All you can do is stare at your man...its all very cute."

" _Very_..." Kimmie agreed.

"As in love as you can be after dating what? Three? Four months?" Libby added less then enthusiastically.

Their mother nudged her and murmured, "Libby, they just got here...you haven't even really talked to-"

"Five months," April said firmly as she pulled her gaze away from the window. She'd forgotten how insufferable her sisters could be all together all at once. Or maybe she only felt that way now because they were ribbing her about Alex. At least Kimmie and Alice were ribbing. Libby still seemed unconvinced. No big surprise. They had reverted to a childhood pattern. Everyone talking over each other. April getting teased. Libby thinking she knew best. Alice joking, but basically on April's side. And Kimmie on the fringes.

"Five months isn't a very long time," Libby said. "Mike and I-

"Well, the Cook Ohio dating pool is just full of catches who we've known our whole lives," Alice cut in. "We should've all limited ourselves. I mean think about it: April could be missing out on the likes of Bobby Wojechski. He's still single right? And he's got that whole tractor repair gig. Or Paul Holt? He's embraced deodorant now. Clearly a missed opportunity."

Libby rolled her eyes, "I'm just saying that jumping really quickly into a relationship isn't the best thing. Especially since it all happened after your accident; you have to take a lot of time before making life changes after surgery something like that..."

"Yeah," Alice joked. "Just like they say after you get a root canal...don't buy a house."

"It's a legitimate thing, Alice. It's not good to make huge life decisions after a live changing event," she gestured to April's cane. "This is so much more than a root canal."

Libby really was going to insist they go into this right that very second. April groaned and took the glass of lemonade her mother quietly offered her, "First, you are after me for not putting myself out there and dating, then when I finally do, you say I shouldn't be. I had a knee replacement, Libby. Everything else is fine. I can make my own choices."

Alice shook her head and quipped, "Oh, but you just can't win. It would be no fun for Libby."

"I never said you couldn't, I just-" Libby rolled her eyes, ignoring their youngest sister.

"Olivia," Karen said offering her oldest daughter a freshly poured glass. "Let them be. I don't think it matters how long a relationship lasts before you know you love someone. Your Dad asked me to marry him after three months. It's how well you know a person."

Oh boy. April really didn't need the marriage word to start getting tossed around. Not in front of Alex. Not near him. It wasn't as though the idea had never crossed her mind, at least in the theoretical sense. Because she didn't want to imagine  _not_  being together with Alex, and marriage seemed like the inevitable way to make that happen. But it was Alex, and he'd had bad experience with marriage, and it was probably too soon to even mention it, and she was really pretty sure it might never be okay to mention it. At the very least April didn't need Alex to hear her family throwing the word around.

"Mom, no one said anything about getting-"

"Well, frankly April knew everything she needed to know about Alex Karev long before they started dating," Libby said hotly. "And I don't think anything about him changed because April got hurt. He's just taking advantage...the whole rescuing hero thing works on almost everyone. You may know a lot about medicine April, but you've never been good with men."

Alice and Kimmie both nodded in agreement. Traitors.

April sighed and looked back outside. Alex had left the table, and appeared to be over by the old swing set, with Claire and Tiffany. Ironic that Libby's kids seemed to like Alex just fine. She really  _really_  was beginning to regret telling her sister about the whole on-call room incident two years ago. At the time she'd just felt so rejected and confused, and confiding in Libby had made her feel better. Now that she had the full information about why Alex had acted they way he had, April forgave him for it. The whole mess had really been the result of poor decision making on both their parts. And now they'd moved way past it, but it was Libby's only real impression of Alex.

"Alex was a godsend to your Dad and I when we were in the hospital with April," Karen said, opening the refrigerator and pulling out brightly colored Tupperware. "And he pulled her out. Where would we be without that? That's enough for me to know."

"Doesn't erase everything..."

"Please Libby," April begged, internally cringing as she realized she was coming dangerously close to whining. "Stop talking. You don't know everything, and I shouldn't have to tell you everything. I am happy. That should be enough. No one acted like this when any of you dated anyone! Just because I...t-took so long, doesn't mean I can't take care of myself. I'm not the same person I was when I left Ohio. Alex is a really great guy. I promise. Just give him a chance."

All three of her sister's looked momentarily shocked. The April they'd grown up with didn't usually stand up for herself, but that had slowly been changing. Libby opened her mouth to speak again, but the sound of a ringing timer interrupted her and Karen began flitting around the kitchen. Kimmie pinched the bridge of her nose, and Alice gave April a sympathetic eye roll. That made her feel more relaxed. There were definitively worse things in life than having an older sister who worries about you. Worse things than having a family who cared.

"Okay, okay, okay," Karen said, opening the oven and peering in. "Pie's good to go. Kimmie take the potatoes out, please. Libby grab the casserole, and Alice can grab that off the stove, and April and I will get the pie. Go on..."

Mumbling and grumbling, April's sisters grabbed the foods and filtered out of the kitchen leaving April and her mother alone. Moving away from the oven her mother reached her hands to April's face.

"Here, let me see you," she said, letting her hands drop to April's shoulders and down her arms. "You look look so healthy. And happy. That's all I care about. So much better than in January. And muscles too, hmm..."

Then Karen pulled April close and they hugged, "Don't worry so much about Libby. She'll come around. She just doesn't want to see you get hurt. None of us do..."

"But what if she's right?" April was mad at herself. She  _knew_  how she felt about Alex, and how he felt about her. When they were together. In Seattle. 10 minutes with her older sister and suddenly she was doubting? Libby had a way of getting to her, but April wasn't going to let the doubts consume her. Because it just wasn't true. "I know she isn't. Alex and I, we...we love each other. I've never felt-it's strange, and logically we shouldn't work, but..."

"Well, I don't know," Karen said gently pulling a strand of April's hair behind her ear. "When your Dad and I were in Seattle, we thought Alex..."

"Yeah?"

"It wasn't exactly a huge surprise to me that two started dating."

"No?"

"Not at all."

As they pulled apart, April blinked and smiled at her mom. She could always make her feel like everything would be fine. And things really were. Despite a rocky start, the rest of the evening was actually pretty fun.

April and Karen brought the food out, and everyone sat down to eat. Somehow, Alex ended up flanked by Claire and Tiffany with April by the younger girls side. Across from them Libby looked terse, but seemed to be giving Alex a chance. Soon all the food was laid out, introductions were finished, and April's Dad triumphantly doled out burgers and barbecued corn on the cob. At first everyone concentrated on food but eventually, little conversations sprung up all up and down the table. April was happy to find that none of her nieces were shy with her at all, either because they didn't remember her or because she had a cane.

In the middle of passing around slices of pie, Tiffany looked up at April and whispered, "Gramma says you hurt'd your knee."

"Yeah, I did," April replied, setting a plate with a tiny piece of pie in from of the little girl.

"And we sent you flowers," Tiffany dug into her pie, getting sticky apple goo all on her face, and hands.

"You did. They were very pretty."

Claire leaned forward and looked past Alex listening to the conversation intently, "I fell off of, um...I fell off of my bike and hurt my knee. It hurt bad. I had a princess bandaid. Do you still hurt?"

"Not really. Sometimes I get stiff."

Both children nodded, and it was the last time either girl even mentioned April's injury at all. They were far more interested in playing a little game of 'Do they have it in Seattle?' with her and Alex.

"Do they have farms?"

"Not in the city," Alex said shaking his head.

"Unless you count the urban farming stuff..." April interjected.

"That's a bunch of crazy people keeping chickens in their garages."

Wendell and Kimmie snorted and Alice murmured, "Amen, the backyard is no place for a chicken."

April rolled her eyes, "I think urban farming is important."

Mike shook his head, "Glorified gardening."

Claire tapped Alex's shoulder, "Do you have Tasty Freeze?"

"We have Molly Moon's..." Alex waggled his eyebrows.

As they finished up dinner and got ready for what Wendell and Diego had dubbed, the "Firework Extravaganza", April watched Alex help with the clean up. She was startled by just how well Alex actually fit in with her family, even if he didn't realize it. How he seamlessly helped her brother's in law and father as they moved the table closer to the house. How he grumbled about dishes, but still loaded up dessert plates and took them to the kitchen with April's mother. Libby, over the course of the evening had seemed to warm to Alex, because of how good he was with her children. It kind of felt as though Alex belonged. All in all, it was turning out to be a good night.

Her older nieces nieces convinced April to roll up her jeans and show off her scar, and Gaby was more than content to sit in April's lap observe everyone else set off fireworks and hold sparklers. They held sparklers and set off smoke bombs and fireworks, whistling and hooting. When Mike accidentally had a very close call, Alex was the one to rush over and stomp on the smoking edges of her brother in law's discarded hat. Alex and Alice got along better than April had ever imagined, and as the last firerocket was launched into the sky, they joined forces to sing a few sloppily sarcastic verses of 'You're a Grand Ol' Flag" before her sister's and their families decided to head home. Alex and April spent the rest of the night hanging out on the back porch with her parents until went to bed.

When they finished staring at the stars, they walked hand in hand to the downstairs room and readied for bed.

"Who's room was this?" Alex asked as he pulled down the bed quilt and climbed in. "Before?"

"First, it was just a guest room. Me and Libby shared and Kimmie and Alice shared upstairs when we were little, until we were old enough to be alone. In the end?" April said, laying by his side and resting her head on her chest. "Alice got it, but getting the downstairs bed was a hotly contested thing."

"Alice, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Bet that pissed Libby off..." Alex added smirking.

Sighing, April rolled her eyes, "I'm sorry about Libby. I know she's a little cold sometimes but-"

"Nah, I get it," Alex wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "I'm on her turf. Her sister. Her kids. Whatever."

"So," April asked tentatively. "What do you think?"

"You guys eat a lot of freakin' food. I'm stuffed."

"Alex! I'm being serious."

"So am I."

"What do you think...about everyone? The farm. Everything."

"It's...nice," he said finally, after a long pause. "Your Mom and Dad. The kids. Alice and Diego. Everyone really. I mean...it's hardly a surprise  _your_  family would be mostly nice."

Alex paused and ran one hand up and down April's shoulder, "Look, I'm sorry if they think I am an ass."

"No one thought you were an ass...well, maybe Libby at first, but that's not your fault."

"I...I'm not really good with all this family crap or whatever."

That just wasn't true. At all. Alex had had a pretty bad traditional family experience, and it contributed to his prickly nature. He was afraid of getting hurt, and April thought he was perfecty justified for having that fear. But he was selling himself short. Alex didn't realize that he'd been part of a family all along. He treated Meredith and Cristina as much as his family as April had seen him do for his sister, brother and mother. And, in the same way Alex had been awesome with her nieces, he was wonderful with Zola too. He just didn't realize he had a family. Even if it was different. And because of that family, he'd been pretty good with hers, meshing better than she'd ever hoped.

April sat up slightly, so she could see his face, "No, Alex. You are good. You're great."

* * *

Alex grunted as he carefully loaded the suitcases into the back of Meredith's SUV. He would never have guessed, but he actually had a really good time with April and her family. Cook Ohio wasn't much more than a wide spot at the intersection of two freeways, but he could see why it meant so much to his girlfriend. She light up around her parents and as she animatedly showed him the locations of her childhood highlights. Her family was pretty nice too. Honestly Alex could say The four days he'd spent on the farm had been worth it.

Slamming the back of the car shut, Alex dashed around the side and hopped into the front seat, before Meredith pulled the car out of the airport arrivals lane at SeaTac Airport. As they pulled onto I-5, and began the small journey to Seattle, Meredith smiled and spoke animatedly, "I'm so glad you are back..."

April murmured something positive in the backseat, and yawned. Alex smirked and stretched, "Us too."

"I mean, you left me here for four whole days with out anyone to run down hospital gossip with," their friend teased. "With Cristina away, you're my go to people."

"Clearly you need to branch out in your social circle," Alex rolled his eyes. "Anyway, what about Lexie?"

"Normally, she'd be an option," Mer replied. "But she's the one who told me."

Leaning toward the window and blinking drowsily, April mumbled, "And Jackson?"

"Again, normally I would have," Meredith said tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. "But, this particular tidbit of information is  _about_  Jackson, so telling him wouldn't be satisfying."

Alex decided to take the bait, because it seemed his friend was hell bent on telling anyway, "Spill."

"Well, Lexie said apparently Mara and Jackson are an item now!"

"Big deal," Alex teased. "April saw that coming months ago."

"No one said anything to me," Meredith continued, with a furrowed brow. "You've been holding out on me, Kepner!"

When April didn't reply, Meredith and Alex both glanced to the backseat. She was fast asleep, breathing deeply so the window fogged up in a small area near her mouth.

"She is out."

They rode in silence for a few more moments before Meredith spoke, "Well? How did it go? With 'the family'?"

Alex shrugged, "I liked them...and I think they liked me. Most of them anyway. April's nieces are cute."

Meredith eyed him closely out of the corner of his eye. He shifted in his seat under his gaze, wondering what she was thinking. She wanted to say something. Alex could tell. Probably looking for more tidbits to add to the hospital gossip train. For crying out loud.

"They're all squeaky clean," Alex said tilting his head from side to side, and making air quotes. "No deep dark hidden secrets. At least nothing I found out about in a 4 day weekend."

"I wasn't expecting that," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I just..do you think...could you see yourself being around long enough to get to know them better?"

Alex swallowed, and ran his hands down to his knees. He knew what she was really asking. Did he see his relationship with April lasting long enough that he would get to know her family. If he saw himself with her longer term. And the thing was, he did. He actually did. Before, Alex had tried to keep things in broader terms. Vague. Like Alex was happy with April now, why think about the future? He just knew that he didn't want it to end. And that was enough. Or at least it had been. But now, Alex could see that maybe it was safe to think about things with a little bit of a longer view. Because...he probably would see her relatives again. Maybe he'd go back to Cook with April for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Or they'd convince Libby to bring the little girls to Seattle. Or maybe Alex and Diego would go to a lucha libre match sometime. He would see her family again. He probably wanted to.

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "Yeah, I do."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Here we are, the end! This was actually a chapter I had written already initially, but I ended up modifying more than I planned, so sorry for the delay. It's been a long ride, and I am so thankful you all came along for it. I really appreciate everyone of you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts! I also want to thank you all for making me feel welcome the world of grey's writing. I've never done anything like this before so your feedback really did a lot to inspire me and ease my trepidation. I have a sequel to this story in the works, along with one other story about what season 9 might look like, and school is out for the summer next Wednesday so I will have _way_  more time to write and update regularly. Thank you all again, let me know what you think, and enjoy!**

* * *

_There are many people that play roles in the movie of your life. Some are background players, extras; supporting parts who you never really care to know. Others are leading characters. Headliners. Sometimes, we learn to know these people better than we know ourselves._

April pursed her lips to one side, and tapped a pen on her cheek as she scanned a printed sheet of paper clipped to her notebook.

"Amber, your check-in list says you can have your bed at 3 levels okay? Normal, medium, and super loft. You're going to have to think about how you want to utilize the space..." she trailed off, realizing that the young woman was paying no attention at all. Instead, Alex's sister was gazing excitedly out the window of her new dorm room in Haggett Hall, looking for all the world like a kid in a candy store.

"April, look! You can see the water and everything. Awesome! Seattle is such a cool city."

April can't help but smile at the young woman's excitement. It made her remember her first days as a college student away from home. She'd been a bundle of nerves, partly terrified at being away from the farm, and partly giddy over her new freedom. For Amber, April guessed things were even more momentous, as the girl hadn't been so sure college would happen for her at all.

They both turned as they hard a loud grunt and a few swear words from the other side if the room, where Alex was painstakingly assembling a small book shelf, "Damn it!"

April lifted a discarded piece of paper from the desk nearest to Alex, and held back a laugh. It was the instructions for the shelf.

Hearing her guffaw, Alex's head snapped up, "What?"

She held the paper by one corner and dangled it in the air, "Don't you need these?"

"Whatever. Instructions are for whimps. It's just a stupid shelf,"Alex glared for a moment before turning back to his work. After a moment, his screwdriver slipped and fell to the floor, "Freakin' Ikea..."

He'd grumbled all through their somewhat ill-fated trip to the giant furniture store, and by the end April had wanted to join him. The place was huge, overcrowded with people getting stuff for dorms no doubt, and it seemed pretty easy to get lost. For the first time in a while, her knee had ached. But April could tell that Amber was having a good time picking out bedspreads and things, so she'd kept her own discomfort quiet. Because underneath all the young woman's excitement, April detected no small amount of fear too. Remembering her own experiences, April figured the best thing she and Alex could do would be to act as normal as possible. Share Amber's excitement, but let her see that no matter what, they'd be there for her. Which involved helping Amber to move in, and for Alex included grumbling, and for April, lists. Hopefully Amber would get the gist of it.

"Knock knock!" A jovial looking man wearing a Hawaiian shift said as he peered into the open dorm room. Behind him stood a smiling middle aged woman. Next to them stood a tall and lanky looking teenage girl. It must be the roommate.

She stepped forward and said tentatively, "Are you Amber Karev?"

Amber smiled and turned her head away from the window, "Yeah, you Quincy Wu?"

Quincy grinned and nodded earnestly. Amber walked over and smirked, "Not gonna lie, I facebook creeped you hardcore."

"Me too," Quincy replied, biting her lip, and both girls laughed.

April glanced over to Alex with raised eyebrows. This was getting off to a good enough start. Random freshman year roommate situations could be hit of miss. April's sister Kimmie had had a great experience with hers, and they remained close friends to this very day. April's roommate on the other hand had not been the best match at all. Bridget had found April annoying, April had thought Bridget was a slob, and she'd often ended up camped out down the hall in Kenny Dirkin's room because she'd gotten 'sexiled' by Bridget and yet another buff guy from a sports team. At the end of their first year, April had been more than ready to move out, and she and Bridget hadn't stayed in touch at all. She hoped things would work out better for Amber and Quincy though.

Shockingly, Amber offered to run to the parking lot with her new roommate to assist with carrying up boxes to their 6th floor dorm room. Which was probably good in terms of them getting to know each other. They probably wanted to get away from the adults and talk, but April found it a little funny because Amber and Alex had both whined and complained about having to bring up her own boxes. Funny how that works.

On her way out the door Amber called back to April and gave Alex a pointed expression, "I think I'll go with the super loft. So my desk can go underneath or something."

Quincy's eyes lit up and she turned back to her parents, "Oh, mine too!"

After the girls had left, Alex and Quincy's dad both rolled their eyes, and the other man said, "Meaning we have to do it right?"

Nodding Alex added, "Yup. Ungrateful little brats."

The Wu's looked initially startled by Alex's seemingly harsh words, but the smirk on his lips make them relax.

April decided that she could at least get a jump on unpacking Amber's clothes, so she unzipped the girl's suitcase, and began folding and hanging them up in the dorm room's small wardrobe. She barely tuned into the small talk that Alex and Quincy parents were making, until a small exchange picked her interest.

"You guys look a little young to be Amber's parents..." the mother said awkwardly.

"Nah," Alex replied screwing a piece of the bed frame on Amber's bed together. "We're not. Amber's my kid sister. We live in Seattle, and my mom isn't...really in a place to come out here with her to help set up, so..."

"That must be nice," Mr. Wu said wistfully. "We live in Honolulu. It's going to be hard having Quincy so far away."

"I guess. And, uh, if it makes you feel better or something you could have her call me if she ever needs help or whatever. We just live 20 minutes from here," Alex offered, grunting on the last syllable as he hefted on part of the bed frame into the super loft position. April had started to watch the exchange out of the corner of her eye. She she'd been kind of proud of how Alex was handling things. He'd even mentioned his mom calmly. Mere months ago, Alex never even touched upon his family at all, yet now he was as easy as pie.

The next snippet of the conversation took her breath away.

"So are you two?" Mrs. Wu gestured to her ring finger on her left hand.

"Married or whatever? Not yet. " Alex lifted the next piece of the bed frame, before waving to Mr. Wu. "Hey, could you grab this corner for me?"

April blinked in shock. Keep it together. Play it cool. He'd spoken so nonchalantly. The words fell from his mouth so easily. Like he wasn't even really thinking. Like it wasn't a big deal. Not yet. Not yet. As though it was a forgone conclusion that they were on that path. Meaning that someday they might be married...or was she reading to much into it? Probably. But...but April couldn't deny the way his words made her feel. And if he'd never ever ever consider of the idea of being married Alex could have just simply said no, right? But he'd said, not yet. Not yet, was reason to hope. She swallowed and absently continued her work, smiling and occasionally glancing over to where Alex continued lofting Amber's bed.

Alex caught her looking at him and squinted, "What now?"

He still didn't seem to realize that he'd said anything of significance at all. Or did he? After beat, Alex's eyes softened and he shrugged as the corners of his mouth pulled into a smirk. Her favorite of his smiles. April had to wonder. Maybe he knew exactly what he was saying. Maybe it was his way of testing the whole concept out without expectations.

She smiled brightly and replied, "Nothing. Everything's fine."

_But the real twist in life is that sometimes, in the end, a background player, someone you thought was a mere extra on the periphery of your story turns out to be your co-star. And when you have a co-star, the movie of your life could become something entirely different from how you'd imagined it. Suddenly they have transformed your life._

* * *

_Quite the change._

Meredith leaned in the doorway of her kitchen, watching her friends and family in the living room as the celebrated and laughed around the Christmas Tree. It was her first Christmas with Zola, and she and Derek had gone all out, decorating their new house with stockings, a huge tree, and many other holiday trimmings. They'd also invited the friends who they considered family to join them, and happily most had been able to come.

Webber sat nearest the Christmas tree, with Zola and Sofia sat on either knee, gleefully pointing out shiny ornaments. Derek and Mark flitted around their daughters with cameras one apparently taking video and the other photographs. Amber hovered around the food table chatting with Lexie, while Callie and Arizona where flipping through a book of carol songs with Owen, who had his guitar. Alex and April sat on the couch nearby holding hands and talking. She must have said something that made Alex laugh, because suddenly grinned and gave April a quick peck on the cheek.

"You better not have hung any stupid mistletoe," Cristina sneered, coming up behind Meredith carrying two mugs of eggnog. "I do not need any more opportunities to see Evil Spawn eating Kepner's face."

Taking the drink her best friend offered, Meredith rolled her eyes, "They're just happy. He's not eating her face..."

"Hanukkah is so much better," Cristina continued, teasing. "Eight presents, no kissing."

Meredith realized that it was important that every one of her close friends had managed to attend, and she really did appreciate them all, but the fact that Cristina had managed to come up from Stanford was just the icing on the cake. Sometimes over the past several months, Meredith had missed her friend so much it hurt. Up until now, her entire medical experience at Seattle Grace had included Cristina. Her person had been there for the entirely of Meredith's residency, and since becoming an attending, she'd had to learn to live without Cristina. She'd learned to stand on her own and she was getting used to it. And that was probably worth it in a way. Meredith knew her strengths. Her friendship with Cristina felt stronger if that was all possible. Maybe because they had to make the effort to now. Neither of them was just there, in some other part of the hospital or Seattle whenever the other needed them.

They watched as April got up from couch, excitedly loping her way over to Callie, Owen, and Arizona, practically shrieking, "Oh! I love carols!"

Alex tilted his head to one side and watched her go, before standing up from the couch to and joining Meredith and Cristina in the doorway. The three of them watched incredulously as their friends began a cheerful rendition of 'Deck the Halls'.

"Not joining the glee club, lover boy?" Cristina mocked, leaning forward and nudging Alex.

"Hell no," he replied shaking his head. "I'm not into that crap."

"Break a window, pop a tire! Fa-lalalala-la-la-la la," Amber shouted her own verse over the chorus through a mouthful of cookie as she and Lexie headed into the living room. "Set the Christmas tree on fire! Fa-lalalala-la-la-la-la!"

The rest of the party moaned and groaned, but as the young girl passed the doorway she shared a quick high five with her brother, and Alex mumbled a soft and approving, "Atta girl. Show 'em a Karev Christmas." She and Lexie made their way to join the others and the singing commenced, with proper lyrics.

Meredith was really impressed at Alex's apparent turn around over things with his sister. She'd come to Seattle for college, and so far had done well her first quarter of instruction. Alex had mellowed and had taken care to look out for his sister since she'd moved to the city, something that Meredith wasn't sure she'd thought he was capable of doing before. Before she'd runaway from home. Before his relationship with April.

Alex reached over and swiped the mug of eggnog from Meredith's hands, pulling her from her thoughts. He held the cup up to his nose and sniffed carefully, eying Cristina.

"This have booze in it?"

"Of course."

"Hey!" Meredith cut in. "I was going to drink that."

With a glint in his eye Alex took a long swig from the cup saying only, "You snooze, you lose Mer!"

Smiling fondly and shaking her head, Meredith turned her attention back to the rest of the party. She watched as Derek set his camera on the coffee table and scooped Zola into his lap. He held her tiny hands in his and made her clap along to the music. Meredith felt a lump form in the back of her throat and her eyes became a little misty. The first Christmas with their daughter felt almost perfect. Glancing over to Cristina, she saw her friends expression soften as she watched Owen play his guitar. A smile tugged at the corners off Cristina's mouth as her husband threw his head back and sang, looking more carefree than Meredith could remember seeing him since his promotion. She noticed Alex's eyes were following April as she laughed and swayed along to the music, leaning toward Callie as they sang pretty decent harmony with everyone else on melody.

Catching Meredith watching him, Alex sniffed and crossed his arms, "Boy, we all ended being a bunch of saps."

Cristina only rolled her eyes, and Meredith shrugged. Maybe it was true. She didn't care. If this was being a sap, she'd take it. This first year with Zola, the new house, passing boards, and starting a fellowship had been one of, if not the happiest, years of her life, clinical trial and Cristina's move included. Meredith never wanted to go back to the way things were before. She knew things wouldn't always stay bright or shiny forever, but she also knew that despair was not a place she wanted to reach in life ever again. And she didn't think she ever would. Not with Zola around. And Derek.

Interrupting her musings for the second time in as many minutes, Alex asked quietly, "So is it worth it? Does it make much of a difference? Getting married or whatever. I thought it would with Iz but..."

Meredith blinked in surprise and teased gently, "I've only done the post-it note and a courthouse thing, so weddings aren't really my strong suit. I gave you my white wedding remember?"

"Not  _wedding_  weddings...not just a wedding alone," Alex retorted stretching and scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Just the being married part...like-is it better? Does it make a difference?"

Turning to watch his expression more closely, Meredith realized that his line of questioning meant that Alex was probably thinking of asking April to marry him. At some point. At least, he must be considering it. After Izzie had sent him the divorce papers, on one drunken night at Emerald City Bar, Alex had revealed to Meredith that he didn't think he was the marrying type at all, because he'd failed at being a husband. She'd disagreed. Because through all Izzie's trials with cancer, she'd watched Alex be a great husband. But the whole fallout of Izzie leaving had made Alex blind to seeing any of that. For a long time it had made him blind to seeing any good in himself.

And even though he'd made major strides in the past several months, with his family, opening himself up, and in giving himself more credit, Meredith was surprised that he would be thinking this direction. Although she realized she shouldn't be. April's injuries in the earthquake had turned out to be the wake up call Alex had needed. April and their relationship was the catalyst for everything that followed. It was hard to believe Alex's thoughts could change so rapidly, but if anything would do it, Meredith would have to say it would have to be April. Because at the very least, it was safe to say April Kepner was not the  _not_  marrying type. So, if Alex really didn't ever want to lose his girlfriend, he'd at least have to open his mind to the possibility. Still, Meredith knew it was a big step.

"It makes a difference, being married," Cristina said slowly, surprising them both. "It does. I don't know that I'd have stayed with Owen through all of this if we were just dating. I might have bailed. It would have been easier not to compromise.  _So_ much easier. But things between us are better now, so...if I had left, I'd be missing out."

"Yeah. Marriage can make all the difference," Meredith agreed, thinking of the times she and Derek had been in conflict. The post-it note and all it represented had kept them together when otherwise one or the other of them might have wanted to walk. It was worth it. It did make a difference.

"It didn't with Izzie," Alex said sadly. "We were married and she still bailed. And I know with April I shouldn't even...but I can't stop wondering...what our life might be like if..."

She paused and then turned in the doorway to face Alex, "Change your mind about being the marriage type?"

He shrugged, "I dunno. I'd probably be crap at it again...it's just..."

Alex trailed off, gesturing vaguely to April with his eggnog mug, "I keep thinking, I like this, you know? Me and her. I really do."

Meredith gently lifted her hand to his and said, "You love her."

"Yeah, I do."

"That's pretty much the basis for any marriage," she continued. "Whether it's big and frilly, begins on a post-it note, or notarized by a judge. It's love that starts things off."

Cristina pursed her lips and nodded in agreement, "You weren't a crap husband to Izzie. She left because of her stuff, not because of you. You weren't crap then, and you wouldn't be if you wanted to get married again. April certainly isn't Izzie. I think you'd be okay."

"Really?" Alex asked, genuinely touched.

"Sure," Cristina replied, making eye contact with Meredith over his shoulder and continuing playfully. "I mean Kepner could do worse. Then you, I mean.  _Way_ worse."

As Alex was distracted glaring at Cristina for insulting his girlfriend, however obliquely, Meredith took the opportunity to grab her mug off eggnog back. It was considerably less full now, but she still held it to her lips and drank triumphantly.

"Hey!"

"You snooze, you lose, Alex!" Meredith quipped, letting her eyes drift along with Alex's to their family in the living room. She looked pointedly toward April and repeated, "You snooze, you lose."

_Change can sneak up on you. Catch you completely unawares. Most of the time change is something we resist. All lot of the time it is traumatic. In the worst moments of our lives we beg to know, "Why is this happening to me?" Because there is no way to see what lies ahead, and in a moment of pain there is no way to see how things could ever get better._

* * *

_But the worst moments always give way to better ones. And all those moments that we think will break us, usually don't. What they say is true: If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Winter always turns into Spring. Good and bad times make us who we are. Life is unpredictable and surprising._

"I don't know how she did it," Lexie whined from behind the mountain of paperwork that sat on her desk in the chief resident's office. "I mean, I can barely keep up with just the things I have to do, on top of studying for boards and applying for fellowships. I'd love to do some new programs, and I have ideas, but it just seems like there aren't enough hours in the day... How the hell did April manage to come back to work after surgery, design and implement a brand new trauma protocol, get in on surgeries,  _and_ keep this office clean? I just don't understand."

Alex sat on the old green couch, with one leg crossed, flipping through Lexie's fellowship applications. Looking up, he shrugged and replied, "She's a freak."

Lexie's head appeared from behind a pile of papers, and she gave Alex a withering look, "Don't you have a nice big attending's lounge you could be hanging out in?"

" _You_  asked  _me_  to help you look at your options," He shrugged again and bent back down to look at the documents in front of him.

"Well, then help! If you don't, I'm telling April on you for calling her a freak," Lexie countered, shuffling through the papers in front of her again.

"Big whoop."

Alex never said April being a freak was a bad thing. In fact, some of her more freakish qualities, like hyper-organization were really useful. And others, like her ability to see the best in people, no matter what, made huge difference. It had for Alex. And besides, April had learned to love him, even though he was an ass. So whatever.

Swallowing and carefully clearing his throat, Alex tried not to think about the fact that exactly one year ago today, the Seattle Fault quake had almost prevented him from ever getting the chance to love April in the first place. They both could have died that day. It was crazy. But it would have been par for the freakin' course for doctors who work at Seattle Grace Mercy Death. It was sheer luck they'd survived at all.

Currently April was downstairs, reluctantly giving an interview about the whole thing for a local tv station doing a news piece about the year since the earthquake. Alex had been asked to do so as well, and had had his slightly uncomfortable turn in front of the camera that morning. He didn't really know a good way to say no, and the journalist's had reunited him very briefly with Dave Kramer of Search and Rescue, and some of the other rescue guys. It was nice to see them at least. In all the chaos and fear surrounding the earth quake and the days that followed, both Alex and April had missed just how big of a story the whole building collapse had been. Alex thought his part of the interview went okay, but it had brought up some unsettling feelings.

On the one hand he felt like the event was far behind him; his life now was so very different from back then. Alex had been happier in the past year than he could remember. But today, the magnitude of the potential loss made him vividly relive the emotions of that day. Now Alex understood just what he would have been missing out on. And he couldn't imagine what sort of life he'd have now, if April had died that day. He'd still be the bitter miserable jerk probably.

"So," Lexie's voice pulled Alex from his thoughts. "What  _do_  you think? Where should I apply? How should I rank hospitals? I keep going around in circles."

He looked slowly back down to the pile of applications in front of him and joked, "If you leave, me and April are gonna be all alone in  _your_  sister's house. Kinda awkward."

"You'll have Jackson."

Alex shook his head, "Nope, my bet is he'll move out before you do. He's never home. Mara's place has a balcony. And hardwood floors. And  _Mara_."

Tilting her head to one side and pursing her lips, Lexie conceded his point and countered, "It's not like you and April wouldn't mind having the place to yourselves anyway...and come on, please just tell me what you think. I am being serious!"

Sniffing, Alex straightened his shoulders and scanned the fellowship applications in front of him, "This is a pretty good selection of the best neonatal programs in the country. I dunno what else to say. I mean they're good, and you're good. You're freakin' Lexipedia, they're gonna let you in. I think what really matters is what you think of these places. If the world were absolutely perfect and you could have whatever you want, where would you go?""

Looking thoughtful for a moment, Lexie slowly replied, "I want to stand on my own, I guess. I don't want to only be 'Little Grey'. Meredith's sister, or Mark's ex...Mark's soul-Mark's whatever. I mean, I love being Little Grey, but...I guess I want to be an attending fellow somewhere where...people maybe aren't always linking me with Meredith. Or Mark. Or anything really. I want to see how I can do by myself."

"Okay," Alex said pulling out the Seattle Grace application and moving it to the bottom of the stack. "You want to strike out on your own. Get away from this joint. Cool. Why not shoot for the stars? You'd have a shot at Hopkins, so maybe-"

He stopped short when Lexie winced and shook her head with a hiss of disapproval, "Something wrong with Hopkins? Because I don't have to have a photographic memory to know that they are the freakin' best. Don't sell yourself short Lex, you could totally get in."

She shook her head, "No...it's just...that's on the East coast. It's a little farther than...I mean Molly and Mer both live out here, and if I go away...I mean Zola won't even remember me...and..."

Picky, but reasonable. Alex could understand choosing to stay somewhere because of the people you loved. And he couldn't fault Lexie for it. He'd done the exact same thing. He sighed and flipped through the stack of applications again, pausing when a title caught his eye, "What about Portland Children's Hospital? They have a state of the art NICU, and I read this article about resusitative distress tests they've done-"

"In the Journal of Neonatal Surgery? I read that too. Pages 65-87. Their survival margin improved by 7%!" Lexie jumped in excitedly. "That article is the reason I even thought about them anyway. I mean they're not super well known but it's not like they aren't doing worthwhile stuff...and it is really close..."

"Yeah, that's what? 4 hours by train?" Alex continued. "You could come see Zola whenever. You wouldn't even have to fly!"

"Yeah," Lexie's face became thoughtful. "Yeah..."

"That could be your top choice."

"Uh oh," Lexie grunted as her beeper went off, and the way she jumped up after reading the message, Alex figured the page had to be a 911. "Gotta go.'

As she brushed by him with a weary smile, Alex laid the Portland application on top of all the others calling after her, "Think about it Lexie. Just think about it."

The door slammed shut behind her, and Alex found himself in the office alone with his thoughts. And the sound of the door suddenly brought home just how important this room was to his life. This was the room. The couch he sat on, the door he'd slammed. One year ago, when he'd run away from April's hospital room. This was the place he'd first realized he might love April. In hindsight, Alex knew at the time, he hadn't really understood his revelation. At the time he'd only felt like he was dirt for walking out, and for not realizing he cared for April in the first place. But of course, the only reason he'd been so anguished about walking, was because the feelings ran so much deeper than simply caring for her. Alex knew this now. He'd lived it.

And suddenly everything became clear to him. He'd had nagging thoughts over the past several months over where the future of his relationship was headed. Alex typically wasn't one for looking too far ahead. Stuff in his previous relationships had usually turned to crap when he did that, so why bother? And he hadn't wanted this thing with April to end up that way, so Alex had initially avoided thinking that way. Except, the relationship had kept going. To the point where it was hard not to think about the future. They had fights, sure. But nothing they hadn't managed to figure out. Or to agree to disagree. And the longer things had gone on, the more Alex wanted them to. He never wanted it to end.

Which for April, he knew would mean...well, staying together was one thing, but Alex knew that April wanted to get married at some point. She'd said it once, in his memory before they were actually even together. She'd said she wanted something like what her parents had. A marriage like that. At the time Alex had made fun of her for it. Because of his own experiences. No way things like that happened. Look at his parents. Him and Izzie. Half the freaking doctors at this hospital. Things hardly ever just worked out. They hardly ever worked out at all, and if they did, there was usually a lot of heart ache and crap to go along with it.

So Alex had been afraid to think of marrying April. But the idea had been nagging at his mind for months now. In a way, he thought she could do so much better than him. She deserved it. Then again, he'd thought the same thing about dating her in the first place, and that had turned out okay. And even if there was probably a dozen guys out there who were better for her, April had always stuck with him. Always. And Alex didn't think she'd stop. Especially if they were married. Maybe Meredith and Cristina were right, he might not be an utterly total failure at being a husband after all. At least, not intentionally. Maybe he could do it. Now Alex realized that he actually wanted to try. He heard footsteps in the hallway and tilted his head back.

"Here you are," April said peering through the door and limping in to join him on the couch, smiling brightly. So freakin' right. She'd shown up at the exact right moment. Alex was even more convinced of the conclusion he'd just reached.

He looked over and smiled at her, cognizant of the fact that a year ago at this time, April had been in the middle of complicated surgery. And Alex had been in the middle of the most agonizing waits of his life. But now, on year later, she really was healthy, and although she still moved with a pretty pronounced limp, April rarely needed to use her cane, save for the most humid of days. Look at that. Freaking amazing. Just because stuff in his life had always ended up crappy before, Alex didn't believe it had to with April. Even the most serious, worst crap deal in her life had worked out in the end. If that was possible, why not a marriage? It was worth a try.

Reigning in his thoughts, and realizing that April had only just arrived after finishing her news interview, Alex stretched his arms along the back of the couch, resting a hand on her shoulder, "How was it?"

"Okay, I suppose," April replied, resting one hand on his knee. "I mean, it was a little weird. I don't remember much more than being in pain and passing out a lot. And being sure you'd get me out. I'm not sure it makes for the most interesting story."

"Yeah it does," Alex joked. "When you add in the part about me being your boyfriend now. I was so freakin' dense about you that it took the movement of tectonic plates to make me pull my head out of my ass."

April leaned closer to him and made a face, "Well, some of that I'm pretty sure can't be said on the air. And you're not dense anymore than I am. It took the same thing to make me realize I had to be a lot more proactive with...you. Life's too short for me to have just kept on being afraid to...to...anyway, at the end of my part of the interview, I got to see Tom again, our patient in the building remember?"

"Cool kid," Alex nodded, tracing small circles on April's shoulder blade. "Way calm under pressure. He doing okay?"

"Yeah, it was really nice. He's doing well. His family's not on the streets anymore either..."

"Good," he deadpanned, a little to eager for his usual self. "Awesome."

As they fell into silence, Alex padded her shoulder distractedly, which made April suspicious. She lowered her eyebrows and eyed him closely, "You're acting...a little odd..."

He bit his lip. This was it. It could be the moment. Maybe he should plan more. Do some romantic crap. Wine and dine with a ring in the desert? But didn't that usually end with the chick choking or something? Maybe only on tv. Still, Alex paused for a second wondering if he should do things differently. Get a ring and a string quartet or something. But, what the hell? This whole relationship had been less than conventional, so why should a proposal be any different? And this place was a place that mattered. It was special.

"I've been thinking..." Alex fumbled.

"No? You don't say," April joked. "About time."

He snorted and continued, struggling "Right? But no, I-I've been thinking for a while, and I know this isn't the best sort of place for..."

"For what?"

"Uh, well I mean, I want to ask you something."

April gasped and a hand flew to her mouth, "Oh my God!"

"What?"

"Are you going to ask what I think you are going to ask?"

"Uh," Alex pursed his lips. "That depends on what you think I am gonna ask?"

Suddenly April was a grinning nervous bundle of energy. Her free hand flapped in the air excitedly while the other bobbed up and down on his knee.

"Ask me! Just ask me," she looked Alex right in the eye. He could see absolute trust and love in the depths of her gaze. She knew what he was thinking. Somehow she freaking knew. He smirked. Chicks.

"Okay...um, I don't have a ring or whatever right now, and..." he shrugged. "I know I'm not always the easiest person, but I love you April...so, I wanted to ask..will you, uh...will you marry me?"

Her hand squeezed his knee tightly and she bit her lip as her eyes welled with tears. Suddenly April was kissing him, just like she had that night at Meredith's when she'd convinced him that they could try being normal people and Alex supposed that that was answer enough to his question. Even so, he was damn happy to hear April's breathless words as they pulled apart.

"Absolutely...of course, yes. Yes!"

"Freakin' A!"

Now it was Alex's turn to grin and press his lips to hers. She said yes! April had said yes. He felt like he had superpowers or like he could freaking fly or something. He feft like all the crap his life had put him through before had been leading to this moment. And that it was all made somehow worthwhile. Because April had just said yes to a life with him. It all seemed like it had happened for a reason. And whatever new crap that came up in Alex's life...and April's too really, well it wouldn't be too much for them to handle. Together.

They'd be okay, he knew. It would all be okay.

_If you're willing to go with it? To really see all the people around you? To accept change? Embrace it? To batten down the hatches and muddle through it all? You might find that your life on the other side of the storm is wonderful. Better_ _than you thought you deserved._ _And better_ _than you could ever have imagined._


End file.
